Does Your Husband Honor You on Mother's Day?

I would be thrilled with that! A normal day so far for me. I am meeting my own mother at my sister's house later and we are ordering Chinese food and watching a movie.

wow, I totally didn't expect some of those answers. It doesn't matter if you are not his mother or not, it is a special day (yes we should be appreciated every day, not just on mother's day) and it is nice to see how people appreciate us. I am sorry he didn't do anything for you and responded this way in front of you. My dad has always given my mother a card and a small something to say thank you for being such a wonderful mother to my children. I am sorry again that he did this. I hope next year is different! and by the way, Happy Belated Mother's Day!

He got me flowers, my Mom got some from him too. Other than that, nada. But it's the thought that counts and I'm happy he thought of me. My daughter made me SO many things LOL so cute!

My husband is working, out of town, all i got was a "happy mothers day" in text form. Thats o.k.. He shows me every day how he appreciates me and brings me little things for no reason all the time. The pressure is not "on" for either of us to give a big gift or any at all. Sometimes we give each other nothing. One time i got him the zeppelin box set for fathers day. One year he got me a lifetime membership to a gym(its what i had been hinting at) some years nada. Its ok.

If he never honored me that'd be a big deal.

My husband texted me 'happy mothers day' to which I replied, 'I am not your mother'.

I think he should coordinate my kids honoring me for mothers day, but he should be doing something for his mother.

But alas, all I go was the text. NOTHING else. Except for the awesome gifts the kids made in school for me.

The fact that he coordinated your son's gift-giving and card-making IS honoring you and appreciating you! Sorry, but I agree with your husband.

You're not his mom. And why let one silly day cause so much angst? Is he a good dad/husband the rest of the year? Didn't he take you to brunch and help your son make a card? Sheesh!

My ex used to say the same thing to me -- you're not my mom. So on the few occasions where he did say it to me, I would remind him that I wasn't his mom!

When I did have a husband, he helped the kids buy things when they were little. But I got nothing from him. No biggie. Don't let this ruin your day or your marriage. There are so many people who have it so much worse -- like women without husbands and women without children.

Well this year is different, but yes, he always did. Every year, the Friday before, he sent me to the Spa for the day. It was my one day of peace and pampering, and I loved it! He also did take the kids shopping, but he let them pick their cards and gifts out.

Maybe you should try, in a very kind way, to let your husband know how hurt you are by this. Sometimes men just don't get it...well, most times:). I was lucky on the gift thing...he always did special things. But, there were other areas where he had no clue and it drove me nuts. Most of the time, when I hinted, it didn't work. When I didn't say a word and was hurt, he had no clue. But, when I took the time to explain how I felt, he always went out of his way to point out that I shouldn't have waited so long to tell him. He truly had no idea, but when I finally told him, he worked hard to improve in that particular area. Communication is truly the key.

Oh, and by the way...I am adopted. So, in case he doesn't tell you: Happy Mother's Day! Thank you for having a big enough heart to love your child as though your blood ran through his veins! Anyone can be a mother, but it takes someone very special to be a Mom! Trust me, I know:)!!

My husband did nothing for me today. He slept in,I picked up our pizza for lunch,I wanted a nap he didn't seem to care. I didn't get a card from him although he did take me to lunch without the kids on friday so that was nice. My kids made me cards and gifts at school so that's fine with me. I am not my husbands mom, I don't buy my husband anything for fathers day either. My kids pick something out since they are not in school but I usually let them pick it out...one year one of my sons picked out a toy dinosaur..lol I think you are overreacting gifts aren't neccesary from your husband isn't it about being a mom? Its not wife's day! Now if he gets you nothing for your anniversary then you should be upset......

No, he doesn't. He feels the same as your hubby "she is not My mother" Its not done to hurt us.He went to see his mom and I celebrated with my mom. My youngest made me gift and card in Kindergarten. It is his job to make sure young children get support to provide cards and gifts and his job to teach them to honor mom on Mother's day. Which your husband is doing by taking you to brunch. As I told the last woman who asked the same question a few days ago.... He should celebrate you on your birthday, celebrate your marriage on your anniversary, celebrate your love on Valentine's. If he isn't you have a right to feel neglected.

Well, I'm with your husband on this. You're not his mother. You're not out of line - you're out of communication. Discuss this with him so you both are on the same page next year.

What he should do, if your child is not old enough to do this on their own, is make arrangements for the child (for whom you 'mother) to get you a card and/or gift.

My very first mother's day was a blockbuster for the simple reason that it was the first one. I got a fabulous Tiffany pearl bracelet. Every other year I have gotten cards from my kids and that is absolutely fine by me. I am not his mother, therefore I do not expect anything from him.

But...my husband DID get up with the kids and let me sleep in, which is really the only thing I wanted! Then again, I'd really like that every weekend morning...

My husband honors me every day with his words, actions, thoughtfulness, and teamwork. I don't need a day where I am supposed to act like it's my patron saint holiday where I am lavished with material gifts to be told I'm a good mother. He tells me everyday through word and deed and to me, that's what the celebration is all about.

My husband thinks he does.:) This year is harder for him because his mother just past away in December so I am trying to be understanding. My mother passed away 5 years ago so I know how hard the first one is.

My husband makes Mother's Day about ME... The mother of his child. He did buy his mom some nice earrings and a card, and we got her a card and a cute grandma mug 'from' our DD (she's only one, so couldn't do anything for herself yet. lol) BUT the bulk of Mother's Day is for me. He woke me up this morning with a necklace/earring set celebrating my first full 'year' of motherhood. (it has my birthstone and our DD's in it... last year our DD was only a couple weeks old, so celebrating pretty much meant I got to sleep in. lol) Then he took me to breakfast, and has pretty much been spoiling me all day. We had a barbecue for dinner, and I didn't have to do a thing to help. :)

My view is that M.D. should be for the mother currently raising children. She is working hard, and raising her kids. yes, the grandma deserves celebration... after all, she DID raise 'daddy' to be the man he is, but the hard part is over! It seems to me like it shouldn't be so much 'she's not MY mother'... it should be 'I am honoring the mother of MY children'... Just my opinion.

Not to mention... Maybe you aren't his mother... but I'm willing to bet that you are doing his laundry, cooking his food, and generally keeping the household he is a part of running... So shouldn't that count for something?

ahhhhhh - can we please thank Hallmark for creating this "holiday" that seems to cause sooo much discourse in marriages.

I know this is NOT what you want to hear - but really?! YOU ARE NOT YOUR HUSBAND'S MOTHER. While it's great that he is coordinating the cards and such for you from your son - why on earth should he do anything for you?

If you want to be treated differently - then you need to talk to your husband about your expectations for Mother's Day. I am sorry you feel hurt and disrespected...however, the problem is with COMMUNICATION....again, i state - thank Hallmark and florists for making this into a horrible situation....you should be "honored" daily...not just once a year

My MIL is dead. My husband coordinated with the boys to take care of me - HOWEVER - this is NOT a "once a year" thing in my home....my husband loves me and respects me every day of the year and shows my boys how to treat a lady.

My husband let me sleep in - although I couldn't...urgh....I've NOT had to do ANYTHING today - my boys have fixed my tea (they usually do too) and I've been "left alone".....I wanted "me" time since my Friday night was spent at Cub Scouts....

I can completely understand why you are hurt. And I can completely understand why his statement bothered you. But I suppose you should ask him the intentions behind his words. I think that is what is more important. "Why should I??" might mean something different to him. While you hear, "She doesn't do anything for ME." when he says that, he may hear "I'm not the one lucky enough to have her as my Mom - little Joey/Janey is." You see what I am saying?? Surely he doesn't mean it the way you think it - or at least I should hope not!! And if he does - then he's a poop head! Yep, I said poop head! lol I see how you want him to acknowledge you on Mother's Day too though. My husband does, and I appreciate it because he acknowledges me in such a way as to say "Thank you for being a mother to my children." I don't think you are blowing things out of proportion, and if he thinks you are then let him read this thread. :-)

When did mothers day only become about someone's mom. Mothers day is about all moms! A fun day to remember to celebrate moms. I bet many of you emailed or txt your girlfriends with a happy mothers day. Even if your not his mom he didn't have to be rude about it. Your the mother of his child and that should be plenty enough. Guys can be such jerks sometimes! Happy mothers day to you! Next year get a sitter and go get a massage.

Last year my husband took our son to the store to pick out a card for me. Then he signed both boys names to the card. That was it! I was very hurt and let him know my disapointment. His answer was, "But you're not my mom." I had never heard that before! My dad always did something for my mom, the mother of his children. My parents always did something for eachother and helped us do something.

I told my husband that not only do I help the boys do something for him on Father's Day, but I do something for him on Father's Day. I am thanking him for being such a great father and such a great partner in our role as parents. It is not only important for him to know that I appreciate him, it is important for our boys to see that I appreciate him and that we appreciate each other.

He made up for it this year, and I made sure I let him know that I was very touched!

I had no idea so many people did not feel the need to acknowledge their spouse on Mother's Day and Father's Day. I find that very sad. I think it's incredibly important for parents to support eachother and be an example to their kids, especially on Mother's Day and Father's Day.

My husband's going out to pick up dinner, saving me from cooking and cleaning the kitchen afterwards. But he does this quite often, so it's not necessarily special. I think of Mother's Day as one of those commercial holidays like Valentine's Day, Father's Day, etc where the card and flower and chocolate industries chomp at the bit to get your money. I know my worth and don't really need any special attention today to tell me so. That being said, my girls each made a poem and coupons for things like "a 20 minute massage" and "won't bother my sister for a whole day", which I absolutely LOVED. Much more than any store bought gift. And since my husband is, in fact, NOT my child, I really don't expect anything from him. But I DO make sure he, at least, calls his own mother on this day, just as I called MY own mother. Same as Father's Day - he's not MY dad, so why should he get anything from me? But our kids DO make him something similar to what I got, totally by their own choice - I don't push them at all. Really, it's just another holiday to make moms' expectations high, then create opportunities for our spouses to disappoint us.

If you really need him to show appreciation on Mother's Day, just remind him in a very NICELY way while giving him a hug or a kiss: " Honey, I am your kid's mom...I am a mom" (adopted kid or not) I would feel so appreciated if you just show me today your recognition and appreciation for being a mom..not yours but your kid's. It would be nice ..."
I like having these "special" days to have a nice excuse to show one more time how we appreciate or love someone either Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc. My husband didn't think about that years ago, but in the recent years he has been very sweet showing me with different nice details how much he loves me, however, he has been always helping the kids to get a card and flowers for me.
Every day is special and nice anyway.......

My Mother's Day was similar. The night before he and my DD went to the store and they brought me home flowers from her. We were kind of broke that week, so I wasn't expected much. When we were getting ready for church the next morning I asked him if he even bought me a card, he then replied with the "you're not my mother" line.
Except my dad was pretty much a jerk and used that line on my mom. I wasn't having it.
I told him "I may not be YOUR mother, but I am the mother of your children, children you would not have if it weren't for me!"
He dropped me and the kids off at church and then went to Walmart and picked me up a card and a necklace. I am not overly impressed that he couldn't do it on his own but at least he did.
He then took me out to Chinese for dinner.
At least your DH was thoughtful enough to get you something from your kids. This was the first time he bought me something from one of my kids. He did say he meant to have the kids make me cards. But I agree that our DH's need to acknowledge us on Mother's Day.

We went out last night for a buddies birthday...First time we have stayed out until 3 a.m. in about seven years. So, now that it is mothers day nooner at my house, I am awake manning the kids and hubby is half asleep on the couch. We didnt even drink, we were the designated sobers last night.

I normally dont get anything on moms day. So, it is just business as normal here. Going to my MILS and my moms this afternoon.

Moms day in our family is a senior thing. We celebrate the grandmas. I would rather focus on what they have given to us..the wisdom, love, frustrations when we still screw up...and the fact that they have gotten us to where we are in life! Soon enough I will have my seniors moms moments...It is a milestone we put into their lives so they always know how much we love them...

I wish I had words of comfort for you. Just know you are probably not alone with a little bit of mothers day blues....

Hubby organized stuff from the boys and got me a card, gift and did some house cleaning with the boys. I always honor him as well and let him know that I'm thankful that he is a wonderful Daddy.
Sorry your hurt. Everybody likes to be shown appreciation. It's your day. And by the way, Happy Mothers Day.
C.

I enjoyed reading all these answers. I think what matters most is building traditions that you enjoy together -that's what makes mothers day or any holiday feel special. This mother's day we had such a blast - but not b/c of anything that the family gave me or did for me. We went to see Thor (which I totally didn't want to see, but my son did and we wanted something that all 5 of us could do together) and it was wonderful just being together (and my 15-year-old daughter and I could comiserate about seeing a 'boys' movie!).

We had to stop on the way home to get toilet paper...my husband said I could stay in the car while he went in since it was mothers day. We all laughed about that - and now joke that the kids got me toilet paper for mothers day. My husband was being silly, but it was funny and sweet and I know my family appreciates me through even tiny gesutres like that.

I get what you're saying about the card, though. My husband has never been big on cards for formal holidays. I have asked him though to set an example for the kids (esp our son) just by getting a card or saying something on any 'designated' holiday. I want my children to learn that it is important to make the special people in your life feel appreciated (and it doesn't have to just be on holidays) - and its not always the woman's job to do that.

Overall, though, i think its what happens day to day in your family - how you are treated by your husband and kids - is what matters. Not how they do or don't respond to one socially dictated 'special' day.

his comment about you not being his mother was rude and disrespectful, but at least he is managing your mother's day. many dads don't, and just for that reason. grrr. it can kind of ruin the day, even if he was doing things for you huh? sorry he said that.

my husband got us pizza last night so i wouldn't have to cook. today he gave me our first bird feeder (for our first yard), and is cooking cheddar brats (my fave!) on the grill. i spent most of the day going to church and with my mom, i just figured he wouldn't do much, if anything, like usual. so it was a wonderful surprise. he also told me the other day what a great mom i am (he actually made quite a speech about it, it made me tear up) so that was a precious gift as well. more than i expected so i am happy :) i have had a wonderful mother's day. and i got to spend it with my wonderful little boy too, so that was great as well.

Yes my husband horors me. He bought me two thoughtful gifts. Got me a card, made me breakfast and helped my three year old make a card, cleaned kitchen and I'm sure he's not done treating me special, the day is not over. I have not read anyother responses, but I suggest you let your husband read these responses. What he said is really rude. My husband tells me he appreciates me raising our children all the time and makes sure to do it on all day Mother's day. Our little ones are too little to take over mothers day, so duh, all that stuff comes from Dad unitl the day the kids can show real appreciation.
That said, I don't think that its necessary that he give you your own card or gift from him, but that in word and action, he shows you he appreciates you being the mother of his children.

Happy Mother's Day :)
Talk to him. Be open and honest about how he hurt your feelings and maybe next will be better.
My hubby is wonderful (don't want that to sound like I am rubbing it in...just answering your question).
He works swing so he slept in this am while I took boys to 8 am church service and met my Mom. Came home at 9:30 to breakfast ready and a card from the boys and one from him. They bought be 4 new planters for our back porch and new, beautiful pink purse! After breakfast we went down the street to the "plant lady" and bought a bunch of new flowers and came home and planted them in my new planters. Hubby then had to get ready for work and the last thing he said to the boys on the way out was to be extra good for Mom b/c today is her day :) Tomorrow night he is off so plans to make me his amazing chicken enchiladas for my mother's day dinner. I've never had to talk to him about M Day. He's always made it a special day for me. To me it's a more important day than a silly bday and he knows that.
I do hope you talk to your hubby!! Sometimes guys just don't think the same way we do.....be open and honest. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your day!

My husband had me open the rest of my gifts (he got me three things from him and the boys but had me open one last night alone with him). He had to work today, so I took the kids to the park and made them PB&J. I never care that much about Hallmark holidays myself, but my husband and boys all "signed" the same card. He called his mom with the kids. I guess I wouldn't care at all if when the kids are older he just "coordinates" what they get rather than picking stuff himself, but he picked things I like and won't buy for myself. My first mother's day we went out to brunch and he got me a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure. We tend to do more of a token thing for Mother's/Father's Day.

My husband also doesn't get me a card. He always buys me a People magazine though. I agree that I am not his mother. He does shop with my girls for a present and card.
He made me breakfast in bed and took me to lunch where I wanted to go.

I think that as long as he is working with your kids he doesn't have to buy you a card.

I do not buy my husband's mother a card for him, I make sure he does that because she isn't my mother. He also went online and got her a plant sent to her home.

So I do not think he needs to buy you anything as long as he helps the kids do something which in reality he pays for the gift not the kids.

My husband has done things for me in the past, but he didn't this year. This year's kind of sucked, but it wasn't intentional. He let me sleep in and helped our 3YO make a card for me, that was it. But we are tight on money now. And since his mom is still around, I think there's a little bit of "you're not my mom" feeling, though he has in the past shown appreciation of me mothering our girls.

Im sorry that your husband is being like that. He did organize your son though, which is most important. I would speak to him about how you feel, and what makes you happy.
My husband to be, had the baby up, before I was, fed her, changed her etc. He cleaned our kitchen up & prepped the meat for skewers we're making for my middle DD's birthday tonight. Made coffee & served me 3 cups :) He had a gift & a card, very sweet, from him & the baby. He knows I like lavender & found a bath set with sugar scrubs I like. (hopefully not a hidden message that Im smelly lol) He picked up another small gift, that I *needed* for our wedding at the end of the month. He is pretty thoughtful & takes note of my likes. I feel pretty spoiled.
so far so good, hopefully my middle dd is in good spirits tonight, she has already asked me to cancel her birthday, the cake, etc, told me she wished I'd never had her, all this week, and Ive been pretty sad & frusterated with her. She is always in my thoughts on Mothers day, as I went into labor on mothers day with her (she was born the next day & tomorrow is her bday) & she is like my mothers day gift of all gifts. :)

First of all, Happy Mother's Day!!!
Secondly, in the beginning my husband didn't get it AT all. Not that I expected much, just some recognition. And yes, brunch would have been nice. So count yourself VERY lucky he did as much as he did!
I'm sure he didn't mean the words as harshly as they sounded (again, so familiar.) It's true that mother's day is a day to honor your mom, not your wife. Yes, there are some very thoughtful men out there, but most of them need to be "trained" ;)
The good news is that once your son starts school there will be many years wonderful handmade gifts and special words to come, until middle school that is!

My husband didn't do anything, but he acknowledged that it was mothers' day and apologized for not doing anything - and agreed to watch my son this afternoon. I give him points for that.

My husband was great today! He let me sleep in, then he made me a wonderful breakfast. He gave me the sweetest card and thanked me repeatedly for all I do. Then we had a great day together. He made the whole day about me.

Your husband was a little rude and out of line. I'm sorry he said that. I hope he appreciates all you do!

My husband does honor me on mothers day. He usually shows his appreciation of how much of a good mom I am by taking over my responsibilities for the day and letting me relax. He also reminds me of what a good mom and I and goes out of his way to make sure I am happy. He actually shows me more attention on mothers day than his own mom.

Some interesting answers . . . my husband asked me what I wanted to do and what I wanted in general. I said nothing as I really didn't want anything. He took the kids out and they each got me a card. He also got me a card and a plant. I loved it! I didn't want or need anything but I appreciated his thoughts. He also made me dinner and I got out of the house for a few hours without the kids :) We always do cards so I would have found it weird if he hadn't. Maybe I have one of those rock star husbands who remembers the things (b-days, mothers days) that some forget and at the same time the one thing I would love for him to do that he just can't handle is fold the laundry and put it away - LOL!!!

My husband organised candy, French champagne and cards from the kids, in addition to all the handmade stuff they gave me. He also cooked breakfast for my mother and I (we were staying at her farm), then cooked lunch for us and his own mother who joined us, presented us with special cupcakes he designed himself, and then alter after my MIL had left, cooked a beautiful dinner for us. He fixed my mothers sink, and his mother's crooked licence plate, and looked after the kids for me. He had a busy day looking after all of us!

my husband was *gone* (he came home to sleep then left to work) for an entire month working 7 days a week, 16 hour days & working the night shift.....he was gone from easter thru mothers day......we don't care about hallmark holidays....sometimes he gets me flowers & a card but either way i really don't care.....we go out to dinner often on the weekends & i buy what i want/need whenever i want it, so my expectations are low

typical MAN response.....let it go.

He made more than enough effort by making sure your child honored you & making your day nice.

How much do you really need?!!! I know his words hurt....but, again, let it go.