Messed up and Feeling Bad!

Don't feel bad about this. If you do and you let him know then he'll think it's ok to hit people just because they upset him. Take this opportunity to teach him that he needs to learn to control himself and that it's not ok to be violent just because he's upset...ESPECIALLY toward him mom!!!

You can explain to him that you feel bad that you emberassed him about his blanket and that next time when it's bed time you will all go in and go to bed. However...do not feel the need to apologize for offering up a reasonable punishment.

He's 5, it's inevitable the he would cry for having to go inside. Busy day and tired or not he needs to learn to control himself so that he doesn't haul off and hit another child. Then you'll have an angry parent to deal with an NO ONE want that =)

Take care, hope I helped!

Hitting is a huge no-no. You absolutely did the right thing.
If he was embarrassed, he'll leave it inside next time he goes out to play.
YMMV
LBC

Here's a great opportunity to model a sincere apology and sincere forgiveness. Tell Josh that you are sorry for embarrassing him and for not bringing him in when he was tired. Tell him that hitting is never okay, but that you forgive him for hitting you and know that part of the fault for that was yours.

We make our kids apologize all the time, but I seldom hear adults say they're sorry to a child, even when it's appropriate. I think parents are afraid to look weak or wrong in their children's eyes. But the whole meaning of asking for and receiving forgiveness makes so much more sense to kids when it's actively modeled, especially when the child himself can feel how healing an apology is.

I hope this is a mistake you won't let go to waste, R.. Make the most of it!

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First off I've been there... One thing I always do is apologize, it doesn't matter that he's five, five year olds are smart. Hug him, kiss him, apologize and make it plain and simple and make a new start tomorrow. Never ever be to big to apologize, you'll be grateful you did and so will your son. Plus you already know you make a mistake, how much worse can it be. Have that moment with your son, he deserves it and you'll feel so much better once you do!
Good Luck!
J. in Macomb

This seems to hit really close to home at the right time. The other day I was taking my son out so he could learn to drive. He was learning to drive a manual and got it in the wrong gear and it died. I got so so mad at him and told him to pull the car to the side of the road and let me drive. I was really upset with him!! On the way home after things had cooled him I told him that we both needed time out to clear our mind. I apologized to him and said it was a stupid mistake that anyone could have made and I over reacted. I don't think that there would be anything wrong with you apologizing to your son. Make sure he is clear on the fact that hitting is not acceptable but you also should have handled yourself differently. Parents are human too. We have no problem with saying PLEASE or THANKYOU so I think a genuine apology never hurts anyone. My son who is six has to sleep with a little stuffed animal every night and I still have to sleep with a body pillow!

Hi R.,

Kid's are resilient! You were right to punish him even if he was tired. He needs to know that it's not acceptable but you can also apologize to him for letting him get that tired. Kids eventually understand that Mommy and Daddy are people too and can make mistakes. Mine sure do!

M.

I think you did the right thing by sending him inside for hitting you! Even if he was tired, hitting is not ok, and he knows that because you sent him inside immediately. You can't always be perfect and stick by your routine, I know I have kept my daughter up past bedtime thinking it would be ok and it backfired on me too... im sure it happens to a lot of moms and kids. Don't worry, he was only that upset with you because he was so tired!

I have a Josh too;) I tend to give grace where tiredness etc is concerned but my husband always says that the judge will not care if he was tired and beat someone up, or the police won't care if he was hungry when he robbed a bank!lol;) So I try to remember that even if I am not perfect I still have to discipline my son for doing wrong. In my book, hitting your mother is always wrong, no matter what she says. I mean you can't let that behavior stand, you certainly don't want to have big old teenager who slugs you. But if you feel bad for talking about the blanket, I think you could just apologize. Saying sorry models how to ask forgiveness for things. We have this thing that after you say sorry you ask the other person if they forgive you and the other person says yes. It applies to all family members and my three year old has had to forgive me lots!! I am not perfect, I need lots of forgiveness, but I am still responsible to teach my kid how to grow into a civilized human being:) Ease up on yourself, you were out there having fun and trying to let him have fun. Things went south and everybody got crazy, it happens. He got punished and you might want to say sorry and I think all will be well. Take care!

he's 5, is he still talking about it? Every time I cry over a parenting mishap, sure I've messed my kid up forever, she's completely over it and never mentions it. Dont beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes, and this seems like a small one in the grand scheme.

R., hitting should never be acceptable or excused. Perhaps you should have called him in for bed, but he will just have to learn people will comment about his blanket.

I don't know if you received this response yet (I haven't read the others), but why not just apologize? Tell your son that you made a mistake, that parents are entitled to making the wrong decisions at times too - and that you're sorry if you embarrased him. Remind him that it's not appropriate to hit, but you understand why he was frustrated & you're sorry for that. You also get that this probably stemmed from the fact that he was tired so this might be a good opportunity to remind him of WHY we have bedtimes! But certainly don't feel bad for extending his that night - we all do that. But having a regular schedule is certainly what a kid wants & needs - they just don't know it! But I'm also a firm believer in 'extending' the rules from time to time! Good luck!

Tired or not, hitting isn't acceptable. For example if your husband is drunk, is hitting you acceptable. Sure it's a completely different situation, but still unacceptable. Don't feel bad. You did what you had to do as the mom. His crying is him trying to make you feel bad, which worked. Keep up making him know that hitting is not ok.

I don't think your comment about Josh never giving up his blankey was out of line. What you said was true. You weren't saying it in a teasing way. You didn't say anything derogatory about him. Now, him hitting you...there is never a good reason for your child to hit you and you did absolutely the right thing...nip it in the bud. Maybe HE is embarrassed about his "thing" with his blankey and you could talk with him about when it is appropriate to carry it around. Maybe if he needs it alot, you could cut off a little piece and put it in his pocket for security??? None of my 3 ever had a blankey thing so I don't have alot of advice on that, but don't feel bad about disciplining for him hitting you.

Are you sure he was upset about the blanket? My son who is 32 months has a favorite blanket too. I actually just ordered him another since this one is getting old.

I know when my son is really tired he will do stuff he normally doesn't (hit, kick) and he gets super sensitive to punishment or saying anything like "don't do that" etc. Maybe he was just very upset about getting in trouble and knew he did wrong. I think you handled it appropriately though.

While I agree that hitting is not an option, he has the right to get angry. But a lot of kids aren't told they're allowed to feel this way or that way... And the appropriate response to those feelings. I also agree that it's good to let your little man know that you can apologize, but that you deserve one too. I have a 7 year old daughter that still has her blankie. I'm 31 and still have my blankie. My 2 year old son has his blankie. There's nothing wrong at all for keeping a little personal comfort. However, because I've set the example to leave blankies in bed or in the very least, in the house while playing, they both do the same. Anytime they spend the night at grandma's, they have theirs with them. There are just ways to talk to them about it. I know a lot of people personally that have it in their head that kids don't understand a lot of what we're trying to get through to them... But they do. And if they don't understand what you're saying to them, they'll come right out and say it. I love that about kids. They will be honest about anything.

You did the right thing about sending him in the house for hitting.

What I would do is talk to him about it (even though he's probably completely over the situation). Tell him that you apologize for bringing up a sensitive subject with your friends, but that you deserve an apology for him hitting you too. Also, ASK him if it's an option to leave his blankie in the house while he plays. If he prefers not to leave it in the house, he's just not ready for it yet. Talk to him about how to respond to anger or frustration or being over tired... Let him know that he can talk to you and tell you those feelings. My daughter talks to me all the time about her thoughts and feelings. She knows that she can come to me no matter what. She'll tell me, "Mom, I'm mad at you..." And then we go into why and why I said or did whatever made her angry at me.

But you made the right decisions. And NO you didn't mess up big time. Messing up big time would be hitting him back. Or pointing and laughing at him for still having a blankie.

unacceptable is unacceptable, no matter how tired he was -- 30 minutes late does not excuse hitting one's mother. Hitting is unacceptable. I think talking about his blanket deserves and apology and you've learned your lesson about getting to bed on time, if that's what works best for your kids, but I think you did the right thing by punishing the hit.

Is there ever a situation where we allow men to hit women? Their mothers? No, no matter what, that is never allowed. So you are teaching him that. It's a good thing.

Don't feel guilty for the hard parts of parenting. They need you to set boundaries.

Please don't feel bad as we have all let our kids stay up past their bedtime. The kids were having fun and they need that too sometimes. As for the blanket you may have embarrassed him but his response was a wrong choice and you did the right thing sending him in the house. All kids seem to cry when they are being punished, especially when they are having fun and get taken away from it. The advice about the blanket and leaving it in the house or in the car is good, my daughter had an Elmo that had to go everywhere with her and finally we had to make her leave it in the car when we went anywhere because of school. Now my other daughter has the same Elmo(he is still in good shape) and the same situation he stays in the car or home.
Don't be so hard on yourself because it sounds like you are a loving and caring parent and you didn't mess up big time, he will be fine.

When my daughter started a phase where she would hit or kick whenever she got angry or frustarted, I always explained to her that it's OK to be angry or frustrated with mommy but it's NEVER OK to hit someone. I understand you wanting to give him some more slack because he was up late (which you feel was selfish since you were enjoying your talk with the other moms) but just use this as a great learning tool. Saying this shows him that you understand that he was frustrated (and you're not negating that) but it doesn't matter how tired or frustrated: it's never OK to hit...

With my daughter, it finally caught on and she would start sternly telling me, "Mommy, I'm angry with you!" instead of hitting. She wasn't always justified for being angry but she stopped hitting/kicking :) So I use it now as an opportunity to have a conversation with her about why she's feeling angry. If it's because I've disciplined her, I explain why I did so and leave it at that (I don't give in just because she used good judgement and told me she was angry rather than hitting me).

Nothing like a heart felt apology! Joking about our family's weaknesses in public is as non acceptable as hitting. You handled his behavior rightly by sending him inside, but you're right, you set him up for the failure. He'll respect you for admitting your faults and asking for forgiveness. And especially if you don't do it again. :)

Best wishes!

You did not nothing wrong; you had to respond to him hitting you regardless of your knowledge of him being tired, embarrassed etc. He is lucky he has a mom who understands the whole picture.

One bit of advice: Blankets are fine. I think it is okay to keep them your entire life if you like. But it may be beneficial for you to have him keep his favorite blanket in the house, or when you travel, in the car. My daughter had a blanket and from about two years old on we had her leave it in the car "to rest" while we were shopping etc. I also wanted her to be independent from it to attend preschool at three without it. She took it where she was spending the night (grandmas, for instance); by doing this you will eliminate "mom" comments as well as peer comments, which can be hurtful (such as what just occurred)

It doesn't matter if he was tired. Hitting you for no reason is not acceptible. And it comes with discipline. Time out, privilege take aways, whatever. He's pushing your buttons. Don't allow it. Let it slide and you'll regret it later.

Talk to him about it, apologize, and ask him to apologize for the hitting. Then let it go. this is not the last mistake you'll make and it's not going to scar him for life. Move on, giving him the love, attention, listening, and structure your gut tells you he needs. No big deal!