My Five Year Old Daughter Wont Listen

Hello~ They'll challenge you because they can. Don't let her win. Explain to her the rules and if she breaks the rules. Give her consequences, but follow through each and every time. You just haven't found what she can't do without. A favorite toy, movie, treat, etc...... They main thing is be consistent and follow through. You'll feel like it'll never end, but she'll get it.
And when she does something good, tell her. That's important. Good luck.

I've noticed that we have a tendency to expect a five year old to listen the way an adult would. So make sure that you are helping her succeed:
1) Make sure you have her attention. I can talk to my kids till I'm blue in the face, but if they're really busy with something else, they just don't hear me. I will have them look at me so I know I have their attention.
2) Don't give her too many steps at once. It's much better to tell a five year old "get socks out of your drawer and put them on then come back to me" than "get socks and shoes on, get your coat, get your backpack, we're leaving". (Give yourself the extra needed time!).
3) Be specific. My husband has a tendency to say "stop that" or "cut it out" (I'm sure I do too), and the kids have no idea what he's talking about. Stop what? Which behavior needs to change? And what should be done instead? "stop jumping around, sit on the couch" is a much better way to get her to cooperate.
4) Be consistent. If you've made sure she is listening and understands, and she still doesn't do what you ask, there needs to be a consequence appropriate to the situation (I suggest reserving spanking for extreme situations, or not at all). It will take some time for her to catch on that you mean what you say, and may get worse for a while, but if you are consistent (and fair) then she will learn that you mean it. But don't expect her to be perfect. Every kids has lapses.... actually, every kids has a lot of lapses. They are individuals. Just remember the ultimate goal is to teach her to manager her own behavior, and proceed with that in mind. There are days when even my 12 year old still doesn't listen (which is when she ends up grounded for the night), and other days when they are all perfect angels.

There was another post about this yesterday here is how I answered. The question sounds different, but when you read her question, it is just like yours..
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/1456792170462838785

First of all for a while you may have to start directions with
"Stop" "look at me." "Listen to my words"..
Then say what you want to say.. Or give the direction.

Then ask them, "What did I just say?" Or "Tell me what I just said",.

You do this enough and they will listen. And you will not have to direct them to listen.

You must be consistent.

I too have a 5yr old daughter. Have you tried doing something positive, instead of punishments. I did this really cool and fun thing for my children; when they were having behavior problems at school. I made them each a reward chart. Everytime they behaved well at school they got to move up the chart. They had ten steps. When they reach the 5th step you reward them with something small. That way they feel like your sticken to your word, and it stays esxciting for them. When they reach the tenth you get them something bigger. You can find the charts free online easily. I picked two cartoon ones where you take a picture of your child face and past in on the cartoon character body. My kids loved it! And it made a BIG difference. Oh and say they she didnt listen to you for that day, don't go back on the chart. Just leave her where shes at and explain why she couldnt go up. Just a suggestion. :)

Stop spanking, stop taking things away, stop punishing so much.

She is only 5. Five is VERY young. Start ignoring negative behavior, and rewarding positive behavior. Every time she does something you like, say, "I like the way you put your clothes away." Or 'I like the way you did that the first time I asked you."

Stop expecting so much from her. She's just a baby. Play with her and have fun with her and ENJOY her.

Kiss her and cuddle her and tickle her. The next time she doesn't do something you asked her to, instead of getting mad, try chasing her with a smile and catch her and love her up and say, "you little rascal, you're not listening to me again.!" And give her lots of kisses.

Over all, lighten UP.

squirt her in the face with water. just kidding!
Be direct in what you expect her to do. My husband always tells the kids they need to learn to listen. Kids are SO VERY literal. They look at him perplexed thinking I can hear just fine. When what he actually is meaning, I need you to pick up your toys. SO - say exactly what you want her to do. Pick up toys and put them in this basket.
Then, be consistant with rewards and punishments. Don't make a threat, and not follow through. Start with positive reinforcement then move to consequences. SO, "Be a big girl and put these toys in the basket and then we can go outside and play". If that doens't work move to "Help me Put these toys in the basket or no desert. If that doesn't work - "If I have to put these toys in the basket all by myself, I will put them up and you wont get to play with them until tomorrow." If THAT doesn't work - spare the rod and spoil the child!

I love the book "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" It has changed my parenting, and improved my relationships. It also makes so much sense. It's an easy read and mostly stuff you already know, but it helps you think about how you are talking to your kids. I highly recommend it. Punishing won't help her listen, but listening will.

I second Jasmine's advice for using positive reinforcement rather than punishment!
Enjoy her!

:)

Kids do not always listen or remember like an adult would.

Being consistent is a big thing, I always stress with my daughter that is it polite and respectful to listen to mommy, daddy, elders. Sometimes I have to repeat myself numerous times, I know frustrating.

It really depends on the case.

Picking up toys:
---Ask daughter to pick up toys.... 15 mins later, nothing done.
---Ask again, this time let her know that whatever is not picked up will be taken away for a week.
---Sometimes kids need specific "orders" on where to start if it is a large mess, it is hard for them to process where to start and what needs to be done... ok start with barbie stuff and put it all in the barbie bin... next the coloring items... and so on... a lot more usually gets put away if I am there helping them with the skill of learning what to do.
---If she still does not want to pick up, well pull out a big garbage bag and put everything in it and put it in a closet for a week.

Caring for the house:
--- She puts her dirty close in the hamper... if she doesn't well NOT an option it is what you do to live in this house, it is shows that you care and are respectful for others in the house. When older (maybe 9/10, then you could take the clothes away that they have not picked up and only wash what is in the hamper, oh you wanted that purple sweater, well you did not treat it with respect so I thought you did not care about so I took it away... at age 5 just keep on her to put dirty clothes in the hamper).
---Help bring in the groceries, I usually have my daughter bring in a box of cereal, it just teaches responsibility, caring, and helpfulness... at least with my daughter (almost 5) we have bonded because we respect each other and help each other.
---Do not make a mess and leave it ALWAYS pick up whatever before moving on (eventually this helps cut down the toy issues/messes). If it is something of hers, she has to pick it up, follow the instructions under toys... but if it is something shared and she does not pick it up she loses her oppurnity of using whatever for a week (game, phone, whatever).

Running in parking lot, or other dangerous situation:
--- NO option but to listen. I stress to my daughter that I love her very much and that the parking lot (or wherever) is a big place that is safest when WALKING, holding my hand or walking right next to me (they like the freedom but she has to prove to you that she can listen and do it).

I guess that is all I can give for help without knowing more in the specific cases she is not listening in. To gain respect yourself you need to be respectful of her... I try to always ask my daughter please do something. We discussed that me say please is not saying she has a choice but that I am respectfully & politely asking her to do something. We also have the rule when asking for something or someone is asking something of you, you are always looking at each other in the eyes. That way you know each other is listening, and I usually say "ok, do you understand?" She either responds "ok, yes" or "no, what do you mean" and we go from there. Keeping communication open is better then demanding which usually shuts communication down for the other person.

It may help that whatever your discipline is have it be consistent (same punishment for that issue) AND it might help if you have the rules written down and posted. That way you both are on the same page, and to the kid they see that they do have the freedom to make their own choices BUT these are the consequences if they do not follow the house rules.

Dr. Sears has some great advice, be sure to scroll down the page as well:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

this one is especially good for the listening part:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061000.asp