7Yo Boy Allowed to Cuss

Hi C.-

I have often felt that using cuss words was a sign of a limited vocabulary...and told/tell my kiddos just that. When one of the 'olders' was younger...he used the "F" bomb. I made him come up with a list of ALL the other words that meant the same thing...and post in on the fridge. The other kiddos would add to the list from time to time...LOL...Almost put the fun in using a different word!

Just a suggestion for anyone who may be having this issue....

Best Luck!
michele/cat

Depends on soooooo many factors.

Take a kid who has tourettes. Most people with tourettes go through a swearing phase/ verbal tic sometime during childhood. Other developmental or neurological disorders come along with a lack of impulse control that takes some time, and a LOT of patience, to get a grip on. Making a big deal out of it will make it harder, and take longer... instead of the inverse with a neurotypical kid.

Take my son. He can swear up a blue streak. And does when his oxygen drops and he goes into a panic attack. Am I going to punish him for freaking out that he can't breathe? Nope. Instead I'm slowly working on him getting his freaking out under control.

Take my friend's daughter. Another musician's kid... with a pretty normal musician's kid rule: only swear while the song is on. Instead of 'never allowed at all' it's a situational awareness thing. Like saying hell in church is fine, but not in school.

Take any kid with a verbally abusive parent (or worse).

Take any kid pushing boundaries and spoiling for a fight (and parents working on the ignore tactic... which actually works with a lot of kids FAR better than a huge show of negative attention).

Take kids whose parents belong to a religion that doesn't have a hell. Damning is specific to religions that have hell. Saying 'damn' is about as evocative as saying snorfblat.

COULD it be lazy parenting? Sure. It could ALSO be any of the above (and i'm sure, several other) options.

It's a prime example of "friending" your kids not parenting your kids.

I don't care if they are just words . They carry connotations and sound trashy. The English language is quite beautiful otherwise. Cursing is a last resort when nothing better can be thought of or a bad intention is expressed.

I don't want my kid being seen that way. And yes I'm guilty of it often.

I wouldn't call this 'lazy parenting' I would call this 'No Parenting'!

I think Kristina M. is correct...a prime example of 'friending' your kids NOT parenting your kids!

I agree with Riley, it depends on the situation.

I was raised in a house where swearing was allowed. It felt normal until I went to friends' homes. I learned really early to turn it off at school and in front of other adults. I remember letting something slip on the playground in third grade and my friend said she was going to tell on me. There is nothing worse than having a mom who COULD NOT turn it off at school, especially when she was called in about our swearing or bad behavior. That was embarrassing.

I do not cuss regularly, and ironically am a teacher now. I have learned the great art of turning it off ---until I'm around my family in a stressed situation---and still am pretty good of turning it off around any children.

I will not allow my children to cuss. I do think it is looked upon as trashy, something I don't want to live through again.

I think the cussing and overall untidiness of my appearance (and smell of cigarette smoke) kept me from having the best school experience I could have. I didn't have many friends until middle school (when I realized I had some control on how I looked, smelled, and acted).

Lazy parenting on my parents' end? Yes and no. I realize now as an adult that they were overwhelmed with life. Mom worked full time on second shift. We didn't see her until the weekends. Dad was/is an alcoholic and treated Mom terribly. He was/is self-absorbed. His needs and wants came/come first --- I don't think he knows any other way. We had lifestock and a large garden. They struggled financially all of the time. There were 4 of us (3 boys). That's not easy no matter how you slice it. I think they were overwhelmed and did the best they could. The interactions with us kids were only of an evening (my dad being the caregiver ----very hands off) and on the weekends when dad disappeared on the property and mom tried to put the house back together, do laundry, and get groceries. There was lots of fighting among my parents and among us kids. My parents were never proud of our behavior -- just overwhelmed and uneducated on the best approaches to parenting.

The difference, I think is that my brother and SIL parent similarly to the way my parents did it, BUT encourage the swearing and bad behavior. They may have more money and dress the kids to the nines and give them anything they want (including age inappropriate items), but they encourage bad behavior and think it's funny that the 5 year old cusses and tells the teacher off. They retell the story in front of their kids to anyone who will listen with a sense of pride. They left the 2 year old twins in their strollers and car seats for most of their life. I could go on and most of you on here have read my posts about this family, so I will stop.

I know you are looking at the parents to blame, but remember you have not walked in their shoes or see everything that is going on in their world. I'm glad you are not looking at the children. Until I became older, I didn't know any better.

Do you want validation that his parents are lazy? You'll make your own decision anyway.

No, *I* do not think it is right. My children are taught to be more intelligent and use different words. My children would also not be allowed to spend time around a child who did curse. Does that make them lazy? I think it just makes them different from you.

It is very disrespectfu. My son is 21 and he cannot cuss in my presence. I know he probably does when he is out and about, but you have to make children give you respect. He never dissrepects my husband and I.
Would not allow such madness.

Oooh, if I had that child around me---they would be getting a bar of soap! I don't tolerate that kind of nonsense from children! I definitely think that it could be friend/friend parenting instead of I'm the parent-I'm not your friend etc. Its crazy to think the parent is just telling them to stop it...where is that getting them? Nowhere. Good for you for seeing this as a problem.

M

Cigarette companies advertised that smoking was for adults. This gave the message to kids that only adults smoked luring millions of children to smoke so they would be "grown up" like adults.

If you tell your kids that profanity is for adults or those are "adult words", you are actually encouraging your children to use "adult words"

A kind teacher and my mother told me that "profanity is not a sign of intelligence. Profanity is a sign of someone with a limited vocabulary, out of control, trying to put forth a weak arguement forcefully."

You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. The words you spew out of your mouth says a lot about you and how you were raised. Too many people talk like they have gonorrhea of the mind and diarrhea of the mouth.

Good luck to you and yours.

I think in some way it is, in others...people just don't care anymore.

I try to watch what I say and my kids are all practically grown. I knew I had an issue when my 12yods at the time asked when he'd be old enough to cuss. Like it's an ID card you carry around like a drivers license...you have now been awarded your cussing license...carry it with you always.

I LOATE the F word...and I find most cussing is the result of laziness. People are just too lazy to improve their language or find alternate non-offensive ways to communicate.

Sad thing is, lots of parents will not want this boy around their children. Could be a very lonely upbringing.

I parent other kids!! I will gasp and look alarmed then tell them that is a very dirty dirty word we dont say that bad word. Only and only if the parent is right there laughing and it is Clear they are trashy low lifes (not talking about money just about the person rasing there child not giving a HOOT ) that is the only time I wont say something to the child.

He's not allow to cuss, if you continue to allow this he will cuss you out.