JFF: Joke Anyone

A guy dies and end up in Haides. The devil meets him and says "Welcome to Hell, you can go into door #1, door #2 or door #3. The guy asks if he can look inside first before he decides and the the devil tells him "sure". So he open door number 1 and everyone is on fire and screaming at the top of their lungs in pain. The guy says " Um, let me see door number 2. The devil opens the door and all the people are standing in chards of glass, all bleeding and their skin ripped to shreds and they are all screaming in pain. The guy says "let me see behind door number 3. The devil opens door number 3 and everyone is standing waist deep in sh*t drinking coffee and chatting and seeming pretty cheerful. So the guy tells the devil he'll take door number 3. The devil says "you got it, go on in". The guy wades into the room of sh*t and someone hands him a cup of coffee then all of a sudden a loud buzzer sounds and the devil shouts "OKay coffee break's over back on your heads!"

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal..."

Lol. Allison's joke reminded me of one I heard years ago.

A pregnant woman got into a car accident. She woke from a coma, only to be told by her doctor 'We couldn't wait any longer to deliver. And guess what? You had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother came in and named them for you!' The woman had a moment of panic, remembering that her brother was a known idiot. She resigned herself, and asked 'Well, what did he name the girl?' The doctor says "Denise". The woman thinks to herself that Denise isn't a bad name at all, maybe her brother isn't such an idiot. She then asks 'What did he name the boy?' To which the doctor replies "Denephew."

One evening Superman had nothing to do so he decided to fly over his Super Friend's homes to see what they were up to.

He flew over Spiderman's house...used his xray vision and saw Spiderman spinning his web. "Nah, that looks boring. Better check and see what Batman and Robin are doing."So he flew over their house used his xray vision and saw Batman and Robin playing gears of war. "Ugh! With my powers that won't be much of a challenge. I better go see what Wonder Woman is up to. " Off he flew to Wonder Woman's house. He used his xray vision and saw Wonder Woman in bed, naked, flat on her back with her legs spread wide and moaning in ecstasy. " Whoa! This is more like it" So faster than the speed of light.... wham!!! bam!!! "What the f*ck was that!", exclaimed Wonder Woman. " I don't know but my bootie hurts.", said Invisible Man.

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A study has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire... No further studies are expected on this subject.

A family of 8, two parents, 6 kids. The husband was so pround of himself, he kept calling his wife "mother of 6" in front of other people and even in the house. He just NEVER called her by first name. One day, at a party, she was just so sick of it, when the husband called her from the other side of the house: "Mother of 6, it's time to go, gather the kids!" she responded: "Sure thing, father of 4"....;-)