Moms

These girls are also reacting to the lack of stability in their lives. They may need some counseling to help them understand what is going on with their mother. I hope their grandmother takes action to get legal guardianship of them otherwise mom can just waltz back in whenever she wants and stir things up all over again.

Children are very observant and react to their situations. If I were watching these girls I would have a strict schedule with lots of planned activities to keep them busy. Also make sure they understand what the rules are and enforce consequences when they break a rule. Children crave boundaries as it makes them feel safe. The more they know what to expect the easier it will be for them. It may get worse before its gets better if they are use to acting wild. But if you stay consistant you will see improvement. also talk to grandma about your frustrations and see if she can work with you.

Good Luck. These girls need a strong loving parental figure in their life and it looks like you might be it.

You will not be able to change the fact that kids copy things they see... But, heres the most important thing...IF YOUR DAUGHTER DOES SOMETHING THAT IS NOT IN THE ACCEPTED ACTIONS BOOK, TELL HER. You have to let her know that that action is unacceptable and "we" don't do it. It will be hard but soon she'll get the message that there are things she sees that she doesnot do, but others do. She will be able to discern easier between acceptable and not as she matures. So right now, until then, its your job as mommy to be her Jimminy Cricket. (Concious in case you never saw pinnocchio)
You say that the other kids know and follow your rules and respect you, but the attitudes they have will be copied by your munchkin. Just as we all look to people close to us and emulate them she will also. So even though they are not your bio kids, you are the one who has them daily. You can train them also. Set limits and boundries. Treat them just as you would YOUR OWN. Limits, rules, punishments, and rewards...

You have to lay down some ground rules for these children. You have to realize that the children have lacked structure for a while. Its not going to be easy, but they are still young enough its not to late. Children who "act out" in this fashion might not know any better.

You have accepted or been stuck with this very vital task. The children obviously need affect and structure. If there is someway to offer them stability that might help. If someone doesn't step up and help its possible they will follow the poor role model their mother has given them

Hi T.,
I watch 3 kids during the week and I have house rules that apply to EVERYONE, not just my kids. I would start by making a chart that diplays your house rules. If they are broken then they can sit in time-out or whatever you do for punishment. The kids I watch sometimes don't have as many rules at their house but they know my rules and most of the time I don't have any problems. If they are really that out of control I would question watching them. I don't want my kids to feel like they don't enough of my time an if I had to watch 3 out of control kids I don't think I would give them enough of me. Who is their guardian if the mom is out of the picture? I hope everything works out for you. Good luck.
Chris

Time for a little GOYB Parenting (Get off your Butt) You have to predict what they are going to do.

If they are drawing on the walls...put all the writing utensils up out of their reach.

If they are breaking things, take them outside to be rambunctious, or head them off at the pass and redirect them to something else to play with.

Give them appropriate things to explore rather than sitting back and waiting for them to get into something they aren't supposed to.

Three year old aren't "bad" they are inquisitive, adventurous, and FUN. But they also need really firm boundaries to corral all that energy into appropriate play.

I wonder how much of their behaviour has to do with their mom and rehab. Children who are living in situations that culminate in their mothers being in rehab deal with chaos and instability on a daily basis. Their behaviour is nothing more or less than an indication of the extent of their difficulties with getting their needs met.

Your children can escape this fate by having a balanced, reasonably-predictable and sober mother who is there for them, actively helping them find healthy ways to meet their needs.

Five children is an awful lot for one person to manage alone, particularly in the 'meeting basic needs for all' way. Would it be possible to have someone half-time with you, say over the lunch period, in order to sustain your sanity?

L.