Leaving Kids for First Time Ever!!!!

You will be fine! Everyone needs to get out and enjoy themselves sans kids every once in a while!! And it will be a good daddy/kid time for them. I would probably just tell the kids you are going bye bye for a little while to see some friends. How exciting for you! I do not have a problem taking some time away from the kids, but I have friends that never do. It is so nice to just be 'off duty' for a while and enjoy being with friends. Have fun!!

{{{hugs}}} I know how you feel! I just recently left my 2 kids, dd is 4 and ds is nearly 19 months. I'd only left my dd when I went to the hospital to have my ds. I'd never been away from ds. I left them with my mom (she stayed at our house) while dh and I went to his awards banquet and spent the night in the hotel.

The kids did wonderful. My dd helped me get ready to go and was so excited that I was "going to a ball", she is very into princesses LOL. She did initially ask if she could come with, but I explained that it was for adults only and that I would think of her the whole time. She asked me to tell her all about it when I got home and also asked if I'd take pictures. So I did, I took pictures of EVERYTHING with my digital camera! The hotel room, the bathroom, the banquet room, each course of the meal, the people that sat at our table, etc. It helped me to get through the evening knowing that I was doing something for my dd kwim? My ds, I was mostly nervous about him going to bed without me and going a whole day without nursing since we still bf a few times a day. He did wonderful too.

When we got home they were very happy to see us, they enjoyed the pictures. We had a great time. It was good for everyone.

I'd be honest with your children and let them know that you are going with your friends to a grown ups only party and will be home the next day or whenever. See if they have any questions. Go, have a wonderful time!!! You deserve it. I warn you though, after you do this, you may be planning another get away. I know I've been fantasizing about it now that I know that everyone will survive LOL!

Hi C.,

I remember the first time I left my girls, and I went to California! They were 1 and 2. It was a business trip, but still, I was crying on the plane. (my husband was home with the girsl) I found it amazing how great it was to be alone again, I was gone for 3 days, 2 nights. by day three I was ready to go home. I also stay home with my girls, who are 3 (tomorrow!) and 4 1/2. I have since had maybe 4 nights, not at once, but 4 total and trust me, its well worth it. You are a better mom to relax, clear your mind, and go back a much happier mom. Your husband will thank you too! Its so stressful to stay home, and being home all the time makes it that much harder to leave. Trust me, you'll be saying, why didn't I do this sooner and I need to do this more often!

I also am always honest where I am going, my girls will cry that they want to come with, and it breaks my heart, but 5 minutes after I leave they are fine. I always call to see if they are ok, my husband laughs and says have fun. Remember too, you are always with your kids, its nice for them to have a break from you too and bond with your husband. And he'll appreciate you even more when you come home! ;-)

Have a great time, and don't worry, they'll be fine and you'll be fine too!

;-) H.

Dear C.,
Enjoy the time with your girlfriends. Your children are no longer babies and they will enjoy their time with Daddy. It is time for YOU to step back a little and let the children have a little longer leash. That is, if you want them to be able to eventually function on their own. And don't let them see your "sadness", they don't need to feel guilty about your being "sad".

HI C.,

My hunch is that you have left your older child once, and that was to deliver your younger child. But I may be wrong.

Ya gotta think about the effect you are having upon your kids. Your fear of leaving them is suggesting to them that they are not capable of taking care of themselves and that they NEEEEEEED mommy around ALL OF THE TIME OR ELSE SOMETHING TERRIBLE WILL HAPPEN TO THEM!!!!

Not exactly a good message.

You might want to do a little introspection and see where your
attitude is coming from. Did you ever feel abandoned or
uncared for by a parent or someone similar? Do you know of any instance where a mother left her toddlers and they had a traumatic incident?

So go to the shower by all means. Check in with your husband on a pre arranged schedule, and have him call you too if that makes you feel better.

But look at the reality of the situation. And conduct yourself accordingly.

And if the anxiety continues, give me, or another psychologist a call to help you work this through. Not only will you feel better, but your kids will feel a lot better.

R. Katz, Psy.D.
www.richardkatz.org

Holy cow. I could not imagine not ever leaving Connor. Connor spent the night with Grandma and Grandpa when he was 3 months old and 4 days with them when he was 5 months old and we went to Vegas. We started leaving Connor early so he will be used to other people. He is 7 months now and loves being with other people and does not have any problems when we are away. He has had a babysitter and he stays with my SIL for evenings. He has only spent the night with my parents though. I trust them completely. I miss him and call to check in and "talk" to him, but we both do fine. I had cousins who were never left until they were older and then they screamed and cried the whole time because they were not used to it. It was awful.

Enjoy yourself. It is good for them to spend time with your hubby! I'm sure he will enjoy it too!

Tell them the truth about where you are going and that it is for mommies only. You are only going to be gone for one day!! It is actually beneficial for you and your kids to not be together 24/7. Don't make such a big deal out of it, this will cause unecessary stress and concern for your kids. Enjoy yourself and have a great time. You can tell your kids all about it when you get home!! They will love for you to share the experience with them, and then they can tell you what they did while you were gone.

In a few years you'll be escorting your eldest to kindergarten where you'll cry all over again. I can laugh now at how silly it seems in hindsight, but hindsight always is 20/20.

Try your best to save those tears for when you have gotten on the road and put the house out of view by your rearview mirror. I always am sad when having to say goodbye and think it is a natural condition of motherhood, but we must always keep our tears in check. Your eldest might understand that you'll be gone a day but your youngest won't even know how long that is in most cases. You have to go stay with a friend but will be back by [blank] and love them both VERY much. Calling will help both of you. They don't need long explanations.

Don't make it a big affair to say goodbye too. It'll make it much harder on the both of you. If they sense your sadness (with a delayed goodbye) they'll both likely throw very big fits that will be repeated in the future.

Think of it this way...it is GOOD for your kids for you to leave once in a while. It teaches them that they will be fine without mommy. And it is good for mommy too. When I first left my daughter (for a couple days) when she was 2, I too was so upset like you but after a few tears (mine) I was actually fine. I think the time leading up to leaving is the hardest...thinking about going, etc. Besides, having a little time to yourself or with your girlfriends will recharge your batteries and make you a better mom. Try not to stress, you will have a wonderful time with your friends and teach your children a valuable lesson in the process.

No matter how many times you leave them, you'll always miss them! Why are you afraid to tell them the truth? You're the mother, if you say no, then no is no. Have fun!

Mentally prepare yourself. Be strong AND POSITIVE when you tell your kids. If you are sad and fearful they will be too. Independence is a gift you give your kids. It lets them know they can do things for themselves. Maybe have something special planned with Dad that day that you can tell the girls about. You will miss them and think about them. Your heart will ache but they will be fine. And finally, enjoy your free time with the gals!

I understand you're being nervous about missing them and everything, but seriously, try to remember the C. that you were BEFORE you had kids! I think too many moms are completely forgetting who they were before kids, and completely feel lost when they're not around their children. There's nothing wrong with taking some time away from your kids to spend with friends, family, or just by yourself to refresh your soul. As far as not telling your kids where you're going, why? I always tell my daughter where I'm going, and when she asks to go, I just tell her "no, honey, mommy's going by herself this time. You stay here and have fun with daddy." She cries sometimes when I leave, but I know she's just crying to try to get her way and have me stay because as soon as I am gone, I call home and she's fine. So, go have fun, get in touch with the old C., and come back to your family feeling excited about hanging out with some old friends and refreshed!.