My 8 Year Old Constantly Loses Things!

Hi J.,

I completely agree with some of the other posts about getting ready for the next day the night before. It will be so much less stressful for you and your son. Having a stress free morning could set a tone for the rest of the day, and we know that stress and attitude can manifest in certain behaviors...like losing things.

I also agree with the other posts that positive reinforcement is a good approach. Yes, there need to be consequences for his negative behavior or irresponsibility, but he also needs to know that he can overcome this. I struggle with my husband losing things, breaking things, etc... It may sound silly, but he struggles with the idea that he can change/learn. He was told all his life how irresponsible and annoying his habits are. It is really hard for me to make up for that kind of treatment he received as a child.

The more can you can to help him be organized and the more encourage and love you can give him the better. What's interesting is that my Mother-in-law is not an organized person, and she does not keep a clean house at all. She could have spared him some damage to his self-esteem by recognizing her own faults....

Stop cleaning his room! He is old enough to clean himself. Go in there with him and teach him how to go about it. (First pick up dirty laundry & put it in hamper, then pick up toys...) It will take some time, but he must learn responsibility for those things. He is the one to make sure they get put where they go.
As far as loosing things, some people just don't get over that. I am constantly asking where I put my keys or sunglasses. The thing that helps me as an adult is to have 1 specific place where I put things. Then I know where to look. (It has to do with my mind going from thing to thing quicky. Not ADHD but I don't 'have time' to be bothered with things and set them down where ever. I have had to train myself differently). Teach him to get in the habit of doing these things for himself.

My daughter is also 8 and used to lose things a lot. What I have found is that the best thing to do is establish a routine. When we get home, shoes come off at the door, and that's where they stay until we go out again. Backpack has a spot in her room, coat gets hung up -- it's the same every day. She knows that library books go either on a certain shelf in her room or in her backpack. Hair accessories have their own drawer in the bathroom -- and that's where she puts them before bath time. It was difficult at first, but now it's become a habit for her. I've started doing the same with my son who is going on three, and the daycare has exclaimed already how wonderful it is that he always takes his shoes off as soon as he enters the house! I know this doesn't solve the loss of everything, but it has definitely helped us out a lot!
Another note -- I used to lose stuff all the time. A great way to remember where you put something you lose often is to say, out loud, where you are putting it as you do so. I got into the habit of doing this whenever I set down my keys. It got pretty funny when I would say "I'm setting my keys on the bathroom counter" if I had to go before we went out or something. But, it came in handy when I was trying to get the kids out the door to school -- it's as if hearing it helps you remember. Maybe your son could do the same.

My boys are younger and say they loss their things all the time- I make them pay me (a quarter) if I have to find there things. As for lossing things forever-Have him start paying for his own stuff- You buy the first pair of shoes and he buys replacements shoes, same with glasses or library fine and books- He has to learn that he has to take responsibility for his things and maybe he will cherish them more if he is paying for them.... I would make him make the purchases- Make sure he knows it is his money- If he continues tell him he has to go without-(I know that the glasses he really can't go without or shoes) you could make it a little miserable for him like having a pair of really ugly shoes and broken taped glasses on hand the next time he says he can't find them. Explain to him if he can't find his good things he has to wear the old ugly stuff. I understand how frustrated you are with it.

Also when he gets home you could ask him for his things that you spend the most time looking for and just put them up for the next day- If it is shoes or a coat and he still need them for playing or being outside give him the ugly ones...

Just ideas- It is hard, my boys are only 2 and 4 but I have noticed that my 4 year old is already better at finding his own stuff when I tell him he has to pay me to find it or replace the things himself if he losses or breaks his things.

I allways make sure I give them good praise, but I really think there a consequences and they need to learn them. I also help my son to prepare for the next day the night before if I know that we have a lot to do in a little time the next day.

>library books
We keep all library books on top of the TV so they won't get lost. The kids can take it to read, but as soon as they're done, it goes back ontop of the TV.

>shoes
We do a cubby shelf in the laundry room for shoes, too.
Buy yourself a second pair of cheap shoes (his size) that you keep on the top shelf of YOUR closet. If he can't find his shoes, let him borrow your spare pair. As soon as he gets home from school, he must take them off and hand them to you. You put them back on the top shelf of your closet.

Have him do a job as payment for borrowing your shoes. This'll give you extra time to find his real missing shoes. Remember - the extra pair belongs to you, not him. You can get some tennis shoes at Payless for $13--cheaper if you buy 2 pairs of shoes at the same time.

>glasses
That's harder. Does he hate his glasses? Might he be losing them on purpose?

I suppose it could be haunted, stranger things have occurred in the world, but chances are, it is just "his"way. My suggestion is not fight it, but do things to control it. Get him his own cubby in his room.Label it.Help him to put things in it as they need be. His library books, homework, toys, so on and so forth. Have him put things in it immediately after school.Go with him thru his back pack as soon as possible every day. Get him a "cool" eye glass case, sturdy but not dorky, print his name in it, with phone number.Put his phone number on a tag on his coats and sweaters and such(they say don't put names on them, I think this is an alternative).
In other words, put in to effect things that will help him instead of hoping it will end "someday" or get better. Eventually, of course it will when you put things into practice for the problem that he has. Good luck :-)
Ya gotta love a challenge !!!!

This may or may not help you I was tired of finding my kids things in the morning before school I make them bring me their shoes the night before Their library books are not allowed in their room and all of my kids wear glasses and when not on there face they are on my mantle if he only needs them for reading he might be able to keep one set in his desk so they are not traveling back and forth less chance of getting lost that way

Just a little thought, when he leaves the house, have him check with you and show you everything he has on him. Then when he comes home, check to see that he still has it all. If he doesn't, make him go back where he came from and go get that item. It may be a bit tedious, but it is a very natural consequence and will help him learn that it wastes his time to leave things everywhere, rather than yours.

Hi J.! I had a child who lost thing all of the time. One winter it was 3 coats after the third he was done and had to wear multiple layers on colder days, but we were heading to spring! Luckily he didn't need glasses until he was older! The good news is they eventually figure it all out.

My suggestion is to have a designated reading area. The glasses and books would have to stay there. Eventually you could let him move with the books so long as they were returned to the designated area. Unfortunately we turn into the police. Another suggestion is to make sure he knows where the books are before he goes to bed, bush teeth, lay books,glasses, shoes and clothes out for school. You deserve some sanity too!

Lastly for behavior each child had a jar with $2.00 of nickles in it each week. When they didn't follow through or behave they had to take a nickle out of their jar and put in the family jar. At the end of the week they got what was left in their jar. They did not like to take money out of their jar at all.

I hope this helps.

A little about me, I had 3 children in 3 years and my last graduates from WHS this spring.

I'd like to see the responses to this. My husband, sons, and even myself lose things, too. I would love to know a remedy! I figure it's CRS (can't remember s**t).

I don't know if this helps in any way, but your story reminded me of myself as a child. My mother (she had 7 children) was so sick of me losing things and not knowing where they were that I started missing out on whatever it was I was headed to. For example, I wouldn't know where my soccer cleats and shinguards were and she would take me along to everyone's soccer games, and I could even go watch my own, but I could NOT play. I was not even allowed to borrow my sister's gear. I was punished for not taking care of my things. I guess it really worked because I am now a mother of 3 (4th on the way) and my house is very organized. Everything has a place and I always know where to find everything. The good news is, this could be your son someday too!
Good luck!!

Oh my Gosh, I have CRS too!! My husband teases me about it all the time, but he has CRS and I just let it go, because it's usually that he can't remember that he didn't tell me something when he thought he did. No sense in arguing. Anyway, to get to your situation; although I think there should be consequences for some of your son's actions, it could be something he just really can't fix at his age. I love the advice about keeping a spare pair of shoes that he can borrow from mom. My kids haven't really had this problem, but I am going to keep that little bit of info in the back of my head in case it ever pops up. For now, my kids know to take their shoes off before they reach carpet, then they take the shoes to their special drawer in their room. I am home with them, so I usually watch to make sure it gets done. Also, I think working off the money to pay for library books is great, however, right now he is 8, and I don't think using his birthday money to buy new glasses was the right thing to do. That should have been kept separate from the situation. I have a grandmother who still likes to send me money for my birthday, and I use it to splurge on me. I don't get to do that often, and that's what she sends it for. I would hate to have to use it to replace glasses. Forgive me, but that's what insurance is for. Especially since he is still a little kid. You know he loses them/breaks them whatever, so maybe you should just make sure you have really great vision insurance. When he is old enough for a real job, then he can spend his hard earned money on replacing lost things he needs. For now, you are his mom, and although doing well at teaching responsibility, there are still things parents should be responsible for until a certain age. This is just my opinion, and you can take it or leave it. Good luck!

I don't know if this will help, but my girls are very bad about leaving their stuff all over the house and not putting things where they should go. We started putting a paper on the fridge every week and each girl starts with $5. Every time we find something of theirs where it shouldn't be they lose a quarter. They get to keep any money that is left at the end of the week. It worked really well with them. Maybe you can alter this with your son be deciding on a place to put everything. If something is not in it's place he loses a quarter. Good luck.

Hi J.. I am thinking maybe some positive reinforcement might help. Your son is so used to losing things that he has no confidence that he can keep his things in order. I think it is good that you make him pay for lost items, so he understands his responsibility. Now focus on the positive. Each time he remembers to put his shoes in the right place, praise him and let him know you know he is capable of taking care of his things. If he has to go to school one day without his shoes because he can't find them, I think he will find a way to keep them close, especially if he misses recess! Just be sure to let him know that his shoes are now his responsibility and you have to let go of the results. Your car leaves at a certain time for school, and he needs to be in the car with shoes or not. Don't jump in and help him. He will get the hint. Be sure to praise his good behavior! His confidence will rise when he finds himself being responsible for his own things.

This worked well for my daughter. I just had to learn to let go and let her make her own mistakes. It was a long journey, but now she is a responsible teenager.