Kid Showing My Kids Inappropriate Youtube

How about just telling the other kid, "Please don't show any more videos to Maisie without asking me first if it's okay for her to watch."

Because it was Taylor Swift it is okay?

I sense a little prejudice/bias...

Suppose it were Rhianna would it still be okay?

I think Isn'tThisFun had good advice. Never assume that the mom knows what the kids are doing when she's not around. You might ask, since the kids are of different ages, if the carpool could be a cellphone-free zone, other than calling a parent, but no videos. Ultimately, it's up to her. I wouldn't have a problem with that sort of request, but it's up to her.

Hi H., I tried to use "age inappropriate" exposure to things as learning opportunities.

Like talk about the thing with them. In an easy going, non confrontational way. Like you're not upset, they're not in trouble, let's just talk about this thing way.

Often times I used humor or sarcasm. "Wow, those girls' moms must be soooo proud", eye roll. Or with casual seriousness, "You know girls like that get themselves in a lot of trouble and no one likes them, right? You know people who behave like that can't be a (insert your child's life goals here), right?

I mean the tone of the conversation is "you're better than that", you know?

I don't think it's a good idea to shield your kid from undesirable things past the age where you can actually discuss the subject with them. I mean past the age where THEY have to capacity to understand what you're saying.

This way, you will also be creating an environment where they feel comfortable coming to you with the hard stuff.

Hope this helps.

:)

Why are you going to talk to the mom? Talk to your daughter. She needs to know your rules, not a mom who drives her. It is not the carpool mom or anyone else's responsibility to enforce your rules, that is your job.

My kids have always known my standards. They have always told their friend, I am not allowed to... That is my job as a parent, to parent my kids. If my kids want to ignore my rules then I punish them.

If you cannot tell I have a real problem with lazy parents that want me to abide by their rules so they don't have to parent their children. Sorry but I won't be the bad guy so mommy doesn't have to.

Oh

My

God

Taylor Swift? The most wholesome singer on earth?

At least I would have know just from hearing it was Taylor Swift. You may want to get off your high horse for the sake of your child.

I wouldn't "confront" the other mom, rather, I'd approach it as if you are on the same page and you assume that she is unaware that her daughter is watching this stuff. She may BE unaware!

Some parents tell their kids something and then just assume the kids do as instructed, never checking to see or monitoring, because their kids are "good kids".

Let her know, gently, that, "I don't know if you know how capable Sally is with apps on the phone, but this morning she was pulling up youtube videos and watching/showing them... some of them seemed a little beyond her years. I didn't know if you were aware she was doing that or not."

And then let it go. The only other thing you can do is ask them not to use the devices (other than to contact their parent) while in your car. Your car, your rules, except if it interferes with her contacting her parent. So she can make calls or text, but other use you can say "no" to in your car. At least, that's how I would handle it.

If you're going to homeschool, I hope you'll at least stop saying she has a sweat little head.

Eta - this is what's known as a teachable moment, and Julie is right - your kid is NOT going to be in a bubble (nor should she be) as much as you want it. These are called life skills. Teach her now to tell her friends she's not allowed to watch videos without your okay. Dictating other parents' values is not how you enforce your own family's behaviors and choices. The world is going to gobble her up whole if she can't navigate these scenarios.

Some of the wildest kids I know went to private, church school. mind.. 2 of the girls, now women are 2 women that have admitted to me they had abortions. It was because both of them came from families that did not speak about "things.." Keep it in mind" Informing and being open will protect your child the best. YOU are her best teacher.

It is a learning moment.
Explaining that it is not appropriate for her age and that behavior is just not behavior with your values.

I would not go overboard, instead it is a good time for one of those conversations where you talk about being appropriate in our behaviors.

You would prefer she not watch videos like that because.....
Twerking is not appropriate because.....
Some people have different values and that is fine for them, but not for your family because you believe....

You will not always be around to guide her or protect her so you suggest she... when someone shows her something that is too grown up, too racy.. and just not appropriate.

The way she will know it is inappropriate is because it will make her feel embarrassed in a bad way. It may hurt her feelings.. It may frighten her.. you give her some examples on how to react, the words to use.

You have this conversation spread over time, not all at once. Then role play with her, have dad join in.

If my son was riding in another mom's car, and that mom told him that she didn't allow Youtube or iPods in the car I would expect my kid to leave the iPod in his pocket. So, when you drive make a rule of no Youtube in the car. If I were driving someone else's child, and that mom told me her snowflake wasn't allowed to see Youtube I would ask my son not to show it to her. I would also expect you to make your expectations clear to your own child about what she is and isn't allowed to watch, because the best and only internet filter is what you teach your child.

If the worst my child ever saw was Taylor Swift, i'd count myself lucky...

H.,

While I agree with talking to the other mom to let her know what is going on - you MUST talk to your daughter.

We have encountered this problem - younger kids being exposed to inappropriate things - ours was movies. So what did we do? We talked with our kids about "age appropriate" things...and movies at age 6 that are "R" rated are NOT appropriate RIGHT NOW for you...we didn't use NEVER as we didn't want to create the taboo mentality.

Talk with your daughter. Tell her it's OKAY to tell her friends that that's NOT acceptable for her to watch. Doesn't matter what they say back - tell them "if you are REALLY my friend, you will respect my wishes" - yeah it's pretty deep for a six year old...but that's life.

Good luck!

You reached over and took it and shut it off - you could/should have asked her if her mom knows she watches those types of videos. You would have known right away from her non-verbal reaction to the question. If mom allows, then the rule would be "not in my car." If mom doesn't know, well she would now. Either way, puts an end to that happening in your car.

Teach your daughter how to say, "I don't want to watch that." The sooner you start teaching her media literacy and how to self-monitor what she sees the better.

I applaud your desire to keep her sheltered as long as possible. We are doing the same. But, I would caution about totally keeping things away from her. I went to a Christian college. A lot of the people I saw who "strayed from the path" our freshmen year were people who came from very strict homes. Suddenly the "forbidden" was available without a parent overseeing everything. The temptations to "taste the forbidden" were hard to resist.

You will need to find a good balance of sheltering and exposing with guidance. At times we let our 7 year old watch things (or we read books to her) that others might think are too mature for her. But we watch it with her and talk about what she is seeing, why behaviors she is seeing might not be appropriate, etc. But it is always with guidance. I know I can't protect her forever. I want to give her the tools she needs so that when I'm not there she can make the right choices.

i'm giggling a little over the 'raunchiest parts' of a taylor swift video.......
you have every right to 'hold off' as long as you feel appropriate. and i'm actually with you in eyeing twerking askance. and i'd probably sigh heavily, roll my eyes, and mutter under my breath if my 6 year old daughter were shown something like that.
and my first line of defense would be to work with my own child on how to say firmly 'we're not supposed to watch that sort of video in my family.'
that's harder than it sounds. 6 year olds aren't great on self-policing. but it's where it all begins. you can't control the world, but you can certainly teach your own kids your family values, even if some of us find 'em a little quaint.
i have to say, i'm a little twerked myself by your attitude toward the mom. you disapprove of her so heavily for letting her daughter watch taylor swift (giggle) that you actual post about it and are considering bringing the matter up to her, but because you need her you don't want to get 'persnikity.' so when the rubber meets the road, convenience trumps values?
if this were me, i'd tell my daughter 'i don't care for that sort of video because it reduces girls to sex objects' and role play a little- just a little- on having boundaries with friends. but this would be a pretty small blip for us. as far as the other mom, the most i'd do would be to say 'versimillia showed my perdita a twerking vid on the smartphone yesterday, so i've made a no-screen rule in the car. that okay with you?'
i would not be confrontational, or accusatory, or judgmental. but for me it would be because it's not a huge deal, not because i needed the favor.
khairete
S.

At 6 years old your daughter is young enough so that you still have influence just by being mommy. So I would talk to the other kid's mom, but talk to your daughter too. I would tell her that other kids might watch things on the internet or TV that are not allowed for her, and let her know your reasons (the content is scary, it's not good for kids, it's different moral/ethical/spiritual values than your family has, etc.). Then tell her that you expect her to follow the family's rules even when she's with her friends.

It won't work forever, but it's a good early lesson.

You are an awesome mom, wish there were more moms like you. Keep up the *sheltering*.

Which would you prefer.... that she see it in the car so you KNOW what it was....or that she see it on the playground and you have no way to open conversation?

I have to say that I disagree with shutting it off and making the car a technology free zone.

At least it was Taylor Swift..... when my daughter was in Kindergarten I had to explain Lady Gaga!!!!!

I agree with using it as a teachable moment..... but make sure you start out asking questions.... not preaching.

Did she like the video? What did she like about it?
What does she like about that kind of dancing? What does it say?
Where does that kind of dancing come from?
When it is appropriate to twerk?
That conversation will go much further than just telling her it is wrong to dance that way.

Because it's not *wrong* to dance that way, is it? It may be inappropriate in certain circumstances. But it's not just flat out "wrong", is it?

There's a bigger message in that song, however. And I hate to jump on the Taylor Swift bandwagon, because, well whatever.

But, if you watch the video - Taylor Swift is making a statement to "shake off" people who tell you to be something you are not. To "shake off" the haters that don't like what you do. To "shake off" the fact that someone says you can't do something "right". So she is in a bunch of different 'styles' of dancing - ballet, twerking, break dancing, modern etc. She is doing all of them (poorly) and then "shaking off" the critics.
That would have been a good conversation to have with your daughter. About the message of the song and what your daughter's thoughts are about all those different styles of dancing and why they are culturally significant to different ethnicities.

And the bigger message.... don't let the 'haters' make you feel bad for taking a stand on what YOU are about.

Well, I have even less control than you, because my child rides the bus. The bus has 60+ kids from age 5-12 on it. Plus, you know, there's recess at school. Recess is all kids in the same grade, but who knows what they talk about when the adults are out of earshot. I accept that some lack of control is part of life.

I do have limits about what my child is exposed to at our house. But of course he is exposed to much more through other kids. I don't try to go to the other kids' parents (how could I with so many kids on the bus, at recess at school, etc). I try to talk about everything at home. I take every opportunity as one to trigger discussion. Just last week my son used a swear word (correctly in a sentence). When I pointed out to him that it was a swear word, he looked horrified - either he didn't know or he's a really good actor. Either way, I used it as an opportunity to talk about how just because other people use some words doesn't mean that it's ok.

I would take the same approach with the video (and have taken this approach when something unexpected comes on TV (think commercials during sporting events). I talk about why some people do outrageous things to get attention, but that it's not a good kind of attention. That commercials and TV are not real life (even reality TV is not real life). Etc.

Good luck.

I try to use those influences as a teaching tool. As a musician, I'm probably more lenient than other moms on what I'll let the kids watch or hear. Don't get me wrong- lewd, violent, or cursing is a no go.
My son (8) asked me what twerking was recently on the way home from school. I told him exactly what it is- a hip-hop dance move. This led into what hip-hop is and what defines the genre. We came home and listened to some hip-hop and danced (no twerking tho- lol!). I taught him the "running man". Hilarious.
So instead of slamming the door on his inquisitive mind, I try to open it up to something new (and appropriate).

You did not say how old the other girl in the carpool is. She is too young (not an adult is too young) to be watching that kind of stuff for not only your strict standards, but society's standards.

Tell the mom (and other moms in the carpool). You can choose to be informative. One of the children had access to a phone/internet and was showing X in my car. I wanted you all to be aware of the incident and hope if anything happens on your watch you could let me know too.

It is SUPER easy for kids to be on youtube watching a sweet Thomas the Train videos and have obscene options next to it. I even clicked on one and it was a Thomas with really bad words switched. If my child was just clicking on the options and I was folding clothes (not listening) he could have heard A LOT. Now years later he little ears have hear an ear full.

I would be freaked out if my six year old starting reenacting that and I had no clue where she saw it.

Now if this is acceptable (not stopped or monitored by the other mother) you need to make your life difficult and not allow your child to be supervised by this parent.

I think you handled it well. Unfortunately, I don't think small church school help that much in the sheltering department, at least that has been my experience. I think the other side to dealing with protecting your kids is talking to them about what you see. I actually think its a more effective way then trying to shield them from everything. That way, they will understand and be more critical of what they see and experience. For me, that is the number one way I deal with influences I don't approve of.

Updated

I think you handled it well. Unfortunately, I don't think small church school help that much in the sheltering department, at least that has been my experience. I think the other side to dealing with protecting your kids is talking to them about what you see. I actually think its a more effective way then trying to shield them from everything. That way, they will understand and be more critical of what they see and experience. For me, that is the number one way I deal with influences I don't approve of.

Talk to the mom about your concerns and go from there. You might make it a rule in your car that phones and other devices are OFF. When we had a neighbor girl show SD and her then 11 yr old friends an unmoderated chat room, we shut that down quickly and they could no longer play on the computer with that girl. She stopped coming over much, which was fine with us.

You also need to talk to your kid about why you don't feel x and y is appropriate. It can be simple. "DD that video has language I don't approve of. We don't curse in our family." Or "I don't agree with what the girl was wearing or how she was dancing. I don't feel it's appropriate for a little girl." The answers get more complex as they get older. I say to my DD that I don't approve of underpants showing as a precursor to "don't let your bra straps show" down the road.

Well, you've found out how long it can last. Til today.

Your child is out there in the big bad world and all of her friends have phones and tablets and other stuff. They take them outside at recess and play with them. They show kids stuff that most parents have no idea of what they've found.

I suggest you talk to your daughter and let her know it's not okay with you for her to look at those naughty toys. I don't think it will last though, not when everyone else is doing it.

This weekend we had a small competition and one of the groups got up and actually were twerking! I was so appalled and they didn't score higher for doing it. They were a little older too but still, the audience was full of little kids.

I can't protect my kiddos from seeing this stuff but I can try and teach them how to feel about it, that it's something for a husband and wife, that it makes them look like their advertising their hiney for sale, and more.

It's too late for kids to be protected from this stuff. It's not your place to tell this other parent what they can or cannot let their child do. The only thing you can do is tell your child they should not watch it and hope they listen.

My issue was violence when my kids were little. So, yeah, none of them play football, I held off on violent games for them, we had "rules" about pretend play that involved weapons. Nudity and sex are different things, sexual content like kissing was never censored, nudity in the context of art (including film and tv) was also never censored. Each kid was probably 12/13 before they saw imitated sexual acts on tv and in movies (couples under the sheets or showering together). We never had cable, I don't approve of most of what is on tv including "news channels" and reality tv. And I despise commercials. On the other hand, my kids can sing a lot of Dead Kennedys songs, so...

But then along came hulu and Netflix. And then the Wii and the PS3. And cell phones. I admit to feeling more comfortable that my teens all have cell phones, and they used gameboys and ipod touches when they were younger. I am very glad that most of these things were NOT around when they were little. I understand how hard it is to stick to your guns, but if you feel that strongly about it, use it as a conversation starter with your daughter. Introduce the "trash" (lol) little by little, and keep it simple. But isolating her through homeschooling to protect her from the world is not a good idea, in my opinion. Better to help her navigate it :)