Jealousy - Nicholasville,KY

Have you tried just letting the kids work it out? i have 4 and i babysit so jealousy is something i deal with all the time between my own and the others, and i have found that the more i interfere the worse things get,now saying mean things is one thing, but taking charge when another child doesn't isn't a big deal, my youngest is a bossy little thing while her sister is not, but she can be, she will stick up for herself if she has to and she really wants something but she's so laid back she normally doesn't care and just goes with the flow which means my 4 year old takes charge. for awhile it bugged us, the oldest is my step daughter so it's been a new thing for us all and we worried that she felt she HAD to do waht the younger wanted and we kept getting involved, and then she would end up bored playing alone while the little one threw a fit because she got scolded and niether child was happy, while when we don't get in the middle the girls will play just fine and be perfectly content. some children are just more laid back and willing to go witht he flow, some are leaders and the world won't work without both types of ppl. good luck

I remember feeling this way when I was a kid. I always felt that my mom gave other people's kids more attention and was nicer than she was to me. I know now that she meant nothing by it but to a little kid it's hard to understand.

Try sitting with him and talking to him about what he is feeling. Explain to him that you don't love or like the other boy more than him and that it isn't nice to say mean things to people. I too have a four year old and she seems pretty understanding when I explain things to her. I caught her fighting with another little girl over a friend at school. I explained to her that it's okay to have more than one friend and that it isn't nice to be mean to someone because you are jelous. I haven't heard anything more about fighting since.

I think he'll get it if you tell him enough.

When you catch him being mean you just have to make sure you do not come at him in a harsh way. Try to be as calm as possible because if you come accross too mean to him he may take it the wrong way.

You can also try spending one on one time with your son. SOmething special for just the two of you. Even if it's as simple as coloring or watching a video. He'll appreciate it and will see that it's just him you want to do this with. He will love the fact that he has his mommy all to himself.

On the other hand, if your son is more assertive than the other boy the bossing around thing is probably just a personality trate. The other boy is passive by nature so he won't argue. If it doesn't seem to bother him and his parents haven't said anything and as long as there is no violence or harsh tones coming from your son I would let it be.

My four year old can be a bit passive at times too. When there are a lot of older kids around she tends to be the follower and does whatever the other kids tell her to.

That's life I guess...some of us are leaders and some of us are followers.

Hope things turn out well for you and your son.

Jealous? You bet. It’s a normal way for him to feel because he’s a normal human being. A friend once gave me a good analogy. It actually applies more to bringing another child into the family, but I think you will see the application.

Suppose your husband came home one day with another woman, and said “Honey, I’ve decided to bring home another wife. She is moving in with us today. She really is very nice and the two of you will grow to love each other in time, and it will be so fun…” HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? Betrayed? Angry? Scared? Suddenly the world as you knew it was shattered! Wouldn’t you be afraid that your husband didn’t love you any more? What about the things in the house that are yours? What’s going to happen to them? What’s going to happen to you?

Your little guy needs daily reassurance that he is loved, and that he is still your very special child. Hold him on your lap a little more often and help him to know that you will always have time for him, etc. If you put yourself in his shoes, it will help you to know what to say to him.

Also, when the other boy is not there, get your son to express himself about how he feels. An excellent book about helping another person to do that is "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better," by Gary and Joy Lundberg. They teach a technique that VALIDATES feelings, and DRAMATICALLY improves relationships in children, with your spouse, or the lady next door, or a cranky sales clerk, or….

When your little boy feels more secure in his relationship with you, the altercations with the other little one will not be as frequent. No, this will not completely solve the problems, but it will go a long way towards smoothing things over.

Here are a couple of customer reviews about the book from Amazon.com. (No I am not gettind any kind of pay off by recommending this book. I’ve just seen what the results can be.)

“As a father of four, ages 10 - 2 the two things I liked most about this book are; First, after talking about a principle, it gives real-life examples of what works (or doesn't work) in family situations. Second, it's giving me a chance to have my kids grow up in a validating atmosphere. I will never say "you're not mad," or "you don't really think that" again. Someday my children are going to write a big thank-you note to the authors. :-)”

“Validation has changed my life. I have just finished reading "I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better", It is one of those "I'd wished I'd know it then", things. I have a difficult 17 year old, validation has literally given us back a relationship. I also taught the concept to my 21 year old son and his girlfriend in their struggling relationship. I saw a difference in their attitudes over night. I can't begin to share with you all the stories that validation has given to me. Thank you so much for your efforts in writing the book and bringing to light what I have found to be truth.”

Good luck!--K

I babysat in our home also so I can relate. I think you are doing the right things already. Your son needs to know that this other child has feelings just like he does and just because they're at your house doesn't give him the right to be mean to this other little boy. I don't know if you do this already or not, but maybe try spending some concentrated one on one time with your son right before or right after this little boy is at your house or while this little boy is down for nap. Remind him we are expected to "love your neighbor as yourself" Matthew 22:39, or that he should treat others as he would like to be treated. Hopefully this will help your son realize that he is important to you, but he still has to treat others with respect.

Hello I can sort of identify with your problem. I use to watch 2 boys one who was a few months older than my oldest and one a few months younger.
I treated them all the same. If one got into trouble I punished the other 2. I found this worked best because I was not always aware of who strarted the problem. My son was shy but could get pretty agressive when he needed to. I would also talk to all 3 in very adult talk. I explained we needed to play nicely or all would be in trouble. I was doing time out before it had a name. It took the most stubborn a bit of extra time but soon all understood. They also learned if the were good they were given special rewards. Like going to the big park. Going to the local zoo (we had a family pass). Or just getting ice cream.
I hope this helps.