My Husband Is Cheating on Me

You need to make the decision for him. Empty the bank account and take his stuff toss it outside and change the locks. If he can't decide between his wife and a girlfriend then he doesn't deserve you.

I agree with Pam. You are saying he is STILL cheating, not willing to make a decision, and wants you to go to counseling? Why? While I wouldn't accept him back myself, I could be supportive if he was choosing you, and sorry that he made this mistake, but he ISN'T. He wants the best of both worlds. RUN!!

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I have never been the other woman. I have too much confidence and integrity for that, but I have been cheated on and I know a few woman that are in the exact same boat as you.
1. Men do what you allow them to do. He needs to be awakened. When you get married it is you and that person, not you and a few others. Since he doesnt know what he wants you need to tell him what he needs to do. 2. Counseling is good and I would recommend that to anyone before just calling it quits.
3. You need to seperate from him ( I didnt say get a divorce).
You need time to think, breath and let him realize what he would be losing if he left. As long as you let him go back and forth he will. You must make a decision stand firm and execute it. Im sure that you love him and probably loves you in some way, but love wouldnt hurt you and put you 2nd when you are suppose to be #1.
4. Become more independent and realize you self-worth. You do not have to tolerate this. You are wonderfully and beautifully made. You are smart and you can survive with him or without him. When you find out who you are again you will see that you can do anything your heart desires. You are strong and you will make it through this.
5. You should have the upperhand. When or if you decide to take him back. Your rules, your guidelines becasue he lost all of that whe he decided to include someone else in the picture.

He needs to stop seeing the other woman, and commit to counseling. If he cannot stop seeing her, then you have to decide what is best for you and your children.

Go to counseling yourself, and start preparing for him deciding to leave. Do you work? If not, then start thinking about what you will do if the marriage ends.

I'm sorry you are going thru this. If you guys do stay together, the first time he is late coming home, the first time the phone rings and hangs up, the first time he isn't quick at calling you back...you will always "wonder" and the trust will probably never be the way it was before. You both will need a lot to make it work out. You're in a tough spot. I divorced my husband because although I don't think he got physical with them, he was in chat rooms and texting other women and could not give it up. I'm now with a wonderful husband that can't be bothered with the computer and is there for his family 100%. You can and deserve the same. I wish you the best...

Run Girl!! He is not worth your time!!

Be very careful about being too understanding. This happened to a friend of mine, and the indecision went on for 18 months. He kept coming back then going off and was probably genuinely torn, but for pete's sake. My friend had four kids and was trying not to drive him away. Eventually the other woman became pregnant and my friend decided enough is enough. They are now divorced but the guy now realises what a mess he's made of his life and is still bugging her to get back together even though she has moved on. Very complicated.

Hi, This is tricky. I was once the other woman, only I didnt know he was married till were dating. I did leave him at that point. I dont know how long you have been married, or if you have children. Find out "why he cheated".
I think anyone who gets attention, especially when we are married, gets flattered. The feeling of something new is always exciting, but that doenst mean we have to act on it. How long has he been dating her and whats the complication? We blame ourselves. But remember " You " are not responsible for his actions. You have been able to be faithful , why couldnt he? If he cant decide what to do with " your" future. Take matters in your own hands. What do you feel is right to do for you? Can you forgive him and get on with your lives? He needs to be honest with himself and you . Only then can there be progress. He hurt you and you have the right to be angry...can you live with that knowledge is the question?

Look, Sometimes people feel like there is something else out there or light / flame/ spark has gone out. The truth is you need to find that spark inside of you. You need to find outif she was the only one, I know that sounds harsh. You also need to know how long it has been going on for. Do you have kids?
Everyone needs to fell loved wanted and apprecited. You are going to have people tell you, once a cheater always a cheater which is not always the truth. Some people do learn from their mistakes. Truth is he cannot have his cake and eat it too. Make sure he really does want counseling and he is just not saying that to make it easier on you. The only thing that is going to make it easier (Not that it is easy becaus eit's not) is knowing the truth. If he wants to be with this other woman let him go and be with her. You will be okay and you will find better. If he wants to really get counciling and work it out with you then do counciling if thats what you want to do. The ball is in your court.
If you have kids don't stay together because of them Be the better person. Good Luck this is not going to be easy.
If you want to talk you can find me at my blog: themoderndaywonderwoman.blogspot.com

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. While I can't tell you what to do because you know yourself and your husband I can tell you what I would do.

I could get over someone doing it to me, I would be a b*&^%$ the rest of his days but I could get over it, I COULD NOT however get over him doing it to my child. To think that I was thinking we were a happy family and my daughter thought everything was allright and then BOOM he hits us with that? I would pack my stuff and my daughter and run out the door, he could even have the house.

On a side note, I know a few adult married couples that are in their late 40's and early 50's where the husband cheated early in the marriage and the wife still hasn't forgiven him for it.

For a man who "isn't ready to make a decision either way" never should have said "I do". He supposedly made his decision when he asked you to marry him. By doing so, he said you are the only woman for him. What a liar. Honey...drop his butt. He isn't worth the heartache that you will go through.

Listen to the song "Stay" by Sugarland and take the lady's advice.

Screw what he says/feels (obviously he's a tomcat from hell), do you want to be with a man who can't keep his word and has touched another woman and she touched him? Do you think you could kiss/touch/make love with him knowing that he's done the same with another woman? If the roles were reversed, what do you think he'd do? Marriage is saying that you need no other to complete you, and he told you by cheating that you're not enough for him. You are worth having someone who loves you and only you. He is now putting you in a terrible position of having to chose, while he is having his cake and eating it too, while having a side of ice cream.

As for the other woman..."desperate" and "slut" are the two main words that come to mind, unless of course she had no idea that he is married (I was in that position once a long time ago). But once she knew/knows, she should have dropped him like a hot potato, but if she doesn't she's as bad as he is. Once a cheat, always a cheat. If you stay it will happen again.

I agree with De B.

Remember, you are worthy and deserving of monogamy.

I agree with the Daddy-o before me! Watch the movie "Fireproof". And follow the manual!! Its a big help! But also devolp a plan that gets you two back to where you were when you were first together!!!

Its a shame your husband doesn't feel like keeping his promises and is a liar. But that is just an obvious comment.

To help put your family back together: Watch the movie "Fireproof". Buy the manual and start following it. Buy the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and follow it.

Both of them have helped my wife and I.

The fact that he didn't say he will end it and try to work on your marriage and beg and beg and beg for your forgiveness, tells me he just might do it again later on down the road. Specially if you stay by his side and will work through his faults, may encourage the behavior again. If this is the first time he has cheated on you then yes go to counseling. Things that you are feeling will finally come out, and you might learn things about him you never would have guessed. Make sure he has a clear understanding of what you need from him, and he will have to prove to you that you can trust him. Oy I hate what cheating does to a relationship.

As the saying goes: He cheats on you once, shame on him. He cheats on you twice, shame on you.

Give the man a chance to redeem himself... if he isn't willing to stop seeing the other woman or he cheats again... IT'S OVER! It sucks, but don't put yourself through more heartache than needed, and honestly he doesn't deserve you or your children. Grandpas and uncles can be positive male figures in your children's lives too, so don't get too hung up on wanting your children to grow up with their father in their lives. They still can, just not under the same roof (if it comes down to that).

I feel your pain... luckily when I was cheated on I wasn't married at the time. I was emotionally ruined when it came to dating men after that. It took my husband a long time to get me to even go out with him because my guard was up so high. But I'm so glad that I let it down :)

Hugs and best wishes for you. You will get through this, but realize you can only try so hard to make it work.

I came across your post. What happened? Did you husband ever at any point beg for your forgiveness?

One thing that I'm always amazed by is that no one thinks about STDs from the other woman. Anytime someone cheats with someone else, they are exposing you to the other partners sexual activities. That in addition to everything that has already been said would be the reason why I would leave with the children. Condoms are not 100% at preventing STDs. Be wary that he has possibly exposed you.

I knew a lady that was exposed to several STDs because of her cheating husband - upsets me every time I think about it.

you sound like you have a good head on our shoulders so try to stay strong.....best wishes

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So sorry to hear about what you have gone through. I've had boyfriends who have cheated on me in the past and, one in particular was very indecisive about whether he wanted to stay with me or be with the other woman when trying to talk the whole matter out. I was fortunate that I didn't have any children at the time so the decisions I made where solely based up what was in my best interest -- and, of course, we weren't married so there was less at stake -- but I found his indecisiveness to be very crazy making and not very flattering so I ended the relationship. I haven't had much contact with him since but am pretty certain that he's still that same kind of guy.

As for you, please do what you feel in your heart is best for you. The one piece of advise that I would like to give you is, look to your husband's actions and not his words for guidance. Guys can say a lot of things and make a lot of promise not be sincere about any of it, especially when they are in trouble.

If your husband is willing to go to couples counseling, that would be a good thing for the two of you to do. If he fails to follow through with it for whatever reason, at least get some counseling for yourself. It will help you flesh out and process all of what's happening to you and your family right now.

Wishing you better days ahead.

What an a**hole!!! I am so sorry he has done this to you!! My first husband did this to me. I knew I would never forgive nor forget. I pack my two small childen and moved on. He killed something in me that Ithought I would never get back and that is trusting someone. But I did find someone worthy of me and my children. Been in my 2nd marriage now 16 years! YOu have a long heartbreak ahead of you. I am sending you a huge hug your way!

I was with a married man, Bill Penrose from Seattle, his wife never found out, you should move on.