For starters - Yes, I know exactly why my child is saying "damn it" and it is 100% my fault for ever saying it around him. And for those of you whose children are not talking yet, trust me. They WILL repeat everything you say, especially the things you don't want them to say so do be careful because I'm learning it the hard way. I have since stopped using "damn it" in front of my kids, but it hasn't stopped my son (he's almost 4).
We have tried a few things but have had little success in eliminating this phrase from his vocabulary. He uses it in the correct context and especially when he's angry. We have never laughed (although it *is* sometimes funny), never yelled at him, have kept our reaction simple and calm ("I don't like it when you use those words. It makes Mommy sad."), giving him a time out, yet he STILL continues to say it. We have tried not to draw huge attention to it because we don't want him to think that saying it will give him the attention he might be seeking. But, we can't ignore it forever either.
I can't wind back the clock and go to the time before I said it in front of him and make the decision to never say it in front of him, so if you want to chastise me for swearing in front of my kids...go ahead if it makes you feel better and then pat yourself on your back because you're a better parent who never swears :)
But, if you have some practical solutions to help us get rid of "damn it" from his vocabulary I would love to hear them!
Boy, could I tell some stories! Why, oh why, is it that they pick up on that immediately and not imitate "please" and "thank you" as well?
It worked pretty well for me to say "that is a grown up word". I also started using a funny version myself, e.g. when something is BS I say "horse feathers", or "wombat" when I mean "damn it".
Just keep downplaying it and it will go away, at least until around 5th grade - lol
Try giving him an acceptable alternate expression to use. You could try using a 'funny' sounding one or a real one.
Okay, this is horrible to admit but after Christmas my husband took my 7 yr old daughter to the bank w/her collection from her curse jar & money jar collection. She collected $70 - mostly from the curse jar..........mine of course. The only curse I am allowed to use per Haley is PICKLE and if u think about it, u can be quite creative with it! Our almost 13 yr old daughter has begun picking up on my truck driver mouth and we are implementing the curse jar w/her as well. We have a family trip to California planned in July - if all goes well, Haley & dad will be flying first class both ways. Good luck!
my daughter said "frick" the other day after I said it. I told her it was a mommy word, not a word for a little girl, and she hasnt said it since. Which is good, because I've gone off the pill and my emotions are haywire, so I've been using some fairly colorful language this week.
Dana has a great idea. When my brother was little, I used "monkey" as my curse word, and he would get really mad and use it, thinking he was saying something bad. I even had friends in high school who started saying it to. I think I'll try to go back to that.
Our almost 4 year old says bulls*** when he gets mad or doesn't get his way here and there. No solution yet other than we are watching all wording to not say anything negative because they do repest everything. Also trying to use that stinks or fiddle sticks or something silly to get him to use it instead. Good luck, just wanted to post so you know your not alone. I love Nick Jr's moto, "were not perfect, were parents." :)
Yep... I'm a cusser too. LOL! I try to avoid the bigger ones (like the B word or the F word) but sometimes they just come out anyway. One day I stubbed my toe really hard and said "Son of a..." But I didn't finish it! No no, my 2 year old did! So, I've beent here & know how you feel. What we do with our daughter, who is now 3 is this.... "Emily, 'damn it' is a grown up word. You don't say 'damn it.' That's just for grown ups." We make sure we have her full attention while we say that to her. No playing with toys or anything like that. So far that has worked really well. Make sure though that you tell him what word is wrong though or he won't remember what he said that was no good.
Good luck fellow potty-mouth! LOL! :)
Give him an alternate word to say that is fun. Don't put him in time-out just correct him with the new phrase, have him repeat the replacement and have him apologize for saying the naughty word.
If I ever slip and say something inappropriate (we don't cuss here, even when kids aren't around, but sometimes things happen!) I always apologize to my children and say I was wrong to say those words.
Now, if I say something is 'stupid' my son corrects me and says it's not a nice word.
I am SO atching this post. My son is almost 8 and although we have tried really really hard and have been pretty darn successful keeping those words out of his ears--all it takes is O. school bus ride and *poof* there goes that bubble you've built!
Right now we have a mason jar that gets a quarter every time a swear word is spoken. (My son is a money hoarder--gotta get them where it hurts, right?)
It could be worse!! Really!! I have a colleague in San Diego (we are scientists trained to sell research products) and her just turned two year old daughter was expelled from a fancy schmancy preschool in Del Mar for calling her teacher a f-ing a-hole (the real words), and used it properly in a sentence. Ahhh, she was gone.
No you can't take back time, you just do your best moving forward....and you want to!!
My son and daughter were the same way a few weeks ago. They heard my Dad say it. All I said was, "Damn it is a very bad word, Papa just got in trouble for saying it. You can't say that word anymore...Okay?" and they agreed but it happened again as I thought it would. So I told both of them that if they felt like they had to say it, they could say Dog gone it. or dag nab it...LOL
it worked because they thought it was funny. Good Luck!
You should probably work on it together. I've said things in front of my son, but then apologized to him saying Mommy shouldn't say bad things, it's a bad habit, bad words/phrases intentionally hurt feelings, etc. This way he knows it's not something anyone should say. And while teaching him I broke my own habit.
Keep in mind your son is only 3. Kids that age parrot things sometimes just for the attention/shock value. It may take awhile, but be consistent and he'll stop eventually.
A little Ivory soap washing out the mouth never hurt anyone. My Mom used that when we were kids not just for bad words but for sassing. Hot sauce I wouldn't use.
I agree with making up a funny different word to say instead, and I would probably try just ignoring him when he says damn it, and see if he stops. He might be using it because it gets a reaction out of you.
I would never believe that no parent ever swears in front of their kid. My kids hear alot, especially when I am driving! LOL
Hi,
I totally feel for you! No one is perfect---so no judgement from me. The only thing that worked for me is when my kids say something I don't like, I pretend I can't hear what they say until they say the right thing.
So like if he says it and he's angry and in your face saying damn it! I want this mom, etc. you just turn around-ignore him until he realizes that he said the wrong word and until he says the right word or apologizes for saying it, you ignore him. He will catch on quickly and see that there is no fire under his flame any more and that you are serious about this! Good luck!
M
my 2 year old was saying it for a bit, we turned it into "dang it", but now thats what i have to say also,
fooey....dang it............shoot!
a rub of bar soap on the tongue and it will never happen again!
Replace the word with a fun, or funny word. Or make one up! Make a big deal out of the word you choose. :)
I have totally been there!! What worked for us was giving my daughter a different word she could use. We told that it was okay to say darn it but that damn was a bad word and we should not say it. We never punished her for saying damn it since she heard us saying it and we were never put in time out for it. It is just a word and we treat it as any other word we don't really want her using (like stupid and other unkind words). Now she even scolds us when she hears us slipping up. Just try to not make a big deal about it and be consistent with saying that it is a bad word and we shouldn't use it and remind him of an okay word that you are allowed to use instead.
I would make a very deliberate effort to replace your "damn it" with an off the wall, silly, absurb yet socially acceptable substitution. Once you figure out what it will be, begin to use it all the time. He will model you just like he did when he picked up "damn it".
Good luck!
haha I have to laugh because I cuss too much in front of my children when I get stressed my son 3 has said damn it a few times in context! awesome only at home so far Whew! lol he has stoped every time he would say it I would tell him politely that "oh bummer" sounds so much better and now he uses that. It took a good 10 times or so but he got it....Now it ends up sounding like "oh Dabummer" sometimes but he's is working on it just like I am working on my issues like saying "fudgsickle" or "ship" or "flippen" or just taking a deep breath in instead of saying what I truley want to.
Nobody is perfect. And remember even like for us it is a learned word and is very hard to reverse! He will revert back anytime you do also just keep that in mind!
My daughter is pretty good about not cussing, but tonight she said something foul, I looked at her shocked, and said NO MAAM, we do not say that. Bad word. She usually never repeats a bad word more than once. I am just always very stern with her and lets her know, its a big NO NO!
'Tartar Sauce' and "Dog Vomit' do the substitute trick for my kids.
I try, but my old military training days get the better of me and I can swear as good as any sailor when something hurtful happens.
