My 12 Year Old Being Bullied at School

i would try to set up an apt with his teacher let her know whats go ing on. if that dose i would talk to the principal.but sometimes it will take of its self. tell him that to hang in there it will get beter .i know i was bullied a lot in school and it is not fun.and tell him not to show the boys that he is upset they feed of that.best of luck J.

I agree.....bullying is not tolerated and in fact can end up more serious than just being pushed on the playground. I too would call the principal and set up a formal meeting to discuss the issue. Also the parents of the other children should be notified but I would ask the principal how that should be handled. You may find once the parents have been notified that it isn't acceptable by the parents of the kids doing the bullying. I know if my child were bullying kids I as a parent would want to know.

Good luck!

I would contact that school so fast. I would not at this time contact the parents, that is the schools responsibility. If it keeps up I would contact the parents. BUT I would suggest to the school that my son does not want those boys toknow that you called the school but they have found out through other children that was concerned. You also need to tell them that it would be in the best interest of the shcool to contact those other parents. I myself do not let anyone attack my children (15,13,6) Its the school responsibility to protect my children while they are in there care.

Hi S.,

Hooray for your son for telling you what happened!!!!! Good job!!!! He needs to know that he is NOT the one with the problem. It is the bullies that have the problem. They are the ones with the low self-esteem. They are the ones who think that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to make someone else feel worse. They think that if they hurt your son that he is going to be quiet and not tell anyone. WRONG! Hooray for your son!!! You and your husband are your son's defenders and advocates. Time to be heard, not be quiet. Your son and both parents need to talk to the school counselor, the school principal. Tell them that THOSE 3 boys have a problem and THEY need to get over THEIR problem. As someone else said, if things don't get addressed, go to the superintendant, go to the police. (Keep a level head. Sure you're upset but you don't want the people who are suppose to help you concentrate on your behavior. At our school district a family got nowhere with the school administratrion. They seemed more involved with the emotions of the parents of the child who was bullied than addressing the issue of the bullying.)

Make an appointment for your son and both parents to talk with a police officer anyway and have a chat about your son's rights. Knowldege is power. You don't necessarily have to file a complaint. I'm not sure if they can tell you if these boys have been in trouble before since they are minors but it will give the officers a heads-up. They might give your son some ideas as what to do if such a thing were to happen again. Always nice to have the police for friends.

As I said, knowledge is power. Go to your local library or research bullying on the internet. The school counselor might even have some books on bullying. (Something I've been thinking of doing.) Learn about why people bully and how to protect yourself. Being protactive will teach your son to be proactive in protecting his rights, his confidence, his self-esteem, and it will broaden his knowledge. He will have the knowledge and experience to protect and defend himself and others in the future. Nothing wrong with that.

I think everyone should learn self-defense. You never know when during your life you may need to protect yourself. It might not even be against another human. It'll keep you agile and strong which isn't a bad thing either. (Physical therapists use tai chi to help those who've had strokes to regain their balance.)

Tell your son not to let anyone else change the way he feels about himself if it is anything but loved. He is a wonderful person. He sounds like someone I would want for a friend for my children. If someone does something that hurts his feelings and he didn't do anything to harm them, tell him to stop and think: I am someone worthy of love and kindness. If that is not what he is recieving then he needs to remember that it is the other person with the problem. He's not the one with the problem. Someone else is having a bad day and needs to get over it and change their attitude. If they are having a problem, they need to fix THEIR problem and not try to drag everyone else down with them. If a person is happy, they don't try to make others feel lousy. Have him think of himself as a knight in shining armor. His armor is his self-esteem. He uses it to protect himself. Don't let anyone try to take your armor away. Be proud of yourself. You are a wonderful human being. Choose to love yourself. You are the only self you have. Be proud. Head up. Chin out. Big smile on your face. Who loves you, baby? Lots of people do, that's who. Look at all of the people who answered your mom's request. Lot's of people from all over the place. People you don't even know care. Who loves you? WE do! (He won't be familiar with that saying, "Who loves you, baby?" It was a line used by the character Theo Kojak, played by Telly Savales, in the detective television show "Kojak" during the 1970s. I'm not using it to tease but as a form of endearment - some boys might not like to be called "baby." Think of it as a cool word.)

Your son and his friends can be bully prevention advocates for the rest of their school. The 3 boys who attacked your son probably bully others too. Here are some more resources:
http://www.adcouncil.org/newsDetail.aspx?id=98
http://www.mcgruff.org
http://video.aol.com/video-search/query/tag:"McGruff...
http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200611/20061109/slide_200...
http://www.challengeday.org/

Bullies depend upon their victims to be quiet. If those guys bother you again be loud. I'm thinking if you become the one who is vocal, if you are loud enough for others to hear, if you make them aware that they are the ones with the problem, they will leave you alone. I'd check with the police or school counselor first though. I've never tried it myself. If they pick on you, say in a voice loud enough for others to hear, "What's wrong with you today? What's your problem? Do you feel so bad about yourself that you think you need to pick on someone else? That's not going to solve your problem. If you have a problem, I'd be happy to help. Otherwise, control yourself. Grow up." They might laugh and call you names but it might also embarass them and they might walk away. Be loud enough for others to hear but don't call them names or tease them. Don't turn your back on them but do walk away to an adult/to the school office and tell someone. I'm not sure if what I put in the quotes is a good idea so check with someone else who would know, like the police. The police know how to behave around dangerous people. But definitely DO NOT BE QUIET.

All the best to you. Good luck!
Maureen

Hi S., I teach 5th grade and would recommend that you tell two people, the homeroom teacher and guidance staff. They could keep an eye out for further problems and help your son deal with the issue. If things get worse, be sure the principal is also aware of the problem. You should ask for a copy of the schools harrassment policy. I would also keep a personal record of dates and events, if it continues.
Good Luck and tell your son to stay positive!

NO! Do not keep it to yourselves! I had this problem with my 12 year old & my husband did not want me to do anything about it, but I went to the principal anyway! The school will take care of it, and if you don't get any response from them, go to the superintendent & if no response from him/her, report it to the police. There have been way too many things going wrong when action is not taken, whether it be sending a child to the hospital, suicide or a child taking matters into his/her own hands & getting in trouble for it. Take action now! The kids will not retaliate if they know they will get in more trouble for it.

As a parent and someone who works in a school. You need to talk to his teacher(s) and the school administration. There are laws now that schools are to deal with bullying. It is a hard thing to do.
If you don't notify the teachers and the school administration then they can not help.
Most school districts have specific rules about how they are going to handle bullying. If they do nothing, it can turn into a discrimination or a harassment case in the courts. If this happens the school district is held responsible and they do not want this.
I have had to deal with this myself. We notified the teachers and the administration. It stopped for sometime then started again. We had to repeat the process several times, then the police were brought in and the bullying stopped. Yes, it was difficult for sometime but it turned out that my son was not the only one being bullied. After sometime other children started to report being bullied and it was more than just our child that was reporting the events to the school.

S.,
My son is 10, and had an incident at school also. I am a big volunteer at his school, and went to the pricipal's office and told her what happened, and she took it from there. She called the parents in, along with their son, and us, and had a really good talk. His parents were appalled by what their son had done,and made us feel comfortable, knowing that they would be on top of things with their son, from now on. After all this, my son and Kyle became friends. It worked out better than we expected.
I think nowadays, kids get away with alot, because of the discipline issue, and kids are growing up alot faster. But, when we all sat down together----it showed the boy, that we all knew what happenned, and he was called on it, but we also got to show him how his actions hurt-----------and that it was not "cool", and it got him nowhere. Good luck to you Kim

we ahd something similar happen with our 11 year old. When we went to the school and told them (supposedly they have a 0 tolerance policy for bullying) then said not to contact the parents. They really didnt do much of anything else. Thankfully it was the end of the year and theyre all in different classes. Your poor son, I really feel for him. Tell him to NEVER be afriad to talk to you or the teacher. His safety comes first! Do whatever you have to to keep him safe (compain, make calls, whatever) Good luck!

Hi S.! My name is Tisha and I have 5 kids, 12,11,9,5,3. We have run into these problems, too. I don't go to the parents because my theory is that if the kids came from good homes, then they wouldn't be picking on other kids, so the parents are probably no better! I think you should go directly to the principal of the school. You are your child's best advocate! The principal is paid to deal with the parents of these students and he/she should know how to handle this situation. There is no reason your son has to go through this, so you should really stand your ground. Unfortunately, it's a very hard world for kid's to grow up in these days. Tell your son that this is the best option, because something has to be done. The bullies are not going to go away unless you do something. That's my advice and good luck!!!P.S. My husband is a Guidance Counselor in and urban Middle School and this is how he said you should handle the situation.

This was clearly a very frightening incident for your son, and he was very brave to be honest with you about what happened. Please tell him that you are proud of him for breaking his silence and talking about something that was probably terrifying and humiliating for him. By speaking out to you about the truth, he has taken the first steps towards making the situation better, and maybe helping other kids.

Sadly, if this situation is not properly addressed, school could become a "bad" place for your son, not a place of learning and socializing, as it should be. I think it is extremely important that you report the incident to his teacher and to the principal, and possibly also the guidance counselor. The appropriate people at his school need to know that the school has a bullying problem, and that they MUST take steps to address the problem, so that all students can feel safe there. You, as a parent, are instrumental in ensuring that school officials do the right thing here. Going directly to the parents yourself is a little dicey, especially if you don't know them. Some parents respond poorly - or are totally unresponsive - to another parent who calls them to complain that "your child hurt my child", even if it is true. Your best bet is to have the appropriate school officials take the following steps:

#1) contact the parents of the bullies and inform them of what happened, and what steps they need to take to support the school's Anti-Bullying policy at home. It is important that school officials explain that failure of the parents and their kids to comply with this policy will result in disciplinary measures, and eventual suspension or expulsion

and

#2) Talk to/counsel and - in this case, since there was physical violence - discipline the bullies separately/individually (not as a group), and enforce a No-Bullying policy school-wide. Verbal bullying is bad enough; physical violence inflicted on another kid is intolerable, and potentially criminal. If the school balks at this, remind them that physical violence is considered criminal in our country, and subject to prosecution. And since the incident occurred on school grounds, the school could be liable as well.

The best way to ensure that these necessary steps are taken by school officials is to make it clear that you need to be kept in the loop during this process. I.e. that they need to keep you informed of what steps they are taking, and when they have taken them. It is imperative that your son be safe at his school. We have all seen what happens when bullying is left unchecked in our schools. Either the bullies or the bullied eventually lose control, and the unthinkable becomes reality.

Bullying is a very serious phenomenon, and it needs to be taken seriously, not brushed off as "boys will be boys" behavior. When adults teach boys that it is acceptable to use physical violence, we all are at risk.

Good luck in dealing with this very complex and difficult issue.

My son was bullied in his old school. It's a hard situation b/c he doesn't want you to make him look like "a tattle tale". I told my son to speak up to them. ANd let the teacher know. I also started a journal of the events that would happen. I then took the journal to the principle b/c nothing was being done about these few boys that liked to bully the kids. I aslo contact the families on my own and we ended up discussing the events. I wish you luck.. and I do feel your pain. As a mom you want to protect your son... but, it's so hard to do so if he is in school and out of your care.

I would call the school asap, your son is in danger of this happening again and it could be more serious the next time.
I would ask to talk to the principal though they will probably have you talk to the vp since that person usually deals with the problems...i am surprised that no-one else witnessed this, as there are always teachers out and about in the school grounds.
So here is what happened to us, my then 12 yr old son had been bullyied on the playground and on the bus, he was knocked unconsious on the bus and chocked till he passed out the 2nd time.
The 2 boys in question were brought into the school by their parents, suspended and told that the next time would be with the police dept and charges would be pressed.
These 2 boys did not go near my son again, but this had gone on for years as touting and push down's on the playground, it even was going on in boy scouts where when they all went camping, no-one ever wanted to sleep in the same tent as my son because these 2 boys were spreading false rumors.
It was an ugly circle.
We even put him in counsilling for that summer to help him get over it, he shut down, and was afraid to go out and dropped out of boy scouts.
Thats why i am pushing you towards dealing with the school first, they are trained for all of this nonsense.

Someone else had to see it happen, ask you son who else was near him at the time.
And also be prepared for it possibly being your son's fault on some level also but..... I think in this day and age you need to stand up for your kids, no one should promote for their kid to be a bully and their should be a consequence for this type of violence.
This needs to be nipped in the butt fast, i hope my comments helps you make a decision fast
L.

L.

S.,
My husband and I were discussing just this morning the increasing violence in high schools and colleges around the country as our 14 year old daughter comes home several times a week to communicate conflict between different groups and individuals at school. She, thankfully, hasn't been the victim of violence but sees or hears about it more often than not. I strongly recommend that you make the school aware of this incident and require the administration to take some preventive measures against this type of behavior. It needs to be addressed before it escalates into something bigger and we're experiencing more tragedy among our young people. As parents, we have to protect all of our children and it's a reasonable expectation to require that our children are safe at school. I would also request that the administration handle the situation in such a way that your son feels protected and not further victimized. If you have a relationship with the parents of the other children, it may not be a bad idea to make them aware of the problem but you should definitely document the incident with the school. Also use this opportunity to empower your son to speak out againt violence of any kind and fully understand that it's never acceptable for him to be treated that way. I strongly believe that if we don't teach our children early how they should be treated, we can inadvertently teach them how to become victims later in life. I pray that you and the school can work together to reinforce for your son that he absolutely did the right thing by telling you what happened to him. Please let us know how this works out.

Hi S.......it sounds like you have a precious son who doesn't want to get anyone in trouble. God bless his heart.
A couple of things I would like to suggest to you:
1) He probably has the type of personality that he'll always want to make " things go smoothe " in his life. As you and all adults know it doesn't happen that way. I'd teach him in your words that there are always going to be bullies ( I was one ) in this world but if we don't tell our parents or - and someone in authority we are allowing them to continue their behavior. Young bullies become adult terrors.
2) As a former school board member I did and still do find it outrageous that the monitors don't know anything about what happened. Not all but some find it a time of socializing and not watching the children. They are paid by your tax money to do this job for your child's safety. Suggestion: find out who the monitors are,were- names and bring them up before the principle. They need to made accountable for their NON-ACTION ! I am still very passionate about education and the safety of our children. I have 6 grand children now and my daughters don't give their precious ones over to the schools as they are very involved with all I've mentioned because of Mom knowing too much and them being put through somethings like your son. I'm sure you are doing a fine job with WOW ! four children, it's a full time job but worth every minute as one day your will look back and your chidren will remind you of things you totally have forgotten ( they become your memory) :<)
3) I would ask the principle if the parents of the " bullies " where notified and if not, why not!! Make sure you get the names and #'s of the parents for future reference that I hope you won't need. If they were not I would probably be the one ( you ) to call them as this doesn't seem to be part of the school's policy ( by the way, you have to have a school policy if you want to know what 's going on and if you want to disagree ). I really don't like all the new jargon but " being proactive seems to be what parents need to be for their children these days.
4) Find out who makes the policies for your school district. In Mass. it is the school board but in some states the authority is now in the hands of the Superintendent. Too much authority !! Make sure you get a policy every year as sometimes new are added and old removed.
5) It may be inconvenient by you or your husband should attend an open school board meeting now and then to see just who represents you. In my town the appearance of parents made shcool board members feel even more accountable to parents. If that is too much for one family ask your friends to take turns. We have elections for these people and I sure do wish more parents attended these meetings. We have ours televised live so that might be an option in your town.

I know I got very wordy and I hope your not confused or frightend with all this info. however, these are your precious ones and they need to know Mom and Dad are always going to be their biggest cheerleader.

I'll be praying for the results to go your way, P.

I too had a son being bullied, but it was on the bus. I tracked down who it was and went to the boy's house. His parents weren't home, but I had a good talking to him. He was in HS and my son was in Middle school. Another option is to call the school counselor. The counselor can talk to your son about the incident. And if it's ok, bring the boys who bullied your son in to talk to them (w/o your son being present).

As a middle school teacher I would suggest that you contact the school first. Many of the parents who would want to know if it were their child, have raised their children NOT to bully. If you contact the parents you may not get the answers you are looking for. If the school can mediate it between the kids that would be great. Does the school have a bully prevention program? If you speak to the school and it still happens(I should hope they'd do their best to stop it, but kids can be sneaky), contact law enforcement...if he is being hit he is being assaulted and that is against the law. Good luck!

Hi S.,

Well......as a mother of a child who has been bullied...here's my story and some of the things that I did. Since my son was bullied on the "special ed" school bus and at school, I called the school and scheduled a meeting with the school counselor and principal. I also wrote a letter to the superintendent of schools to notify him of what happened and that I scheduled a meeting to discuss a solution to this extreme problem. During the meeting, I asked them how they were going to make my son's life "normal" so he wouldn't be bullied and would feel safe in school. I would think, as the bullies did in my case with my son, that they probably told your son not to say anything or it would be worse "the next time". Oh, at the school meeting, I told the school administrator that I would be following up on this and that I expected the parents of the bully to be notified and that the bullying child would get the help he needed! To my surprise, the bully's parents were called into school. And, the bully was put on a behavior program. I have kept up with my "promise" to the school to keep a close on my son's environment at school and on the bus; and, the school has actually implemented programs in school for bullying, friendships, etc...

I have to say that I am certainly a "momma bear" (as I have been told by others) when it comes to my boys (9 and 6)...

I raise my sons to be respectful so I only expect from others what I give..respect!

I hope this helps...

Hi!
I am a teacher and I suggest you contact your child's school. Inform the guidance couselor of the situation and your child's fears. School is a place that your child should feel safe and the school needs to know what is going on if they are going to ensure that. The school has come across this problem before and should be able to handle this situation in a sensative manner.

I am so sorry that your son is having problems at school. You don't say if you know these parents or not. I would definitely talk to the school so they can watch the situation, if these boys bully your son they may others too. These boys need some behavior counseling and your son may need some to learn to handle this situation in a positive manner. It would be nice if he felt good about going to school :) Blessings on this matter.

Do NOT call the other parents unless you know them very well. You must contact the school immediately. Most schools have anti-bullying programs and policies. Notify your son's teacher but also call or email the principal, or guidance counselor if they have one. This is a disciplinary issue and the school is responsible for addressing it. They should ensure that the boys do not get back at your son for reporting it. If it happened on the playground, then other kids witnessed it. Failure to act just increases the likelihood that it will happen again. Your son needs to know that it is important to advocate for himself and for other past or potential victims. It is not a sign of weakness - it is a sign of self-respect and self-love, to not allow himself to be treated as less than he is. Let the school handle it, but insist on being told what their policy is and how they normally deal with these issues. They should also speak with your son. Follow up to make sure they do it. Good luck!

Please take this to the school immediately. Most schools and many state have rules against bullying. Although the kids are afraid to "snitch" often one visit to the principals office is all it takes.

I always ask myself this question, "Would I, as a parent, want to know if my son was doing something like this?" YES! I would!
So, you need to contact the parents and discuss what will happen to ensure that this will not happen again.

Hi S. ...
I think it's natural for your son to now be afraid. However, I think it's very important for him to understand that NOT telling makes it worse ... it sends the message to these boys that they can do WHATEVER to him WHENEVER they want without any repercussions at all.
I would assume that his school has a policy against this sort of behavior ... I would start there because it happened at school. Let the school mete out the discipline to the boys and find out if that disciplinary action involves telling the boys' parents.
I think for you to go to the boys parents may not do too much (especially if they learned that behavior at home!) You could just find yourself in a similar adult situation and get no satisfaction at all.
Again, I would call the school and ask to come in with your son to see the principal (or whomever it is at the school that handles discipline).
GOOD LUCK!
B.

Hi S., First thing I thought when I read your question was I would go to those boys and grab them up by their collar...etc. after I had time to think about it I realized that would not solve anything but my mother bear urge to protect her cub.
Bravo to your son for coming out with it, for his own self-esteem that is the first step to not letting anyone make a victim out of him.
Go to the school first, immediately. They may not deal with it in an ideal way at first...or maybe they will, but in any case you will be right there making sure that they don't slack off right?!
Talk to your son about ways to protect himself, both verbally and physically if need be...hopefully he will not have to use them but this will empower him.
And lastly, these "bullies" are just kids as well, they may not be provided the love, support and direction they need at home so unfortunately the school (their 2nd home) needs to set a good example and let them know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. After all school is practice for the "real world" they need to learn social skills in order to function as adults.
L. M

I find it sad that in this day and age we don't protect our children like our parents did when we were small. I'll bet our parents and grandparents never thought about asking advice about what to do, they just did it on instinct and acted on the childs behalf. We worry about getting someone in trouble or them retailiating or even being singled out as a trouble maker and embarrassed! We need to step up to the plate and be the parent our children deserve! Your child is only 12 years old, he doesn't know what is best for him, did we at that age. Of course you want to protect them (do you really think your son is the first person to be bullied by these kids?) Fear protects the bullies and permanently scars the innocent. We hear about school shootings or plans to do such things. They are sometimes done out of frustration from the victim, because they feel they have to take it into their own hands because no one will save them/protect them so they too can be children and just be, without fearing to go to school or an activity.
Go to the principal, demand that something be done especially since it was on school grounds, stand your ground! Tell them if they don't do something your lawyer will sue them! Give them a business card from your lawyer to prove you are serious. Now make a police report! yes that is scary isn't it, are you feeling a bit worried someone is going to be mad at you for doing that? Well what if those 3 boys go a bit further the next time? What if your son is killed or maimed out of their rage? Would it be worth it then, will you look back and say I wish I had...
Just recently in our school district, some boys lit the bathroom on fire, then one of these boys had a loaded gun in his locker! humm, do you really think this was the first time they were ever in trouble? Do you think anyone ever reported them for their behavior? Apparently no one wanted to make trouble and looked the other way. It is now a sad reality that this happens even in the small cities and towns. I have taken my children out of public school where anything goes and put them in a private school where they have a locked campus and accountability when they do something wrong. My boys are 11 and 13 now and I want them to actually make it to adulthood.
Please be the parent you said you would always be when your son was born and be his hero, his protector and he will be able to pass this on to his children when he is married.
I have been married 25 years and I have seen so much change in the public school systems that I become very passionate about protecting the children and want others to do the same. Be brave and set a good example for others to follow. If we all stand up to these bullies, who grow up to be abusers we can make a difference in someones life.

By all means, report these boys to the school immediately. I wouldn't talk to the parents directly, let the school take care of that. There are laws in place to protect our children from these bullies. Explain to your son that he would not want to see this happening to anyone else and that is why you have to report it. If left alone, things could get worse, with your son or with some other victim. These boys won't stop unless authorities step in.

My son was having a similar problem. Being pushed and shoved into his locker during the school day between classes and at day's end. I called his guidance counsellor and spoke with him. He was extremely helpful. He spoke with the principal and the boys were called into the principal's office for a "chat" with both of them. They were told that should it happen again, their parents would be contacted. So far it has seemed to work. It would obviously depend on who the boys were and whether they were "well-known" to the principal as behavior issues. Also a factor is how involved the parents are and whether the boys in question feel that there would be consequences at home if they were informed. It is so heartbreaking to see your child going through this. Believe me, he is not alone. Middle school is so difficult. Good luck.

Hi S., As a teacher of 12+ yr olds, I can tell you that when many of our students are faced with this same horrible situation, many react just as he did. I can not tell you what they must face if they choose to have an authority figure involved. So it's easy for me to say: take this right to the administration and don't let it go unaddressed at all. In fact I believe that you have recourse to go to the police for assault. Please seek relief from this. I am so tired of the violence going unaddressed!! Laws have changed recently that disallow students in our state to be suspended out-of-school except for near life threatening situations. This is a ridiculously dangerous time bomb that has been set in motion. The slightly violent students get the idea that it's ok because they do not receive serious consequences. The culture of violence then begins to sour the whole grade level or school. The new laws were for a good purpose - many students have no decent supervision when out-of-school suspended and thus fall into further misconduct. Also many parents who are doing a marvelous job are so hard pressed at work, the o-s-s can be financially crippling. Furthermore, the courts and juvenille facilities are swamped and doing a similar kind of sweep it down the hall motion for their overbooked case loads. Lastly, with budget crunches in our towns, finding the funding for alternate but in school settings for our repeat violent offenders is looking dim. In short I don't think parents know that their sons and daughters are attending school with some real "loaded guns" (substitute knives, fists, etc.)

I have an eight year old boy who has been having the same issues at school. I guess my question to you is do you know the parents? If you, i would talk to them, explaining the situation and that you would like to work together to fix it. That way the boys parents are not put on the defensive, cause you know how all of this can go. If you dont know the boys parents, i would schedule to talk to the principle to come up with a resolution plan that works for everyone. Your son should feel he can go to the teacher or principle whenever this occurs. If he is scared, go with him, even if the principle wants it to be without you, go and be an active listener. If you continues request a meeting with the school, his family, and yours and if a bus is involved the bus driver also. How this helps. Live for our kids is so hard but at least your son like ours know we are their for them. Take care, C. from New Hampshire

I too have a 12 year old who is picked on by a peer in school. At my sons PPT meeting I told the team about this certain peer and that I wanted it to stop asap. My son is passive and dosen't like to fight nor does he like to tell the teachers. Nobody has right to touch your child and my advise is to contact the school and put a stop to it. That is your right as a parent. if you feel the school hasn't done its job on addressing the issue then if you know who the parents are of those boys then yes go to them and put a stop to it........ I hope I have helped.

I have a 10 year old son and know all about the way kids feel if you say something to the teacher or parents. Of course you want to protect your son, but you also want him to feel safe to tell you things in the future. I would speak with his teacher, let him/her know of this incident but that you do not yet want the boys confronted about it. Ask that they are closely watched, that way if something else happens the teacher can catch it and he's not "tattling". Let your son know that he should tell you if anything else does happen and if something does and the teacher(s) don't notice or do nothing about it, then I would go straight to the principal and demand the boys be repremanded and the parents told about their behavior. I feel for your son and hope this was just a one time incident. Maybe you could think about signing him up for karate or something, not necessarily for fighting back, but to grow his self-confidence and if needed, to stand up to these and possible future bullies. My best wishes for you and your son!

Bullying is name calling, harrassing, when it gets physical its assault plain and simple. If these boys are assaulting your son they are or will do it to others also. Go to the school administration and give them ONE chance to end it, if it's not resolved, go to the police. Do not contact the other parents, let the school or police handle it. There is the potential for things to go very wrong if you try to handle it yourself. Violence in our schools has got to stop. Kids today are so de-sensitized to violence by way of video/computer games, tv and music. They think it's acceptable and no one tells the otherwise.......well its not ok.
Make sure you tell your son how proud you are of him for speaking up, it must have been very hard for him and he'll need you to truly understand how he must feel conflicted about the decision he made, and together you can help stop the others from hurting him and others. It may be difficult for him but school counselors should be able to help.
Like learning to walk, we can't pick them up every time they fall because we know they need to learn balance and pace. Sometimes we as parents have to bite our tongues and let our kids work things out for themselves because we know in the end, they will learn and grow from the experience, this however, is not one of those times.

This should be taken very seriously. Bullying is very serious and is not tollerated in schools. There are policies against this. I can understand your child being reluctant to wanting to say anything in fear of future incidents but these boys need to know that this is not acceptable behavior.
I urge you to contact the principle and set up a meeting to discuss the incident.
Good luck

I would act quickly and seek an audience today. Your son their sons their parents and law enforcement. Do not wait. If the school does not respond to your liking and speak to these boys and their parents you move up the ladder. Superintendent and Law enforcement should be made aware when it gets physical. Insist their parents be called. The proper apology is not enough when it gets to a physical altercation! I have dealt with a few principals that just talk to the boys and their parents have no clue. I say this after sitting on School Committee and hearing from parents who felt their childrens bullying was dragged out and not swiftly remedied. It is natural that your son does not want you to get involved. For obvious fearful reasons. However a zero tolerance of bullying is a great concept. In reality it happens and must be thoroughly addressed. The school safety officer needs to be notified and local law enforcement. They may know more about these boys then the school does. Good luck.

that is a tough one, I would start maybe by if he hasn't already, get him into Karate if you can.. you won't always be able to or he won't always want you to go to the teachers or parents, he should be able to stick up for himself, in the meantime, I would talk with him about it, but since not all parents care about their kids like you obviously do, I would avoid talking to the parents, as they might not do anything.... I would try and keep it between you and the school.

good luck!

D.

Goodmorning S.
If I were you I would go to the principal and telle them what hapen and let the principal handle it to me bully at school the 3 boys should be punish and the principal should keep an eye on your son so it doesn't happen again otherwice it will happen again H hope he doesn't hapve to walk home from school if he does you pick him up or have somebody pic your son at school so nothing happen to your son on is way home from or to school because these 3 boys will try to get him again. GOOD LUCK AND MAY GOD BLESS.

I suggest that you contact both the School and the Parents of these boys. As parents, we cannot take any incident likely especially our kids being bullied in school.

Unless you already know the parents, take it up with the school. Since it happened on school property the school is supposed to handle it. I would also arm your son with ways to verbally fight back...it doesn't have to be nasty or rude. Kids need to learn how to appropriately defend themselves. I'm not for physical violence, but I tell my son that if he feels he has no other choice to fight back. If he does then there's a good chance they won't bother him again...plus other kids will see it and be more willing to do the same therefore extinguishing the bully's flame.

Good luck!

Hi,
if the incident happened on school grounds, it would be between the school and you. Let the school handle the situation with their parents but ask the school how they will handle the situation and that you would like to know what actions will be taken. I had a friend who has a similar issue whereas the school had zero tolerance for bullying. The school did nothing to resolve the issue and became a real big problem between the parents. Also documenting your concerns/issues also helps. best of luck!

Hello S.,
As a 7th grade teacher, I recommend that you absolutely contact the school. I think that most parents would want to know too, but it might be better to let the school handle that (unless you are friendly with the parents). At my school, there is a very strict policy regarding bullying and this, unfortunately, is the age where it gets physical. The behaviors will only worsen in high school if the kids aren't dealt with. I think it is important that your son sees that "tattling" doesn't apply when someone, anyone, is unsafe. I wish you the best and I'm sorry this happened to you and to your son.

Hi, my heart breaks for you as well as your son. I have a 13 yr old son & an 8 yr old daughter. In my opinion, you should definately contact the school and have this incident addressed immediately. I don't know how well you know the other boys &/or their parents, but if you do know them pretty well and are on "good terms" I would also contact them as well. Wouldn't you want to know if your son was the "attacker"? I know I would. I also understand your son's concern about making things worse, but honestly, bullies feed off that fear and thats what continues to make them bullies. I have had a similiar experience with my son EXCEPT it was actually an adult who was doing the bullying! Nothing physical, but sometimes emotional can be just as bad. I contacted the appropriate administration, and also addressed the adult face to face. It did get a little worse for a while but then I filed a complaint to be placed in their employee file, had a meeting with the principal & staffmember and finally they backed off. It is unfortunate that we even have to deal with these types of situations, but we are the only TRUE advocates our children have. My heart goes out to all of you & will keep you in my prayers! Good luck - it WILL get better! :)

I agree with Kristi. Start with the school. They will have insight into the other parents. Some parents will be horrified and very willing to cooperate. Others will be horrified and defensive. Others will be just as aggressive as their children. You don't know what you might be dealing with -- the school probably has an idea. It's best to start with the school and go through them.

Optimally, the problem-solving will involve you, the school, and the other parents. If meetings occur on school property, that's neutral ground, and a sensible place to gather all involved parties.

I was bullied as a child, and no one did anything. I still remember how helpless that made me feel. Even though your son is afraid of the consequences, he'll appreciate your willingness to defend him, and, if all goes well, relieved to have you involved.

And, if the school isn't helpful and the parents are aggressive, you might need to consider changing schools. This would be the solution reserved for when all else fails, but it is a possibility.

When my son was the same age he had the same problem. I asked the school disciplinarian/principle to speak to all the students. Without singling out any victim or perpetrator, make them all aware that she knew what was going on and did not approve of it. This was a warning if it continued they would be punished. To all the victims, if they were still being victimized they could come to her and she would take care of the matter. This worked the harassment stopped and a couple of the students who had been taunting my child apologized. Good luck. AC

S.,
You definitely need to bring this to the attention of the officials at your school. When my daughter was 12 she and a friend were bullied by 2 girls on the internet and in school. When it was brought to my attention by the school, they gave me the phone# of the parent whose child was bulling mine at the mothers request. When I called her she tried everything to convince me it couldn't be her child. I stuck to my gut instinct and the school, who backed me 100%. To the point they suggested we involve the police, when that was presented to the parents of the bullies, the situation was resolved. Bulling should be taken seriously, if left unattended matters only get worse. Just remember to keep your cool as cooler heads do prevail.

Good luck,
H. B

Please call the principal or guidance counselor at your son's school. Not only is this bullying, but harrassment and assault. Chances are your son is not their first victim. Stress the fact that your son is afraid of retaliation form the boys. The school has ways of dealing with these things tactfully. If it comes down to your son's word against the other boys, at least these kids will be on the radar and will be watched.
I would definately NOT call the parents.
Good Luck,
M.

S.,

I'm a mom of 3 also but now have grandchildren you should definatly bring the parents of these bullies up to date and let them know what their sons are doing to your son. If you don't let these other parents know their kids will think that their getting away with bullying your son and it may never stop. And as for keeping it between yourselves and the school not a real good idea as some schools don't like to get involved past experiences here. So please tell these other kids parents and take it from there.

Sincerely
Jan Poole

i've been bullied at that age and just wait untill he is ready to tell u everything that happened n im sure this will work it just takes time