Married Couples Living Apart

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We have good friends back in Alaska who bought land and built 2 houses side by side (small houses). One is hers and one is his....the kids go back and forth. They've been married forever and are very happy as a couple. I think for some people this would be brilliant! My husband's parents live in 2 different states. My FIL is a workaholic and she moved around with him wherever jobs took him and raised the kids. She got a masters degree when the kids were in college and got her dream job in another state. She bought a condo there and they are the happiest in their marriage they have ever been. They are always visiting each other or traveling together. Before they lived separately they seemed pretty annoyed with each other all the time.

Nah. If I didn't want to live with him I wouldn't have married him. Maybe in 10 years I'll feel different. I can see how couples might want some space after that many years. My husband is my best friend and my partner in life. I would feel lonely if he wasn't around.

Why even get married?

Nope. I think it would just make you really good neighbors.

Why get married if not to live together and share all the ups and downs together? We marry each other knowing we are very different people..great marriages are ones that accept these differences and work to accommodate each other and love in spite of the annoyances. Are there days I wish I had a little more space? Yes..that is when I go out with my girlfriends to gab,eat and watch a movie.

But now after I thought for awhile about your post I am back to edit...I guess the housing situation has an upside.... I could send the kids to "dad's" house when they got irritating, loud,annoying,messy, etc. Hmm...maybe I should rethink my earlier response. Naw...I am just kidding. It is part of the marriage/having kids package...you learn to live with each other and love it all!!

Good luck and best wishes!

Nope. It would be pointless. We like spending time together playing with our kids, having family night, eating, watching movies, talking, etc. We do too much together to live apart and we definitely are not consistently, unnecessarily sleeping away from each other. We got married to be TOGETHER. Going out with friends on occasion is enough time apart for me. I think it makes better sense to get to the root of any issues and work to resolve them. Living apart just sounds like avoidance and I find that rather immature. If it's that serious then just get a divorce and get the suffering over with.

My parents did it....in different States even.

My Sophomore year of High School my dad took a job in California with Toyota. he lived down there and would travel home twice a month and on Holidays...We would live with him in the summer.

It was nice for the first two years.

then my dad started to feel like we could live without him and be ok....I was a handful for my mom. And he just wanted to be back in the daily swing of our lives.

It maybe good in theory but...I think after awhile any couple would find it tedious and annoying not being able to see one another when they wanted to .

When I was younger I heard about couples taking sabbaticals, usually each would take several weeks or even a couple months every few years and go do their own thing. Even at, or maybe because I was, 12 I thought this was an amazing idea. My hubby and I haven't done it. In fact, in our 4 year marriage we've been apart exactly 3 weeks total. I've been hinting very loudly, however, that at some future gift-giving moment, I would like to go away for a day or weekend, get a hotel, watch some bad movies, and jump on the bed before curling up and sleeping until noon. Sounds like bliss. I think it's necessary to have YOU time, and not just a good workout, but a real chance to be with just yourself. Maybe I'll even take do it someday.

It may make some things easier, but other issues would certainly arise. It would make me wonder what kind of example in communication and mutual respect in a healthy marriage it would teach any children still living at home.

My husband and I are currently living like this....not because we want to either. My husband works out of state 95% of the time and is only home on weekends. He's tried desperately to find another job, but cannot. I am pretty much a kept woman who is a single mother to our kids. What I have learned by living like this, is that I have developed my own "life" outside of the marriage. I do all the raising of the kids, housework, and everything else. I belong to a church and have my own friends. I truly appreciate my husband and all the sacrifices he makes and when he is home, it is pure heaven. Sometimes though, my husband is like a college kid who comes home with his dirty bag of clothes on the weekend. He takes the kids out and plays with them while I get some "me" time. This is not what I envisioned a "marriage" to be, but for now, it is what it is. Is it good? Overall, my answer is, no. I'd rather have him home daily...and so would our kids.

This is a reason to love deployments, or CAX or him being in the field, or him going to Nashville for a week.
I think it has some merit.

Not me. We are both in second marriages and learned from our first marriages on what we will accept and what we wont. My hubby and I are complete opposites too. But we are good at compromise, picking our battles and not sweating the small stuff...and we have learned that really, ITS ALL SMALL!!! So no, I would HATE to live anywhere except with my hubby right by my side. =)

I wouldn't do it but there are times when I wish we did!! My husband and I couldn't be more opposite. When he's cold, I'm hot. He's an outdoors guy, me not so much. I would love to not have to go behind him and turn all the lights out, close all the cabinet doors and regular doors and to pick up after him but I would also miss out on a lot. I would imagine, I would be very lonely if we were to live apart. Ask me tomorrow, and my answer may very well be different! LOL....just kidding.

I feel like it would be easier, but then you wouldn't be married...I think living together and dealing with day to day things is what being married is all about. Although, I do have to say that my husband has slept on the couch for 90% of our marriage. Not because I asked him to, but because he sleeps better there. I kinda like having my queen sized bed to myself, but like knowing that he's still in the same house as me.

We do this and honey, it's awesome. He lives upstairs and I live downstairs. I rarely go up there. He's such a slob! :)

My husband and I do not live in seperate homes, but with the amount of traveling he does for his job, sometimes it feels that way. So many people ask me how I cope with his travel schedule and my close to single mom status. I simply reply " Often, daily life is actually easier when he isn't home!" Love my hubby, but he is totally more work than the kids sometimes!!!

I can't imagine living in separate areas of one house any more than I can imagine living in two separate homes completely. Don't get me wrong, my husband drives me NUTS when he's home, but when he's gone (he's military), I notice that the things that drive me the most crazy are the things I miss the most.

Ha! My husband and I were considering splitting up a few years ago but neither one of us was willing to move apart from the kids nor would we have done the 50/50 child rotation. We talked about how the ideal situation would be a duplex. We're staying together (for now) but the idea of two houses or a house with two master suites seems very appealing at times.

My mom has an elderly aunt and uncle who are not divorced but they have lived apart for decades. The aunt still comes over and cooks and eats dinner at the uncles house and does his laundry. I guess they like each other, just not enough to live together. Seems kind of pointless to me but I guess to each their own...

I wouldn't want to live separately, but I would love my own room! I could stay up late and read or watch TV without being asked to shut it off........and I could sleep without hearing all the snoring.

I met a couple, very good friends of our family (he was 60 years old and she is 56) They had 5 kids, now grown ups with kids. This couple lived together for about 15 years, they loved each other very much, but they never get along for different reasons. They lived apart, every one in his own house. They always said that it was impossible to live together and live in peace but at the same time they wanted to have each other in their lives. I met them, I knew them very well. They actually loved each other and spent more time together visiting museums, celebrating kids' and grandkids' b-days, taking care of each other during illnesses, etc all of this more than when they were living together. He passed away and left everything to her. He was a very wealthy man, and so noble and so loved for everyone who met him. She is now a widow, and she always says that she loved him so much even when they decided to live apart. He used to send her flowers for their anniversary, they did everything together but living together. He provided for her as any other husband to his wife, etc... I think that was very wonderful and convenient, but not possible for everyone. I really admired them they way they did things, but I am not sure if I would do the same. My husband travels very often and just thinking he is going away again....it makes me feel sad....However I have to say that when couples get older, there are many changes, many phases in the relationship...which are not easy for everyone to tolerate and probably this alternative of living apart may help to some couples.

Today I say no way. Friday I would have said I'd build him his own mansion if it got him out of my house. Bottom line, even when I'm REALLY mad at him, I like him being there. We don't have to talk, we don't even need to be on the same floor, but I like him being there.

I'm sure for some people, it would make it easier!

I would hate it. I actually really like living with my husband, and him me. I would hate living separately from him.

I say why not?? GREAT IDEA, especially if the spouses do not get along, what a wonderful way to make the marriage last...and I bet there will be even more sexual desire (if there's still love between the two), since the arguing basically disappears and each can keep their own "dirty habits" away from the other...sometimes are the little things that are really bothersome! I vote YES.

Castles were usually built so that the king and queen had their own chambers and sometimes couples had their own castles. Granted, there were also arranged marriages, but sometimes the couple just lived in different castles and stayed out of each other's way.

I think sometimes DH would be so happy to have his own accessory apartment where he could join us but he could also close the door and have things just so.

I have a friend whose husband is gone for work a week or two at a time and it's hard.

My mother and step father lived apart for years..on again off again while we grew up. They would see each other for a while then off he went again. She wouldn't move away from her family, and he wanted to move away. Now he is here living with her, and has going on just about 5 yrs in the same house. They do have seperate bedrooms though. He is selfish and self centered and would keep her to himself. She is giving and loves her family and stubborn. THank goodness or I may never have seen my mom, he would have taken her off on his adventrues.

Well, before kiddo, I always thought the ultimate DINK lifestyle was two homes, get together on Friday...stay till Monday morning, then SEE YA!
Not that I don't adore my husband but when it was all about working FT for both of us--on completely opposite schedules, it would have worked beautifully!

Once kids are involved, it gets a little stickier...

Yes and I am trying to come up with a home plan that is two houses in one, but not a duplex because we have a child. He is disabled and can't help it that he is here ALL THE TIME. I now see why old people divorce after retirement.
I thought about having 2 master bedrooms on seperate ends of the house.
He can stay up till 3 watching his sports as loud as he wants. The rest of us can sleep.

My husband recently moved into an apartment a couple of blocks away. He still comes "home" every day after work to see the kids and do the bath and bed routine. He's not around every morning, but my son can call him to come over on the days that he wakes up particularly early. And he's around every weekend. So we still see him a lot. But the fact that all his stuff is another place, that we have our own separate spaces, that we're not always in each other's hair has made a world of difference. We are all much happier because of it, and I truly believe that this includes my children.

Is it perfect? No. Is it how I envisioned my life to be or the example of a happy marriage that I had hoped to set for my kids? Not at all. But life happens, and we are doing our best.

I do regret the additional expense of the rent of the new apartment, but overall this arrangement has been much better for our family.