Mother-in-laws! - Plano,IL

If this isn't just isolated to your MIL then I would wait until your baby is older before leaving him with her. I still have not left my kids with my MIL (they are 2 & 4)but that is because she used to smoke until she had a heart attack and now she is too weak physically to care for them alone. If it is just a control thing then try easing into it slowly by inviting her over to "help out" only while you are there. She can learn your routines and have some time with the baby. Maybe you two just have different parenting styles. I don't happen to agree with the person that said "she raised your husband and he turned out fine" because there have been advances in the last 30 years! What our parents did is not necessarily what you "should" be doing. Putting babies to sleep on their stomach would be one example.

Good luck! Try not to make an issue out of it because you will surely want her to be in your son's life when he is older.

Hi K.! Congrats on your new baby boy!!!

I think what your describing is pretty normal for new Mom's. I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old and they both stayed at my MIL's house for the first time this past Friday (We had our basement water sealed and it smelled too bad to keep them in the house overnight). I was definitely nervous but now that I have a couple years of parenthood under my belt I was able to relax a little and really ended up enjoying some alone time with my husband. And you know what, we picked them up Saturday, they were well cared for, got spoiled and had a GREAT time with Grandma and Grandpa.

Your concern probably stems more from control then it does from you MIL. My mother in law is a lovely woman who loves my kids like nobody's business but it took me 2 years to allow them to stay overnight. Let's face it, our kids are the most important things in our lives and she's not YOUR Mom and she's not YOU so it's natural that you'd be reluctant to hand over your most precious treasure! But if you step back a moment you'll probably see that she gave you your husband and hey, he's a good enough guy that you married him and had a baby with him and he survived into adulthood so she hasn't done that bad as a caregiver right?

And who says you have to leave your son with her. If you don't want to then don't but if you would like a night out and feel good in knowing that someone who LOVES your child is watching him then I think you should give it a go. Also, who says it has to be at her house. We rarely take the kids to them, we ask them to come to our house. It just makes sense, the house is already babyproofed and the kids have their toys and beds etc. Maybe test the waters a little. Have her come over, go meet a friend for coffee or go shopping for an hour and eventually you'll feel better. If there are safety concerns, state them to you MIL in no uncertain terms. My MIL kept talking about how we all slept on our tummies and what's the big deal. I told her flat out, as kindly as possible but very firm that if she ever put my kids to sleep on their tummies, she'd never be allowed to be alone with them again. That's all it took. If it's not going to affect their health and safety then let it go. She's going to do it her way and every once in a while that's ok. I told my MIL not to feed my son in the middle of the night......guess what, she did but she did so because he woke up, wouldn't go down and she was tired....can I really blame her? Grandparents are supossed to be fun, let her have that and let you and husband have some time together without the cost of a babysitter and the uncertainty of someone that isn't related to you.

Good luck and listen, it took me over 2 years for an overnight visit. Take it as your comfortable, they are your kids and you know whats best for them.

I think it's normal to worry about it. Sometimes grandparents will overstep in a way that a babysitter would not, because they think they know better than you do. I agree that in time you do relax your guard a bit. When my first son was in those early months I felt like I was on high alert all the time.

The yelling is probably not something you can get her to change. When your child is old enough, I think they do get that different adults have different styles and some relatives are more stern and some are louder, and some make them pray before meals, and some give them candy . . . my kids don't seem to get confused because they know how we do things at home.

When it comes right down to it, though, you can avoid it as long as you need to. Make your husband be the bad guy and make the excuses.

HI K.,

I think you should go with your own comfort level when it comes to leaving your child. It sounds like you feel pressured to leave your baby with your MIL and you just aren't ready. I wouldn't leave him then. I agree that how you see your MIL treat her other grandchild is a good indication of how she will treat your child. I understand that children can be frustrating at times and everyone loses their patience sometimes, but is this the way your MIL always behaves? If so then I would be concerned what could happen if your little one is having a rough day and crying or fussing a lot. You want your child to be treated with compassion and patience. Also, how does your husband feel about leaving the new baby with his mom? He did have her growing up, so he would have the best insight into her tempermant. As others have already said, don't be worried about the things that won't really affect your child's health or safety such as a strict eating routine or tv time, but I would worry my child being disciplined. In the end, only you can decide what is best for you and the baby. Try having MIL over to your place, letting her care for the baby while you get chores done or maybe take a nap. You can slowly move up to having her over while you run out for a feq quick errands. Never feel bad about calling to check up, coming home early to see how things are going, and asking how things went while you are gone. This is your child you are talking about and you and the baby's father are the first line of defense for your son. Sorry if I seem dramatic, but if you decide you don't want to leave your son with your MIL than don't. And don't feel like you need to make excuses, he's your son.