Miscarriage and Sadness

Yes, you are completely normal. I too had a miscarriage around 11 weeks and it didn't hit me right away, but I struggled with it several months later, and even today, about 4 years later, I still think what that child would be like, but know that there is nothing I could have done differently. It is a time of sadness, but try to look for the good things that you do have, you will still have the wave of emotion, but it will lessen over time. Just give yourself some time to heal.

J.,
First off let me say my prayers are with you. I am a proud mother of 2 boys, 2-1/2 and 6 month. Which after 4 miscarriages and an eptopic never thought I would be able to have children at all. I don't know if you are a Christian, but I believe that there is a plan for all of us. I know that all of my miscarriages did something different inside to me and that with support and my own prayers I got through them. Am I over them, no, but I cannot dwell on them because I need to give the children that I was blessed with my love and attention and had those children survived I would love him or her just the same. My point is that you will always have emotion for that child and that is a good and healthy emotion. If ever you need to cry, do it, let it out and don't feel at all guilty or hormonal about it. Loss is a major part of life and if we don't handle it our way, then it could harm us. Good luck to you.

Jenny,

I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I had 3 miscarriages myself. I lost my first child at 6 weeks, my 3rd at 8 weeks and my 4th at 8 weeks. It is very heart breaking and you are right, at the very first moment you find out you are pregnant you are in love with the baby. It also took me 3 years to get pregnant the first time. It probably is hormones and you are in mourning. It doesnt matter if you carried your baby 6 weeks or 6 months, it still hurts the same.

Good luck with dealing with this and if you need to talk, email me anytime! I definitely know what you are going thru.

S.

My heart and prayers go out to you. Yes you can say it is hormones but most of all it take us a while to be able to muddle through the emotions of losing a baby. I've had 3 miscarriages and now have a 16 month old adorable boy. It's normal but because we are all different as women everyone handles and heals differently and in their own time. However, if you feel that your healing is taking a lot longer than you feel is normal please pick up some resources (not sure if you are a Christian but there are good resources out there) that can help you get through it and give you tools to heal not cope with your loss. There is a big difference in coping and healing. Please find healing!

I had a similar experience almost two years ago. The pain was immense for several months. The pain is still there, but not every day. The date of my loss and my "due date" will always be painful reminders of what could have been. . .I was since blessed with a successful pregnancy and relish in that- but it doesn't take away the loss.
PLEASE talk to someone, either a professional, a friend or a colleague. Someone at work let it slip what had happened to me and I was very angry- but it ended up being a good thing. It is amazing how many people have gone through miscarraiges!
Best of luck to you and your family.

As far as the husband goes. The 1 reason that he seems to almost get mad is because he doesn't know how you feel, he doesn't know how to handle anything like this,and I can that he is really hurt but doesn't know how to show it. I have learned that first hand from my man. When I had a miscarriage right before Christmas this past year things got kind of tense.

J.,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I suffered 2 miscarriages before my son Jack was born. The first at 14-1/2 weeks and the 2nd at 12-1/2 weeks. What you are feeling is totally normal. Yes it is hormones but it is also normal mourning for the life that was lost. In time the feelings of sadness will fade. Until then, cry when you feel like crying.

Hi J.
I don't know if you are christian or not ,but god works in misterious ways.
i had a miscarriage in 1999,on november the 11th.
on november 12th 2005 my third child was born.
coinsidence or miracle? you can believe what is comforting to you.
to add to this:
after our first daughter was born in 1992 the doctor told me,that i would never have another child again,because my tubes had enormouse cell growth.
a friend gave me the best advice during my time of grieve:
god only hands you what you can handle.you might think loosing this child was the worste thing that ever happened to you ,but somehow it had to happen for a reason.
that is what helped me through a lot:believing,that it happened for a reason and was in the best interest of the child.maybe not for me ,but for my child!!
It has almost been 6 years and ever now and then i still feel this sadness come over me.we will never stop grieving ,because not to grieve would mean to forget.
the little teddybear that my husband brought to the hospital the day after, sits on my shelf in the living room as part of our family and a steady reminder.
wishing you and your family the best
M.

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. I've had an ectopic pregnancy and 2 miscarriages, and I remember the grief and sense of loss I felt with each one. While I've been blessed with a wonderful son since then, I do wonder what the other children would have been like. For me, the terrible sadness came and went and while I can think about the losses now and not be overwhelmed with sadness, I still get those moments of wondering "what if". My husband never understood it, saying that I shouldn't feel loss yet, not because he was insensitive, but because he didn't get it. I can only tell you to take your time and grieve. A loss is a loss is a loss, whether it be at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 10, 20, 60, or 90 years. And it's OK to be sad, it's perfectly normal, hormones or not!

Hi J.... heartfelt condolences to you. I, too lost a baby at 12 weeks about 3 years ago. It was difficult, although the pregnancy was a tad bit unexpected. Not that we weren't trying, I just didn't expect it right then. I took solace in my then 2 year old son, giving him extra love and attention, knowing that if I lost that baby, it wasn't meant to be. I was pregnant again in exactly 3 months, and now have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. Hormones can wreak havoc with your mind and body. Love your baby, love your husband, love yourself and you will move beyond this. Know that it wasn't right at this time, and have hope that it will be again. Take extra good care of yourself. You need it, and your family needs you to. Good luck. K.

Dear J.:
My deepest condolences for your lost. My name is D. and i am 34 years old. For us moms a child is a child since the first time we know we are pregnant. I had two sons before when i miscarriage about 24 weeks far. It was time for me to confirmed his sex , but I always knew it was a boy. His heart just stop beatting. I went through so may emoutions and different situations all together for the firts time. It has only been two weeks. Give yourself time to heal. Do not bleame anyone. It will get better but it is ok to think about it or talk about it.....it will actually help you in your healing process. We are humans and we have feeling. I named him and my oldest son sometimes talks about him. He will count him as another sibling. Eventually you will find your own way to heal and thimk about it without sadness. For me it has been a little beat over two year and now we are bless with a litter girl of 10 month after "3" boys. God Bless you.

You are in my prayers. I had a miscarriage at around 8 or 9 weeks in Jan. and I was feeling the same as you. I am now preganat again and due to have a boy in Dec. I also have a son who is 3. If you need anyone to talk to about this please feel free to email me ____@____.com. I know it is easyer to talk to someone who really understands what you are going through. B.

Take your time. There is nothing wrong with mixed emotions and waves of emotions. I have been there myself and it is different for everyone. It doesn't matter how long you greive so don't put a time limit on it.
God Bless.

Hi J.! I lost my son last June, he was stillborn at 34 wks., and let me tell you the wave of emotions never go away. I, just like you, am fine one day and overly emotional the next. One thing that has helped me get through this tough time in my life was a local support group. Do you live in the Louisville area? If so, I am a member of Consoling Parents support group and they meet on the 2nd and 4th Tues. of every month at 7:00pm. Losing a child, at any stage, is very difficult and this group is a good way to just be around others who are in the same boat as you!! Best of luck to you and your family!

Oh, J., I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have had 3 miscarriages and I can tell you what you are going through is very normal! This is just grief and somedays are better than others. It will get better with time although there will always be some pain in your heart.

Hang in there!

J.,
Yes, everything you are feeling is normal and yes it does get better. I lost my first pregnancy at just about 7 weeks, almost 6 years ago. Looking back, if I would not have lost that child I would not have the beautiful almost 5 year old now. The sadness is still there at times, like the anniversary of the day I miscarried and the would be due date. I have a girlfriend that miscarried over the weekend and all the emotions came back because I know how she feels. As with any loss you have to go through the grieving process. My husband made it easier by telling me he thought of the baby with all of our relatives that have died, he is in their care until we see him again. No we didn't know it was a boy, that is just something we did to make it easier, infact we gave him a name. Now, I have 2 beautiful girls. I have babbled on enough, just know it will get better, and remember for one reason or another that child was not to be with you, God needed him or her.
V.

J., I am so sorry for your loss. I have experienced 2 miscarriages and a stillborn birth. The two miscarriages happened 7 years ago and 5 years ago. Then I gave birth to a healthy now 2 year old daughter, however, just 9 weeks ago my son was born 8 weeks early but stillborn. I will tell you that NOTHING makes you forget your children. There is nothing or anyone who can make you forget. I am still dealing with a great deal of depression as far as my son goes. I know everyone will you tell you to find a support person, or go to a member of a church etc, but you have to do what works for you. ONLY you know that. Take time to grieve your loss no matter what. The thoughts will never been totally gone, but I can tell you that as time passes, it does get a little easier everyday. Hope this helps
Thinking of you and your loved one
T.

I'm sorry about your loss. I too have had m/c at 7 weeks after 2 1/2 years trying to get pg. It canbe hard to deal with but as someone responded if I hadnt had the mc I would never have my 4 year son. (i got pg 3 months after mc) I now have 3 boys. 4, 2 and 6 weeks. I never got "over" mc but after time passes it does get easier. If you think or feel your being too emotional about the mc....you should call your dr. and talk to him/her. Dont get too depressed that you cant get yourself out of it. My thoughts are with you.

C.
Stay at home mommy of 3 boys and husband

I would like to start off by saying I am so sorry for your loss. I had two miscarriages before having my first baby and my only shes 2 now. I know everything your going thru and its nothing you did and nothing you could of done to stop it, It's the body way of saying something is'nt right. I use to do the same thing as you I would watch tv and see a little baby and cry and then be fine. It will get easier with time but you will never forget. I use to just say well god must need that baby up there for some reason and it's bad to say but its true everything happens for a reason. Give your body sometime to heal and try again It will happen and when it dose you will be over joyed again and you will have a beautiful baby. If theres anything else you need you can contact me @ ____@____.com and I will be more than happy to chat with you and help you thru this difficult time.
M.

Truely sorry for your loss, and I feel what you're going through is probably a natural period of mourning, you've suffered a true loss. I cant empathize with you, but you have my deepest sympathy, I feel that God has a purpose - even though at times we want to question it, and maybe it wasn't the right time with that pregnancy. Love your family, and don't let yourself feel in anyway you are to blame - a million things could have been a cause, none of which are in your control. I do suggest that if your periods of sadness become more frequent - and have your husband be a sounding board for you, that you or your husband talk to your ob/gyn about some type of therapy - sometimes talking to a therapist or counseler face to face helps tremendously. Good luck, and God bless.

Hey there, I am so sorry for your loss. And yes you certainly can still chalk it up to hormones. :0) That is what my doctor said after I had mine 5 years ago. They tried to get me to start planning on my next conception, but I was in school and it was unplanned as it was. . . but it still hurt alot. I only knew it for one week before I miscarried and I was in either the 4th or 6th week. I was not even ready for a child when I became pregnant, but it still was the worst pain I had ever felt. I too felt guilty even though I knew it wasn't anything I could do.

My dad said something to me that somehow made me feel better. He said "feeling that way is just part of being a parent. No matter what happens to your child your fault or not, you will always feel guilty." I think it made me feel better because I then felt I had a reason/right to feel that way. It was so much better than someone saying to me. "It isn't your fault, there is nothing you could have done." I hated hearing that. Eventhough I knew they were right I couldn't understand why I felt the way I did.

I will tell you that it took me a long time to get over the miscarriage. I still ache when I hear that someone else went through the same thing. I can completely connect to the feeling you are going through, and I wish I could take that pain away from you. But since I can't I will let you know that day by day. . . little by little, it will get better. I am not sure it truely ever goes completely away, but thinking about it all the time will lessen each day. Hang in there, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. K.

I am 22 years old and I just found out last week that I lost my baby. I was told the baby died at 6 weeks but I didn't have my miscarriage until I was 10 weeks. It was the hardest time of my life. My fiance and I wanted this more than anything in the world. I have been doin better in the last couple of days but I still have huge emotional waves at times..like seeing a pregnant woman. I haven't been given much information about any of this so I really feel alone. So, going by my experience it seems to me that what you are goin through is totally normal. My fiance and I have tried different things to help us cope like for example naming the baby. I just remind myself everyday that my other two children and my fiance need me and it kind of helps me get through the day.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and just wanted to let you know that there are people out here that understand and are willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.

Dear J.,

You are not alone!! You have every right to be sad and depressed even angry...You have suffered a loss...You must allow yourself to grieve. It sounds like you are beginning to do that. Anytime anyone loses something close to them it gives them the right to grieve for it. Not allowing yourself to grieve would be a mis-service to yourself. Not to mention, your body was pregnant, and you in a sense did go thru labor and now your body feels like it is in post partum mode. So, all of the emotions you are going thru should be looked at from that point of view. I'm sure this doesn't make the hurt go away...but, I hope it may put a new light on what you may be feeling. You are in my prayers!!

Sincerely,
T.

J.,
First, let me say that I am sorry for your loss. My husband and I experienced the exact same thing this past November. We had been trying to get pregnant with our second child for about 13 mos and were so excited to hear the good news. At about 9 1/2-10 weeks I had suffered a miscarriage requiring a D&C&E. I was totally shocked. There was no warning and in fact we had just told many people because we were so close to being out of the first trimester. I was that upset that I didn't even think I wanted to try again to have another one. I was okay about it most of the time, but still when I hear people talk about losing a child I find myself wondering what my baby was (ie: boy, girl, etc). I think you just need to have time. I had a lot of people praying for me as well as myself praying. Just allow yourself time to grieve-because it is a loss. What helped me too, was to hug and squeeze the child I currently have. I tried to remind myself that there are people out there that cannot even have one child and I tried to stay thankful for what I have been blessed with. Not sure if you will try again in the future, but please allow yourself that time to grieve. There are support groups out there for women in your situation. I hope you can find some peace in the future. May God Bless You!
L.

J.,
What you are feeling is so normal. You need to greive just like you would the death of anyone. I lost a baby last June at 13 weeks and then a set of twins in Dec at 13 weeks. It took me a long time to feel better. When people told me they were pregnant it would bring those feelings right back also around the time when the babies were due also brought me saddness. Just know you are not alone. There are many many women going through the same thing. Lean on your family and friends for support. You will feel better eventually. Just take the time to heal yourself.

I know how you feel, it always seems to be there at the back of your mind - i lost two pregnancies last year, one at 6weeks, the other at 12weeks, which were twins. We were desperate for a second child being slightly older. It has been over a year and i still think about it, especially when everyone around me was getting pregnant so easily and having babies, and after trying for almost over year, before I got pregnant and then to loose them. All the "birthdays" are hard to deal with, but everyday I see my 2yr old and hear his laughter, I thank God for what I have and know I must live each day for what I have, not for what I have lost. He brings joy to my life, and i am very fortunate to have him.
We are now pursuing adoption of an older child, and are very excited about it.

Hello J.,
I'm sorry for your loss, you have to let the pain out, so you don't hold it in. Life will be much easiser. I'm 53 and I had a miscarriage at 29, I found out I was pregnant at the same time I lost the baby. All I did was cry, it felt so much better, I already had two beautiful children that was my salvation. Today, I think of that little one, and smile, because I now know that God loved my baby,and my baby is happy. And I have been able to smile and not be sad anymore. Let it pass,so you can go on and have more children, you don't have to forget this one, it will always hold a special place in your heart. I'm a Doula and I know the joy and the pain of childbirth, but there is more happy than sad. And your happy day is coming.
Hugs, and Prayers to you
T.

Hi J.,

I am so sorry for your loss...but you are still truly blessed to have a wonderful family. I have never had a miscarriage, so I don't have any advice. But I want to congratulate you on having the hardest, most time consuming job ever!! I work in Human Resources, therefore I see A LOT of resumes, but one of the most creative and impressive ones I have ever seen was from a lady who had been a SAHM for many years and wanted to get a job after her kids had left for college. Her career was a "Homemaker" and she was the CEO of the household. It was the most creative one I have ever read and it was all so true!! I wish you the best of luck in the most rewarding career!

J.,
I'll start by saying that I'm so sorry about your loss. I really understand because my husband and I went through one also with our very first pregnancy. It was very hard even though I was only around 8 weeks. I know what you mean though by loving that child the minute you know you are pregnant. I think the pain didn't really go away until we were pregnant again. Now we have 2 beautiful kids and another due in December. I feel so blessed to have them, and I know you feel blessed to have your 19 month old. All I know is that everything happens for a reason even if we don't know what it is. And if you are meant to have another precious baby, then you will. But I say that it's okay to hurt because it helps heal your soul. And day by day it will get easier. Blessings to you and your family. A.

Hi J..
First I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter if it was only 9 1/2 weeks or 9 1/2 months. It still hurts.
Second, while I did not have a miscarriage, I did place my first child for adoption. While I knew that I was making the right decision for both of us and I was totally at peace with the choice I made and the family I chose, it was still hard not bring her home and hold her. I ran (and still run 5 1/2 years later) the emotional roller coaster after I had her. It is going to be tough, but you have to be strong for your husband and 19 month old. At the same time though, you need to take some time for yourself to grieve for the loss. Please find a grief counselor to help you with this time of loss. One suggestion is to visit Bethany Christian Services (if there is one in your area). They help women deal with crisis pregnancies, but they also do adoptions and they have social workers that can help you with this. (This is where I went when I found out I was pregnant, and they helped me make an adoption plan and grieve for the loss of my daughter.)
Good Luck and God Bless you and your family.
N.

J.,
You are experiencing a very real loss and are grieving appropriately. I am a professional who has counseled women about this very issue. I would highly recommend a support group (may be hard to find in our area), seeking short-term counseling (if you need names, let me know), or reading about other women who have been through this experience. I know one woman who found a great deal of comfort through a Bible study called Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy which is avaialble on Amazon. Hope this is helpful.
J.