My 3 1/2 Year Old Has One Tone, Scream

You and her father must decide to teach her the difference between her "indoor voice" as speaking quietly so she can be heard in the she is in close contact with you or her Dad. And her outdoor voice, when she can be loud with restrictions. should only be used in emergencies as when another cannot speak for themselves.
Hope this helps.

K.,
I have two boys 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 both very loud especially together. We work with them but they are so young that they forget. What we do is say their name, usually loud or they can't hear us, then whisper to them to use their inside voice because their are other people that are trying to talk and they can't hear when they are that loud and have them look around at how many people their are and that seems to work for a while then they have to be remined when the volume picks up again. This is when we go out to eat.
We also go over the rules before we get out of the car.
At home when they get loud we basically go the same thing but remind them we are all right here they don't have to yell.
I also have done where we practice the different volumes so they know the difference I tell them what is your loud voice and they do it (with no problem) and what is your inside voice and they talk real quiet then we whisper. Sorry this is long hope it helps.
C.

MM K.,

explain to her that we use our loud voice when we need help,You can also show her how loud noises scare animals and others, wont stop over night, but with gentle reminders it will help some. also when my my ped. patients are scared I will lower my voice so they have to concentrate to hear me.

We taught our little one about "inside voices" and "outside voices". The inside voice needs to be quieter than the outside voice, and then just a gentle reminder when the loud voice is being used inside that inside is the place for the inside voice.

My daughter went through a period of nagging and loud temper tantrum in public. I had to tell her that others were watching her and liked to see little girls happy, but not screaming. One day at the store she just fell in the floor and started a temper tantrum and I just kept going not letting her know I was watching her but said, "You are embarissing me." After that one instance, she changed and really realized what she was doing. Your daughter is of an age she could understand if you explained to her. You could possibly do a role playing with one of her dolls and have one loudly screaming, maybe that would help.

Hi K.,

I am going to assume you are talking about your 3 1/2 year old. I have a daughter the same age who is quite loud and spirited also. Sometimes what works is whispering to her whatever behavior I want her to modify. Other than that, I haven't found much else that works. Usually kids are loud because they are excited and still learning about indoor/outdoor voices. Good luck!

L.

I notice when other kids are at our house they seem really loud. When our 2 year old screams I start by covering her mouth, then say, "Shshsh, you'll wake up the babies!" or "Princesses don't yell, they talk nicely like this." It must be because I'm always asking my kids to quiet down in the house. I really can NOT stand lots of noise and chaos, so I pretty much expect quiet in the house. No, not SILENT, just using talking voices. Screaming is for outside. Just remind her of that when needed, it will help. My kids range 2-18 years and I still remind them all the time, but they are VERY well mannered-or so I'm told-when visiting other people's houses. A friend's mom told my 10 year old twins at their last sleep over that she loves having them over because they don't act crazy like the other boys that were yelling and running around.("use inside voices" is how I've heard some people say it). It's a matter of good behavior and respect for others. You're not squelching her spirit in asking her not to yell, you're teaching her manners! She can have joy in life without being annoying to everyone around her. Teach them when they're young!!!

My son is the same age - he can't quite hit the upper octaves that a girl can screech at but he does get to car alarm level. Ironically - he is AFRAID of loud noises like vacuum cleaners, lawn mowers and even loud toilet flushes.
I have had limited success with "inside voice" and usually end up yelling "No Screaming!". But - if there is a baby, dog or other animal around I will tell him "Shhhh...you'll scare the baby/birdie/puppy/bugs!" And he is usually much more careful of his volume while the cute creature is nearby. He's an only child so it only works when we're out, but I figure it's a start.

Have a talk with her in private about her speaking voice. Many moms have used the terms inside and outside voice. When she is too loud you can quietly remind that she needs to use her inside voice.

If she is screaming to get your attention, you can remedy this by telling her that you don't understand her when she scream. Then explain that she needs to use her inside voice for her to communicate with you. If she persists, give her some time out. When you sit her in the time out ask her to think of a better way to talk to you. She will get the message real quick when she wants something that there is a better way to get her message across.

Read raising your spirited child -best book ever

It will sound crazy but start whispering back to her. You will stop nagging and she will learn that to hear and talk with every one else that she needs to bring the volume down. It works in classrooms and with my little one.

hi~ i am responding from the perspective of a middle school teacher. so, i don't have actual experience with this with my own child (he's only 8 months old). but, i have found that keeping the volume of a classroom down really helps to put out other behavior problems before they even happen. at the beginning of the school year, it takes a lot of reminding about 'inside voices' and 'appropriate classroom voices'. and i have to remind them every single time. by the start of the 2nd quarter, i rarely have to remind my students of inside voices.

so, i think as the other woman said, ya just gotta keep telling them all the time about inside voice and think of it as an investment. i do think, from a behavioral standpoint, that it is VERY important to teach children about appropriate volume for inside/outside. having been in houses with screaming toddlers, it creates a stressful, out-of-control, environment, and that's no fun. it really is a 'top-down' sort of behavior to nip, which will make other behaviors easier to deal with.

i hope this helps~

Sounds JUST like my 5 year old. She's exuberant, that one. When she gets loud, which is often, I answer her questions at the same decibel she asked it in. So when she says, "MOMMY, GUESS WHAT I DID AT SCHOOL TODAY?!?!" I respond "WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?!" in my best lifeguard-yelling-across-the-pool bellow. It makes her laugh, but also reminds her that I'm only a foot away and she doesn't need to yell.

Dear K.,
I have a lot of experience with this one.
I have two words for you.....which your daughter will learn at school when she starts if you don't get her on that track now.....
"INSIDE voices."
It's totally fine to yell and holler and screech and shreak while you're running around the back yard at home, even on the playground at school as long as no one assumes she's being killed or something.....
But otherwise,
In the house, in the store, in church, in class, in the car...
We use our "INSIDE Voices".
Even sometimes, when you are at an outside family gathering, or a bbq or birthday party, even though she is outside, she still needs to use her Inside Voice.
I don't know your daughter but I have known many children like her....I don't think she "forgets" other people are around. She KNOWS other people are around and being loud is her way of making sure they know SHE is around.
The thing you need to express to her is that when she is being loud when it's not appropriate is that people do not listen to her. They are too busy trying to plug their ears so they don't have to hear her at all. The whispering technique works miracles. Start with you and your husband whispering to each other. You can't hear anything anyone is saying if you are screaming your head off. And at that age, trust me, she will be intrigued. Tell her you cannot hear her unless she whispers. Now, she doesn't have to go through the rest of her life whispering or never laughing out loud or anything like that....but you have to let her know that she can whisper what she is feeling and that the screeching is a shut down. The other part of the equation is being sure that you take her somewhere, at least once a week, where she can scream and screech and be shrill to no end and get it out of her system. Then once you get back in the car to come home, it's back to inside voices.
She's 3-1/2, so if you start working on it now, you won't have problems when she starts school. It's possible she would outgrow it on her own, but I know of a kid who was still shrieking in the 2nd grade and she was disruptive in school and no one wanted her for sleep overs or birthday parties. Other parents couldn't take it. And neither could her peers. There was nothing mentally wrong with her. She came from a nice family. But her parents never sat her down and said, "This is really annoying and you have to stop it." She got attention, but not the way she wanted it. And guess what....all it did was make her LOUDER because no one wanted to pay attention to her. And her feelings were hurt.
Try the whisper thing.
Try reading books with her before bedtime in a whisper.
If she shreaks, book is done....lights out. Goodnight kiss. You love her with all your heart but you cannot "hear" her when she is being loud.
It works.

LOL..... Just learn to ignore the chalk board effect... My little chatter box just won most talkative in her senior class and had the lead - The Cat in the Hat in her HS Musical Suessical....

Don't break her spirit - - - she will go on with that spirit and do amazing things that will make you very very proud... My daughter will be attending UC Berkeley in the fall...

A stranger told me once in a restaurant not to break her spirit and I am glad I listened...

Enjoy your beautiful daughter - they grow too fast.