Looking for Advice on Disciplining My Two Year Old

B.:

Bi-polar does have a stong genetic link, but I would not jump to conclusions. A lot of two year olds act out. The pleading, yelling and swats, as you have seen, will not make a difference (the sticker chart is a great idea). I would suggest reading some of the "Love and Logic" books, and incorporating some of their ideas.Also, I wonder if something is going on with her, that she is unable "use her words" to express her frustration?

A.

Hi B., it sounds like you are having a really tough time.

There is something that I think you can do to help. The organization that I work for is called the Institute for Parenting and Family Development. We offer a service to families just like you that can help you! It is called the Individual Family Observation and Brainstorm. This is a service that is designed to help families just like you with similar situations.
You can call me for some more information or visit our website www.parentfamilyinstitute.org. ###-###-####

I also want to let you know that you are not alone. The first step is asking for help, which is exactly what you are doing now. Good luck!

Warmly,
D. Fleming

Dear B.,

Welcome to the club of two year old mothers! I'm also a slave to a winsome 27 month old princess/dictator. There are days that I think that nothing I say or do is getting trough that little head. About four months ago my daughter developed a very strong opinion about waht she was and was not willing to do. Everything from eating to sleeping became a battle of wills. My only solution has been to never give in and calmly insist that she do what I want.

I have developed a pattern of offering her to options for everything, both of which will get her to do what I want. I let her chose between two outfits in the morning, but she does get dressed. I tell her she can climb in her car seat or I will put her in it. The end result is the same. I get her in the car. Giving her some control over her world seems to make her less frustrated. The list goes on and on...

You might also want to check out these books by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Her books are
Raising Your Spirited Child, Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles; and Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep.

Good luck!

HI B., Have you though about your 2 yr old may have the early signs of bi-polar? I think its hereditary, sounds like she has issues with control, or it could be just a 2 yr old having a fit. I would suggest reading books about having children with bi-polar, I am thinking you will find alot of her actions relate to the bi-polar.What is her favorite toy or thing to do? Tell her in a very calm voice you will take away whatever she likes if she continues with the bad behavior, and then stick by it. Does your husband disipline as well? Sometimes children will listen better to one parent verses the other. It could be she is still jealous of the baby, even though its been 12 months. I watch "Suppernanny" alot, she is very informative and has books out as well. I would also check a supportive group in your area, for mothers. Whether or not she has bi-polar, this issue needs attention, cause as she gets older, things could get worse. I have 2 girls, and they both had their own issues. I hope this helps you. As a parent I wish I could have had some advice as I went along.

Debbie B is right - bipolar has a strong genetic link, and yes children can have it. It's going to be very difficult to get a diagnosis at the age of 2, but you know in your gut when something's not right with your child.

Finding a child psychiatrist is difficult. Children's Mercy behavioral clinic has a 6-month waiting list most of the time, and I think you have to have a primary doctor's referral for them to even call you back. We have a psychiatric nurse practitioner for my son, and also an excellent children's therapist I would be happy to recommend. They are in Overland Park. The psych is not over-diagnostic-happy to label your child, and she is very easy to talk to. Both of my boys see her as well as myself.

My 8 yr old son was diagnosed with bipolar in January. I knew something was different with him from age 2, but people would say "oh he's just a boy" or "oh that's how 2-year olds are, you were just lucky with the first one so you think this one is odd" At age 2 he grabbed a knife from the dishwasher and chased his older brother through the house. He would wake up and immediately start screaming "stupid" and "shut up" (the only bad words he knew at the time). He had severe separation anxiety - I never could leave him in the church nursery. He would wake up in the middle of the night, crawl in our bed and try to wake us up, wanting to play. He would stay awake for hours at night, playing in his room, and still wake up ready to go.

If you really feel in your gut that something is not right, go check it out now. There is evidence that the earlier the bipolar cycles are controlled, the better long-term outlook for that child. Also, if she starts school without the bipolar diagnosis, they're going to tell you she has ADHD. If the doctor you go to doesn't recognize the differences between ADHD and bipolar, your daughter will be put on stimulants that will make the bipolar worse.

If you'd like more info, you can e-mail me at ____@____.com or check out www.bpkids.org

Best wishes

B.,

"Children the Challenge" by Rudolf Dreikurs M.D. is a step by step instruction on child discipline and behaviors. It also has scenarios and situations and how to respond. This book was my bible when my kids were small through teenage years.

Also, bipolar disease has a strong genetic link.
Let me know how you do.

D. B
PS: Consistency and follow through are critical to changing behavior.

I do not have any advice but wanted to reply because my son does the same thing and he is also 2 so if you get any good advice let me know

Try reading "Parenting with Love and Logic". Works for me!

my nephew was the same exact way,breaking things and putting holes in the wall with his toys.My sister was getting worried that he had something wrong with him and took him to a christian preschool that helped children with behavior problems and after he started going he changed dramatically.I think it was the sociolizing with other children on a daily basis.I daon't know if your little girl is in anything like that but my nephew grew out of his anger real quik.Maybe this story might help,I wish you all the luck.Oh and put up your favorite breakables:)

I too wonder if it is more than just typical 2 year old "acting out". There is something called Sensory Integration Disorder or Dysfunction. Check it out on the internet and see if that describes her. If so, there is a book: The Out of Sync Child.

It's a good read. Available at most book stores or online. Let me know if this helps.

Hi B.~

I'm new to the group-today is actually my first day. I have to say that not only do I sympathize with you, I know what you are going through first hand. I am bipolar and I have a 3 1/2 year old son that acts the same way that I do if I'm off my meds. I spoke with my pediatrician and with my psychiatrist and they both said that even though there is the genetic link because of me that I shouldn't jump to conclusions on my son's behavior. I was told that there was a very good chance that he was just acting out in frustration because he is having rules enforced and that it was more than likely just a typical three year old's behavior. It does still worry me, because I know that there is that genetic predisposition for bipolar, but at the same time, we know what signs to look for and what to watch for because of having that diagnosis with ourselves. Don't let anyone put your child on meds until you have gotten a concrete diagnosis from a trusted medical professional. Best of luck and I hope I was of some help. Hang in there, it does get better!

If you are not a stay at home mom, you need to be! She needs you more than you could imagine! So does your little one. I sent my now 9 year old to pre-school when he was 2 and he acted the same way there. It is their way to say-I need you. I love you. I want to be with you.
Good luck and let God lead the way,
S.

B., sorry to hear about your situation. I somewhat know what you are going through. My older sister is Bi-Polar and so are her two daughters. My youngest niece just turned 7, but when she was younger she did the biting, screaming, breaking things, hitting, and she got joy of seeing others in pain. We couldn't figure out how one minute she was happy go lucky, then went to the extreme the next. My sister and brother-in-law ended taking her to Radar Instute ?sp? and had her tested for ad/hd and add. She was diagnoised as being ad/hd and bi-polar. The doctors gave them the option of putting her on meds or changing her diet. They tried both and didn;t like the reaction the meds had on her so they changed her diet. She is not allowed to have any chocolate, or any type of foods with caffine past like 5:00pm. and some other changes as well. So far this has been working. I think she may take a pill day still though. Anyways my point is you may want to go get her tested since her father is bi-polar, its gentic.

I hope I didn't offend you by my last sentence. I think it can only be passed down by the mother I'm not sure though because my older brother is also bipolar and his oldest son is starting to show signs as well. I also have the gentics for bipolar but I'm not. Not sure how that happened. I'm just glad, its makes life a little harder on both you and your spouse.

My hubby has bi-polar disorder also, it runs in his family, his brother and niece also have it. You didn't say if your dh is on medication or if it is working for him. Mine is on Lithium and Welbutrin and is responding well to it and hasn't had the severe mood swings for several yrs now. Perhaps you should have your dd tested for bi-polar disorder since her father and gramma both have it. Good luck to you.

The BEST book I have ever read is Making the Terrible Two's Terrific by John Rosemond. Most of the second half of the book is q&a scenarios given to him by parents. the library has copies of most of his books or i know it is also online.
godspeed with your parenting!

Hi! Good job so far! Mothering is tough but it is the best job in town, hands down. Sounds like little one could use some extra TLC rather than more discipline. Kids that age dont respond well to rules and requests because part of their development at this age is rebellion. It actually means she is a very intelligent little kid. If she can come up with doing those naughty things on her own then think what she can do when she is grown. Remember she was just a baby not too long ago, this is still a big new world to her, she needs your love and approval, not your hard hands. Need to get on her level more and tell her how much you love her and how much you LIKE her. She obviously has some bad habits to frow out of but kids grow up quick, a little patience is the key here. Just be gentle, if she knocks something over for example, just go over to her and look at her and say gently"oh no, it's broken, oh it doesnt like that." And appear sad while you clean it up. She may start to feel compassion for the objects and become more aware of her actions as well as her mommies own feelings about things. Then she will learn some love.