Maybe Depressed

Hamilton, Oh -- I'm from West Chester (now in Chicago area).

My Opinion: Talk to someone. I went through this a few months ago -- even though I am on medication -- and found that my dosage just wasn't enough anymore. I've been on medication about 6 years.

Some of what you are feeling seems normal. It's part of having young kids. I feel the same way -- and I know a lot of other moms who do also. Have you tried finding a MOPS group (Mothers of PreSchoolers) -- that has helped me a lot!

Feel free to email me if you ever need someone to just listen -- someone who really doesnt know everything already or know you -- sometimes it is just good to vent!

Good luck to you!

You are teaching two baby adults right now, no harder or more meaningful job than that! You sound bored. Shake things up a little and do some things that you usually don't do.

I do think that you are a little depressed. But here is a little advice that may help you if you do it:

Join a gym. This will be SO beneficial for you b/c:
*exercise is great for depression
*it will get you out of the house every day....it will be part of your routine
*you will enjoy that hour away from the kids-esp if it is a gym with TVs like mine was :-) Got to watch grownup shows.
*Your kids will like it b/c the childcare room is really a fun social thing for them.
*getting in shape and feeling great is wonderful for the spirit and the confidence
So seriously-please do this. The expense is SO worth it. At least give it a try. Most gyms have a free trial wek you can do.

You need to put together a network of mommy friends. This can be tough but very do-able. Go to moms clubs, library reading times etc. Look around for the moms that seem the most like you and reach out. They are probably going to welcome the gesture and if they don't then who needs them right?? I had so much fun when the kids were little with my mom friends. We would do happy hour play groups and other things that really made it fun for us too. And it doesn't have to cost money either.

Lastly, please do not marginalize being a SAHM and don't let anyone else either. Would you 'really' rather be getting up every morning getting dressed getting the kids to daycare and going into an office where you have to put up with all the BS that goes along with that? And then come home and do everything that you would normally have to do anyhow b/c who's kidding who-you would definitely be the one to do it still. Not like DH is going to kick it up. So when things get bad think of how much worse they would be if you had to work. It is a little boring sometime staying home-but it is what you make of it. You are the one with the power to make it a wonderful thing...and it CAN be done. And take heart-your kids are really little yet. IT will get easier as the baby gets older.

Yes, I did. I wrote about this a few days ago in one of the posts. I didn't think it was depression but I had these unexplained bone aches, as in I woke up after 8 hrs of full sleep, still feeling tired. I dwelled a lot on the fact that I spent years getting education to become what? I also have friends but not really. Just people to talk to about kids, I guess. I looked forward to sleeping. A few months ago I brought up my feelings to my general doctor, she said to try an antidepressant. I researched the one she recommended and found that it causes weight gain. I already have grave's disease so I don't need anything else that has weight gain as a side effect, so I said no. Things got worse as time passed. I couldn't handle my daughter's medical issues. I became paranoid at a sight of a runny nose. I became very anxious about everything. Stopped doing playdates from fear of exposing my daughter to sick kids (possibly). So I talked to my doctor again. She recommended pristiq. She said it's an antidepressant and anxiety medication. She put me on low dose. I have been taking it for 3 weeks now. I noticed a change right away. I had all this energy, no more waking up tired. No more anxiety (yes, some but not like before) and most of all it helped me get a positive outlook. I will continue taking it as long as it helps. It does not make you gain weight and it really doesn't have much side effects. I was told it could make me feel like throwing up or keep me up at night but I take it when I wake up which is 5 am. So by 9 pm I am already sleepy. This is what I recommend. Talk to your doctor about maybe switching medication.

Yes I've felt that way. In fact I feel that way right now. It's tough. You know that life if good, but at the same time you feel down and unhappy with they way things are. And it's hard when your husband isn't around much. I tend to loose track of which day of the week it is because each day is the same. I wish I had a answer for you to help make it better but I'm searching for one myself. Thanks for posting your question so I know that I'm not the only one out there. For me what has helped is to find something to do outside the house. Just the break up of a day help immensely. Maybe try making some future plans to look forward to. That helps me out. If you ever need to talk send me a message. I understand what your going through. Hang in there.

I know what you mean. I have no advice, as I was kind of posting about the same thing today, (you did a much better job getting your feelings across than I did ;) I do wish you all the best, and hope you can find a happy place for yourself so you can better enjoy the blessings you have!!! Just remember, your not alone! Good luck to you!

Yes, I do feel this way at times too. I am a SAHM who homeschool's 3 children and now have a newborn and 6 chickens and a cat. So my socialization is my children and my pets. My husband is gone A LOT too and I feel so lonely because we live in the country close to no one my age who doesn't work. I also lost a baby December '07. Winter time gives me the bla's. I've basically lost my identity of who I was before kids. We have our needs met but are tight on money too. But, my life is beautiful.

What keeps me from plunging into the deep is God's purpose and design for women. (By no means is this a bash to working moms and wives. They work hard and are often times unappreciated especially juggling the home and work.) But we were designed to be our husbands helpmeets, keepers of the home, and to raise Godly children. To be kind to others, meek and humble....and to put God first, others second and ourselves last. (When I realize that my wants are supposed to be last I am more at ease. It is hard not to focus on ourselves because we are selfish creatures. Despite what this world and most people think and say and will tell you about finding the "inner you" and focusing on yourself, we are supposed to put ourselves last.) There is more Scripture to tell you our purpose, but this is generalized. When I know I'm meeting His purpose, I am at peace because it is God whom we give glory too. No one else may see what we do in a day, or how lonely we may become....but God does.

There are other things He may have you do because I believe God gives us strengths in areas to fulfill HIS purpose to bring Himself glory. What are your strengths? Let Christ shine through you.

Also, my husband is VERY good about giving me good advice when I feel in the dumps. He always makes me feel better after I talk with him. He always finds nice things that I don't think about to say. Everyone has different crosses to bare. Some are heavier that others.

One more thing, some people will tell you to stay on the drugs or to get a higher dose. But I say get off the drugs and get a heavy dose of the Lord, because he will see you through anything.

This advice is contrary to most advice you'll get, but it is what helps me get through my days of monotony.

God bless you and yours.

I'm a full time work from home mom who has her very energetic 15 mo. with her ALL the time and a 6½ yr old boy that can be a handfull. I know how you feel and what I really look forward to is going out to dinner with friends once or twice a month. Its a time for me to get dressed nicely, do my make up and have adult conversations with very smart women. I also try (try is the key word ;-)) to get out for at least an hour once a week by myself; sometimes is just to go to the grocery, but ALONE.
I hope this helps because it can really be hard with little ones.
Good luck!!!

I think a lot of sah M.'s have this feeling at one time or another. You need to get out and do stuff. Go to the library. Enroll yourself and daughter in a mommy and me class to do when your son is in school- you can meet more M.'s that way. Go to the mall, read, go to a museum, join a gym. find some indoor places you can go to. Like a bounce place or another indoor activity gym. I used to get very stir crazy, so much it got the point that I HAD to have something planned for the day or I'd go crazy. Now, I've found a good balance i think. I have a few good friends I met through the M. class and from the gym. So any down days, I can usually plan something with them. Hang in there, the winter is pretty tough.

Maybe you need to find something for just you. Being a SAHM is no walk in the park as much as people think (those who have never done it). I was a SAHM for 4.5yrs and it was the hardest, most enjoyable and rewarding "job" I have ever had. But, with that - sometimes comes a feeling of alienation from old friends. Been there. Think about the things that would make YOU happy. Be selfish for a moment while you think about this. Is it a walk alone? Pedicure? Starting your own @ home business that you can do on your own time? This is what I did. I started my own business that I could do on my time, when I felt I needed to. This helped out financially and mentally. You are not being ungrateful....you are being honest with yourself. Please let me know if you want to chat any more. Reaching out to those who are or have been in your shoes is a great start. I wish you all the luck in the world...know that you are not alone!

Yes and I swear it is worst in winter. Making time for yourself is important. I also read my Bible and pray daily to help me. Many days that is the difference. Time away from your kids is important too. Maybe when dad is home go see a movie with a friend or find somewhere to walk with a friend. It's amazing how this can perk me up when I have been bombarded by mommy issues.

YOu sound bored to me and need to find some fulfilment in your day to day responsibilities. Not having funds or time to splurge as you want to is making it seem worse. Try helping out those who are less fortunate than you. It should boost your sense of purpose.

Believe me, it feels the same for a working M. on the other end of the spectrum.

Maybe it's time to get off that medication, exercise often or find inspirational things to uplift your spirits. All the best!

Yes!!! You are not alone here!! I see this so often, in women especially. My very best advice...and I hope you take it...is for you to get involved in something. Volunteer your time -- swap babysitting with another mom so you have some alone time; teach somebody something you love -- knitting, or tutor; take an exercise class; find something your passionate about helping with at a local church or school. Even if it's just an hour a week, you'll get to the point where you treasure that hour & actually have something to look forward to!! It'll be the best "gift" you can give your children -- a mom that is happy & energized again, while still being there to take care of them!!

omg, i thought for a second that you were writing about my life, as i am in a similar situation. I also am a sahm, my husband works alot, we have a 2year old and a cat. The most exciting thing i have to look forward to most weeks is going to the groacry store. I have found that you have to try to find a way to have 1 night a week to yourself, whether you just sit down to read a book(uninterupted) or go out for a drink and karaokee with friends. It will make all the difference and make you feel so much better to be doing adult things for a change, something you enjoy.

http://www1.mops.org/web/web_group_search.php

That is a link to a Mothers of Pre-Schoolers group which is quite great!
There are a couple of churches in your area that have them.
Hope you will try it out and see if that will help you haveing other mothers that you see on a regular basis.

I think at some point, almost everyone feels "stuck". I know I have. The key is, to find something that gives you a purpose. CLEARLY raising children has a TREMENDOUS value, but for SAHMs, many times, that's not enough.

What kinds of things interest you? Gardening? Children? Cooking? Natural health? what ever it is, there is an avenue out there. If you let me know more details, maybe I can help. It's hard to say without knowing more details.

In addition, might think about church. There are SO many great groups in churches and these people BOND, sometimes more than family. They also help you have a sense of purpose and value.

Gosh, I had to make sure that I didn't write this myself!! I am a SAHM with one that is in kindergarten then I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old at home with me. That is all I do too. Drop my daughter off at school and go to the grocery store. That is it. We lived in Columbus for a few years but we didn't have any kids and I had a job so it was different but now that we have lived in Lebanon, Ohio for 6 years and have kids I don't have any life outside the home! All of our family lives 3 1/2 hours away and I don't have any friends down here. Our neighbors are really nice but they all work or have family and friends down here that they see. Sometimes I get sad that I don't have anybody to hang out with. My husband works a lot (too much actually!) and travels every once in a great while too. So, I guess what I am trying to say is no, you are definitely not alone!!

Yes, I do sometimes. My husband is usually gone 3+ days a week doing his hobbies and I feel like a single mom a lot. I used to hang with friends once per week but now everyones kids are older so we hang once per month. Some days its the same routine, get up, put son on bus, go to work, come home fix dinner. I don't get a lot of time to myself.
I think you need to find a hobby outside the house at least once a month. Make it a day where your husband can watch the kids. It can be anything at all and it doesn't have to be expensive.
Maybe the anti-depressant isn't working any more and you need something else. If you don't need it then I say don't take it. I haven't had depression but to me I think you need some time to yourself that doesn't involve the grocery.