My Husband's Driving Me Crazy

Hey S.,

I can imagine it would be quite difficult to live the life of a single mom/person, but actually be married only getting to see your husband for very short limited times. I agree with what these ladies are saying. First of all, do see a doctor about the hormonal issues. It will make your own life better, not to mention your marriage when he's home.

I do agree with the lady that says you have to watch being selfish with sex though. Your husband doesn't just want sex because he's a man and they just like that kind of thing, but this is how he is made up. Men and women have different needs! I'm sure that even though he may be childish in many ways, he still does things for you that he doesn't have to do. I am almost 6 months pregnant and there are times that I frankly could care less about sex, but I love my husband and I want him to be satisfied with our marriage as well as me. When he reaches out to me and I don't necessarily want it, I remind myself that he loves me and that this is another opportunity just simply to be close to him. I might not always come out of it thinking that I'm satisfied to the degree that he feels, but I do feel that my husband chooses me over anyone else and that I get all of his attention and closeness.

Just a quick side note...and I hope this is not too personal, but I've heard it work with other women as well. Before you guys get going to much into sex, have him give you attention first. Try relaxation and stimulation both...you guys can use your imagination with that one.

Spend some time thinking about you guy's relationship and how much different areas do mean to you. I would not keep sex from your husband though. When we get married, we enter into something where we have to give sometimes and receive sometimes. I hope you have a wonderful time with your husband while he's home. Throw your routine out the window and make some memories while he's here! Life's too short to miss out on those for sure! Blessings!

Go see your doctor about the sex thing, if you are still not into it, your hormone levels are probably way off and you may need to get some progesterone cream or something to help get you back on track.

I imagine that it cannot be easy being apart for so long and then being reunited, things cannot mesh back together just like it was before the separation. Things have changed. You are used to the way you do things and he hasn't been there, so he doesn't know your schedule and your daughter's schedule. It has to feel to him somewhat like he is just visiting and you feel like you have an univited guest from the sounds of it.

Please don't take this the wrong way and please don't be offended, but quite being so selfish. You have to have decided to marry this man for a reason or for several reasons and I am sure that the two of you love each other. Sit down and talk about how you feel and see how he feels it may surprise you that he is feeling somewhat the same way. Get out a notebook and plan what you are going to do the next day, so that there is a schedule and everyone will be on the same page. Enjoy the time you do have with him while he is here, because I am sure you will miss him when he goes back. And think of your daughter. She doesn't know her dad very well and that is not fair. Let them spend tons of time together. You get her all the time and all that bonding time, but she needs her dad too and don't take that time away from them. I do wish you the best and my best advise is to talk through it. Good luck.

I have five children and with each one your libido seems to decrease a little more, depending how much your children consume your life. I am a SAHM and I am so tired by the end of the day. I do push myself to be intimate with my husband, sooo tired but it is healthy for the marriage and keeps him happy! Find ways to be romantic and intimate with him! It's good relaxation for you as well.. Nobody ever said marriage is easy, it's truly about giving and taking. Talk to your husband about your feelings, make sure to tell him how much you love him and that sometimes you are just not into being intimate. I wish you the best, men are very sensitive on this topic, always feeling they are at fault. Good Luck!

I saw a show like this on Montel the other day. The ex[ert on there said the more you have sex the more you want it. So be like a nike and just do it. Somewhere in the mist of it you will start liking it and it will probably be over for him but eventually you'll get that libido back and will become very creative in finding ways to get it. What's wrong with doing it for him? You don't have to have libido to have sex. If you care less about it and it doesn't completly repulse you just through him a bone every once in a while, he probly will prefer for you to just lay there and wrap your legs around him anyway. Pick up a cosmo. BTW all men are babies.

Update: check out this it will he boost your libido and give you a ton of energy..it's called A.C.T. www.M2CGLOBAL.COM/ACTx

Marriage can be hard, especially when you have young children, and it is hard to meet everyone's needs, including your own. But if you are married you promised to love and to cherish, for better AND for worse. I think you need to put more effort into your marriage and give your husband some love and attention. That doesn't have to mean sex, although you could work on making that work for both of you as well. If you do love your husband like you say you do, you need to put some effort into your marriage and being close to him. Don't be selfish, and live up to your vows.

im a marine wife and i hear of this alot but i dont want to sound rude, but listen you think its hard on you? he has a child that barely knows him he hasnt been there so he probably is still living in the past before the childs routines when it was just the two of you and its weird for him now you have to get that and with the sex thing keep your man satisfied we have all faked it once or a dozen times!lol why should now be any different good luck and dont let it ruin your marriage

Here's a question-it's been a year and a half since you've had the baby-have you spoken to your doctor about the sex drive??
The hormones do play a part but it has been a long time at this point. Good luck and hope you can enjoy the limited time you have with your husband:)

Hi S., I completely understand what you are going through. My husband was in the Army. He was in Afghanistan and Iraq. He was gone when our son was born, and only spent a few months with us (here and there) during his nearly two years of deployment. One of the first things we wives learned from the FRG (Family Readiness Group--I don't know if you have these in the Navy, but it's basically a support group for wives and children while husbands are deployed.) Anyway, in our FRG handbook for both wives and husbands, the men are told to ease back into family life when they return home, whether it be for a short time or redeployment. The men are told to not come home and immediately try to control the household. Basically, we wives adjust to a certain routine and schedule while they are away. It can be frustrating for both the wife and husband (and even the children) to try to change those routines and schedules too quickly. It was easier for our family to adjust by my explaining to my husband what my son and I were used to doing at what times. He was just too happy to be with us to complain about what time we ate dinner or went to bed. As for sex, I also lost my sex drive after I had my son. I talked to my OB/GYN about it, and she suggested it was the type of birth control I was taking. (I had the depo shot--it also made me gain 30+ lbs.) I switched BC. That helped my sex drive return, although slowly at first. Now, to be honest, I do not believe in having sex just to please my husband. If he is going to cheat for lack of having sex with you, then there are other problems that are not in the bedroom. I admit, I have had sex with my husband just to make him happy, to keep from feeling guilty, but I did not feel good about it. I explained to him why I was not in "the mood." It was frustrating for him, but we worked it out, and he was patient while my interest in sex returned after switching BC. I also explained to him the stress and exhaution caused by motherhood, and that I was often just too tired. I admit, not every husband is as understanding, but if you two really love each other (and I'm assuming you do because you've been together a while) then it can be worked out. These are the trials of marriage--compromises must be made on both sides. I believe that rekindling your sex drive together in a slow, nondemanding way will actually bring you two closer. Be patient with yourself--the more you stress over it, the more difficult it will be to regain your interest in sex. I hope this helps you a little bit at least. Good luck to you, and take care of yourself and that sweet little one of yours.

S.. First let me address the sex issue. My physician states that sex is a habit. And you are out of the habit of having sex, then you get used to it. Once you get back into the habit its okay. However, since you just had a baby have you spoken to your doctor about post partum depression, just to be safe. I would speak to my gynecologist about all of these issues.
I know that you get used to doing things on your own. I think he is really being testy probably because he misses you and is probably thinking that you do not miss him. In that case, I would have to say to compromise. Sometimes you may not be in the mood, but maybe once you get started that will change. I get that way sometimes. I hope this helps you out some.

I know the stress of being a navy wife and learning how to live with out your hubby around. Sometimes I long for those days. But you have to remember how much you love him, and enjoy the time he is here. It will be gone before you know it.

Hi S.,

My ex-husband was in the military and we all went through a lot of what you're going through.

You've been apart for a long time and just like you had to adjust to being apart, you'll have to adjust to being back together. It will take communication and a willingness to listen and HEAR what the other is saying, not just shake your head and think of what you want to say. You and your daughter have been doing things your way for a long time. He has been alone and doing things his way for a long time. In his mind, when he comes home, everything should be the way he remembers it. (Sleeping late, cuddling in the morning, and yes, sex occassionally.) You feel like he's intruding on your space and schedule. You want him respect your abilities (independence) and respect you for them. He wants to feel like a part of his own family (that used to depend on him for a lot) instead of like the-guy-who's-visiting-for-too-long.

He wants to feel like he's on vacation. He has a short time to be with the people he loves most in the world, but he's not ever had the responsibilities of a child before (since you got shipped back shortly after your daughter was born).

Returning from deployment is hard on everyone. Think of your daughter who doesn't even really know this man who just wants to be your husband and her daddy. Remember, you loved him enough to get married and start a family. Love him enough to give him a chance. It's hard on him, too. There may even be some resentment you need to talk about. You for having all this responsibility. Him for you leaving (even though it wasn't an option) and taking his new born child. It will help to talk about it.

You may want to see a counselor. Military husbands and wives go through it all the time. Feel free to send me a private message if you want to talk.

My hormones also changed after I had my baby. But I have a wonderful husband and want to keep him happy! Sex is so important to men. It would be about the equivalent of him saying to you, "Honey, I just don't enjoy talking. How about if I don't talk to you for several months?" I think you'd be pretty upset! If you want your marriage to work and don't want your husband to have the temptation to go out and have an affair, there are things you can do to revive your sex drive. There are herbs you can get to do that (they are safe). The best prices I've found are on the Swansons Vitamins web site. They charge a low, flat rate for shipping no matter how much stuff you order and they deliver fast. They have an herbal formula for women to rev up their sex drive. There are also exercises you can do. Did you do the Kegel's to prepare for childbirth? If you continue doing them, they'll also help your sex drive, in my opinion. (The web site for Swansons is www.swansonvitamins.com). Well, I hope this works for you and your family. Blessings!