Middle of the Night Requests

my daughter is 3 1/2, and I was trying to get her to let me know when she had to pee at night by knocking on the door. Which became her knocking on the door for a hug, tucking in, an extra book, etc. Last week we implemented a sticker system. She picked the type of stickers out at the store and every morning that she goes a whole night without knocking on the door (except for last night, we decided needing her lovey was acceptable) she gets a sticker in the morning. So far, this has worked very well, only one night where she didnt get a sticker in the morning.

If he's yelling for you to come do things that he can do for himself, then I would yell back to him, "get it yourself and if you keep calling me to come in there, a spanking is what you're going to get when I arrive".

He needs to only wake you up if he had a nightmare, wet the bed, or vomited.

Our younger daughter got on this bandwagon around 3 years old, as I recall. I sat her down before bedtime and told her that tonight, she would not be calling for us. I told her it was very rude, and what happens when she is very rude? (And at this point she supplied the answer - she gets a spanking!) Well, for about a week the problem stopped. She didn't call out at all. Then one night she woke up yelling for a drink of water. My husband got up, spanked her, and put her back in bed. She hasn't done it since (and she's 5 now). I know a lot of people aren't fans of spanking, but I have to say, there are times when you just really need to get the point across to your child that you absolutely mean what you say, and this was one of those times.

This happens with my 5 yr old if he has a bad dream and can't get comfortable and get back to sleep. I just go in tell him he needs to ask nicely , he tells me he's "not happy" and I tell him he needs to calm down and I tuck him back in rub his back for a minute and he goes back to sleep. If I'm lucky that's the only time it happens. Sometimes he has reoccurring bad dreams and it goes on all night.
I would continue to go in and help him. He might be having bad dreams or gotten scared and just needs a little reassurance.

Ah yes, we had a similar situation. Before bed adjust everything that needs it. We also started using a reusable water bottle (that was our biggest issue) and we fill it each night before bed and put it on her nightstand and told her that she could now have a drink whenever she needed it. Most nights she doesn't even drink any of it anymore! It started to get out of hand quickly with all her needs, as you have, so I finally decided it had to end. After the first time I went in I told her I wasn't coming back to help her and she was on her own. She stopped yelling and just came out of her room to get us. Then I put her back in her room and told her that she was not to get up and if she did I would just put her back in her room without talking to her or helping her. Of course she got up and the night did end in hysterics...it was horrible. In the subsequent nights I would tell her before bed that if she chose to leave her room I would just put her back in bed without talking to her, etc. She did not want that. Eventually she just started staying in bed and dealing with her own stuff. It didn't take more than a few days for it to work and sometimes I can hear her talking and playing in there, but she isn't crying and she isn't calling for us and she isn't leaving her room so it's just fine by me! I think the suggestion of getting him a flashlight is a great one...it puts the ball in his court, just like the water bottle did for our daughter. Sticker charts are a great tool but honestly, I think he's a bit young for it. This is so hard, I feel for you! But I believe if you stay strong, it will work out!

We went through this exact same thing with our son -- he was a little older, maybe 3-1/2 or 4. We made a 'sticker chart'. Every night he didn't call for mommy or daddy to pull up his blanket, get a drink of water, etc. he got to put a sticker on his chart in the morning. It got to be the first thing he would ask in the morning "Do I get to put a sticker on my chart?". We did 10 stickers -- so 10 nights without calling for us -- then he got a surprise. It really worked well for us. He woke up a few nights after he got his surprise and I went in his room and told him he proved to mommy & daddy he could do this on his own and refused to get his drink of water. He seemed to get the message and we don't have that issue any more.

He's not asking because he needs those things done, he's asking because he's lonely. Those things are just excuses to get you to come in.

Tell him that you will no longer be coming in to do those things for him and if he calls you will not be coming. However, you will be checking in on him on your own. Tell him he can call you if it's an emergency, and then list the emergency reasons that are acceptable. Tell him the consequence if he calls you unnecessarily. Make sure he understands.

After you tuck him in, check in on him a few times. I'm assuming he goes to bed way before you do. This will reassure him that you are there for him.

If he calls you (which he probably will) go in the first time and re-iterate your rule. Don't help him with whatever it is he asks for, just re-iterate that next time he will receive the consequence. Then keep your word.

BEFORE bed, make it a "routine"... that you/he get all the things he needs, first. And tell him, that is the last chance... if not, too bad.
Tell him he is PERFECTLY able, to pull up his blanket, and perfectly able to reach for his water and look for his lovey.

Tell him, that he cannot call you, unless, he tries to do it himself first. To try his best.

Or, he will have to help YOU get ready for bed too.... and wake up and do things for you. LOL

Give him a flashlight in bed too... so he can LOOK for his lovey, himself.

Again though, he is only 2.5 years old. They do this.

If he yells for you... don't go, nor right away. Just holler back at him " you can get it yourself, I am sleeping... shhhhh...."

I don't ever remember my kids doing this, probably bc I've always been so 'mean' about it. Once your butts in bed, that's it, game over, go to sleep. Now, 2 1/2 is probably a little young to get it, but like I said, I don't remember my kids ever doing it and they were that age once ;) Unless they need to use the restroom or suddenly need to throw up, you get your lovie and whatever else you need after you go potty and brush your teeth, and that's it. The nights when your son does well, shower him with positive reinforcement, and let him know what a big boy he is! Tighten up, stick to your guns, and he'll get bored with hollering for you when he realizes you're simply not giving in anymore. Best wishes!

Ah, the "call backs" is what we call them. I would have a little talk with him before bed that he should not be calling you back during the night for water, blankets, etc. Talk about each of the things he has called you for, and tell him how you know he can help himself with these things, as he is a big boy. You can try a sticker/reward system for each night he stays quiet, and have work towards a "big boy" goal. That might help break the habit. Also, I would be waiting a long time (longer each night) before answering his call. When my older daughter was 4, she went through this phase she would yell commandingly for us to come when she woke up in the morning instead of just getting up on her own and coming to find us. We let her yell and demand and fuss, and ignored it all. She finally got it, that her behavior was getting her nowhere.

I don't have any advice but would like to see what the responses are because I'm starting to have the same problem. My son turned 3 at the end of April and just started sleeping in the toddler bed. He loves the fact that he can get up and down at any time so he farts around a lot. I laid down next to him on floor last night until he went to sleep so not sure if that's a bad habit to start or not...

I am not sure of his cognitive ablity or if he is able to understand this, but I assume he will be. you give him three passes: some kind of cool coin/token/card whatever and he can use all three to get something that he needs from you like a drink whatever. when he calls you in you are to collect the pass (that is on a dresser or somewhere that he can get and hand to you) and get him what he needs. when you leave you remind him that he only has two left.....when he uses them all up he is no longer able to ask for you....yes he will try, yes he will cry and it will be hard for you (and me as I dont do well w/ the crying lol) but if you stick to it he will learn to love the idea of the tokens and he will use it for things that he cant do himself. you can also have a talk ahead of time about not 'waisting' tokens when he can pull up his blanket himself. ect... good luck! xo

My he must be tired during the day :) First, I would make sure that he is actually tired enough to sleep through the night. Shorten naps and make sure that he is up bright and early at the same time every morning. Try that for a week or two and see if that solves most of the problem. If he is still having issues, I would do some reinforcing at bedtime - if you wake up and you need a drink, you can reach right here and get it, Mom and Dad need to sleep when it is dark. That kind of stuff. I personally would use a little more "tough love" and let him holler, but you may not be comfortable with that :)

Good luck!

First, since I do not know the situation, make sure you put your son down for the night at the same time each night. Between 8 or 8:30 is a good time for a toddler. Make sure and wake him up at close to the same time each morning. 7 or 8 a.m. would be good depending on your work/school schedule if no one is a stay at home parent. Nap time should be as soon after lunch as possible and should last no more than one and a half hours at the most. Then make sure he stays up until bedtime.

Children are nortorious at figuring out how to get mom and dad to be at their beck and call. If your son wakes up in the middle of the night and you come running every time he makes a request, he will take advantage of the situation. This also helps your son stay awake. If you go into your son's room only go once. Give him a drink, take him to the restroom, etc. Afterwards, firmly tell your son that if he needs anything else to ask for it now, because you will not be coming back into the room. Then stick with it and do not give in to your son's demands. If your son cries, throws a tantrum, etc., let him. This is just a ploy to get you to do what he wants. Your son will stop the negative behavviors when he realizes that you are in control and not him. If the bedroom is dark, you might also consider a night light.

I raised three kids and my oldest daughter (32) and her fiance have five kids between them so I have plenty of experience. I am also an early childhood consultant. I hope this helps.