My 10 Month Old Wont Sleep in Her Crib

My oldest hated the crib and never wanted to sleep in it. She slept with us until she was 4 years old. I have NO regrets; I cherish the time when she was tucked safe and sound between her mommy and her daddy. If you are totally against co-sleeping for whatever reason, then I have no advice... to me there is no better feeling than having everything important in the world in one place.

Let her sleep with you in bed. Co-sleeping is a wonderful way to bond with your daughter and get sleep at the same time. You can transition her to a toddler bed when both you and her are ready -- but until that time, enjoy the time to snuggle and nurture. Most baby/mother pairs around the world sleep together during the early years of a child's life -- for some reason we are stuck on the idea of 'independent sleeping' in the U.S. despite its inability to work for some children. Letting an infant/toddler cry for 1-1/12 hours without being comforted -- no way! Read a little on attachment/affect regulation theory and your interest in that approach will quickly deminish. When a mother says "it was so hard for me" . . . well, yes! Because you are ignoring your instincts and the needs of your child.

I agree with you that a 10 month old is not ready for a big girl bed. I don't have an easy answer for getting her to sleep in her crib, but whatever you do stick to keeping her sleeping there in the crib. You are the adult and are in charge, don't let that change. If you let her start sleeping with you and your husband even once in a while you will be rewarding her behavior and putting her in charge. Three in your bed is one too many. It will ruin your marriage. In addition her discovery that she can control you will spread to other areas until she takes control of the relationship and decides all sorts of things - what to eat, when to sleep, as she grows up it will extend to other things as well. It is hard now, but maintaining now is easier than trying to take back control later and you have a responsibility to see to it that good decisions are made for her health and safety.

Ok, but it's hard work... Try putting her back in her crib after she falls asleep. This way she wakes up there and eventually feels comfortable and safe in her own environment.
Hope it works for u, saved me:)

How long did you let her cry it out? My daughter slept in her crib from day one and would wake up to nurse. However, closer to 9 months she started waking up every 45 min to 1 1/2 and the minute I would pick her up she would fall asleep. I just couldn't take it anymore so I had to let her cry it out. She would cry for 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours before giving up. If she went a 3 hour span before waking up then I would go in, if not then she would have to cry her self back to sleep. It was the only option I saw working with her. It was super hard on me though and I wished I had a bigger house so I could go somewhere and not hear her. Good luck!

I think her behavior is more due to separation anxiety and less because of the crib itself (or type of bed she is in). Around 10-12 months, infants start their first (of several) phases of separation anxiety; then there's another around 15-18 months... They hit a developmental milestone and realize that mommy and daddy exist somewhere else even when she can't see you. And of course she wants to be wherever you are....

I strongly discourage you from putting her to sleep in anything other than a crib. A crib is truly the safest place for her. And I'm not a proponent of 'family beds' (I personally think its dangerous for infants and toddlers; its controversial, but that's my opinion).

When my daughter was that age, I would put her on a baby blanket that was on top of a pillow (longways) on my lap, then rock and sing to her until she fell asleep. Deeply asleep. And when she was asleep, I would carry her over to the crib, gently lift her off the pillow, placing her in the crib. The pillow helped minimize her ability to sense movement/jossling while I was putting her in the crib. (Of course, don't leave the pillow in the crib.)

Unfortunately, you may have some choppy nights of sleep while she works through this phase. My experience has been that Cry It Out only intensifies separation anxiety and could extend it.

Here's some info:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-anxiety_145.bc
How should we handle nighttime separation anxiety?

Your baby's fear of being separated from you at night is very real for him, so you'll want to do your best to keep the hours preceding bedtime as nurturing and peaceful (and fun) as possible. In addition:

• Spend some extra cuddle time with your baby before bed by reading, snuggling, and softly singing together.

• If your baby cries for you after you've put him to bed, it's fine to go to him — both to reassure him and to reassure yourself that he's okay. But make your visits "brief and boring," and he'll learn to fall back to sleep without a lot of help from you. Eventually, he'll be able to fall asleep on his own.

Good luck!

Often at that age, little ones are learning new skills and are trying them out at bedtime, so it's harder for them to get to sleep. "Cry it out" is tough. One of the things that worked for us was going in every 5-10 minutes, laying her back down, and going out again. It's hard, but it should only take a few nights to work.

It would also help if she takes naps there so she knows that her crib is for sleeping.

Good luck.

This is the age when they start realizing they are dreaming and having little nightmares. My son had the same problem and whenever he would get in his crib he would start having separation anxiety. We modified our night time routine and added some blankets and stuffed animals to comfort him. I slept with his favorite blanket for a week to make it smell more like mommy. We were also having a hard time because the only way we could do it was to rock him to sleep and then put him to bed. Once we would lift him over the rail to put him in his crib he would wake up or if we did "trick" him when he woke up shortly after and realized we were not there he would cry. So we started putting him to bed while he was still awake so he would put himself to sleep and have no surprises. This is a challenging stage and the more you accommodate and let her sleep with you (I'm not saying that is wrong) but the more she will want to. So if your goal is to have her sleep in her bed then be creative and look at some ways to make that work. I do think it is a little early for a toddler bed, we moved our son when he was 2.

Good luck...I figure I'll get a good night sleep when my son is 30 :)

Hi J.,

You've received some great input already. I hope some of it is helping. Here are some additional things to consider:

*Your 10 month old is definitely too young to transition into a "big girl bed." It is impossible to keep her safe if she has the freedom to crawl out of bed during the night.

*Separation anxiety is real and begins to set in for most babies around 9 months...so you can see this current struggle as an indication that your baby is develpmentally on track!

*You and your husband need to decide what YOUR personal goals are for your baby's sleep. Every family has different goals. Defining your goals will help you determine which sleep training method and sleeping arrangement will be best for you. If co-sleeping works for you, that's fine. However, there are some drawbacks to co-sleeping...especially if your goal is to have your baby sleeping in her own bed and able to independently fall asleep. If you begin co-sleeping, you will eventually have to break that habit, too. However, co-sleeping is a workable option for some families.

*Remember that for most babies it only takes 3 nights to create a habit. If you've been getting up with her, or holding her to allow her to sleep for a few nights, you've created a new habit. However, it only takes three nights to create a new habit.

*Introduce a lovey, if you've not already done so.

*Because of separation anxiety, I wouldn't recommend a normal cry it out approach. Instead, I would recommend staying in the room. Go through your routine, put her to bed and then sit near the crib without making eye contact or interacting with her. She will cry and protest, but your presence will communicate that you there, she is fine and she can fall asleep on her own. The first night may take a long time, but the second night will only take half the time...the third night, even less.

*Gradually move your position every other night or so...further away from the crib. In just few days your baby will be able to sleep in her crib just like she did before.

I hope this helps.

A. C.
www.babyyouconsulting.com

Read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" By Elizabeth Pantley. She offers a variety of techniques and methods you can try that are gentle yet effective.

http://www.llli.org/Release/cosleeping.html
http://www.kir.org/babycontent/BABYCO-SLEEPING.htm

The co-sleeper crib is finally what worked best for me. I tried the put him in his crib and let him cry method because all my friends said that's what I just had to do! After all a long time of walking around all day like a zombie, my mother-in-law (foreign born) reminded me that only in Euro-American culture is this practice supported. Most of the world knows that it is natural for human mammals to nest together...isn't that why we got married? All other mammals cuddle together in their dens. We seem intent on teaching our little ones from a very young age to depend only on themselves because other people will only desert and disappoint them. Imagining that little one crying in the dark, in fear and longing, just makes me so sad...