Looking for Advice from Mothers with More than One Child - Whiny Second Shild

N.,
I have a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Like you, I work full-time. I was going crazy with the same problem and wanted both kids to feel special. A few months ago, I started having what I call "girl time." Sometimes, we will go have some hot chocolate together, she can help with making dinner, paint nails, or just take her to the grocery store...anything where she has my full attention without having to compete with her older brother. She absolutely loves it and often says, "Mom, it's just the girls."
Good luck!
L.

I have a four year old daughter and a 2.5 year old daughter, so I know where you are, completely! I have found with both of them, even from very early on, that simple things mean the world to them. Taking ONE to the grocery store while my husband has the other. I try to schedule one at a park district class with my husband on Saturday morning so I can do crafts and puzzles and read to the other one.
Starbucks or Jamba Juice (or another fancy drink place for you) you can get your daughter a chocolate milk and just look at the merchandise with her or sit and read books.
My first daughter wasn't receptive to this next one until she was three but my second daughter has been on board for a year or so now-going for hair cuts with me (I have a friend that does their hair for free when I get mine done) They LOVE it.
We try to just make time every day where they get one on one with a parent. Even if it's helping daddy in the garage while mommy sits on the couch and watches tv with them (I've gotten lazy as I'm due with number three in Nov.)
Especially at her age, aim for simple pleasure and don't spoil her too soon, or you'll have problems when she's older and everything is SO OVER.
Cosely Zoo and Philip's Park zoo are free and Blackberry Farm is pretty reasonably priced.
It's hard when they whine because it makes it difficult to envision doing anything special with them.
Good luck!

At 22 months, ANYTHING with mom is special! Go grocery shopping and stop for ice cream or McDonald's afterwards, for 15 minutes, if that's all the time that you have. Lay down with her at bedtime and say good-night and talk to her stuffed animals. That's all it takes, sometimes. My children vie for my time all the time. It's what kids do best. Make sure they (brother and sister) are also doing activities together WITH you. Even though they want MY time, my children still consider each other, their best friends> I'm happy that they enjoy each other (and their dad, too) and I don't ever want to see them pitted against each other. Good luck.

I'm also wondering if it's a girl thing. Both my girls whine all the time, and I think it's just a natural part of their development and don't attribute it to having enough time with us, etc.

One thing that worked for me (similar to another poster) was to not answer their questions when they were whining. I explained what I was going to do ("When you whine, I'm going to pretend like I don't hear you, and say 'la la la, is someone talking?' and when you talk in a normal voice I'll answer you.)"

So when they whine, I smile and start singing "la la la, is someone talking to me?" and usually they smile to and go to a normal voice. If they keep whining I say "I can't hear you when you whine like that." And sometimes, if they're whining for more milk, for example, I remind them of how they should say something so I'll say "Please say, 'mommy, can I have some more milk please,'" and they'll repeat that back in a normal voice.

My kids do whine a lot. When they're just not getting it, I do ignore them and sometimes give them a time out.

Whining is normal. I have two girls ages 5 and 3. I just had a baby boy in May. Both girls whine and I've been working with them about stopping. It drives me crazy...but I always have to remember something my preacher said when teaching a class on Marriage and the Family. He said that many times the traits that bother us the most in our children...are the very same traits that inherited/learned from us.

I know I whine and that has been something I've had to work on since having children and finding they are pretty big whiners. We are all leaning not to be whiney-crybabies. Life is good.

Don't forget she heading right into the terriable 2's. It's not going to be easy so try to enjoy the good times while you can. Girls are whiners and complainers. She'll be overdramatic and unbearable at times. Please don't make the mistake of blaming the son over things you didn't "see" him do yourself. She will try to blame him for everything. Make sure you continue to give them each individual attention from you and daddy; it's extremely important that one doesn't feel more important than the other..eliminates sibling rivalry.

I am surprised that some of the moms didn't come up with this...the key word...SHE! I have a little girl and she is whiny too - she is an only child and has all of my attention. I think that in some girls, their temperament is just different and they express themselves in a different way.

I am part of a mom's group that all have this aged child and there are MULTIPLE moms saying the same thing. I suggest not feeling guilty, first off, and second, spend the time that you can. It doesn't have to be fancy, it could be quality time in front of a box and banging it with spoons...but do it more often; quality and quantity doesn't have to be hours upon hours.

It is a phase - at least I hope it is or Maggie (my daughter) and I are going to have a long life together :)

Good luck and enjoy #2!
J.

Lord. I worked part time mostly, and my family was the same gender and spacing. However, both my kids found a way under my skin with whining. I really have a bad reaction to it, so I needed a cure! Obviously, you have to be as present and connected as humanly possible, but what if they still are whining?

I established 2 rules, one for me and one for them.

1- get eye contact when directing or responding to them.

2- when they whined, I did not give them what they needed until they were able to restate their request in a normal voice. I would just say "can you ask in a normal voice?" and they did every time!

great idea---don't think it matters so much what you do together; it's more about mommy daughter time!!
also, try to ignore the whining if at all possible and reinforce good voice ranges by telling her you like when she talks like a big girl, etc. Praise the behavior you want more of!
Enjoy your one on one time...as a second born, i know it's just hard to be the baby! good for you for taking this time with her alone!
K.

She probably just wants your undivided attention - which is hard. Try to take her out - just you and her - for something special. Maybe a girlie thing so your son doesn't want to go.
When I was very pregnant with my 3rd and still working fulltime, my parents took my oldest on a trip with them for 2 weeks to make things easier on me. My 3 year old son stayed at home with me. At first I didn't like the idea because I didn't think it was fair to my son, and I didn't know if I could not see my daughter for that long.
Well, my mother convinced me that this was the best thing for all of us, and she was right - aren't mother's always right! Anyway, my son was a totally different person when his sister wasn't around. I had never heard him talk so much before! It was a good thing.
I am not suggesting to send you son away for awhile, but it just shows that spending alone time with each child is very important.
S. - mom of three

Hi N., I'm in the same boat. I am a working mom of 2, a 5 month old and a 2 year old. The 2 year old is exhibiting LOTS of attention needing behavior. I've even hooked up my Ergo baby carrier on my back when I get home from work and carried her around! I would do 'special Mommy and me park trips', or even if it's to starbucks to get a cookie- but just you 2. Only has to take an hour (depending on how close your store is) but branding it as "our special time" is important.

I can echo what others have said, special seperate time is important. Every child wants and needs one on one time.

Instead of focusing in on your daughter, what about your son? Your words, "her brother is very dominate in getting attention" and "she gets overshadowed". Maybe it is your son's (and husband's?) behavior to that needs adjusting. He is five and should know that it is not all about him. At 22 months, your daughter is still figuring that out.

My oldest, a boy, works hard at controlling his tendancies to overtake his younger sister. She knows she needs to wait her turn. This should not be a competition for the parent's attention. They both need to learn to take turns and be patient with each other. Since your son is twice her age, he should be expected to put out twice the effort. They both will learn. It takes two to vye for your attention.

Best of luck to you and your family. It all works out, keep up the good work and know that your gut instinct is often the best :)