Little Girls Arent Very Nice to Each Other

I would try and get each one for them to socaliize with kids there own age.They could use a break from each other since they are home with each other all the time

Service. You may need to be creative about it...not necessarily call it "service" at first, but as you can help your children serve one another, they will love one another. Service comes in many forms....but it needs to be something that the other will see as helpful. It could be doing something for the other like a cleaning job. It could be a small surprise/gift, something they like or something they needed. Things can be done anonymously or openly. It usually helps to begin this at a time when they are not avidly at each other. Start by identifying a need of one child to the other child and excitedly offer ideas on how the other could make a positive difference....by serving. I find when my kids are busy helping the only thing they argue about is who gets to do the helping/job...I have 7 children. But I'm always full of options when it comes to serving/working. Hope this is helpful for you and your girls! All the best!

This sounds a little out there, but my parents (of three girls) felt that if we had time to be cruel, we needed a job....and I mean they put us to work. Scrubbing toilets, spot cleaning laudry, etc. We lived on a farm, the jobs were endless. The Golden rule was golden at our house and we learned that we better either not let our parents know or we had to change our stance. We became allys (not in a bad way) and pulled together as a team. They also felt like if we could not be kind to one another, play dates and activities were privelidges not earned. I certainly think that girls need to play with friends separately if possible, but I think learning to love our family comes first. My sisters are my lifeline even today.

I think competition and lack of confidence really come into play. Being active and achieving brings both of those to a new level and removes the pettiness and ugliness that comes from stepping over the other one to feel more superior.

Hope that gives you some ideas. J.

I think teaching them how to speak respectfully to one another from the git go, and consequences when they don't and also evaluating yourself as to who is getting all the attention might give you some answers to this. You are the best judge of what's going on in your home between them. Your youngest says this, but you are there, what do you see? If she is correct, you can step in and deal with the situation personally with each child letting them know what won't be tolerated. Fairness on your part as the mom is always a big factor because if not done equally as best as possible it will cause resentment in one or the other if you play favorites. Your older girl still needs a lot of what the 4yr. old needs. She's still a little girl yet and may be jealous. This as you know is very typical stuff, but you can do a lot to solve the problem. Watch and listen with an ear for each of them as individuals and you will find the answer.
Good luck

Whatever you do, don't force them to play together. My mom did this to me and my sister and it just made me hate her more. What made it even worse was that we were 6 years apart (I was the older one). Encourage them to share but also teach them to give each other alone time when they need it. It is very important especially since you are dealing with 2 different age groups. Also reward your older one when she is nice to her sister by saying thank you to her for being so nice.

I distinctly remember my mother saying to us (5 of us close in age) "You should be nicer to each other. Some day you will be the only ones to remember your childhood." And that some day is here. For some reason it really struck home with us and we began to try to be kinder (most days!)

That said, my sister and I fought a lot. I feel that if my mother had really listened to each of us and dealt with us individually about our own character flaws, that it would be better than just announcing "be nice." That being said, it's a great way to learn to get along with different personalities--sisters can be both alike and complete opposites.

You might see when the most problems occur. Bedtime? Put the 4 yr. old to bed first if she's causing trouble. Playtime? Maybe they need a rest hour for some time apart. My mantra is "Easy on me; hard on them."

Have you tried treating the 7 yr old like she treats the 4 yr old?? I would also turn the tide on the 4 yr old and treat her like she is treating her sister. Show them what it is like to be treated unkindly and then discuss the verse "be kind and loving to each other" "treat others like you would want to be treated".

Also there are some great resouces: Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen, and Grace Mally (book)(book); The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo (book); Teach the Diligently by Lou Priolo (book); and No Greater Joy Ministries magazine - free upon request www.nogreaterjoy.org or 1-866-292-9936. I would go to this website and look up the article called Sibling Squabbles, and there may be others that are helpful.

My sister - SAHM of 3 girls now 21, 18, and 14 yrs. Long ago she decided and made it a family rule that only kindness, love and acceptance would be exhibited in their home. She told her girls that there will be plenty of people outside in the "world" that will want to fight you and tear you down. Your home should be a "SAFE HAVEN" where as a member of your family you are safe from fights, ridicule, snide remarks, etc. She does not let them even pull bathing suit strings when they are in their own pool, even when no one else is around, because what they do then might be something they would do later and having your top fall off is degrading for the one who loses the top.

I have done the same for my home. Although mine are much younger, it is never too early to set up boundaries and rules. Hope this helps.

I am a SAHM of 2 boys and a girl. 6 yrs, 3 yrs and 17 mos.

What a challenge! We have 11 children and home school and I still haven't figured it all out. I will recommend a resource though. www.nogreaterjoy.org. They archive the articles from the free newsletter and I am sure they will have one on sibly rivalry...I have probably even read it. It just seems like this is an on going issue and seems to be worse in the girls from my experience. All I can say is deal with it firmly NOW! I hope you find some ideas that will work for your family! We are real bug on having rules posted along with the consequences. One of ours was having to do something to serve the other person when we are ugly to them or mean. Doing one of there jobs for them, etc.

Best of luck to you!

K. B

I don't have any advice Just to tell you that my kids are the same way and mine are Girl, Boy. My daughter does EVERYTHING she can ,or it seems that way,to irritate her brother. Which turns him into a whiney little twerp. So I'm right there with ya. I think It's most likely their ages.

Try putting them in a room together for a day with only a few things they can do together. They may sulk or fight for a little bit, but they usually end up getting along if left alone to work things out. It's the old school thinking, but I grew up in the old school and I'm the youngest of 3 girls and we are best friends in our 50's today!

My sister and I are two years apart. We didn't "like" each other until we were in our upper 20's. We have VERY different personalities.
Don't try to force them to like each other. But they should follow your rules for being polite and respectful and have consistent consequences for breaking them.
You might even try discussing with them individually the difference between love and like. You love your sister but it's alright to not like her actions.
Good luck.

I dony think you can make them like each other, but they can be respectful of one another. When my brother and I were this same age, we were arguing in the backseat and my mom threatened to make us hold hands if we did not stop. What she did next was the best part though...she followed through. We had to hold hands. She knew this was an issue for us - we did not want to touch. But we decided from that point on that we would rather get along than to do that again. We are still friends today. You have to step in and possibly be harsh. Find what is important to your oldest and if she acts out, then that priveledge is revoked. If she doesn't have consequences to her actions, she will never learn as such. Now will making them hold hands work for your girls? I doubt that is the magic solution. But you have to set boundaries. If she is allowed to continue to be mean, then she will be. And ultimately that is not good for either child or the family. Negotiate and let them be a part of the resolution so their voices are heard and they will be clear on the rules of the situation. Good luck!

First, do you have a sister? My mom does not, and she always thought my sister and I were downright evil to each other, but we're actually quite close. Sisters battle like no others. That's also a tough age gap at this age, because the little one is too young to be relatable for the elder.

That said, I would remind the older one particularly that even when her sister drives her nuts, it's the one friend she'll have for life, so to go easy on her sister. Try to find things that the older one knows how to do and can teach the little one, too. As a last resort, my mom used to make us sit and stare at each other until we could smile. She said the faces we made for the first ten minutes were hysterical, and then we'd laugh and team up to talk about how crazy she was.

My kids are 2 years apart, and from the birth of the second I've been reminding them that no matter what, they are a team and it's their job to look out for each other. It seems to help. Good luck, and remember that this isn't terminal.