Ok how does your 7 year old act? Tonight I told my son we were going to practice spelling words. Suddenly he is to tired and wants to go to bed! Well then when I would not let him go to bed, then he tells me he has other homework due tomorrow (I thought it was due on Fri but it was a tittle confusing so he may be right). OK so I tell we better get that done then! Oh no I told him to do his spelling test so that is all he is going to do! After a fight I finaly sent him to bed as it was starting to get late. (I got off of work late so we would not have had time to do both or I would have just went with the flow). He does not like football anymore because the other kids are better then him. I told him I or his dad would love to practice with him and my hubby realy wants to work out with him. he is excited at the idea, but then always makes excuses as to why he can't do it at the time (don't feel well, tired, has other things to do, even that the other parent told him no when that is not true at all). I am very frusterated. This was my kid that walked late because if he sat there long enough i would eventualy HAVE to pick him up and carry him. He is a very smart kid and I do not want to see him cheating him self out of something great that he could do in life. Anyone with a kid like this and does it get better or anything I can do? I try to encuage him as much as possible and stay positive, but it is very hard some days!
thank you for all the advise. I will make him sit there until he does his homework next time. He is in scouts and my hubby and I are the cubmasters so I guess we might be doing something right! I just want to make sure that in the end i know I did everythign i could do to make him a great man1 I called my mom last night and she laughed at me and told me payback is great!! LOL Thank you!
I wouldn't make homework and exercise an option. Schedule times for those and make it part of his routine.
He needs to do his homework before he watches TV or anything else...
Homework is not negotiable. If he gives you grief about homework now and you cave, he's going to get worse and worse. I'd have kept that child up until midnight doing those spelling words -- I'd put the paper in front of him and read the first word and told him to write it. Once they were done, any he got wrong he'd be writing 5 times each. Trust me -- they learn those words real quick when they have to write them 5 times each.
I think he needs Karate... they motivate, give structure and discipline, and teach self defense -- an invaluable tool. My son loved it -- has a black belt.
As for practicing football - you need to make him do it. Don't ask if he wants to go play, tell him that, "Come on! We're going out to toss the football around! Let's go!" Don't give him the option. If he whines, you simply ignore the whine and tell him again, "come on!!"
Keep the positive.
Make him do.
LBC
This is when they learn to do homework, in preparation for when it's harder and they have more. You can't do it for him, no matter how much he tries to get out of doing it. And if he continues to tell you he's tired or doesn't feel well, call his bluff and tell him you need to take him to the doctor to see if he's ill.
Set aside a certain time for him to do it everyday, before TV, even if he has none you can have him review spelling words or math for 15 minutes or so. The point is to get him into the practice. Put the responsibility on him to do it, be there to answer questions, but busy yourself with something of your own to do. If he slacks off and it's reflected in low test scores or his not understanding something you can point out to him that's the reason he needs to do homework.
His self-esteem seems to be lacking, hence he finds excuses not to practice and it seems, his homework. You'll need to constantly motivate him, and not give in to his excuses, for his own good. I noticed that another mom recommended getting him into Scouts, and I second that, it's a great motivator and Dad can do fun things with him there.
He's sound normal to me. Leave him be. He's 7! The start of the school year is tough - new routines, long days, lot's to learn. Football at age 7 is a lot too. If he enjoys something, let him do it and if not, leave him some freedom to try something else. Of course he has to get his school work done, but he doesn't have to like it. Extra-curriculars are for fun.
Maybe just take your enthusiasm and expectations down a bit and see what happens when he's allowed to lead himself. I tutor a boy who took himself off of his IEP in 10th grade (after 6 successful years on it) because he was suffocating under all the encouragement. He didn't care that his grades suffered, he was happy to be free of all of the relentless help. You sound very concerned and encouraging and enthusiastic, which is great, but maybe it's too much if you're like that all the time. Not everyone wants a cheerleader all the time. Some people just want to hear someone say "yeah that stinks" and commiserate every once in a while.
not lazy but discouraged, and lacking self esteem ... I would look into a mentor or boys and girls club or big brother's big sister's program ... something to help get him some self worth.
He says he doesn't like football because the other kids are better. Sounds like a little perfectionist in the making to me. He would rather not do something at all if he can't do it perfectly. You need to nip this behavior in the bud.
I volunteered in my youngest daughter's art class last week. I saw this 8yr old girl, Amanda, in the corner, crying. I know Amanda - she is a perfectionist. I asked her what was wrong and she held up her beautiful picture and said she made a mistake and wanted to start over. I told her that her picture was fine (really, it was), and we only had 5 minutes before clean-up. After a hug, I got her a tissue and brought the art teacher over. The art teacher let her bring some other paper home to work on her portrait. One of the boys in the class took her picture out of the recycle bin (Amanda had thrown it away), and told her it was perfect the way it was. I thanked the boy (a real sweetheart) and put Amanda's picture in with her classmates.
I felt so bad for her. She had a very hard time moving past "it's not perfect". I always tell kids that it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be done. I tell them that mistakes can happen to anyone and that's okay.
How do you handle mistakes at home? Are you always striving to be perfect? Or how about your husband? Does he berate himself if something isn't done properly? Kids do pick up these things.
But if he truly doesn't like football, encourage him to try other sports. I tell my kids that even Michael Jordan had to learn to play basketball at one time. He didn't even make his high school team.
Everyone starts at the beginning. It's the only way to learn and the more you practice, the better you will get.
Good luck!
My son (7 in Nov) is EXACTLY like this...all caps for a reason :) It is his personality and with some proper coaching, motivating and challenging it will help build a healthy foundation. I have some very laid back people in my immediate family, which equates to laziness in adulthood. I am doing everything I can now to reprogram his little brain ;) He doesn't like any sports, NONE! He is the mastermind/engineer type and needs to be challenged in those areas and gets his exercise biking, swimming, scooter, running around, etc. We don't have weight issues, so we're not shoving sports down his throat yet. I agree with previous poster/ladybug about putting him in karate. My son has taken karate and they hammer at those very areas we need! He will be starting karate again this fall and I can't wait, because it does make a difference. We have only been in school for a week and had homework the very first day and I am already pulling my hair out! He is HORRIBLE when it comes to homework! He is a master negotiator and will work every angle to get out of it...drives me crazy. Last night we spent 2 1/2 hours getting through homework and some assignments he didn't finish in class because he was going too slow. The kid is a genius and knows this stuff, he just needs to hustle at it! He feels no sense of urgency for anything EVER! I partially blame myself for doing everything for him since he was teeny tiny, because I have been known to be impatient ;) We're singing a different tune around here and coaching him to HUSTLE, HUSTLE...he's responding well, but gets irritated. Good luck, it is normal for your son to be like this. Just do something about it now to avoid laziness later in life.
My kids were latchkey at that age for about an hour till one of us got home from work. They knew what their snack was and were able to get it when they got home, the other rule was all homework had to be done right away. If there was something they didnt "get" we would go over that when dad or I got home. Having a structured schedule really helps, and waiting until evening is usually too late for most kids, they just arent into it when they start getting tired.
As for football, do you guys attend his practices or does he go without you? Usually kids like to impress their parents during sports. At 7, if he's not liking football ask him what sport he would like to try. The more you expose them to the better off you are, eventually they find something they are passionate about. He's 7 and manipulating what he can get away with. This is an important age to let them know that once they make a decision on something they need to carry it through, otherwise you might find him being a "quitter" at everything if he knows he has that option. Being a parent is a hard job.
At the start of first grade here, my son's teacher gave us a pamphlet that compares the 5, 6 and 7 year old in regards to emotional, behavioral, competitiveness, (etc) areas of stages/phases. Your son's behavior ssounds pretty normal to what this pamphlet was showing. My advice would be to look up stages of age development. I've heard that a lot of parentling frustration is simply caused by us parents not knowing the stages of development past age 1.
Onn the football he just may not like it anymore.. my kids get bored easily on some things.On homework seeing as I have 4 kids make him do it as soon as he gets home from school.. Does he have an agenda saying due dates on his work or can the teacher email you what he needs to do..I know from experiences kids will put off homework
get him into Scouts...it will motivate him.
As for the homework, it's the #1 priority each night. He may only be 7, but if you let him slide/slack....it will only get harder in middle/high school. Contact the school counselor/PTO for ideas on how to get him moving!
But I will also say: the more you mouth....the less he'll do! You have to approach this very carefully.....maybe even practice what you preach! Sit & read a book, balance your checkbook, etc ....while he's doing his work. It really does help.
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
This is a very interesting article... that might help.
This is also a very good book: "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk."
