My 3 Year Old Is Still Not Ready to Potty Train

I read somewhere recently that the average age for boys to be fully trained is 39 months. Probably don't worry.

My two oldest sons weren't ready until about 3.5 - they're ready when they're ready. Dr. Brazelton has a really good book on potty training (you can probably get it from the library, it's been around for years) that lists the signs of readiness. When they're ready, the transition is fast and easy. When you push them too soon, you can find yourself in a power struggle that, IMO, is not worth the aggravation.

Wait. My DD was 3.5 and once she was ready, it happened pretty quickly. I had tried at 2.5, 3 and then between 3 and 3.5 she seemed ready again, so we tried again and that time it worked. My DD is slower on physical abilities, so I'm not really surprised.

ETA: I know that a lot of daycares get their 2s trained, but some kids seriously aren't ready and it becomes someone else reminding them vs them really knowing when they have to go. My friend's son was trained earlier...and she spent a lot more time with the reminders til he was 3+. So was he trained or was she? Kudos to those with kids who are really trained, but I discussed it with our pediatrician and she agreed with me. Some kids ARE NOT ready and I don't want anybody to feel shamed because their 3 yr old isn't using the potty yet. Now, that said, if he's pushing 4 I'd start to get concerned. But at 3, I wouldn't be. So go ahead and get a potty and let him check it out, but don't worry yet.

I would wait until he is 3 1/2.

Boys mature slower than girls.

Mine & most of my friends' boys were not ready until 3 1/2.

BA,

I would google "toilet training signs of readiness" and see what matches up for your son and what's missing.

With my son, we tried right after he turned three. He had most signs of readiness, except he wasn't interested and the potty we had wasn't comfortable for him.

At 3 years 4 months I decided to dig in, because he was starting preschool the following month; they did take kids who were still learning, and I felt it was time to get the ball rolling. Simply told him that he could choose cloth diapers (which we had-- we'd been using disposables) or big kid underwear (padded trainers) and we inherited a Boon potty bench, which was more comfortable for him. After a week, he'd had just a handful of accidents, which he really didn't like, and was more or less responding to his body's cues quickly. We still used paper diapers (not pull-ups ) for outings, but he made the switch pretty quickly. Two months later he was insisting on underwear at bedtime and has had maybe two accidents since then.

Here are a couple links, just in case you want more info:

I liked this one as it's thorough (I've written readiness assessments for this and like how comprehensive it is:

http://parentingpreschoolers.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp?...

and another simple quiz:
http://www.health.alberta.ca/documents/AADL-Toilet-Traini...

Hope this helps.:) And worrying doesn't do anything, so if you think he's checking out on the list, try it. If you are meeting a lot of resistance or he's just not interested yet, it may be worth waiting a while.

Personally I think a three year old soiling himself is pretty gross so I would do it sooner rather than later.
Of course the fact that he's older will make it harder, because he will likely be more stubborn. But I would still work on it.
Don't ask him if he needs to go, just take him. Every half hour or so for the first few days, then stretch it out. Praise him when he goes, and don't make a big deal if he doesn't. Just shrug your shoulders and so oh well, maybe next time.
Just be very consistent and matter of fact about it. Ditch the diapers and don't use pull ups. When he wets himself he needs to put his clothes in the sink, wipe himself and put on new clothes.
You can buy into the whole "lots of kids aren't ready" argument but that's just not the reality around the world. Our preschool worked on potty training in the two's class and ALL of those kids were trained by the time they went to the three's class. Yes, some kids truly have special needs or other delays but most kids do not, they just don't want to stop playing.
Do yourself, and most of all your son, a favor and train him!

IMO three is old enough. Ditch the diapers, put on the underwear and good luck. Plan on staying home for a few days. Do not be angry when accidents happen. He will get it.

Wait. They can't be "trained" - they have to be interested as well as developmentally ready (meaning their brain gets the "full bladder, head for the bathroom" signal.

There's nothing magic about "3" - a lot of kids are closer to 4. Remember that he is developing and growing in other areas, mastering important skills. Celebrate those, keep him in diapers or pull ups, and relax. When he's ready, he will let you know. You should have a potty seat available and a couple of books about using the potty, just for his interest and education. You'll probably start with him sitting down, but keep in mind that a lot of little boys like to aim for a square of toilet paper or a couple of cheerios floating in the toilet.

If you're outside in a semi-private area during the good weather, don't be averse to letting him pee on a tree now and then, unless he's in full view of the public! Learning to have fun and learning to aim are important skills. Also be sure he sees his father or another family member peeing in the toilet so he knows what it looks like. I still remember being so frustrated that my son didn't "get it" - I finally insisted that my very private husband take our son in the bathroom and I remember the squeal of delight with my son shouting, "Wow! A WATERFALL!!!"

It still took a while for him to be able to do it himself, but everyone (friends, pediatrician) assured me that I couldn't control potty training, any more than I could control sleeping or food preferences. Just keep offering opportunities but don't try to force it. I promise you he will not go to kindergarten in diapers.

Don't worry! My son was two weeks of being four before he was completely potty trained. Once I chilled out about the whole thing, he did it on his own. It will happen, just be patient Mama. :)

My answer would depend entirely on whether or not your child has developmental delays related to a physical disability or a neurological disorder or both. If your child is typical, then I would encourage you to be firm in leading your child in toilet training at this point since child-led toilet training is a non-starter. Make the toilet and underwear the only option. Don't rely on your child to remember to use the bathroom at first... they're children, not tiny adults with the built-in knowledge or instincts. They have to relearn how to pay attention to this aspect of their bodies again (they knew as newborns, we just taught them to ignore it by forcing diapers on them).

If your child has developmental delays, then I would be firm but gentle in toilet training, still taking the lead but allowing your child to set the pace. In this scenario expect frequent regressions.

In both scenarios, don't turn it into a fight or power struggle. Don't punish for accidents. Subtle praise and weekly rewards for accomplishments would be appropriate, more often if there are developmental delays.

My son was 4 before he went on the potty regularly.

And he's still in a pull up at night. And still has his share of accidents during the day (he'll be 5 next month).

You can't train em. All you can do is wait until they are ready.
Any "training" you attempt, is just them training you. Trust me...I fought it for year. :)

Not enough info. to go on. Girl or boy? Does your child try? You might want to talke to your ped about it. There can be physical reasons a child can't keep their pants dry, so it appears like they aren't ready to be potty trained. It can be weak muscles or internal deformities.

this is such a generic question....

are you one who will force him because YOU think he's ready (or others tell you he should be), or are you one to trust him and your instincts and go on his timetable?

we can't answer that for you.

ps - as a mom, you're going to worry, either way. just thought i'd let you know that lol.