For most of my life, my (May 9th) birthday has fallen extremely close to Mother's Day. My husband and I have been together for 6 years. We have a 2 year old son, and our second baby boy is due on June 29th. This upcoming Mother's Day (2011) will be my third Mother's Day as an actual "mother" and I have yet to receive a card or acknowledgment from anyone... my husband, my in-laws, or even my own parents. To this day, I have never been told "Happy Mother's Day" or even received so much as a bouquet of flowers to celebrate the occasion.
My husband oftentimes sends flowers and a card to his mother on Mother's Day (she lives 3.5 hours away from us). I think this is incredibly endearing, and I have no problem with it. However, he never gives me anything for Mother's Day. We don't even go out to lunch to celebrate because he says restaurants are too "crowded" and we've celebrated my birthday, so there is no need to celebrate Mother's Day as well. In this instance, are the children the only ones who give cards for Mother's Day? Our children are very young, so they have no concept of the holiday.
For Father's Day every year, I always buy a card for my husband (from our son) and sign his name and let him color in it. I also always give him a gift to say thank you for everything he does for our family and our children. For the past 2 years, my husband has received cards from his parents and grandparents for Father's Day with money in them to buy himself a gift. I think it's very thoughtful of his family, but I don't understand why I've never received a card.
I feel like my contributions to my family are being devalued because my birthday is so close to this holiday. I am a SAHM, and I work very hard caring for our child, and our home, and I have been put through a lot of stress lately as a result of my second pregnancy. Am I ridiculous to want to be acknowledged and appreciated as a mother? Should the husband buy a card for his wife for Mother's Day (from the children) if the children are too young? Should I stop buying my husband Father's Day cards and gifts from our children?
Exactly the same problem here. My birthday is May 19th, so my husband finds Mother's Day to be a total annoyance. I have never received anything special on Mother's Day, even though I've given him all sorts of "Daddy is Great" gifts over the years that took a lot of thought and planning. I've pretty much decided that if my Mother's Day is the usual on Sunday, I'm not making any more special efforts to make his day special, either.
I had the same problem, and than I sat my husband down and explained to him that I do not want fancy gifts or dinners out, that I just wanted him to think about me and have the kids draw me a picture or make me a card. I just wanted him to make some kind of effort to say to me "hey, you are a good mother". That was last year, and this year he planned nearly 2 weeks in advance and are having the boys make me some super secret gift and a special dinner. Sometimes we have to just tell our men point blank what it is we need from them!
you will be a lot happier if you metaphorically plant your own garden - instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
for years my husband would say
'your not my mother" well he finally stopped that. let you busband read your letter and all the anwser. good luck and happy mothers day. R.
My Bd is at Valentine's day, so I know how you feel!! My mom's BD is also around MD, so I am sure she can relate, too!!
I think you need to tell your husband how you feel about his lack of enthusiasm for MD.. You could do it before MD, although that might make him and you feel he is doing something as an obligation, or you could drop hints before MD, then if things don't change tell him after. I sometimes blatently drop hint (which I think my husband appreciates b/c it takes the guess work out of things) like, "I would love to have my nails done...you know, a gift certificate for a pedicure would be a great mother's day gift..hint..hint!!"
This year, if you don't get what you want, make your own mother's day. I'd start by asking him Friday or Saturday if he has planned anything for mother's day. If not, then does he plan to make plans? if the answer is still no, then I'd TELL him what the plans are (include him as needed!!). "I'm taking the kids to McDonald's for a special mother's day pancake breakfast, then we're going for a walk in the park. When we get back, I am taking a long bubble bath and YOU are going to help the kids make mother's day art momentos for me. This is my day and I intend to enjoy it."
You need to tell your husband how you feel, or he'll never know. If you keep everything inside, he won't know to change and you'll just grow to be bitter.
I know how you feel. My birthday is May 6th. When I was little I thought it was cool to have Mother's Day so close to my birthday. Now as an adult ..not so much.
My in laws are very sick and not really able to have company for more than an hour. We have 3 kids its just too much for them to handle. Our kids are well behaved. However they are kids and can be loud and argue among themselves. Which can be hard on my in laws. Men can be clueless sometimes when it comes to that type of stuff.
I will send you a message on Mother's Day and wish you Happy Mother's Day. You are doing a GREAT job. Being a mom its a 24 hr 7 day a week job..without pay. Ugh!
No you are not ridiculous. Its important to be acknowledged. Well Happy Birthday also.
You have to remind your husband here of the Mother's day thing. First you celebrated 3 mother's day, but you were busy the first 2, either you were pregnant, dealing with a baby as a first time M. and the 3rd mother's day, you have a toddler and pregnant again, so be patient with him. It might surprise you, but he may actually have never thought of giving his dear wife a mother's day card in the heat of everything, so remind him you would like to be considered as well.
As for your inlaws not doing it, that I don't know their reasoning. Since your birthday and Mother's day fall around the same time, it's possible they don't have it on their radar or you have not made a big deal of it.
No, do not stop sending Father's day cards either. It will get better over time when the light bulb goes on in his head and the kids get older. Yes, you deserve to be recognized as a M....
PS: You've only been married 6 yrs, so I am sure before the kids, it was all about your marriage together, so he is still young at this routine...remind him.
Don't give him anything or do anything for Father's Day and see how he reacts.
Its not your fault your bday falls so close to MD. You should tell him that.
http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2010/10/22/1083-coffee-and-tea-... - tips on how to get your husband to realize that making a fuss over your birthday and Mother's Day *is* something he needs to do. :-)
My birthday is on May 9 also and we have always done just a combo mothers day / birthday with our family...usually a lunch or something. Now that my kids are older they make seperate Mothers Day cards and usually make me breakfast that morning.
Motherhood. Sometimes it's a thankless job.
No, you're not wrong for feeling like you do, but if you don't tell anyone how you feel, how will they know? Try dropping a hint this year that you'd like a card from the kids. Maybe a little "Remember the card ME and the kids got YOU last year, honey?", "It sure was nice, I bet!".
As far as the in-laws, don't worry about it, you're kinda stuck there, no way to really sway them, just work on hubby and the kids this year.
You are not being ridiculous. Our son was born in June and for Father's day a week later, my husband got a cake and a card. It is pretty thoughtless to say the least but sometimes I guess you just need to tell your husband what you want. You could either wait until the day and after opening your bday card and gifts say, "where is my Mother's Day card now?" or you can tell him tomm that you hope he has planned something special for you since you are now a mother and have been for over 2 yrs! If he still does nothing, there would be nothing for him on Father's day for sure! Not sure why his parents wouldn't be sending you a card. it is really thoughtless of your husband, I am sorry. Happy Mother's Day!!
I think you simply need to tell your husband that you would like to be celebrated as a mother like all the other moms on Mother's Day. If you help him realize that it's just as important to you, I'm sure he'd be willing to do something special.
Remember that he's not a mind reader. Men need to be told how we feel because that's just how they are. Sorry! And Happy belated Mother's Day!
I agree with the others on being direct with your husband. If he doesn't do anything, do something special for yourself. When my first mother's day went unacknowledged I decided to create my own tradition. I figured it would be meaningful and makes it easy for everyone. Mother's day I get a plant (I like the parallel to mother nature) and father's day is a poem for dad (which completely melts his heart). Just a thought.
I won't tell you what my hubby does because it would just make you feel bad. In reading your "so what happened" I would now suggest you skip Father's Day this year. Do absolutley nothing like its just another weekend. See how he handles that. If he says something, say, well, you're not my father, which is your point for me on Mother's Day, so I thought we could treat both holidays the same. And then be done with it and accept you have a crappy husband when it comes to this. OR...I'm a big believer in telling people exactly what you expect. So sit down with him about 3 weeks before Mother's Day (or any holiday or bday) and say "MD is coming in 3 weeks and I want you to get me cards from the kids, new earings (or whatever) and I want to eat out at my fav place, so start planning for this now." If he then doesn't do anything, he's HUGELY disrespectful of you and if it were me, I'd be reviewing my whole relationship. I wish you the best and hope it gets better for you!!!!
Well, sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It seems your in-laws haven't given their son any 'home-training' as they say, and yes, it is absolutely his responsibility to see that your children acknowledge you on Mothers' Day! The main problem here is that your husband seems really insensitive and selfish. Too crowded on Mothers' Day? Fine, let him find a sitter and take you out the Friday or Saturday night before. Or he could say, 'hey honey, I've got the kids for the afternoon. Go shopping, or to the bookstore, or a movie with your friends,' or at least get you a frickin' card!!
My opinion: You should give him one more chance to get it right by making it really clear (no hints-- then he could say he didn't get it) that you expect to be acknowledged this Mothers' Day. And you don't have to be aggressive or mean about it. Just give him one or two options, things you'd like to do, even if it's by yourself. And the part about his parents? Don't even get me started!!
Please give us a follow up post and let us know how it goes! Happy Birthday! Happy Mothers' Day!
