Im a single mom with a 5 year old son. He has never seen me with a man. I was reunited with an old friend and things moved pretty fast. He moved in quickly. He doesnt have kids. But my son is really acting up. Demanding all my attention, asking me to sleep with him which he has never done. It frustrating. Idk how to deal with the behavior.
For shame that you even have to ask this question . . .
I bet it wasn't even a month before he moved in.
Sure. We have advice.
Plain and simple. You're a mother. You moved a boyfriend in to you and your son's home "pretty fast". You move the boyfriend out tonight, and you either end the relationship or else take things very very very slowly, separate from your son. You help your son get his security back. You tell him that mommy made a mistake, and he's your number one priority.
Your son isn't acting up. He's insecure, his stability and home were uprooted, and what he's doing is natural.
Be a mom, not a fast girlfriend.
As the child of 4 divorces, you need to lovingly ask your BF to move out. This is not fair to your son. At all.
I get that you're lonely, and it's nice to have an adult in your life. But you are NOT single. You're a mom. Package deal. Your kid's emotional and physical (because speaking from experience, mom's boyfriend's aren't always safe) well being are under YOUR control - and you are currently tossing that all out the window.
Your boyfriend might be great, but you don't know that, your son doesn't know that, and it's not fair AT ALL to be annoyed with your kid when you just completely up-ended his entire world without ANY WARNING.
If your boyfriend is as good as you hope, he'll understand - AND he'll respect you for it even more.
Son is insecure, confused, uncomfortable, unhappy because boyfriend moved in.
To me the answer is obvious.
Can he not just move out and can you not just take this slowly?
Pretty sure that's what any one would tell you to do - your mother, your best friend, any of us moms, a counsellor ....
As a good friend of mine would say "What would Dr. Phil tell you to do?"
Here's another thought - if this doesn't work out, what then? Think of how that will affect your son long term. Go slow, leave your son's world stress free and stable. Best thing for him. Ultimately - best thing for you also. Your boyfriend can go back to living where he was. It won't hurt your relationship one bit - and actually would be best thing for it. If he's serious, he can handle it.
How to deal? Take a cue from your kid and tell the boyfriend to go back to his own place. You already have one child why take on another? A grown man shouldn't be moving in with a single mother.
Well, this is YOUR FAULT. You have no business moving a man in when this child doesn't know him.
You are either really naive, or you are really selfish. Which one is it? Yes, I'm being hard on you. But you deserve it. You are hurting your child so that you can sleep in the same bed with a guy. You have no business doing this.
Tell the guy he has to move out. Tell him that you both have to slow the heck down and start over with your son. HE is the most important thing in your life. NOT A BOYFRIEND.
Your boyfriend is NOT a replacement father. YOU are his mother and it's your job to manage things with your son. Your bf shouldn't be telling him what to do.
You call your son's behavior frustrating. HE IS FIVE YEARS OLD. Your behavior is the behavior that is frustrating. He is just acting like his age. He is not in the wrong.
Stop putting the boyfriend ahead of your son.
You really have to ask us what's wrong with your son?
You bring in a new bf and not only move your priority to him but allow him to move in and you ask us what's wrong!??
Your son is no longer your priority as he should be. Children are smart.
You are choosing your personal satisfaction to be priority over your child.
Your new bf/shack up should know full well what's going on too.
You just don't do this when you have a child to parent. Look at the modeling job of being a parent you are portraying .
Next you'll wonder why your child is distant from you.
Well of course he's acting up!
You moved a new person into his life that he didn't even know. You chose a boyfriend over a child, and your boyfriend isn't smart enough or experienced enough with kids to stop you.
Get family counseling to help you deal with your son and try to put his self-esteem and his world back together.
You said yourself things moved pretty fast. Way too fast for your 5 year old. Your son is so young, he hasn't even had a chance to get to know, and develop a relationship and trust of his own with this new boyfriend of yours and now he's LIVING with you. He's acting out because his world just turned upside down, there is this new guy sleeping in his mom's bed, and he's scared. Can you blame him? You're his world and his stability, and this is more change than he can handle this fast. Go have a heart to heart with your boyfriend at a restaurant or someplace outside your home. Apologize for rushing in and not thinking this move-in through carefully, and considering the impact it would have on your son. Tell him you have to put your son first. It's not personal, he hasn't done anything wrong, your son was bound to struggle with anyone moving in and you should have known that. You just realized moving a boyfriend, or anyone else in period, wasn't a good idea. Yep, I'd expect the boyfriend to be angry and annoyed, and likely your relationship isn't going to survive the back and forth unless he really is extraordinary. Tell your boyfriend gently, but firmly, he needs to move out. I know this isn't the advice your looking for, but the behavior you need to deal with is YOUR hasty decision. Your SON'S behavior understandable under the circumstances.
Are you for real? You don't know how to deal with your sons behavior?? Ummm, it's your son who doesn't know how to deal with YOUR bad behavior! Yes, your bad behavior! You moved a stranger into your sons house and turned his little world upside down. You took away his sense of normalcy and security. Your son should come first, not your sex life.
Stop thinking with your libido and start putting your kid first. Move this man out immediately and don't even think about letting him so much as spend the night before your son SLOWLY gets to know him. Your son needs to build a relationship with this man so he knows he can trust him. That takes time. Lots and lots of time.
Get it together, girl. Put your son first.
I grew up with a single mom who had boyfriends come and go...not tons but 5 of them from when I was age 5 to 18. I think it's important to put your kid first always. He's so little. This is confusing to him. I personally don't think you should move in together until you've been dating at least a year and are VERY serious - as in marriage serious. G
Look, I get it. I was a single mom for 6 years before I met my husband. I wanted to move fast, too. I know it’s difficult to resist when you’re lonely and you feel chemistry with someone. I know you probably have had thoughts of “Am I ever going to meet someone and have a family and a normal life?”.
My daughter met my husband the night I met my husband. It was all by chance, otherwise I would not have introduced them. We were with some friends, someone got a flat tire, and we ended up giving people a ride to my husbands house. Luckily, my daughter was crazy about my husband. In fact, if it weren’t for her asking about “that guy” and wanting to see him and his cats again, I probably never would’ve seen him again.
Even though she loved him, as things began to progress she started to struggle. She started feeling insecure and jealous that someone else was sharing her mommy’s time too. You know, it’s really tough, even when you do move slow and even when the kid is crazy about the guy.
I think you need to ask him to move out, until your child becomes more familiar with him. You need to make more time for one on one time with just you and your child. Talk to your kid. Explain things to him and tell him how much you love him. Yelling at him and punishing him and pushing him away is only going to make him feel worse when he’s probably already feeling forgotten about. I know you need someone to love you too, but you still need to be a mom first.
When it’s right, it’ll work out. You need to find someone who is good for both of you—not just you. If your new boyfriend isn’t ok with waiting on you to do go slow in order to be An amazing mother then he is not the one.
Please don’t give your child a childhood he will have to recover from. You’re his mommy. You’re his safe place. He is not ready for this. You need to be giving him love and affection and time, instead of letting him see that you’re annoyed with him for being a little boy who’s scared and sad.
If he's never seen you with a man he doesn't know how to act and yes he's going to feel insecure and want you to spend the time with him like. He's not used to sharing you with someone else. This should not have a been a fast thing this should have been a VERY slow process. You need to take a step back and figure out what is best for your child.
Of course your son is demanding your attention. You moved a stranger into the home. You might have known the old friend but your son didn't.
How do you deal with it? Boyfriend moves out and you date like a normal person. You did not give your son a chance to be comfortable with this new person. You picked this bf over your son. That's what you do.
