I am a mother my self of a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old but i have an 11yr old little sister and last night me and my older sister were going threw her cell phone and seen so very sexual conversations abut what the boy was gonna do to her and ho and vice versa i am confused i dnt know where to begin my mother is 50 and works 11 hours a day she does not handle this kinda stuff very wel or just wont be involved at all what should we do where do we begin anything will help . thanks everyone for your help but i forgot one thing she is very hard to talk to she is a very big liar and drama queen crys over everything and curses and all the above got caught smoking at 9 OK ONE MORE THING SHE WAS ALSO SAYING WHAT SHE WOULD DO TO HIM AND THAT SHE DID IT TO ONE OTHER BOY AND HE COULD BE THE SECOND AND I JUST DONT KNOW IF THAT IS TRUE BUT IT MAY BE AND ALSO IM 24 SHE IS 11 SHE IS MORE DEVEOPED THAN ME WITH 2 KIDS AND MOM IS VERY VERY HARD TO TALK TO SHE NEVER HAD THE TALK WITH US AND DONT WITH HER IS INVOLVED IN HER OWN WORLD
Well thanks everyone for your support i talked to my mom and she asked me to talk t my lil sister it had actually been going on for 3 months she was scared to tell cause the boy said he would take her in the bathroom in school and rape her well my mom asked me to goto the school and talk with them so i did and the principal found that this boy is in her class so she switched it and he had o have a parent meeting with the school board cause they were denying it but the principal showed her the text so she was just lying for him she said she had taken his phone from him 2 months prior wich was a lie i wish parents wouldnt do that but now everything is going better the boy and his mother now know that if he bothers her again he will have the cops called on him and the school is aware f the situation so everything is good so far thanks everyone again for the support
This could be a cry for help. she needs guidance, and not judgment. If you can not talk with her, find her a doctor or therapist that can before she gets herself into some real trouble.
What kind of relationship do you have with your sister? Can you sit her down and talk about this. Let her know that you are there and available for any questions/concerns that she might have? If you mom is uncomfortable with that kind of thing, your sister may not have anyone to turn to...be there for her.
It sounds like a cry for help, to me. Your oldest and your little sister are not THAT far off in age. If your mother is unable or unwilling to be involved in such a difficult situation, then you owe it to your little sister to have this conversation. Sit her down and just talk to her. You don't have to open the conversation with "I saw the texts on your phone." Talk to her about good choices and not getting involved in such risky behavior. Explain the consequences. Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open. Sounds like she is searching for someone to confide in and guide her.
Good luck.
The term is called "sexting", unfortunately it is common and frightening. She definitely needs to lose her phone privileges and not go over to friends houses and such. I would tell her school counselor, who can talk with her and keep a look out for any behavior changes. She needs to have the sex talk... again probably about how to respect her body and those of others and why this behavior is inappropriate.
Here are some links of things that can help:
http://www.modernmom.com/article-4762-are-your-teens-sext...
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2008/12/sextin...
Busted.
Remember the days when these were hushed conversations on the playground with giggles and snickers? And we could deny we EVER said such things when asked by parents? Or vice versa, someone went too far and it was too embarrassing to actually repeat word for word to an adult with a kind ear?
Kids today really need to get smarter about creating their own big brother paper trail.
Personally, I would talk with mom first... get her okay... and have a (or series of) sisterly chats on the horizon. See if it's just innocent school yard schtuff, or if it's instead something that's making her feel badly.
YOu are also a mom and I'm sure she looks at you as more than just a sister. You are an authority figure in her life.
I echo what the others are saying, if mom can't or won't then you step in. She is your sister.
I would inform the guidance councilor at her school and possibly the law. This person is not necessarily another kid! If he is informed enough to talk dirty and know what it means, he is either disturbed or much older than her! The law can have the phone records traced to verify the identity of the guy. If it turns out that he is a minor, talk to the parents or have the law or guidance councilor talk to them. This is sexual harassment and she is not old enough to know how to properly deal with it. It must be stopped.
If you feel comfortable talking to her, ask her if she has a boyfriend and how she met him. It would be hard to confront her without her knowing that you went through her phone, but at 11 years old I don't think she old/responsible enough to have total privacy. You must do something quickly before this escalates into actions instead of talk. (I would bet my paycheck its not another 11 yr old!) Please let us know what happens and I will pray for her safety.
What a great opportunity to teach the lesson: don't text/email or pm anything that you wouldn't be comfortable having your mom read!
Just tell her you saw everything.
Encourage your mom to get her on a restricted texting/calling plan. She's 11 for crying out loud! There should be about 6 or 7 people she is ALLOWED to call or text. She needs to know she was busted and she needs to feel that embarrassment.
Well fortunately I do not have a lot of experience with that aspect as God as truly blessed us with 2 really obedient children (17 and 10 both girls) However alot of childrens reactions to sexuality at that age is because of a very small margin of communication and lack of knowledge. Usually from a hard to talk to parent or lack of time to spend with the child. At any rate...unless she is punished and cell phone is taken away...it will continue to happen and worse yet she could get pregnant...I will be praying for you in hopes that your sister finds the respect within herself to do better.
Wow. Not something you should have to handle, but looks like little sis may need some interference run for her. Do you know the boy? I'm wondering how old he is. You might want to see if you can find out.
I'd sit down with her and have a casual but serious talk with her about guys and sex and diseases etc. I don't mean for you to scare her, but she's a little girl dealing with things she really doesn't understand. Help her to see there are consequences that can affect her the rest of her life.
Have you thought about talking with a school counselor or a teacher so they could be on the lookout? And please keep checking in here with us if you need help. We'll help you all we can. So glad you're looking out for her. But also realize, you can only do your best and you can't be looking over her shoulder 24/7. Best to you and little sis! : - )
show her (mom) the texts messages if you can, that way sister can't lie about it...did that with my step daughter with e-mail problems, she some how still convinced her mom that "someone tapped into her e-mail" lies very well to her mom, but not us, she still denies it, but she's starting to make hints of addmitting her faults, because we're not letting her live it down.
This could be my little sister. Mine is twelve. I haven't seen any text messages but have found condoms in her room and her friend's bag. Our mom is slow and just can't handle her. She also will defend her if i get on her for anything its so frustrating. She's also a drama queen a liar and curses all the time. Including in front of my one year old. I get on her all the time trying to turn her right but it's not working. She's just goes to our mom and overrules everything. Right now we all live in the same house because of economical difficulties and she makes it so horrible. She is always picking a fight with my husband. As i said my mom is slow. her mentality level is about at the same age as her twelve year old. She's so stressed out between the twelve year old and the seventeen year old(which is doing the same thing) that its effecting her health and sets her into asthma attacks. I have no idea how to help either of them. It doesn't help that both of my sister's are emotionally immature as well. anyone have any advice for me?
Definitely talk to her one on one to let her know you are there for her. Either limit or delete her access to text messages on her phone and please, please check her on-line activity (if she has any) on the computer - Facebook, etc. If she is already this open to sexually explicit conversations, her online activity NEEDS to be monitored to make sure she isn't vulnerable to on-line pedophiles/predators.
It probably wouldn't be too far fetched, either, to let the boy's family know what's going on with his participation in this, either. I'm assuming he's only 11 as well. If he's older, then, that's a bigger issue. You already have his phone number from the texts they've been sending.
Well this is your little sister... and since your Mom will not or cannot handle this.. you really need to... otherwise, she will be a very young sexually active girl... and get into possible trouble or pregnancy or STD's etc.
And, if no one intervenes or helps her or teaches her things about life and her body... then, she will learn it on the streets from strangers and not so nice friends. And you do not want, other bad influence kids... to 'teach' her that, do you?
There is also a good book series called the "American Girl" books, and it is very child friendly for both the child and the 'parent' to read through together etc. It has one about "the care and keeping of you" and good topics for Tweens.
Good luck,
Susan
