My Baby Cries Constantly Unless She Is on Me

Oh boy.. that was normal for me too. My baby would not let me put him down, but was perfectly content in my arms. It was frustrating to not be able to get anything done. It was a phase for us. As he grew older, he was interested in other things. I got play mats and overhead toys for him. That helped and entertained him for a while. It slowly got better and beter. He was then able to grab at toys. Then able to sit up on his own and play with toys. Now he's in the other room contently entertaining himself, and it's wonderful. There might be some better advice out there than mine.. I guess I'm just here to say that it was normal for us. But it passed.

Hello M., This sounds normal and healthy! Children instictively know they are safest when they are very close to their immediate caregiver. I remember being told over and over before the birth of my first daughter, "nine months in and nine months on." Mothering.com can be a great resource.

To relieve your back and body and psyche, enlist the second most trusted person in your child's life to help.

I remember feeling like it (the need for holding and touching) would never end with my first child. I promise it will and the payback will be immense in the internal security your child learns to feel within herself.~T.

My oldest daughter was just like this until she was about 18 months old. She also would not go to anyone else, even Dad. I gave her all of the love and attention she wanted at that time and I am so glad I did. We were both happy when I held her and she would get very frightened when I put her down. She really needed the attention. As she got older she became more independent as she was ready. Now she is a very independent, confident, and well adjusted little girl. I really believe this is because she knows I love her and I will always be there for her; she doesn't have to worry that she will be abandoned or have to handle difficult situations on her own because I was always there for her in her infancy. Because of this she is not afraid to try new thins or be in new situations. I agree with being skeptical of Babywise. That method works well for some children, but I know that if I had followed it with my first child she would have lasting scarring from not getting all of the attention that she needed.

If your back is sore try using an Ergo baby carrier. I don't know if your baby will tolerate a baby carrier, but this particular brand is very comfortable and is supposed to be very enjoyable for baby. If your baby doesn't like the carrier it's okay to let the house get a little messier than you like and let a few more things slide than you planned on. This time is so important in your baby's emotional development it really needs to come before the chores. Also, your baby will let you know when she is ready to be more independent. Gradually introduce her to situations where she has the opportunity to be a little more independent. Make sure you are always there if she needs reassurance or a hug so that she knows you aren't going anywhere. It may take a lot of time, but it is totally worth it.

I would recommend watching the video "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Our second son was this way, and this gave me a lot of freedom. I still snuggled him a lot, but it wasn't overwhelming. He also slept a lot longer at a time. Congratulations! Enjoy that little one. One thing to remember is you'll never have this time ever again. Next time around you'll have an older child who will interupt the total mommy and baby time. Remembering that with my first helped a lot those frustrating times (helped sweeten them, too.) GL

M. K,
MY name is also MeriKae, So I had to write, I Am a mother of 7 children and all I can offer is the words please be patient
she will probably grow out of it by the time she is four months, THIs kind of life is new to her and all she is asking for is for you to comfort her until she gets used to it. I Fear that I have had my last child and they are 15 months old and don't let me hold them much anymore my heart aches and I long for the times of when they depended upon my craddling arms. this time goes terribly fast and I Hardly remember my children's infancy and holding them except for the one who had collic and I reget not enjoying holding him more, I resented having to be trapped to the chair, and now that is all I want.
Remember to smell the top of her head often as you can to keep that memory of her close to your heart.
Best of patients to you, because she really is giving you a gift of memories, so bear them with tenderness so your memories aren't regets as are mine.

Hi,
Congratulations on your new little one. Babies are so beautiful but you never know what you're getting or how much work you might have to put into them! I have 2 kids. My first one was similar to yours. Because he was my first & because I had a c-section & was recovering, I didn't mind holding him most of the day. But eventually I did start to feel better & I did have other things I needed to get done. I don't know if I got him in the habit of needing to be held or if he would have been fussy anyway but eventually he grew out of it within a few months.

My 2nd child will be a year old next week. He was the opposite. He seemed so easy because I could set him down & he was fine. But now he is starting a phase where he wants to be held all the time. Now he wants me to hold him whenever I sit down. Again, it was nice at first but now I'm ready to get back to him being able to entertain himself & not be so clingy.

I just wish you luck & hope you can figure out what to do. Sorry I don't have any advice. Enjoy it while you can because soon enough she will be a toddler & won't want you to hold her.
T.

Hello M.~ Two things. First and foremost, DO NOT let her cry it out. Babies need to learn that their environments are safe and secure, and that their needs will be taken care of. These are the basic needs of food, sleep, cleanliness, comfort. "Teaching" them to soothe themselves should not even be a thought until 3 to 4 months of age. You CAN'T spoil her right now. She needs love, not lessons. Secondly, both my daughter and newborn son had(have) reflux. Neither liked being down or out of anything that didn't hold their torsos up; being held almost straight up and down was the biggest clue to this, along with what seems like congestion, clearing the throat (not coughing, but clearing), etc as more subtle clues. My oldest son, who did not have reflux, did not have these characteristics. The other thing I noted about these two is that they seem like motion kids. That is, they liked the motion of movement of cars (though the car seat squishes them and pushes the reflux), being held, vibrations - but neither liked the swing at all. I have a bouncer by fisher price that is an infant to toddler rocker. My husband recently replaced ours and only found this particular model at babies r us on clearance (a newer model with red material that plays music is out for $35, ours was on clearance for $20). The great thing about this is that you can lay it flatter like a "bed" for them to sleep in, but it gives the ability to lift the head/torso area up to help with the reflux. PLUS, even if they don't have reflux, it vibrates. The motion always helped my kids sleep...so much so that I had to shut it off when it was time for them to eat to keep them scheduled or they would keep sleeping. Anyway, it goes into toddler chair mode and also rocks. It's the BEST baby gear we've had for 3 kids! Here's a link on fisher price to see what it is (copy and past). http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2002&e=product... I hope this helps. Good luck.

It's possible that she just really likes the feeling of closeness she gets when she's being carried...right up against your body, warm, and probably a good tight hug sensation. You have to remember that she was getting that sensation 24/7 for the first 9 months of her life. Suddenly, she's in a place where there's space...lots of space, and she can move more freely. She's not used to it yet. Try swaddling her, not just wrapping her in a blanket, but actually swaddling her good and tight, wrapping her arms and feet against her body. You might try recreating the sensation of the womb. Warm, tight, motion (swing or vibrating chair, car), and white noise (vacuum, hairdryer, static from a TV, the car, shushing). And don't be afraid of being too loud for her. She was right up against your stomach every time it rumbled. If it was loud for you, then it must have been deafening for her...but it wasn't. Different things work for different babies, but usually in the combination of swaddling, stomach (have something touching her belly or put her on her side), swinging (motion), shushing (white noise), and sucking (binky or bottle or you). Get the Happiest Baby on the Block, read it, there's more detail and it's not just for colicky babies. I used it every time I had to babysit my nieces (born within 2 weeks of each other). It worked so well, I had to show my older sister and brother-in-law how to do it.

Good Luck!

If you haven't detached from her at all for the entire six weeks, it may be a little difficult at first, but I wouldn't give up or despair. You can teach her.

One thing that may help is a vibrating bouncer seat like the Eddie Bauer Soothing Bouncenette - B Is For Bear or the Adventure Pals Cradling Bouncer...any bouncer that vibrates. Not all of my kids liked the swing when they were infants, but they all like the vibrating bouncer seat.

You may need to let her cry for a few minutes when you first put her in it. At that age, I wouldn't let her cry for more than 10 minutes. If she doesn't take right to it and crys for five to 10 minutes, I would keep introducing it to her throughout the day until she adjusts to it. It may take several days, but don't give up. Your teaching her that she is still okay without being right on you. I wouldn't try this with the swing though because some babies just hate the swing. AND, with a vibrating bouncer seat, you can bring it in the bathroom with you and set it on the floor and put her it in while you take a quick shower or bath. She may cry the whole time, but at least you will feel refreshed.

Once she adjusts to the bouncer seat, she may decide the swing isn't so bad.

One more thing, are you bundting/wrapping her in a receiving blanket to keep her real nice and snuggly when you go to put her in the seat or crib/bassett? If not, that may help until she gets use to not having you right next to her. The sudden feeling of coldness and not having the warm body may be making her insecure. The blanket wrapping, like they do in the hospital, may help.

Hope this helps.

P.S. I agree with Hope's note as well.

Reflux? I'd definitely talk to dr. about that. If she cries when put down, but is good on you, which is upright, may be acid being able to stay down better when she's in the upright position. Also, my son was just very, very needy at that age. He did grow out of it. Denver has an attachment parenting forum you can join for even more support for your babywearing choice. That's all I did, too. It can be exhausting, but I have a very confident, explorer 16 month old now.

Also, what kind of carrier are you using? The baby bjorn did not give me enough support at all. There are many other options with better support. If you need suggestions, send a message. Good luck! :)

My daughter was similar. She was an angel if I fed her almost constantly and held her the rest of the time. She hated swings and seats and actually didn't like most of the carriers either.

Have you tried swaddling her tightly and patting her firmly until she falls asleep, then laying her in the crib? This worked for us when my daughter was about that age. It worked best when my husband did the patting because he was much more firm.

Also around that age was when I started to be able to distract her for about 15 minutes at a time. Tiny Love "Symphony in Motion" mobile would keep her happy in her crib for about 15 minutes. And we had a little swing that would keep her happy for about that long as long as she could still see me.

My daughter is 13 months old now and still loves to be carried a lot of the day. I recommend some core exercise classes, like yoga or pilates, to strengthen your back!!!

Hi M. K,
I'm sorry, I can imagine how you feel. I've had 6 kids and to be honest they are very smart at a very young age. All she knows is when she cries she gets your response but then it will escalate as she gets older. Put her in a bouncer or a swing where she can see you as you do your chores, she'll still cry but instead of picking her up just talk to her in a soothing tone. This will be difficult because she's been getting what she wants for quite some time. Let her cry, as long as she can see you she'll soon learn. They need to learn how to entertain themselves, as well as put themselves to sleep. Always put her in her bed awake, play music or read to her before you put her down. They need some kind of ritual that tells them that it's time to sleep, even at naptime. If you have a husband let him take care of her when he is home. Parenting is the most difficult thing I've done, being consistent is the key. Stick to your guns, you do not want to be a slave to your children. I have teenagers now, I'd go back to this any day! Good Luck, H. G

Hi M. K!!!
I have three boys ages 3-7. When my first born was little I was only 20 and although I had babysat kids for years parenting was a whole new ballgame! Something that worked for me was to sleep one night with a blanket. My smell rubbed off onto it and in the morning it was this blanket that I wrapped my son in and for him it seemed to really do the trick. He felt close to me even when I had him in the bouncy seat. I also had one of those heart bears that had the sounds of a heart beat. He liked this too but it was my smell on the blanket that worked best. Hope this might help. Don't give up though....treasure each day. It is over before you know it! Good luck!

Wear your baby constantly! Get a great sling (soft wrap type) where the baby can sleep by your heartbeat. It is a comfort thing to get their acadian cycles in order by hearing mom's breathing and heartbeat. It is a good thing, trust me! Think of yourself as a tribal woman until your baby is off crawling and exploring...it makes for a very happy child! It will all be too soon before that phase is over.

I am a mother of 4 my oldest is 11 now. I had two of the very attached ones. Mine went through the same thing about the same age. Just make sure they always safe, fed and put them down in a place where you can watch them even if they cry. I know its hard to just let them cry but remember, that is there only way of talking and they're just trying to see what you respond to. good luck and know it does get better in time.

Congratulations on wanting to be an Attachment Parenting mama! This will really help your baby feel more secure and willing to explore the world on her own when she is ready. Remember, babies at this age don't have object permanence, so as soon as you are out of sight, you have completely disappeared from existence as far as she is concerned!

First off - there is absolutely NO evidence that crying makes a baby stronger or is good for them in any way. On the contrary, there is ample evidence, including a recent study done by Harvard, that crying can cause emotional damage.

6 weeks is still VERY young. Most doctors, even the non-Attachment Parenting ones, agree that it is not normal for babies to even start sleeping longer stretches until they are three months old or older. Mine has just turned three months and she is starting to able to hold toys and expore around her, so she is more interested in being put down.

If you do need some down time, wait until she is not just alseep but completely limp. She will no longer be holding up her hands in her sleep, but her arms will hang down by her sides. At this point she will be in a deep enough sleep that she won't notice when you put her in a swing or a bouncer. If I put my daughter down on the bed, she'll wake up, but the bouncer vibrates and is soothing so she will often stay asleep there. As for sleeping, mine still prefers to nap on my chest, but I like it because I can feel her breathing and I find that comforting.

As for your aches, you may want to try a different carrier. I prefer a Moby Wrap at this age - it covers both shoulders so it is more comfortable, and it can hold your baby in many positions. The Sutemi pack is better for babies who can easily hold their heads up, but once she is there, it has waist support to help the back. You can explore carriers and watch how-to's at http://www.thebabywearer.com/

Good luck mama!

I second the "happiest baby on the block". I have the book instead of video, but it really does work! I swaddle my 2 month old every night because if his arms are out, he wakes himself up with them. We have a strict routine of "Eat, play in the playpen, go to sleep." We swaddle and give him a passifier and every once in a while we have to jiggle him. My 20 month old was also swaddled as an infant and that plus a REALLY hard jiggle worked wonders for her. Some sweat by whitenoise (ie. womb sounds, an untuned-in radio, heartbeat sounds, a fan, a hair dryer, etc...) Try mixing and matching different techniques until you find what works, but I agree...don't let her cry it out. I saw something on TV with Dr. Sears who is a famous baby doctor/pediatrician and he said that when they cry for a long time and get into that hysterical cry they can actually stop blood flow to the brain and it can cause physical problems. At 6 weeks your baby is too young to manipulate you. Good luck!

My daughter was the same way. She was extra clingy and wanted to be held all the time. She would have to fall asleep in my arms and then as soon as I put her in her crib she would wake up. What we did was swaddle her as tightly as we thought she would like, then lay her in her cradle with two rolled up blankets next to her so it felt like she was being held. We only did this for a little while, but it worked! I also started to not pick her up when she was crying in her crib. I would sit there and place my hand on her tummy or hold her hand and sing to her until she calmed down and went back to sleep.

My daughter is 9 years old now and is still a touchy feely person. She loves to be hugged and just generally touched in some way (holding hands, etc…) She is in no way a “needy person” in the way that may be expected by my constantly holding her as an infant. She had a need to be cuddled and loved and we fulfilled that need. As she got older she learned that she cannot “cling-on” mommy constantly but that mommy is always there for a hug and kiss and she can hold my hand or sit by my side. In some ways it is fun to have a child that wants to be with you all the time. It is great to teach how to do dishes, laundry, sweeping, weeding and lots of other tasks you can do side by side.
My daughter and I have a great bond that I really enjoy and hope will always be there.

My mother had an interesting theory that I never did try but it might work. She wondered if my daughter had a hard time being put in her crib because the mattress is always colder than my warm arms were. So the shock of the temperature change might have awakened her enough to realize that she was not being held. My mother recommended put a heating pad on the crib before bedtime to warm it up, then taking it off before you put the baby in. I never tried it but something like that might work to warm up the mattress a little?

Good luck and have fun with your little one while you can. I know you have heard it before but they grow up fast and you can never turn back the clock! I do not believe in letting a young infant cry it out because they do not know the lesson you are trying to teach. Also, an infant that young cannot see clearly at a far distance so if you wander too far she might not be able to see you and gets panicked!

I also would sit my daughter up on the couch (up against the arm and back of the couch) and sit in front of her or next to her and talk to her. That way she was still getting my attention but she learned that she did not have to be held to be with me. Bouncy chairs work well with that too.

You have a lot of advice to sort through and I wish you luck and sanity!

Hi M.,
I don't think this is normal. I'd talk to your baby's doctor about it. At 6-weeks of age, babies don't cry for just no reason. I've gotta say... I've read the various posts, and I have to say I don't agree with a lot of it. In my opinion, she's WAY too young to let her "cry it out." If you're baby is only 6 weeks old, she isn't old enough to be manipulating you with crying and she's too young to become overly dependant. When my 2nd daughter was an infant, she cried constantly too. She had colic, and it was an incredibly difficult time. I thought I was going to lose my mind! Maybe your daughter has colic too? I agree that you can't be expected to hold her 24/7, but I really can't believe that she "knows" what she's doing. She's just too young.
I used to put my daughter in her carrier seat, then placed it on top of our dryer, and then just turned the dryer on. The motion helped to soothe her a lot. (However, the buzzer going off at the end of the cycle was a big problem... teeheehee!)
Either way, I'd check in with her doctor. Constant crying isn't normal.

M.,

That would definitely get tiring! I am a Mother of 4 I have had a clingy one or two in the past. My youngest is 3 1/2 right now. It is so hard to emotionally detach from the crying of a child. I am sure that she puts up quite a fit when you put her down. My pediatrician told us that crying makes a child stronger. So putting her down for a few minutes here and there will be good for her and help her to get used to being on her own. You could start with small amounts of time and increase the time that you take to get things done before getting back to her. The really great thing about being the parent though is that what you decide goes. Set a standard you can live with, you'll be happier and baby will adjust. The biggest challenge for me was on the first baby when I thought every cry was the end of the world, that is why if you can learn to detach just a little bit it will help you so much. I definitely didn't get that down on the first and maybe not even the second baby.

Good Luck!

K. P

I am a 36 year old mother of 2 boys and a girl. My boys were pretty good when they were babies, however my 2nd son wanted to sleep on his tummy and suck his thumb. Trying to keep his thumb in his mouth was a task but we got through it. I also have a 1 year old daughter and she was the same way. I noticed that she would cry when she wasn't moving or laying against me on her tummy. I started to rub her tummy and she felt better. It was gas!!! I changed her formula to soy and it was all better. She was and still is a tummy sleeper, but they all have been sleeping through the night since they were 3 months. You might want to check to see if it's just gas or something more.

This is perfectly normal - did you ever read The Happiest Baby on the Block? That book tells alot of truth about infants and became by bible during my daughter's first three months of life. It offers lots of helpful techniques that might help your daughter when you need to set her down (i.e. swaddling, swing, etc.) Bottom line is that time will take care of this, I promise! My daughter was exactly the same way. She would cry when I set her down in the swing, in her crib, in her bouncy seat, you name it. If it wasn't my arms (or her daddy's), then she wasn't happy. Even when she was sleeping deeply in my arms and I would set her down, she would instantly start crying again. It lasted that way for about 10-12 weeks, then she gradually got better. I think this is common for some infants. I know how tiring it is, believe me I was desperate for some time to myself right at about 6 weeks, but I just got used to it and eventually she became less demanding. Infants are demanding (some more than others), but she will grow out of it just like every other challenging thing that she will go through in her young life. My daughter at 14 months still loves to be held. She would rather be held than anything else in the world! It is the place where she gets the most comfort. Again, give it time. Use your carrier alot (I know how badly my back hurt too). Sit on the couch and just hold her - I got alot of rest that way by using lots of pillows to support my arms and I would just lay on the couch and watch tv or read. Try the techniques in the book that I just recommended - they might help you too. Your daughter has entered a scary place and she just needs the comfort of your arms until she is ready to branch out a bit and explore her new world. Also, I made the mistake one day of letting her cry it out for a bit and she got really hot and sweaty and then got caught in her blanket so she was uncomfortable. From that moment on, I realized how horrible it is to make an infant cry it out. I personally do not recommend that approach at all, because frankly it will only teach her one thing - not to trust in you and the world she has been brought into. Continue to do what you are doing - give her as much love, care and comfort as she demands. You will not spoil her at this young age. The bond that you will ultimately create with your baby will be worth every exhausted and frustrated moment you have now. Take care! This too shall pass.

Hey Emily,
I just wanted to add my 2 cents if that's ok? Anyway, I believe that you should not have to carry your baby around the entire day. I believe you are the only one who can teach her how to soothe herself. She's waiting for you to give her a routine. I believe it's you're job to let her know when you're going to hold her and when you're going to do other things. In our society we usually have plenty of kid stuff to keep our kids occupied while we occupy our time in other ways. I agree that you should retrain her by letting her know it's ok if she plays on the floor. Do that by playing with her on the floor. It's ok to sit in a walker, do that by hanging out with her while she's in her walker. It will take patience however, if you don't teach your child how to become independant you will have a very needy person for the rest of your life. Does this mean you completely ignore her. Nope, this means you give her her time (which may be 75% of your day) and you take your time to take care of all of your other responsibilities. I also believe your top priority should be taking care of yourself because if you don't you won't be able to carry anyone or anything. I strongly encourage you to spend as much time as you feel appropriate to reconnect with yourself and also with your husband.

My third child, and first girl (now 3 yrs), did exactly this same thing!! I thought that I'd have it ALLLLLL figured out by the time number three came along, but ooooooh no!

I finally called my lactation consultant sometime around that age asking, "IS THIS NORMAL?!?!" She reassured me that it was and encouraged me to just be patient for as long as I could.

With my first child, I was really determined that I had to do this or that and he'd have to learn that Mommy had to have time for chores (or whatever). I would put him in his bouncy seat and then let him cry a little, come back (I was no more than a few feet away, never out of sight) & love on him, and do my thing again. I'd repeat this frequently and sure enough! soon he learned that he could sit by himself for periods of time. He's now a healthy 9-year old boy who's precious and loving!

That said...HE'S NOW NINE YEARS OLD!!! What I wouldn't give to have that time back and just hold him and let my kitchen go a little messy!

With that perspective, when my daughter did this "I have to have my mommy" thing, I gladly (after checking with my lac consultant) sat back and just vegged on the couch, sat in front of the TV (if I needed distraction)...let the kids do whatever (within reason) to keep everyone happy & blissed out for a couple of months! My 3-year old daughter is now a precious, loving child...who has no time to sit and let Mommy just hold and kiss on her!!

Just a quick note: please research Babywise very carefully before reading and/or implementing anything. You can just google the book or the auther. There are books out there written by people more qualified (with some similar concepts, for sure). I was a BELIEVER for my first child and then started researching. Decide for yourself. I have friends who swear by it, but I encourage you to really look into it. It's not just his ideas, but his character that's in question (that's always a red flag for me), by Christian brothers/sisters using godly & biblical principles for disputes. Just something to think about!

That's just my $.02!
N. in WY

Good Morning!
There is a great book called Baby Wise and it is a kind of eating/sleeping schedule, but also it talks about the attachment issues. I was super blessed to be able to put my daughter in the swing and get stuff done. This book definatly helped.

T.

my daughter was super clingy too. she always wanted me to hold her. it was exhausting. i finally started giving her time to "practice" beign on her own. basically start out small, two or three minutes, put her somewhere she can play safely like her packa dn play and just let her practice being out of your arms. at six weeks there aren't many entertaining toys, but you can try a mobile or even music. it takes a while, but eventually she'll realize you'll be back to get her. try talking to her while she plays and you do something else like fold laundry near her. most of this is just your daughters temperment,and she'll outgrow most of it. my daughter still gets clingy at times and gets scared of new people, but she's 1 1/2 now and pretty independant. as your daughter gets older, or hey even now if you want, make lots of playdates. she may want to sit on your lap the whole time, but just seeing other kids playing may help her relax when she's a little older. you might look for a mommy and me class that you could do even now. i know the pikes peak east library has a free mommy and me class once a week. i'm not sure when it is though. good luck.

It's hearing your heartbeat and scent that is soothing her. Babies think they are part of you until about 6 months old when they learn they have some control over their body. Try recording your heart beat. There are recordings of heartbeats at baby stores and then cover the player in one of your just worn shirts and put her down. Hearing a heart beat and smelling you could do the trick. Good Luck!

Have you tried swaddling her? Try swaddling her with a blanket that smells like you and put her down befor she falls asleep. At first she might fuss but she will learn to self sooth and in the long run will sleep so much better.

She's probably colicky (whatever that means,right?). My baby was like that. She never slept unless she was on me or nursing. This went on for 3 or 4 months. I felt like I had given up my life! But I pretty much let her take the lead on how much she needed from me and, frankly, she's the most independent 18-month-old I know. And she's been that way since she was probably 9 months old. I don't know what to tell you, but don't believe that because she clings now that she'll ALWAYS be like that. I have to keep a hawk-eye on my little girl or she runs off without me in any situation. The attachment parenting crowd would tell you that this is because she gets what she needs from me, so she's confident. I tend to think that she was born independent and would have been that way no matter what I'd done in the beginning. Kids are resilient and hard to mess up (if you're a basically conscientious parent). Do what comes naturally. Colicky babies need lots of soothing. People who don't have the resources to do that end up with a screamer. Since she's your first, you can stave off the screaming. So, in a way, it's a blessing that you CAN wear her and walk her a lot. I know that's an exhausting perspective, especially when you have your first in your 30's like we did!

My main thing is: this will pass! It's a very short time. I know that's hard to imagine right now, but you'll be surprised how short the time is that she's little like this.

Hi M. - I feel your pain :) Any chance your little girl has a medical issue going on? Perhaps acid reflux? How are her feedings going? Had similar problems with my daughter, though not as bad as it sounds like you are having. Could also just be a bad case of colic, which unfortunately, you just have to wait until she grows out of. My daughter also had colic pretty bad. I would recommend talking to your pediatrician if you haven't already....if there is nothing medical to be concerned about it may just be time to let her start crying for 5-10 minute spells at a time to get her used to being away from you. Super hard for mom and baby, but necessary sometimes....:( Good luck!

Hi M.,

I would say that you just have to let her cry. It is going to be heart breaking, but this is the only way you'll break her habit of being held all the time. I had to do this when my oldest son was about 4 months old: one day he decided to cry when we put him in his crib and would not go to sleep. We would go check on him, but he got into the pattern of "if I cry, they'll come see me"! So one evening, we stopped going in his room. He cried for maybe one hour or so I think, but then fell asleep. It was so difficult for me to hear him cry and not go hold him (my husband had to stop me a few times!!!). But you know what? The next night, my son fell asleep right away.
Your child is very young and now is the time to set the good habits. We've always put our kids in bed by 8pm since they were born, and never have had a problem really. So set your rules now, and if you need to let your baby cry, do so but make sure you are near by to check on her without her seeing you.

Let me know if this works!
A.

I don't know what age she'll grow out of it because part of it is her personality. I have a baby girl (8 weeks) that is carried around on me in a carrier much of the time. She doesn't have problems laying in a "chair" on her own for little periods though. What type of carrier do you have? I found that the sling/ring carrier is harder on the back than the asian-style that I use. I still have back pain but it's not bad.

Every baby is different. Your six week old sounds like she needs alot of you - pretty normal. I've parented using the attachment parenting now through 3 kids. Infants don't need independence - they are completely dependent on you for everything. There will be time for that when they are older.

Think of this as a season in your life. It will pass. I found that if I took short breaks - go get coffee, go to Walmart - while Daddy was at home with the baby, sure made me feel better.

Beware - I've found the more ME time you take, the more ME time you think you deserve, which is counterproductive to parenting.

if you do not stop carrying just to have the child stop crying at this point you will be doing the same for the next two to three year's. children learn at a very early age, i.e. within the first 4 week's what attract's attention i.e. crying, yes this child will cry for up to an hour to an hour and a half but will learn that crying will not get being picked up at every sound, how do you get any house work let alone any down time. you are not doing any justice to you or other family member's by picking the child up at every sound of want. children learn to use this as a mommy training tool and from what you have written it has worked very well, you are learning. Our youngest grandchild at age 2 still sleep's in the bed with his mom and dad because of this very thing and he is still nursing because of crying tantrum's as well. he also cry's at the daycare for about an hour until he realizes the the provider will not give in to his carrying wishes, their are 4 other children in the daycare as well and grandma doesn't pick him up at every cry either, I never did it as our children grew up and I won't do it now for any of our 8 grandchildren, when their hurt or ill that's different, much different. if you do not begin now to change, think about the future and other's who will be around this child.

I am assuming that she is your first child. It seems that she has gotten use to being held. It won't hurt to just let her cry. After a while of doing this she won't cry as much. Infants that are held almost all the time get used to it and feel that they have to be held all the time. When you let her cry try putting on some music softly so that it can be heard if she is quite, she might quite down enough to hear the music, which to her is checking out the different sound. God Bless, and good luck. I hope this idea will help you find some down time.

Hi M., my name is Shelley. My son Colton did the exact same thing and unfortunately it didn't stop until he was almost 4. He had alot of ear infections and when he was three and a half I decided that I wasn't going to put him on antibiotics anymore and sought a specialist who put tubes in his ears. It really helped him sleep better and he seemed way more comfortable. Maybe you should have her ears checked?.. We also live in a high elevation area and I always thought that might have added to his discomfort but I don't really know if either of these things had anything to do with his not wanting to be anywhere than in my arms. I also tried everything...let him cry, had someone else hold him, put him in the swing etc. etc. I too suffered with no sleep and also had a 1 year old boy to run after so I feel your pain. I was lucky and didn't have to work during this time so was able to just be there and I just made sure that whenever he did sleep, I did to.....no matter how many dishes needed to be done, or laundry or any one of the thousand other things Mom's have to do. I also think that by comforting him and letting him just work through, it helped make him the awesome boy he is now. I couldn't ask for a more secure, happy boy...so hang in there! So sorry for no "super great Fix" but you are not alone with this problem. Please remember to love yourself too and take the breaks with your baby, even if it is sleeping with her... just get rest, it helps the most. Hope this at least lets you know that it does get better as they get older!

All the moms have great advice, I haven't really had needy children. I just have a lot of them, one thing that works in my house is to tell the baby that "mommy will be right back" or "I am here I hear you," and I even sometimes sing to them while I am getting stuff done, if they are crying I wait ten minutes before I go pick them up, I make sure they are not hungry or wet, I snuggle them then put them back down, I repeat the process everyday and increase the time I make them "wait" all the while talking to them, I actually do this from birth, but it might work in your situation, she isn't too old to "learn". This started as a necessity in my house, I just couldn't be everywhere all at once. Good Luck!

You could try short stints of having her lay on the floor or in a swing with you right there and talking, singing, or playing by her. The MAGIC thing for my son is/was MUSIC. I played Josh Groban all the time. It was so soothing to him. In fact I still put a Josh CD on continuous repeat each night for him to sleep with... and he will be 4 at the end of April! He can sleep with out it but it is a good habit for us.

It is a hard thing b/c you don't want to have her be distressed while you figure out what will work-- for your sake you'll need to find something!!

Also-- it is ok for you to let her cry while you load or unload the dishwasher, take a shower, change some laundry, etc. You can also think of crying as her little version of exercise! She may need a bit of a workout... :)

Good Luck Mommy!!

EDIT: I just read a response about possible acid reflux. That is such a good idea!!! I had A.R. as a baby and my son had it as well. There is a simple fix that I found out about with my son- Maalox or Mylanta!!! The dose that was noted for my son was 1/4 of a teaspoon- 2.5mL! The greatest part about it was that I could give him LESS THAN HALF the dose for it to work. I just gave him 1.0mL (the teeny-tiny syringe from the pharmacy) before he ate and it was AWESOME! And if you only use part of the dose you can ALWAYS add more if it seems like she needs it! Of course check with your Ped to ok the med for her but- wow it made my life so much better!!!!

EDIT2: I held my son all the time-- it didn't hurt him at all. My son co-slept, had a pacifier, was breastfed & bottlefed, I carried him constantly, and never let him cry himself to sleep. I am the text book (well, according to some) "What not to do" parent. But my son is great and I have no regrets about his babyhood! You do what is best for your family!!

try lying her down with something you have work like a t-shirt or a pillowcase or putting her in a swing, on top of the dryer in her carseat, someting that is a stimulant that will disctract her from not being attached to you. You may also just have to let her cry a bit to get used to the idea. Just set a time (like 10 min) and if she is still crying after that just pick her up. You will go crazy if this goes on forever. good luck

I am an "old" mom. My children are all grown and I had six of them. No, it is not the usual thing for a infant to be held all the time. You may need to try some little tricks like warming her cradel, Putting a clock where she can hear it tick and having soft preferably easy listening classical music on for her. Before she was born she heard your heart all the time, she was sunggy warm and the sounds of the world were muffeled. If you will wrap her snuggly like they did in the nursery (do they still have nursery's, my daughter had rooming in.
You're right you do need some rest. If these ideas do not work, give the Doc a call and get some more.

I did the same with my son when he was a baby. I loved being next to him all the time but found I created a habit for him that was hard to break. The first case of tough love.
As soon as he is asleep I put him in his crib, I found the mats that have things hanging over the baby helps entertain them, but at some point it is a matter of them crying it out a bit. I could never let him cry to hysteria but definitely tried to get him used to being on his own a little. I never put him in a room and shut the door, couldn't bring myself to do that one but would put him where he could hear my voice or see me, putting music on helped. Good Luck! S.

I would talk to your Pediatrician. She could have reflux or something that when she is in motion isn't causing her pain. Also make sure she isn't just gassy a lot. I wouldn't continue to do it though as yes it is hard on you and she will develop a big time dependency on it. I say select time frames, like thirty minutes every few hours holding her, you can reassure her, be where she can see or hear you but don't cave into the constant screaming if she just wants to be held. It is hard at her age she is so young, I would really ask your Dr and see what he suggests too. I can say I held my daughter a lot when she was a newborn, my son was a snuggle baby too and about after two months both got a lot more independent. Maybe try a swing that moves if she likes movement, calm comforting music? Hang in there that has to be tough!

Hi M.!
I want to encourage you to continue your efforts with attachment parenting. It can be really tough, but the positive affect it has on your baby cannot be matched with anything else. What kind of carrier are you using? I used a ring sling the first 7 months for my daughter, and have since found a wrap, and it has been a God-send, I love it (and no back pain! and I have chronic problems with my back). As far as sleeping, we found an unusal arrangement in those early weeks- I filled our jacuzzi tub 1/2 way and turned the jets on, I moved my rocking chair and computer into the bathroom (it was quite tight) and I worked on the computer while she nursed and slept. Now, this may not be for everyone, but it worked for us. I was willing to do whatever it took to meet ALL of my daughters needs. Maybe rocking her will help with you getting a break and her napping. Maybe while she is awake, you can play with her on the bed, side by side, maybe practice some side nursing to show her that it is okay. Play with her on the floor for tummy time, doing these things with her will help to show her that she can do it on her own, when the time is right for her.
I live in Longmont and would love to get together (maybe I can show you some other baby carriers, too). It is a lot of work to practice the attachment parenting principles, but I truly believe that it is best for baby, and you, although it may not feel like it now.
Lastly, I am featuring a movie, What Babies Want, at my house tomorrow (Saturday) and would love to have you join us. You can find out more info at www.naturalchoices4baby.com and go to Movie Events tab.
Good luck!
H. Gaitten

HI, my opinion is you need to retrian your child. You have her trained that she knows if she cries long enough you are going to pick her up. So she equals crying to attention. The best way to do this is put her on the floor by you and play with her. Pick her up when she is smiling and happy. If you set her down and she starts crying just sit in front of her and talk to her, give her toys, and play. Do NOT pick her up. Sorry I had to go see she is only 6 weeks. If you need to leave the room just talk laoud so she can hear your voice. As soon as she stops crying go and pick her up. This will take a little while to do but 6 week olds learn fast. After while you will be able to leave her for longer periods. If you only give her attention when she is happy then she won't need to cry for your attention. Also learn to anticipate her needs feeding, changing, and such. Hope that helps.
J.