"It Is What It Is"

To me it means - don't over think it - don't over analyze it.
It's right up there with 'sometimes a cigar is just a cigar'.

I really dislike that phrase!
BUT there are times when it's appropriate.

IMO, this phrase is ALMOST as annoying as "This, too, shall pass..." SO overused and meaningless.

I have a kid with very high anxiety. I'm trying to teach her that not everything is in her control, nor is everything worth worrying about. Puberty has completely thrown her for a loop. I use it with her not to end conversations or to give up, but rather to give her permission to use her energies on things she can control, rather than waste her energies on things she can't. Yes, periods suck and are uncomfortable, for example. But it is what it is. You can't change that you are going to get them. But you can learn about ways to make yourself more comfortable and manage them better. Don't curse that it happens because it is what it is. Rather, take charge and focus on what you can control.

It's something that's great to remember when life hands you a situation you can do nothing about. Last week, I had to park at the airport, and I was dismayed that parking was going to cost $38/day. My husband said, "Well, it is what it is." And you know, he was right. What was I going to do? Park an hour away and take BART to the airport and then reverse that trek when my plane landed at 11pm? Uh, no. It was what it was. $38/day.

It means you can "drive yourself absolutely freaking CRAZY over the situation and still the situation will not change".

It means, Get Over It.

:)

i don't like it either. however, there are times when it's just perfect (like most pat phrases.) it indicates a sort of stoic, marcus aurelius acceptance of the inexorable wheel of the universe, and one's place in it as a small cog.
and if someone has been tilting at windmills and flailing frantically at issues too large for one person to impact, this can be a comforting and sensible philosophy.
taken to the other extreme, it can indicate complacency and laziness, and an unwillingness to fight for the right things or speak up in the face of injustice.
i like words to mean something. even over-used platitudes have a correct time and place. i dislike it when platitudes stand in for actually thinking about issues and taking a position on them.
khairete
S.

I find that phrase a useful way to help let things go. Veruca said it better.

It simply means there's no use fretting over something you have absolutely no power to change.
The heat, a spilled glass of milk, the crappy attitude of your office mate.
Now if you actually HAVE the power to change it....well then that's a different story.

I agree with everyone below. You give yourself the ability to let go of something you have no control over - to not expend any more emotional energy over something you cannot change.

I think Veruca had a great example.

"It is what it is".... I don't use that comment often, but it is about acceptance. If a person has the sense of agency to change the situation, they probably won't brush it off like this. But not every cause is every person's hill to die on and it's easier to say when you don't have skin in the game or don't have leverage to change things.

When my son gripes at me, I remind him to "be happy to have what you have to be happy with", which could be a conversation-ender, but it's more a reminder of being mindful of your blessings. The point of my mentioning this is that perception is always, always, in the eyes of the beholder.

There IS a difference between being resigned and being complacent. I've worked in places where I was resigned to a situation because of my options and limited power within that specific dynamic; it wasn't apathy, it was knowing my own limits for enacting change in that specific situation and being honest about how I would go forward.

I always use it for things that cannot be changed, like the weather, or things that are just not my hill to die on.

I use it when talking about my ex sometimes. Our oldest is 26, pretty much there are things about him that should change but after that much time, clearly they won't. He is the weather, it is what it is. No point in continuing dwelling on it because words just will not change anything and really bring people down.

I don't think it is given up though, it is just not worth the effort to change.

Not to single out Jane but her use of non confrontational made me laugh. I never used this term or even heard the phrase until 8 years ago. I was dating an attorney, a city attorney, the city attorney (don't bother looking up the city listed I don't live there), he was paid to, made a career of confronting. He used it all the time because it is a great way to say, this is not the hill to die on. He had to advise the mayor, a politician, when it was a hill to die on. Politicians think every hill is a hill to die on, ya know?

I don't believe the phrase was meant as a way out but a way to explain this is not going to change. Gravity, it is what it is.

Per your what happened and please do not take this the wrong way, but do you always ascribe motives for everything? I mean we all do it but at the level you do seems a bit much. Words will not change weather, that is why I used it as an example. Same for gravity, we can talk all day about things that fall but it will not change the fact that if you drop something it will fall. This does not mean I am uncomfortable with small talk.

I tend to think of it as meaning that things are beyond your (the person saying it) ability to control what is being referred to. As in the previous poster's comment about an ex spouse.

I agree, somewhat, that talking things out can e helpful. But not everyone wants to talk everything out with everyone else. Maybe they've already talked whatever it is out.. ya know? Maybe they have talked it out and thought it over and rehashed it so many times already by this point, that one more person wanting (or offering) to "listen" or "help" just feels pointless and annoying and possibly even attacked. I could feasibly see someone not wanting to discuss a difficult situation (yet again, as if this new person will have some enlightenment that the person's confidants who have already heard about the situation fully, are not smart enough to have thought of). I could see that same person possibly feeling like someone is just being nosy by asking what they would offer to share if they were so inclined in the first place.

But... those are all just theoretical instances. I have no idea who has been using that phrase in your company, nor what you relationship to those persons might be.
Perhaps it is exactly what you take it to be-- a conversation ender. Perhaps that is their exact intent--because they don't want to be in a conversation in that moment for whatever reason. Even possibly, a reason unrelated to you or how/why you asked the question/prompted the "it is what it is" comment.

It's all about context, I would say.
*shrug*

I'm not too familiar with the comment being over used. But it totally reminds me of the famous Co Dependent prayer used at support groups:

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer is generally thought to have been written by Reinhold Niebuhr

This phrase doesn't bother me at all, because I use it from time to time, not to disregard, but as a means of accepting what I cannot change. I am a realist and how you feel doesn't change the facts because it is, what it is! Ha!

For me, it's not about giving up. It's more of a phrase for resigning yourself to something you have no power to change.

Or, that something is not worth the enery to "fix," and the problem isn't one that you feel is important enough to stress over. ($5.00 pizza isn't up to your standards after you have driven all the way home? Eh, it is what it is.)

I actually like that phrase. I use it (mostly to myself) when I'm in a situation where I need to start accepting and coping. OR realizing that the OTHER THING isn't going to change and that *I* need to change. In either case, it doesn't necessarily mean "give up"...it's more like accept the situation, come to peace with it, and move on or find a better way to cope. It's a tough thing to do, realizing there's nothing you CAN do, then accepting and/or coping.

It's the yin to "banging my head against the wall"s yang.

I don't use the phrase often, but when I do it's usually to remind myself that some things are out of my control and I need to make peace with that. But I have never viewed it as a conversation stopper. Usually the other person responds by agreeing that sometimes we need to leave things in God's hands and we both reassure each other that we really have done all we can.

But I've never viewed it as a conversation ender.

For me I say it when it's something I can't change

The person in my life who most uses this phrase is a VERY non confrontational person. So yes, to a degree, this phrase is most often used by people who would rather deal with, lump it, accept, move on, rather than God forbid ask for what they want or need from the people around them. But there are times when circumstances truly are out of our control, or we really are better not to make a stir, and so the phrase helps us accept and move on. But yes, I agree that the people who most use it are non confrontational to a fault.

thats not always the case. I use the phrase a lot when dealing with things with my ex. i am doing my best to make things fair despite him being not so fair. plainly it is what it is i cant make him be different. same with the fact i choose not to let our child drink cans of soda he does again when shes with him i cant stop him so it is what it is.
I think a lot of people use it when they dont know what to say or like you stated just dont care. i use it when its something i cant control like what my ex does on his time with our daughter.

I think we all get into habits and sometimes we don't realize it.

Have you asked her why she's given up trying to change it?

Of course with the weather you can't do much. But you can decide to stay inside on days it's not pleasant to YOU and you can decide to go out in it anyway.

But she may not even realize she's saying it. She may also be accepting that she is but a single person and can only change what she is in direct responsibility for.

It definitely comes in handy sometimes to shut down any bellyaching over something that is unchangeable and not so big in "the grand scheme of things" (see, there's another one!)

My husband was saying it often, more to keep himself in check because he can be emotional about things at times. But he is now taken to saying "a ting is a ting"... I honestly have no idea where he got that. I think he completely made it up and it is some weird variation of "a thing is a thing"... whatever, it seems to help him.

OnePerfect, I had a coworker who looooved to say "This too shall pass" It started to kinda annoy me, because sometimes it's like, yeah it will pass but it sucks Right Now!!! My husband and I still say it in her voice to this day (10 years and a couple jobs later). Mostly to mock her and make fun of it but sort of because it's kind of appropriate sometimes too!

It's a popular phrase right now, but it will soon become trite and fall out of use. It's nothing to worry overly about.