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Hi, K.:

This is normal for his age.

Try role playing everyday.
In the morning, Say, "Good morning........, how are you?" Have him respond to you.

When he does something nice, no matter how small, Say, "Thank you....?
Teach him to say, "You Welcome!"

He will catch on after awhile.

Be consistent.
Good luck. D.

Repetition. Continue to remind him or make little codes (like baseball coaches do) to make it fun to remember. He will surprise you and do it on his own, eventually. Learned behaviors.
Children do behave differently when mommy is not physically with them. The key is to train him to do it on his own or when in doubt think, what would my mom expect me to do in this situation? All part of growing up.

So don't show your frustration just keep doing what you are doing and give lots of positive feedback to enforce when he is doing it right. (Not that i'm suggesting giving him a dime everytime he goes out on his own to make someone else feel good, but...)

Hi K.,
The best way to do this is to model the behavior you want to see. Kids learn from watching their parents! My kids just picked this up naturally. If at 8 years old, he's still not doing it, then it's a personality thing. It's embarrassing for a kid at 8 to be told, "Say good morning to Mrs Smith." Some children aren't comfortable in speaking with adults, and that comfort level is simply something that comes with time, not something that can be forced or taught, and isn't a reflection on your parenting!
Good luck.

i don't think you can get this done without reminders lol. my husband was just voicing frustration about this last night. my son (who is only 3 mind you), ALWAYS has to be reminded to say please. ALWAYS. we are courteous with each other and him, yet somehow, several times a night, i hear, "mom do this", "mom do that". and it just astounds me sometimes but i have to remember my son is SO little, he has no idea what that sounds like lol. so i just keep reminding him, and i DON'T just "DO" whatever he commands, until he can ask properly. it must be, hmm, almost three times as frustrating, in an 8 year old! all we can do, i think, is lead by example, and insist on good manners from them. you may not be able to "force" him to use them, but you can sure ignore the bad stuff until he can act correctly. sorry i don't have any magical words of wisdom - coming from a mom of a three year old it's probably not much comfort, but i do have some idea where you're coming from...lol. hope it gets easier!

All the other moms have given the same advice that I would give.

We have 2 kids who are still very young (3.5 and 23 months). Both say please and thank you without needing to be prompted - probably because of the repetition of not giving them something with out a "please" and not letting them walk away without a "Thank you".

Recently, our son has learned that he needs to say "May I please have....." if he wants something and "Excuse me, Mommy" if he needs to talk to me in the middle of another conversation. It's taken repetition, but we've also made a concerted effort of letting him know how great of a job he's doing when he does it and how nice his manners are getting.

And, most importantly, modeling the behavior is key. If I need him to help me with a favor, I always ask "please" and say "Thank you" when he's done - he sees us do it in public, too - if we're going through McDonald's drive-thru, there's always a please and thank you to the people serving us.

He's a child. When kids see most of the world not using good manners, especially around his friends and at school he will more than likely not remember on his own. With our children, we remind them, even if one is shy or having a shy or cranky day. Dad will step in and take them aside if it becomes a real problem, like reminding then in the same day or same hour over and over again and he was snap at them in private and remind them about rudeness and proper behavior. We don't expect a lot. We do feel that titles should be used. Aunts and Uncles should be addressed as such. They should say hello to people when they arrive. Hugs and kisses are optional, as we don't feel a child should be forced to give or recieve physical contact, but if they grow up in a hugging house it usually happens naturally. We won't scold them for not giving a hug, but we will not tollerate rudeness by pushing away and saying something nasty. A simple "no thank you" is enough. We expect our children to say good bye when they leave, not hiding out in their room or busy playing. They must say thank you for gifts and never be rude if it's something they don't like. They can complain about it later in private, lol. We don't expect our kids to start conversations, especially at such a young age, but it does start coming naturally sooner or later as they get older. The biggest thing is to set an example and expect it out of your children. You don't need a little gentleman in a bow tie suit, but you do expect some simple common courtesies and if need be, you must demand it. You never want people to say, "Oh that's just the way little Johnny is." So keep prompting and reminding.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Is he shy? My 9yo granddaughter still has to be reminded some of the time. Although she's an outgoing, social child she sometimes gets shy around some people. I haven't figured out a common denominator for when the shyness strikes.

If he looks at them or acknowledges their presence without saying the words he's well on his way to being able to say the words. I like Linda G's suggestion to have code to remind him. I still either say to my grandchildren something like, "please say hi to Donna." Or "did you say thank you?" They don't mind the reminder, tho they do tend to be shy about it when I remind them and are not shy when they do it on their own.

I wouldn't be discouraged. 8 is still young to always do it on his own.

I salute you for letting him know how important this is! And good work forcing it-kids often would rather not do stuff, and it's our job to teach them and enforce it. I hope you find things in these posts that you haven't tried, and I hope I'm not telling you stuff you've tried already.

If this was my son, I would sit him down (I'm sure you've done this) sometime when the issue isn't happening and explain to him WHY it is important to be friendly to his elders. Find some heroic war stories etc about people that age and why they are very important, explain about their feelings being acknowledged by younger generations and how many of them have lost friends and like to feel appreciated-whatever, you choose what your son might understand. I tell my daughter stories of hardship form my grandmother's life, and it has made her respect and love grandma sand other older people even more. Tell your son part of being a good and respectful gentleman is politeness to elders, and his life will be much better if he is nice than if he is not.

Then make your expectation of what he should do in a social situation very clear, like "I want you to smile and say hello to your elder when we are out. I will touch your shoulder if I have to to remind you."
Then make his consequence known before hand, again, very clear, "If we are saying hello to someone, and you do not say hello politely, and I have touched your shoulder, this is what will happen when we get home, back to the car, etc." And FOLLOW THROUGH.
Remind him before hand every time you're getting out of the car to enter a mall etc. That way you're not caught off guard where he's suddenly ignoring and you have no way to signal him and enforce in the moment. It seems so repetitive, but if it's important to you, you have to treat it as a serious rule.
Give him huge praise when he does it on his own. Don't bribe with rewards, but you could do something like, "You've been such a gentleman lately, let's go do such and such together"....

Get a hold of some old movies, westerns, etc, where the kids said yes sir and yes ma'am and respected their elders for him to watch. he doesn't have a lot of good examples these days. Unfortunately, you do have to force it until it becomes natural. Good work, good luck! Not eno0ugh parents enforce rules or "force" manners, which is why kids today are terribly rude.

Great post K.! I am struggling with this as well. Its funny, when I was a kid it was SO important to do things such as address adults by their names, please/thank you etc. I was extremely shy but I knew I had to greet my parent's friends, teachers and all adults OR ELSE! And I did it. Now I am trying to get my son to and it is extremely difficult. Not sure what I am doing wrong but sometimes I am so embaressed by his manners. And I have drilled these into him from birth. He has difficulty looking adults in the eye and can barely mumble an answer when spoken too. And the thing is almost ALL kids are like this. I am active in school programs in my mostly upper middle class suburban school and I am constantly appalled at the bad manners of the kids. There really is absolutely NO respect for adults. They really do feel they are at our level and can talk to us as such. So bad that when a kid does actually display good manners I am stunned.

Not sure what it is but a theory of mine is that we are raising this generation to feel "entitled" to everything. We tell them how great they are so many times and they start to believe it.

Sorry not to anser your question but I am interested to see the rest of your responses.

I would try a different approach. Of course, modeling is the best way to teach them, but what is the best way to get them to do it independently and put it into practice themselves. Instead of it being a harsh rule, why not make it a fun and joyful thing to do. Make it more like a game (although not at all to make light of its importance) or a fun challenge for him just to get him thinking about it more instead of being shy, feeling anxiety, and forgetting (not that those are all reasons why your child isn't doing it).
My son has anxiety, and new situations and people can be stressful for him, so he usually chooses to be shy - not giving eye contact, mumbling, talking in the other direction, etc. It has gotten better, I think, as he's gotten older (he's 8 now). Girls do tend to be better communicators than boys, so they may pick up on these skills more easily. We (us gals) tend to be people-pleasers too, so that might have something to do with it.
I talked to my son recently about compliments - what they are and how they make people feel good, that we can give out love by giving people compliments and saying nice things. And that when we give out love it gets multiplied and we get/feel more love. Then, I gave him a challenge. I asked him to see how many compliments he could give out that day. I gave him examples of simple things he could say to make it easier for him. I asked him about it later and throughout the day (to kinda remind him). He was excited by the challenge and was very proud of himself for the compliments he did give (even if they were mostly to me and his cousin (same age). It was a good start to get him thinking about other people and making them happy, which in turn makes us feel good. Make it an enjoyable thing to start handing out some love. We could all use more love in our lives!! God bless!