Is This Rude? - Akron,OH

I wouldn't find it rude. If I tell my husband I need the house to myself for whatever reason, I never make his plans or think about where he is going. He is old enough to worry about that. I have never thought to call and thank the person of the house he went to because that was my husband's responsibility. I can only worry about what I need to do and thank the persons helping me, not the people that my husband gets to help him out. My husband isn't going to call and thank all the people who helped me out.

Well I have had my friends kids over at my house, because my friend and/or her husband were mega busy.
I didn't mind.
And I don't then expect them to do the exact same for me.
Because, overall in the big scheme of things, they do a lot for my kids and us, throughout the year. And we are all friends. And they are nice people.

These are friends. Of whom they are good decent people, and who are thankful. I know that. So it wouldn't bug me.

She may have told him to find a place for him and the kids to go and be out of the house. It could have been the husbands idea to come see ya'll so he could hang out with his friend.

This is between the husbands. Why should she call you to ask if it's really okay when like you said, it's your hubby's house too. He doesn't need permission to ask a guest (or three) to stay overnight.

I would leave it to hubby to work out the sleeping arrangement and entertainment. I would cook the dinner, but let hubby and his friend clean up and I would let hubby and his friend make breakfast, after which I would clean up.

The husband did not ask you to host them, he asked your husband.

so the issue isn't hosting them, it's just that she hasn't called you specifically to thank you directly?
i'd let that go.
we have a similar situation, my dh's best friend. i really like his wife, we're just not close. probably wouldn't be more than 'hi how ya doin'?' acquaintances if it weren't for the guys.
so i pretty much leave all the getting together arrangements for them. not for a second would i expect karen to have to call me directly. if your husbands have worked out the details, it would be downright insulting for her to call and ask if you're sure it's okay with you, like mommies checking to make sure kids have really invited themselves along.
i really don't see the big offense.
khairete
S.

Here's the way I see it. It would be rude if YOU did this to HER. Because you're a considerate person. But it's not rude that SHE hasn't called YOU, because she's that type of person. She doesn't mean to be rude or insensitive, she just doesn't think the way that you do about friends, returning calls, etc.

Maybe she is just leaving this to the guys to arrange. Maybe she has a husband who would feel that she was unnecessarily "checking up on him" if she called you to double-check HIS arrangements with your husband. Not with you -- with your husband. Some people would be ticked if their spouse seemed to be calling around about their own arrangements, as if the spouse were indicating "You're not able to arrange this on your own."

You don't even sound especially close to this woman, though you take pains to mention more than once that you and she do most of the arranging, etc. But if you were very close, well, none of this would matter. It feels a bit like score-keeping, to be honest: "Her husband called mine, so she should call me too." And the call from the other week that she didn't return (which was nothing to do with this guys' sleepover) -- you protest that it didn't bother you at all, right? But if it didn't -- why bring it up?

I think you need to let this one go. As long as your husband is helping with all the arrangements, and the guests aren't putting you out of your bed -- what's the big deal? I don't see how she's using you horribly as someone insisted in one post; they can't read her mind. She just sounds a tad flaky about calls and really not that close to you.

Just because you feel sure she would never agree to host your husband and kids if the situation were reversed, is that a reason for you to deny her husband and kids the chance to stay? Again, that would be score-keeping. You also say you'd never invite your husband and kids to her house like this -- but what matters here is: Would your husband do that?

Leave this between the guys. But it sounds like you have a lot of underlying dislike of this woman overall, and not just for this one incident.

I don't see how your "friends" are being rude. If your husband is happy to host why are you being petty and griping? Like you said, it's your husband's house too...Her husband ASKED your husband if it would be okay and YOUR HUSBAND said yes. The only way I see this as an issue is if you treat your man like a child where he has to get your permission first. So, if you felt anyone was being rude then it is YOUR HUSBAND for not talking it over with you first. The other couple has no obligation to check with you, to thank you or even to reciprocate. Maybe you're jealous that you didn't get invited to her party.

ETReply: P., just because you said you're not bothered doesn't mean you aren't. I think there is some underlying hurt and/or jealousy that she did not invite you. Typically when people mention things that didn't bother them that means they were actually bothered. Like you supposedly not having a problem that she didn't call you back. That really had nothing to do with this, yet you mentioned it. I'm not being "mean". I stated my opinion, what was mean about that? Perhaps you are assigning an angry tone to what I wrote, but I that was not/is not my tone here.

I don't think she's rude. Your husband already agreed to do it and made plans with her husband, why would she need to call you to make sure it's okay with you and to retalk about the plans? As for everything else, some people just aren't good with phone communication, I think you ladies just process things differently.

I think you are overthinking things. For a sleep over for me? I would put the kids on the floor or in a tent - my kids love to do that - and the husband on a guest bed.

Dinner would be pizza.
Breakfast would be Dunkin Donuts and cereal.

I think it's rude that she hasn't asked you to join in the girls night out festivities. THAT is rude, to me. What I also don't get is if it's girls night out - why do the kids and hubby need to leave their home? Is she hosting some sort of party and not inviting you????

To me - she doesn't sound like a true friend but a "user" who keeps you around for her pleasure and use and not a mutual friendship.

She's a different personality than you. I'll bet she runs around like a chicken with her head cut off. When she hangs up the phone with a friend, she is onto the next thing and barely remembers your conversation.

And not you specifically, P. - ALL her friends.

Some people are flighty like that. It is rude to you, but it hasn't even occurred to her. To her, it's normal.

These kinds of friends who are different from you have to be taken in measured doses. Don't let them use you (much), but take every opportunity to enjoy them on terms that you set so that you don't bear the brunt of what you consider "rude".

Hope this helps,
Dawn

Do you only agree to do things if someone else would do the same for you? Are you looking for a tit for tat friendship, it appears that is not what you are going to get? Or are you secretly upset you are not part of the Mom's night and projecting your annoyance on watching the kids?

And, it appears the men have handled the situation, so I would not expect to hear from her honestly.

I wouldn’t find it rude because I think it might have been more about she telling her husband to find a place to go with the kids because she needed the house to host a party and the husband thought about you guys and having kids the same age; so I think it’s more his deal than hers.
Take advantage of the situation and have your husband host while you go shopping or our on your own.
Have fun!!!

Sounds like a pizza dinner night and a doughnut breakfast to me! :)

Some people are just very selfish. They don't think about how what they are doing might be impacting anyone else. I think it is more rude that the husband called and invited himself to stay at your house. I'd never think of doing something like!

Why should she call you for something her husband set up with your husband? You already said she wouldn't reciprocate so how would she know that you were tending to their needs?

If my husband needed to have a friend over or a friend and kids I would assume he was taking care of the details. Sure I would offer to help but that is my choice not my burden, ya know?

So no I don't think it was rude not to call you. This isn't entertaining, this is the guys crashing at your house. You are entertaining by your own choice.

Yeah Cheryl hit what I thought I didn't read right. Were you not invited to the girls night out? That I would consider rude, not the phone call.

For me, no, this really wouldn't irk me. Many of our family friends we have now w/ kids are actually friends (the husbands, that is) that my husband has had since childhood. Sometimes the wives (who are now my close friends, too) set up get-togethers and sometimes our husbands do. It sounds like this lady is nice, but has a couple personality traits that bug you, as if she sees herself and her activities as 'more important.' I get that. So I'm thinking that's what is really bothering you, right? I think I'd just let this one roll right off. Obviously, you're the 'cool' person who doesn't let every little thing overwhelm you. In my life, you're the one I'd want to hang around, personally ;)

Oh please! She is using you and you know it. She totally knows what's going on, you totally know that she is completely aware she hasn't been answering and returning your phone calls, and we ALL know she got her husband to call your husband to invite themselves over. Kudos to her for making sure she gets her own way but shame on her for being such a chickensh$t for putting her husband up to it in the first place. If she was that conscious of social graces, then she would have immediately called you guys to cancel and say husband and kids are staying at the neighborhood Ritz.

btw I know plenty of hilarious people and they aren't that self possessed.

Her friendship obviously has boundaries, which you aren't allowed to cross but she can move whenever and wherever she wants. Don't be used like that anymore. If the men are friends, then let them be friends and keep the couple/family time to a bare minimum.

it could have been simply she mentioned to her husband that they should be out and he thought all on his own...perfect time to catch up on guy time and called your husband. If she asked him to ask you that would be diferent. I'm sure it wasn't like that and was more, find a plaace to be busy for a few hours and he decided he missed you guys. I'd J. have fun with the guys and relax

Yes, it is quite rude imho.

I wouldn't expect to ALSO hear it from her. If her husband has asked yours, that seems perfectly normal and acceptable. I WOULD, however, expect my husband to discuss it with me before he agreed. It should be a mutual decision and if you didn't want to, you should discuss it with your husband.

Seems unfair to be upset with your friend just because she didn't "double" check with you. I'm sure she assumed that if your husband said yes, that decision was from both of you.

She didn't call back because she's an airhead and doesn't remember saying she'd call back. Was there a purpose to her call that required her to call back or was it just chit-chatting and then she didn't call back? I wouldn't give much thought to her not calling back unless you had a specific purpose in talking.

As for her husband and kids, your husband agreed to let them come spend the night. She doesn't need to mother her husband or yours by coming along behind him to say "is that really ok?" Maybe she wouldn't offer the same hospitality if the situation were reversed, but perhaps her husband would. I don't think you really need to be the hostess that night. That said, perhaps you should tell your hubby that YOU need mom's night out and will be out that evening and letting his friend and him enjoy a men's night.

She's very much into herself but since your husband and his friend have been communicating and working it out let it go. Seems like it will go just fine. Yes you'll have to put work into this but perhaps they'll be able to reciprocate ya know? :)

I don't get why you think she owes you something. Contrary to belief, men are intelligent beings that are capable of planning their own activities.

Be honest, is the real reason you're upset, because you weren't invited to her get together?

Well, my opinion is that if your husband ok'd this and its his house too, then he can help get ready for their stay. And while they are there, just mention that you can't wait for YOU next girls night out so your hubby and kids can go to their house. Then when that time comes and YOUR hubby calls him to invite himself over, the wife won't have any say! LOL! So no, I don't think its "rude" of her, it has nothing to do with her and you. Maybe you can take that weekend off and go stay with a family member or friend and they can have a "daddy and kid" weekend. Good luck!

Wow.......sorry they would be staying at a hotel. I would never ever invite me and my kids to stay at someones house. I also think its rude of her not to call you back or to even call you about this. I know its hubbys house also.......but this just would not sit with me.

Well, you already addressed the fact you're ok with not being invited, which is fine, BUT, I still think it would have been nice to be invited.

But, besides all that.... is it possible she thinks her husband talked to YOU and got it all set up with you and not your husband? This happens with my husband and mother-in-law all the time! She thinks telling him something is enough, when in fact, it isn't because he doesn't always relay messages, etc.

In either case, I would just go with the flow and not make a big deal about it.

Good luck!!

I can understand how you're feeling about it. I would probably call and say something to you, but I think that it's okay that she didn't. Maybe she thinks that you guys are familiar enough that you don't have to comb over every little thing all the time. Maybe she thinks that you would expect to be invited and wants to avoid that awkwardness. Don't hold it against her; it's not personal. Also, it was probably the husband's idea to hang out at your house because it would be more fun for him and the kids.

Oh, to answer your question, I do NOT think that it's rude, just unexpected.

While I wouldn't mind helping the guys out with this situation, I wouldn't hang out and dote on them either. Let your husband plan what to do with the kids. I would go do some errands or stuff I needed to do, then I'd be glad to help the guys out by picking up food or whatnot.

I wouldn't worry about the other mom's behavior and attitude; sounds like that's how she is. I wouldn't take it personally.

See if she calls to thank you afterward. If not, shoot her a nice (not sarcastic) email that says you were glad to help her out.

No not rude. Husband made the arrangements, no need for her to make a special follow up to you. If you to see each anyway for some other reason she should mention it and say thank you.

I wonder if she took the ask if you want to but I wouldn't stand with her hubby so she is staying out of it because as we all know she has enough on her plate! LOL!!!!

I don't think it is because her husband checked with mine to be sure and he said ok. If she is my close friend, I don't think I would care. I have friends who are stay at home moms that keep themselves busy all the time so maybe thats what she does. I also have friends that work and stay busy too. What if you shot her an email to see how things are going and you've been thinking about her lately.

Just answered your recent question. This doesn't matter this time since they cnaceled but----- If your husband accepted the request without checking with you on your plans, HE should have to host, HE makes and serves dinner, sets up the beds, makes sure they have all they need and fixes breakfast in the a.m. because it IS his house too and he should accept responsiblity in situations like this. YOU go about your original plans and when you are home, be polite and let the kids have fun and help as you normally would.