Grr... I'm sitting in McDonald's while the kids play in the tunnels. Two of my children are 5 and 6, brother and sister, and even after 6 months with me, they still aren't trained. I sometimes feel like these kids have been raised by a pack of wolves. They tattle constantly, cry easily, complain often, speak very loudly, laugh at every little thing in a big and loud way, will NOT play quietly even when others are sleeping, and it's just the same things day in and day out...or I guess I should say night in and night out since they are night-time kids. They also make a lot of sing songy mocking gestures towards other children and even me. I've seen the boy go into full on snotty mode when his mom comes. He'll do something clearly not allowed on the way down my sidewalk and strut towards is car with this big smile on his face looking at me like as if to say... "What are you doing to do about it?"!
So a few minutes ago they both came yelling loudly about one of the others saying a bad word. You know what? I didn't ask what the word was. I didn't say anything to that 3 year old child because I'm sitting right here and didn't hear a thing. I have these two sitting at a table with their heads down. I'm just so sick of their behavior.
As I sit here thinking about it...it's been 8 months. What in the world am I doing wrong? I don't feel that I've made any headway with these kids.
Oh yeah, and by the way, I actually got the idea about punishing kids for true tattling here on Mamapedia. I read one day that several moms tell their kids that if they are not telling something important they will get the same punishment as the other child. I thought that was funny as heck. It sure works in most cases LOL.
Pam, I do agree that there is a time and a place for telling. But you must know that some kids truly 'tattle' about everything. The child in question they tattled on is not a clear speaker. My 11 year old said that he did not say what they thought he said. But the point I am making with them is that yelling very loudly in the middle of a restaurant in the quiet afternoon where people are sitting quietly talking with one another was way more rude than what they thought they heard this child say. If a child is going to tell, they better be telling about something that is truly a self-defense issue. Their little ears aren't going to bleed if they hear something that they think is inappropriate. If that was the case I would have been deaf years ago.
Yes, these are daycare children and I usually do a very good job of teaching better behavior. I'm just not with them for very long at a time. I think that's my problem.
I like this mom a lot. But I'm not talking with her about it because from what I've seen her maturity level is very low herself. She leans towards drama queen, cries easily herself, and she's been having a rough time. I'm trying to be helpful and right now I don't think she could handle any more. Normally I would absolutely talk with the parents about having the same rules.
Julie, you are right. I have a very negative way of talking that often doesn't really reflect my feelings accurately. If I really did feel that strongly I would need to make a change. I've had kids that drain me of all energy. These kids are not. I tend to talk in always, never, and absolutes when 10 minutes later we are all fine and getting a long. These kids are sweet in their own way and they are very joyful to be around once we get past some of the daily reminders. I think mom is honestly just from one of the many families that just doesn't see these behaviors as annoying. I see it all the time where parents just think that noisy and rowdy children are normal. One of my daycare moms even did a college paper on how people need to back off and let children be noisy and expressive when they want to in classrooms and situations where so many want them to be quiet. She was bragging to me how she got an A+ on that paper.
The kids and I talked yet again about the difference between telling and tattling on the way home and they are all being good right now.
I may be in the minority - but I encourage my child to tell me when a child is rough, saying rude or inappropriate things, etc and if I'm not there then to tell her teacher right away... I don't see it as tattling, I see it as protecting what may occur in the immediate future and to defend herself.
As for not sharing, etc... I encourage her to try and talk to the other child(ren) and to come to a group compromise.
Tattling, at that age, can be attributed to many things, most of which are very normal for that age group.
* seeking attention
* sibling rivalry (these go hand in hand)
* they are figuring out their own social morals. They know it is not right to curse - they are not old enough yet to realize, hey, this probably isn't worth tattling about.
I would encourage them to tell me if something were wrong, even something that may seem small to you. As they age, they will begin to be able to determine on their own what requires adult intervention and what doesn't. Teaching them now, in a kind way, that this is something you don't need to hear about in the future will hopefully stear them in the right direction. I am not sure I would be *punishing* them for it.
As for the other behaviors - that is the parents it sounds like. Unfortunately, all your efforts may very well go down the drain once the children arrive home.
*ETA: Given your description of the mom, it sounds like she is having a hard time and some things are going on at home. This is probably the SOLE reason for their behavior. All I can say is try to be patient and hope it will pass, and keep up with your guidance. So hard!
These are kids you babysit? that sounds very frustrating. I think it wont matter what you do in an 8 hr day if mom isn't on the same page. Would you feel comfortable talking to her about it? Maybe suggesting yall agree to consistancy between both home and daycare?
All of the behaviors you describe sound like attention seeking behaviors to me. They will be very hard behaviors for you to change because it sounds like some very formative years have been spent learning how to get attention in the most obnoxious ways. I feel sad for kids like this, because they've got a long road ahead of them.
It's a tough situation. I think the best you can do is try to love them and give them a lot of positive attention and reinforcement. And also some selective ignoring. Keep your boundaries clear while still being loving and understanding.
I'd have a talk with the mom and try to get her on the same page if you really want to help. She may be overwhelmed and have no idea where to start now that she's created the situation, an she might really be open to your suggestions. It's not going to get any easier for her or you. And I would sit down and think about it for yourself too... ("I'm just so sick of their behavior.") If you already have a lot on your plate and don't feel you can tackle it consider not watching them anymore. One or two really tough kids can make the whole day terrible for everyone, and burn you out.
Take care and good luck!
Are these daycare kids or something? If so, you probably can' do much - they're not your kids and if their parents are "training" them properly, then you're not going to be able to do their job for them. :/
