Something got me thinking yesterday. My husband and I took the kids to the park. We didnt get there until lunchtime, it took me that long to get ready. By the time I fed the baby like 10 times, made the kids breakfast, got them dressed, got myself ready, packed the bag to go, all I could think about was that dang park bench. I couldnt wait to get there so I could just sit down and relax. When we get there, my husband is running around the playground like a maniac with the kids. They were having a blast. I was cracking up just watching them. They were even chasing each other with bugs. I couldnt help but think, if my husband wasnt there how boring it would be for them. I want to play with my kids and be the "cool" one. Do you ever feel like all you ever do is take care of them and you never get time to really enjoy them? Maybe its the new baby and Im just tired. But it made me sad.
Awww, you paint a lovely pix of you husband playing with the kids. How can that possibly be a BAD thing? It's not a competition!
Don't worry, those hormones will level out eventually, sigh. If they don't maybe it's time to do something about it?
:)
Its not the quantity of time you spend its the quality. They may not remember all those times you invested in playing with them at the park but they might remember you taking the time to take them all the time. They remember the smallest things like maybe that one time when they were taking a bath and you spike up their hair with shampoo and they thought it was funny......quality honey not the quantity.
I feel the exact same way. I really think this is normal.
I look at it this way - my husband doesn't get the joy (and of course pain!) of nursing the baby, bonding with the baby in the womb, and just being "mom". I am sure there are times my husband looks at me with our youngest and thinks, wow, I wish baby were like that with me. I can pick our son up and immediately he is happy - no matter what. That doesn't work for dad.
Dad is the funny one. He is the one that will get down on the floor, chase the kids, be a loud monster, etc. I am glad he has that. I have the other stuff. And I do play with them like that, just not as good as dad does. He is awfully proud of that.
=)
ps - how old is your baby now? Mine is almost 8 months and I feel less and less like this every day.
I totally know where your coming from. My hubby is the zany, crazy "cool" parent and I'm the more realistic, laid back parent. I've noticed that my kids choose which parent to entertain them based on what they want to do. I get all the cuddles and reading time (which my hubby misses) and he gets all the fun more active stuff (sports, playgrounds, etc.) time that I miss.
It all balances out in the end.
Of course you're TIRED! LOL You just had a baby. Give yourself a break!
Actually, my husband really surprises me with his "coolness' sometimes. Other kids LOVE coming here b/c my husband will pitch baseballs to them for hours, act like a goofball with them, etc.
He also has an amazing ability to put things into perspective that I totally miss sometimes. Things I think are a big deal and get all stressed over, he just laughs and says "Well, he'll know now!" LOL
He's a big teddy bear and he has turned out to be a really awesome dad.
that sounds about right, mommy is all work, daddy is all play......with the kids. Its what daddys do best!
no fret
We decided in out house that my husband is way too fun and playful to not be the "cool" parent. As long as he's willing to help with discipline when the time comes, it doesn't bother me. I like being the nurturing one they run to when they're hurt. It's just a different role in the family.
Too funny you posted this, just the other day I was thinking how tired I was of always being the bad guy. You know, the one who makes them brush their teeth, brush their hair, says no to friends, punishes them for misbehaving, etc etc etc. Don't get me wrong, hubby does all these things too, but somehow they don't seem to notice, they just remember all the fun times with him while they remember how Mom is such a drag. Funny thing is I actually take them to do a ton more than he does and play with them more too - but for some reason the fun things they remember the Daddy time more than the Mommy time.
I'm sure this is very common, but you don't have to let your husband be the "cooler" one. I'm not sure how old the baby is, but when your feeling up to it, switch roles with your husband and get in there. Also, allow your husband to take an active role in getting things ready, maybe that will help you not get so worn out from getting ready. I know this is all easier said than done, but I am a strong believer in the fact that it doesn't just have to be one parent that plays, you can get in there too!
Good Morning, Molly!
I totally get how you're feeling. Sometimes I feel the same way. When I used to stay home with the kids, I could play with them all day, but the minute Dad walks in, I'm chopped spinach! :)
But, I remember how much fun it was playing with Dad when I was little too. Wrestling, playing catch, throwing acorns at each other. There's just something about Dads. Mom was always looking out for my best interests, keeping me safe, but Dad kind of did that on the sly- in our minds, he was just a kid like us- we just happened to fit nicely in his lap. :)
Have a great day, Happy Friday!
Don't be sad!! How awesome that your kids have a Mom and Dad that will take them to the park and play with them!!! Those are great memories you are giving your kids You have a new baby...of COURSE you are tired!
We forget that men and women play differently with kids. Kids learn a great deal that we don't even realize they are learning. Playing w Dad is a GOOD thing. You won't always be so tired.... hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself!!!
Yeah my hubby is way cooler than me as well!
I feel that way, too. but then i figure, he is the "fun, cool" guy and the kids play with him. they never have asked me to play with them. they always want him. but any time they're hurt or need something they come to me. we balance eachother out.
My husband definitely "plays" with our kids more when we are out at a park or Bday party. But I'm the one who they run to if they fall down (even when Dad is standing right next to them), I get to do bedtime stories, I have taught them to do puzzles and I play playdoh with them. I'm the one who knows every inch of their little bodies from giving daily baths, and I know exactly what they want for Christmas while my husband wanders around the toy isle not sure where to start.
I decide to see the time they spend with their dad as my "break" time. Mom's don't get a break unless we schedule it, and I am really bad at doing this, so when he walks in the door I toss them all outside or whisper to my 6 year old "Go jump on Daddy's back!" and then I disappear into my room with a book ;)
I felt like that even BEFORE we had a kid but now my son confirms it.
Yes I do! When he and I show up together to pick them up, they run right past me to him.
Thing is with husbands to stay at home moms is it is your job it is their hobby. Just like maybe doing your husband's job for a couple hours a week would be a fun diversion so is taking the kids for a couple hours for him.
I am sure your energy will return. I was always the active one. I still climb trees and get into mischeif with them. Still when I was home with them all the time the only time I really play with them was when we went to parks and stuff.
I don't know, I guess I see this as normal full time mom.
Sweet Molly,
You just had a baby. Your body is still finding balance after pregnancy and birth. Having one baby is exhausting. You have THREE, and you're breastfeeding and caring for a newborn.
It WILL get different. You will be able to zoom around and *play* with your little ones. Right now though, you need to take it easy and try to be kind to yourself.
What I know of you is your kindness, and your compassion. I know you also like to laugh and have a sharp sense of humor. For me, my daughter's infancy was hard because I didn't get to experience myself as a whole woman. I was arms deep in Motherhood...only. But that transitioned. I have complete faith that you will be able to feel more of your whole complex (sexy, playful, creative, ____) womanhood. It's not gone, it's just resting while you tend to your newest family member.
Big hugs. I think you are amazing. And cool ;-)
ETA: XINE has a point...he's got more energy...and there's a biologic AND domestic reason. It was the same in my house too for a year. Finally, after my husband took a turn at being the stay at home parent, he stepped up and does his share (more).
The kids need both -- practical nurturing and playful fun. You don't always have to be the former and your hubby doesn't always have to be the latter. If this is the situation not just on that day but every single day, have a talk with the hubby and let him know how you feel. And then don't be afraid to get silly and just play with them no matter how tired you are. Sometimes even when I'm soo tired, I force myself to goof around with my 2 year old b/c he loves it so much when I do and usually within 20 seconds, I'm reenergized by his laugh and the obvious look of glee on his face. It's actually one of the few times in life when I don't care what people think or who's watching b/c I'm just so entranced by how happy I'm making my little guy. So make time for fun too! and have your hubby help you next time!!
Well, I do all of the prep work and most of the play also, because my husband has a LONG commute and so the weekends tend to be rest time for him, and he's not a big park person. But at home, he is definitely the one that takes the playing role 90% of the time. Annoying sometimes because it's not fair...but it is what it is :o). I work full-time, go to school for my MBA, and also do most of the house work (thought I'm sure he'd say the same). So by the time I have done everything for the day and made, served, and cleaned up the 3rd meal of the day, I'm done!
