My Baby Cries When Left with Anyone but Me Including His Dad

I think what you are doing is great! I also liked what Jae C said. Try a lil bit at a time just so the baby knows that mommy is gone but will be back. I think doing laundry is a good time to test that out. Fold the laundry in front of him, and grab a lil pile and tell him "mommy will be right back" and when you come back say 'tada!" like if you made the clothes disappear. Just KEEP DOING IT THE SAME! He'll probably cry the first couple of times but if you give in then he'll learn that cry=mommy. Everytime you do laundry. Then, try just casually walking away without saying anything. Eventually he will remember that "mommy will be back". It might take a few days, you just HAVE to be consistent. Later you could do bigger things, like taking a shower, grocery shopping...etc.
GOOD LUCK!
:0)

Hi there, This behavior is an indication that your baby is going through a very important developmental phase called separation anxiety, and though it can be trying on you, it really is not something that you can "teach" or "train" him out of..he will grow naturally out of it. The best thing to do is to minimize separation times and give plenty of love and support so as to reduce the stress of this period on your baby. I promise you (as a mother, aunt, and friend of many babies) this won't last and really is a signal that all is going well in your baby's development. Read about "separation anxiety" and other developmental stages of children and you will be reassured (although I know how frustrating it can all be...)

Hi! Have you tried playing a game of leaving for just 2 minutes, then 5, then 10 etc? Each time say to him, "Mommy will be back soon", leave the house and return before he starts to cry. Initially if he's crying, just leave for a little bit and come back and say, "Mommy's back. Mommy always comes back." Your little one needs the security of knowing you'll be back. Good luck!

My granddaughter was the same way with my daughter-in-law. In fact, her situtation was so bad, she couldn't even go into the bathroom and close the door because her daughter would sit outside the door and scream as if someone were beating her! It was ridiculous. She tried having her go with family members for a couple of hours here and there which didn't help. the child screamed the whole time and the family members DID NOT have a good time. Then, it got to the point when my granddaughter saw the people she had been with for those couple of hours, she would automatically start screaming because she thought she was going to be made to leave mommy again. It was a nightmare. Eventually, because of financial concerns, my daughter-in-law had to get a job so she had no choice but to leave the baby with a sitter. It took a couple of miserable days for the sitter, but eventually my granddaughter stopped being so dependent solely on her mother. Now, just one year later, she has come to spend an entire month at my house without mommy and has no problem at all. She talks to mommy on the phone every night and has no problem at all saying bye-bye at the end of the conversation. So, all of this to say I think you need to start leaving her on a regular basis with someone, perhaps your husband, so she can get used to being without you and start trusting that you will come back. I don't really think once on the weekend will do it - try leaving for maybe just an hour or so every evening for a while and see if that doesn't help. Good luck!

Honestly, this is a normal stage & it will pass. By the time my daughter (now 2) was 10 months about, she was willing to stay with Daddy as long as she was freshly nursed.

Kim's ideas were great. I had heard of the shirt thing before. It seems to work. Also start putting her in the play pen each day for about 10 - 15 minutes while you do dishes or fold clothes. Put some toys in with her, switch up the toys or put her favorites. She will hate it for a couple of days, then she will be ok and you are ready to extend the time by another 10 or 15 minutes. She gets used to playing on her own without you and you get chores done. She feels safe and secure in the pen and the anxiety will go. She just needs to know she can be safe and secure without you in other places. Has worked well with my 7. Best wishes.
Stac

A lot of the success in this will depend on the ability of the person you leave him with to listen to the crying. They need to be able to 'shut off' the crying enough to deal calmly with the child. Mainly that person needs to either calmly talk to the child and find distractions... favorite toys, music, books, etc. Maybe take a walk with the child... try having the caretaker put him in a stroller and go for a walk while you are at home. Then the walks may be a distraction for him when someone is caring for him while you are gone. Sometimes a caretaker needs to simply put the child down and let him cry while calmly talking to him with words such as "it's Ok, Mommy will be back soon". You will need to start with short times, and gradually increase your time away until he gets the idea.
And, don't be too surprised if one day you suddenly notice that he is more ready to stay with Daddy than he is with you. It seems like forever when going through these transitions, but it really isn't long until we start wishing for some of that 'clinging' to return as they become more and more independent.

Sounds like he's getting a bad case of separation anxiety. My older daughter was like that. She had to be able to see me if she was awake. Unfortunately, all you can do is tough it out. It is a developmental phase that WILL pass (even though it seems to take forever.)

A few things that might make him more comfortable are to wear a shirt to the point that it really smells like you. Don't wash it, but tuck it into his crib with him. Give him the shirt if you have to go somewhere. Also, try taking a picture of yourself and putting it into a baby safe frame. Give it to him to play with just before you leave (along with the stinky shirt.)

Good Luck,
K.

It could be separation anxiety, but it could be that your child "just wants to be with you". My daughter is now almost 11 and was like that (and still is to a degree). She's a second born, and my first born was NOT at all like that. I'm not a paranoid mother, I've left her with Daddy, and babysitters, she went to preschool and goes to regular school. I read parenting books and tried everything under the sun when she was a baby and toddler. She was just happiest when she was with me. I would calmly tell her I loved her and would be back. She would cry when I left, but thankfully not hysterically until I would return.

She still "likes to be with me" such that she has "sleepovers" on the floor in my room once a week. Now that she's older, she just says that she loves me so much that she can't imagine being away from me. She does have play dates at friend's houses and go on sleepovers. She even went on spring break vacation with a friend and her family this spring. She understands the need to be away - for both of us. She just loves being with Mom. I intend to enjoy it now because I'm sure the day will soon come when she "hates" me and can't stand to be near me!

He might be responding to your stress. Before you leave, sit with the other person and talk happily, showing that you are comfortable with them. Whenever possible have other people hold him when you are around. Work with Daddy on learning some soothing techniques.

First of all, don't worry! This is totally normal and it doesn't mean you're spoiling your baby or anything like that. My son is almost 2 now and he adores his daddy, but at that age we were in the same boat. He would cry the entire time I was gone. What worked for us was having them go on an outing together instead of leaving them home. A walk in the stroller or a trip to the hardware store was new & exciting so he didn't seem to notice I was gone. Plus my husband enjoyed all the old ladies oohing and aahing over what a good dad he was :) Things really got a lot easier once he was eating solids. He loves to eat so a meal while I was gone kept him happy.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Keep it up, be patient, and tell your husband not to get discouraged. Before you know it he will be following daddy all over the house and will want to do everything with him.

PS--Donna J is absolutely right! I took a class on infant-parent attachment in college and it is true that if you help them feel really secure as infants, they will develop the confidence to explore tge world when they're ready.

Hi MB,
I'm assuming your child is not younger than say, 7, 8 or 9 months?
My son is still moving through this phase. One day it was so bad he cried the entire day. By midnight I felt like throwing up. I tried the “leave you baby for a few minutes at a time and gradually increase it method”, it did NOT work. And I tried this for over a month. My husband is away in Iraq and my son only sees me. I was sure the absence of other people was the cause of his stress and anxiety, I was wrong. Once I had reached my breaking point I did some serious reading. Here's what I found out:
1) You are his base, the center of his world, the place he feels safe. We, as humans, often forget that we are still animals and hardwired to feel and react in certain ways. At age 7 months or so your child has progressed past the “out of sight, out of mind" stage, he now remembers you and wants you near him. This is not to cause you stress, it's because he doesn't feel safe. And well, since he's a baby no amount of reassurance from you will change this - he needs to learn this on his own.
2) How then do you help him move past this painful stage? Firstly, as one of the previous mothers stated - go to him when he cries. Give him big hugs and kisses, tell him he's O.K. and take him with you if need be. This will reinforce to him that he is safe. Secondly, if possible, allow him to crawl after you around the house. Let me tell you, this was a life saver. At first he would cry a little when I walked away, never too far mind you. Then as the days moved on, so did he and now he has started to crawl into the other room without looking back. No, I don't let him get too far out of sight but, WOW what an improvement.
If your child feels safe he will move away from you with confidence and be unafraid. If your child is forced to move away from you when he is not ready and his cries go unheard he will become more clingy and insecure.
Best of luck. I know only too well how stressful and draining this can be,
D.

PS Peek-a-Boo helps too, reinforces that when you are “gone” you will return. I like this much better than leavening him to cry in another room until I return.