Is This Rude? - Denver,PA

SO rude! I would have stopped them. Their parents SHOULD have stopped them. From now on, since they're so far away, I would drop them from the guest list.

Nope, I see kids all the time try to swoop in and help open other kids gifts. I think kids just get excited and want to help, BUT it isn't polite, and I wholly expect the parents to correct that behavior. If the parent doesn't, I gently say, "please wait for "X" to open her open gift" Or, "X" might want to open that herself, please let her do it herself" or something to that effect. I would be annoyed too. Also annoyed by the no rsvp thing. If you really felt they overtook the party, I probably just wouldn't invite them next time.

This is rude behavior and the mother should have addressed it. Things don't always happen the way we want them to and it is in the past. Try to realize that you want things one way and they usually go the other with children. Everything is a learning process and you know what to look for next year. I really have a problem with being too blunt when I say things so I usually stay quiet at times like this because I have seen this type of thing too often.

Good Lord? They ripped open all of the presents simultaniously? What is THAT all about?!
Yep, I'd go to say my vote is for --danged RUDE ;)
And, it doesnt sound like the family is sensitive, I think you need to speak up, your house, your party, your rules and not be afraid to make boundaries for them.
Don't be mamby pamby because you will get very resentful later and then you'll BLOW and they won't know where it came from because you always let them walk on you before......... see what I mean jellybean?
The picture I have of the party is like a bunch of backwoods folk that aint never been schooled barging in on the backs of crocodiles and saying "yee haw!"

no, that would have ticked me off too. i would have said "oh, let's not open these, these are x's presents, so lets let her open them, thank you". this is your first child, but you will VERY quickly realize that many parents think their child is SO CUTE and SO PRECIOUS and everything they do is SO CUTE and SO FUNNY, sometimes we have to step in to protect the things that are important to us and our children if the other child's parent won't. you would not have been out of line to gently have the children back off your daughter's gifts. sorry that happened, that's annoying!

oh i would have been pissed! its different if you said hey susie will you help annie to open this present? but for them to just tear into them is just wrong. its even more wrong for their mom not to say a word. when i goto a party with my daughter who is 3 i always tell her that these are so and so's presents and we dont open them. she understands and doesnt even try to.

No, that was absolutely rude and obnoxious imho.

If my children behaved that way at a relative's home I would be mortified.

A first birthday is very special - you're the mom - you dictate the tone. They have just given you a very good indicator of their character so be forewarned for the future. I wouldn't "retaliate" or otherwise correct them for this incident but I would handle them very carefully going forward (and I would let my husband know the boundaries as well and would expect him to be on board).

Good luck - congrats on that special milestone.

I would have been really mad, but I also would have said something.
My kids have had lots of parties and it seems there's always one kid who wants to take over or try to blow out the candles or wants to open the presents.
I would just say, "I need you to scoot back, sit down, and watch like everyone else okay? You blow out the candles and open presents when it's your birthday. It's not your turn today."
I had kids that would start taking the opened gifts out of their packaging to start playing with them and I just took the toy or whatever it was and said that we weren't going to take everything out right then.
I just took into consideration that some kids might not have been around parties or their parents didn't teach them not to just try to take over. Either way, I put a stop to it as nicely as possible.
You would not have been out of line to say, "I know presents are tempting, but these aren't yours to open."
Family or not, your daughter will have lots of birthdays and you will just have to take a bit of control of the kids at the parties. Especially if their own parents won't. I would have been mortified if my kids acted that way and I would have stepped in before anyone else had to do it.
What's done is done.
Yes, they showed up unannounced and yes it was rude for her kids to open all the presents.
You're not being overly sensitive, but there's no point in stewing over it now. Just know that if they come around again when presents are involved, you have an idea what might happen so you need to step in before it does.
You are not being the uptight inlaw. I wouldn't even worry about that part.

Best wishes.

Not too sensitive you ARE right! Your babies first birthday so special as well as you want to thank the gift givers which is thoughtful and it's your house, your party your rules. Although the deed is done and you don't want to say anything, next time they are around for present time I would say if they start to open gifts, "thanks for the help but O want my daughter to open each, one at a time so she can see it and she can thank the gif giver" It's happened at my sons partyies once in awhile and I stop it just by saying "hey guys we are doing this one at a time and it's my son'd B-day, when it's yours you can open them" Never insulted anyone, an if I did they should control their kids, not me. As far as his family being too sensitive where you feel you can't say anything, the are bullying you, they are not senstive they are insensitive, showing up, no rsvp and taking over the party. Have at momma and tell them what you really think. IMHO.

As I was reading this..I thought WOW! I have family/friends who do not RSVP and that bothers me. I do know people who are just like your SIL and family. I definitely think it's rude that they took over YOUR daughter's 1st birthday. If I seen my children do that...I'd pull them aside and explain to them that those presents are not yours. I think it takes away from your daughter's day. Question--was your SIL there to see all that? If so, did she do anything? I would of said something to my husband or even gave him a look and...I think my husband would of gotten that look from me and understood what it meant. My husband and I are the same way, we like the chance for our child to open a gift at a time, (while recording it), and thank everyone and definitely send them a thank you card.

I too, used to hesitate to say anything to the in laws, but I've slowly have said something and my husband knows how I feel about it and he actually gets things straight with them. I don't think you're "uptight"..like you said, you just do things differently..I guess I too do things "differently".

So, just to answer your question...YES....VERY RUDE AND I WOULDN'T INVITE THEM NEXT TIME...Sorry.

I don't think so. I have always been annoyed when parents allow their kids to overwelm the birthday child and rip open their gifts, or just crowd them so much that no one can see or take pictures. although its too late to do anything this time, for the next party I would put your daughter in a chair a little high off the ground, and then "desiginate" FIRMLY where the other children are to sit. And if they close in on your daughter, by all means intervene and tell them to sit back and allow your daughter to open HER gifts. ANd stop gift opening until they do so. If other parents think its rude, oh well. Its totally rude to let your children take over someone else's birthday experience. Yes kids get excited, but they need to learn to control themselves, with guidance from their parents!

OMG I would have RIGHT there... stopped them and spoken up.

They were SOOOOOOO rude.
Yep.
What a bunch of ill mannered people.... pushy/bossy/bullies... but "overly sensitive?"
Geez.
Obviously... their Mom is equally rude/ill-mannered, because she did NOTHING to stop her kids from taking over your party for YOUR child...AND they never even RSVP'd to the party but just showed up.
What.... rude obnoxious irritating people!

Well from now on, I would just avoid them.
AND your Husband has to learn to speak up.
They are BULLIES.
They are MORE than obnoxious.
Yuck.

Sorry, NO this is not what all kids do at parties. They NORMALLY do NOT just push their way around another kids' party nor go and tear open all their presents... of another kid.
No. I have NEVER had that happen with my kids' parties nor any other kids parties we have attended.

From now on, your Husband has to learn to speak up, TO them... and to back up you/him/his own child.

All I can say is my twenty five year old son still has a clear memory of someone opening his presents (I am sure it wasn't his first birthday so maybe his third or so) so I know where you are coming from. As far as you hesitating about not saying anything, you need to get the message across, so you should say something. Doesn't mean your or their way is right, (however we'll both agree you are probably right), but it does mean they need to know your laws and your rules about your house. But let's also take a look at something else. This is not just inlaws, this is the world. We all have different backgrounds. And ways of thinking. Sometimes we must speak up, because people cannot read minds. And isn't it absolutely amazing how many people can live together even from such vastly different backgrounds? Have a good holiday.

yep, its rude, my daughter just had her 2nd bday, and my oldest and her (sometimes) pushy little friend 'helped my youngest open her presents pretty rushed as well. I was mortified, and embarrassed, it was like a force took over , those two turned into little paper ripping devils. I stopped them three times. if you knew me, youd know i dont put up with this kind of nonsense from my kid, but it was like the situation was out of my hands.

So yes, it was rude, rude of the girls, and sad for the people whoes each present should be aknowledged...=

No, I don't think you're being sensitive. I would have been upset, too. I don't think you should make an issue of it, though. If they were insensitive enough to allow this, and to show up unannounced, they will surely fire back with something rude like, "What did she really expect her baby to open all those gifts?" It's not worth the battle.
I find a lot of kids parties are like this. The birthday kid winds up fighting with the other kids just to open a single present. Last year my daughters 3yo BFF was ripping the packages open before they were even placed in front of my daughter. I was irritated as hell, and kindly but firmly told the little girl to stop since her dad was no where to be found.

I don't think you're being too sensitive, they were rude, but, you stood by and let it happen, and that's on you. Stop worrying about pleasing everyone, and think ahead to plan around the troublemakers. You could've put the presents up out of reach when they arrived, or as someone suggested, announced your plan for the party, or a couple of other tactics to change course. If you had immediately stepped in and said something like this, in a sweet voice, "No, no! This is Baby's party, so she gets to open her presents. You can open your presents when it's your party. Thank you so much for going by the rules at our house!" Children usually respond well to anyone who corrects them in a pleasant, non-accusing tone. They obviously don't know that they're doing anything wrong. I've started many a sentence over the years with, "Well, at OUR house the rule is.........." or "My house, my rules, period." They cover alot!

Yes, that is rude for them to open your child's gifts without your permission.

you're right on target w/your feelings momma! and what i've realized about being a mom (my son's 2) is that at these young ages (under 3 basically), the memories/traditions/etc are about him/her, but of course they're not going to remember it. but...YOU WILL! it's for you & your family! my aunt kinda made fun of me for being sad i couldn't be w/my son on his bday this year and that he wouldn't remember anyway. i said, it's not for him, it's for me! i cooked this baby up, went through labor & puked during childbirth btw, nursed him, do EVERYTHING for him, this is a special day for ME, too! (sorry for the gross details, but you feel me!) i would feel the exact same way and now you know you can take charge & tell anyone who messes it up, regardless of what they're doing, to back off, b/c it's your special day, too. and i don't think there's anything wrong w/that at all! she's your precious baby girl, no one else's! :)
congrats on her first bday - how sweet! :)

You are not being too sensitive...you have valid feelings...but I say let it go and watch it next time and cut it off at the pass...meaning watch them and explain how the opening of gifts will go when her b-day comes around next year.

~I totally feel you...when hubby and I were first married his 2 boys (ages 5 and 3 at the time) went to my nephews 2nd b-day party...his boys blew out my nephews candles even before the Happy B-day song was over...then when it was opening presents time, my nephew would barely rip the paper and the oldest would say what it was! It made me so mad and I totally felt like they ruined his b-day....but all was OK after I let my hubby know my feelings and he validated what I was saying.

Happy birthday to your little one! And no you are not too sensitive! I myself would have probably handled the situation much like you did. If your SIL is overly sensitive your hubby should be the one to talk to her and let her know that the behavior at the party had upset you. Maybe if he brings it to her attention it can prevent any future situations, she wouldn't have been happy if the tables had been turned!

You are not wrong - the children should have been redirected by their parents. It's not a question of whether a one year old could open presents or not, it's just not appropriate for them to have been ripping open gifts that were not for them! The fact that their mom showed up from 12 hours away with no notice seems to demonstrate that they don't place much priority on manners. It's a shame but I think their children will pay for this later in life.

Updated

You are not wrong - the children should have been redirected by their parents. It's not a question of whether a one year old could open presents or not, it's just not appropriate for them to have been ripping open gifts that were not for them! The fact that their mom showed up from 12 hours away with no notice seems to demonstrate that they don't place much priority on manners. It's a shame but I think their children will pay for this later in life.

.

No you are not wrong!! You are a better person then I am because I would have stopped them. There are ways of getting your point across without looking like the uptight in law. You could have said something like "Thank you for your help but I would like to do one at a time so I can take pictures and thank everyone!" That was just rude what she allowed her girls to do. Can't blame the children it is the parents job to teach them right from wrong, however if they aren't paying attention and it is directly effecting you (which it was) I see no problem in kindly stopping them. As far as your husband mine wouldn't have thought anything of it either, and it is great that he understood and supported you. Happy Birthday to your daughter!!

Ugh, I hate that, and I have 2 very 'helpful' ones of my own...I spent the entire gift opening segment of a friend's 1 yr old pulling my girls off the gifts!! The mom kept saying it was okay...but no mom wants some other kids ripping through her kid's gifts! She actually pulled out toys she had bought to entertain kids...this was a good idea. Maybe if you do goody bags, give them out at gift opening time?

My 7 year old niece is a very sensitive girl and will bawl if we tell her that she did something wrong or something. That doesn't mean that we stop telling her that she did something wrong, right??

No, you are not being too sensitive, IMO. The first birthday party for a first time mom is a special and memorable event. Not only is it your child's birthday, it is also the anniversary of what was probably one of the most impactful days of your life, the day you saw your child for the first time when your birthed her. Your sis in law was being very very insensitive and selfish about showing up, and not only that, not keeping her children under control and allowing the day to be about your daughter.

Normally, I am not an advocate of confronting people, but maybe in this situation, I would think about it...only because this sort of situation can breed some terrible resentment that could tear a family apart. It may be more helpful to get it out in the open. Talk to your husband and ask that he talk to his sister first, and then, if he staunchly refuses, then you do it.

I'm with you on this one, they totally ruined the special moment that should have been enjoyed by your baby eventhough she won't remember it, you will!
What I have seen in this cases is that the parents discipline their children and tell them: these are not your presents, let her open her presents when it's your birthday you will open yours- I'm surprised they did not step in to redirect the little terrors, which of course were very excited with all the presents and such, but still they should have stopped them.
Also if this ever happens to you again, step in and tell the child: I will let you help open this one and only present for your little cousin but the rest she will do them herself since she is excited to open her presents by herself allright honey? Thank you good job! and that's that.
Just be prepared next time and this is one of those things that we learn with experience, congrats to your baby on her first year!

You are soooo not alone! I can't stand it when people don't take care of their own kids and their behavior~ I have had that happen at my children's b-day party and it was awful! I too am the type that likes to enjoy watching each present get opened and really thank people genuinely for their gift. If someone just rips it open and throws the card aside and starts shredding onto the next one it is irritating. I want to know who sent it etc.

The only thing that I have found that helps is to tell people beforehand. Ex. Ok, everyone-- its time for Jonny to open up his gifts~ If you could please come and sit in a circle, we can watch Jonny open his gifts. Please remember to let Jonny do it himself-he is very excited about his independence and we would like him to enjoy opening them by himself. Thank you~ Or something to that effect--- If the kid tries to open---gently remind them not to, they do it again----say sternly NO. Talk to the parent about it and hopefully they will tune in and get their child. Good luck

M

Definitely outrageously rude.
I probably would have blown up on the spot.
Not inviting them again would be a great idea.
This is one reason why I tend to be in favor of opening presents after everyone's been handed a goody bag and have left.
I've seen parties where gifts were opened and then played with by all the kids at the party and they end up trashing/breaking things/losing parts and pieces.
It's a rotten way to treat the birthday child.

You were not too sensitive, i always had birthday party's for my children when they were small, I would have had that same problems a few times myself but either I step in or the mother of the children touching what they were not supossed to be touching stepped in. The mother of those girls should not have allowed such behaviour. J.

Updated

You were not too sensitive, i always had birthday party's for my children when they were small, I would have had that same problems a few times myself but either I step in or the mother of the children touching what they were not supossed to be touching stepped in. The mother of those girls should not have allowed such behaviour. J.

NO you are not being too sensitive. That would tick me off too! I am knowned as a b**** sometimes and I would have said something extremely loud and taken all of the gifts away from them and told them to leave if they cannot behave. If something was said back to me, then I would just tell them to leave now. I don't really care how far away they live. The least they could do is control their children. Remember you only get one 1st birthday for your kids.

Updated

NO you are not being too sensitive. That would tick me off too! I am knowned as a b**** sometimes and I would have said something extremely loud and taken all of the gifts away from them and told them to leave if they cannot behave. If something was said back to me, then I would just tell them to leave now. I don't really care how far away they live. The least they could do is control their children. Remember you only get one 1st birthday for your kids.

Oh my goodness! You're not oversensitive at all. At my sons' parties (especially their firsts) I made sure that everyone sits back and just the birthday boy and parents sit by the presents and WE "help" open the gifts (until old enough to understand and do it alone). We clap over each gift and say thank you to the giver (and yes a friend jots down the name and gift so thank you cards can be sent out). If the children that opened your daughter's gifts are over age 3 there is absolutely no reason that should be misunderstood. I would have stopped it immediately and put the gifts all together, nicely explaining that your daughter gets to learn how to open presents for the first time today. Don't feel badly about it, but do understand there is absolutely a way to be assertive with what you need without being obnoxious and agressive. I think we often get scared that we may come off aggressive and get run over in the meantime, but it is ok and even RIGHT to practice being assertive to make sure you and your family do not get run over. Boundaries, with love, are good things for all involved. (Especially speaking that as a "younger cousin" of a pretty pushy older cousin....growing up that became a problem sometimes, though as adults I have fixed it myself and we get along just fine). Good luck to ya, and congrats on your baby's first birthday. You made it a whole year. :)

i dont think u are being to sensitive. I am not sure i would say anything this time, if it happens next yr i would stop it before they start. but ur daughter only gets one first party and even though this didnt upset you. the first bday party is really more about the parents then the kid anyway, and they should have asked if they wanted to help open gifts

Oh my.....to me there is no respect for others belongings.....I'm sorry that that had happened. This is so rude. Granted your DD isn't going to remember it this year. But next year she will have a better idea of opening presents. I know kids get excited and want to open presents - even if they aren't their own. But as a parent you have to control your kiddos. If my son were to try that - well in fact he has tried it before with other parties...I tell him that those are not his to open. This is X's birthday...when it's your brithday then you can open your presents. Why the other parents didn't step up and control their kiddos is beyond me. It's about respecting other people's property. Even though the child is only 1. The things we teach our children in the early stages of life is the foundation of what they will become. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and it sucks too when you feel that you can't use your voice to stop the situation....because it will cause a family feud in the process. I understand that one completely. I hope you have a better 2nd birthday. Hugs

They were definitely in the wrong there. The kids should have never opened the presents like that. But...you definitely should have jumped in to correct them. I realize that you are a new mom so this is probably why you didn't. But in the future you should never feel bad about correcting children when they are so blatantly in the wrong and their parent isn't doing anything about it. This goes for friend, relative or stranger. What I would have said was "hey,hey kids what are we doing here...these are (your daughters) presents...I am going to need you to sit back there while she opens them. " Or maybe each take turns helping her open one.

You will (hopefully) learn to be assertive when it comes to your child. You are her advocate-always remember that.

I wouldn't say anything to his family about it either. Whats done is done. Thankfully she lives 12 hours away!

This is my biggest pet peve! Drives me absolutely nuts! I've had to actually get up and move someone elses child away from my child's gifts after asking several times that they not open the gifts. My kids all know that they are absolutely not allowed to open any gift that is not addressed to them, unless directly asked to do so. We have been at parties where other kids are doing exactly what you described, and my kids know to stay back and not touch anything. If this happens to you and your family again, please speak up in the moment and make it stop. If you're not comfortable with it, make arrangements with your husband ahead of time so he can step in.

Not much you can do now. Next time you invite her somewhere tell her she must RSVP. As for the kids I would have gently asked her yesterday to supervise her kids.

My oldest used to jump in to "help" like this. Sometimes still tries, but is learning to be asked to help...because I always step in.

Some kids just do this, especially if they are young. But their Mom should have done something. And since she didn't, you were WELL within your rights to intervene.

Good luck with the ILs!

I would have stopped it right then and there, advised the kids that when it is their bday they can open thier gifts and if they would like to help baby then they can take turns but that has to be HELPING the baby open not doing it themselves. They are rude, you are totally justified in your feelings and hubby needs to get on his fam more quickly ... couuld you have a code word for when he needs to interrupt his fam so they can then be corrected? Like "Honey I need more AppleSauce!" he hears this and knows that he needs to talk to his sister and have her control her kids.

You have every right to be upset. Its DH's first birthday. Let me tell you what my SIL has 2 horrible boys, and if they come near my DH's presents at her first birthday...I will freak out on them! I think its a special time for you as a first time mom, and for your DH. The best thing is that you and your husband agree on a strategy. Good luck! INLAWS! GRR!

That sounds crazy. I would have been mad and not have been able to keep my mouth shut. My DD would never behave like this at someone else's party, she knows better and I don't let other kids open her presents either on her birthday. I have also spoken up at other parties when i hear kids wanting to open someone else's presents. I always say "would you like me to open yours on your birthday" eh NOOO. I also can't stand parents who say "Oh they are just kids" like that is an excuse for rude behaviour!! I am like you where I like to see what they get and who its from so you can thank them.

i would just let it go. we have always been closer to my moms side of the family. my one aunt my moms sister was notorious for showing up late and not giving rsvp. one time at christmas my parents invited my aunt, uncle and 4 cousins for lunch and they showed up for dinner 5 hrs later. my parents are extremely on time. i am happy my parents decided not to put any restrictions on the relationship because I feel lucky to have them in my life.

That would make me so mad! I would like that they showed up but not the ripping of the presants!I would have told their children you can help the birthday girl unwrap but dont do it yourself.I Think that is the rudest thing to come to someone elses party and take over!!!!!!!And no you are not being over sensative this is your child and you want good memories not ones of other children ripping through your party.

Most definately RUDE!! I can't imagine them being overly sensitive acting like that. Usually, the sensitive type will be on their best behavior to avoid conflict. Speak up. If they get mad, they'll get over it. It's only because they want to get away with walking all over your family. Set boundaries and stick to it and they'll change or stay away. Good luck!!

Ooooh this would have made my blood boil but honestly I would have opened my mouth as soon as this happened and said "Thank you for your help, but I want to see what she gets. Why don't you sit over there and you can open this gift in a minute?" Then give each girl one gift to open and when they are done thank them and then say you want to open the rest with your daughter helping you. It is obnoxious that their mother did nothing, but I'm glad to hear that your husband feels the same way. Since you aren't inviting her to future gatherings, I do not think it's an issue. But if they do come to another birthday party in the future, be glad your daughter will be older and hopefully they will not do this again! I understanding WANTING to open the gifts and even sitting patiently by your daughter ASKING To open them but not just doing it. That is so rude! So, NO you are not being too sensitive. I would have been highly upset!

Ooooh this would have made my blood boil but honestly I would have opened my mouth as soon as this happened and said "Thank you for your help, but I want to see what she gets. Why don't you sit over there and you can open this gift in a minute?" Then give each girl one gift to open and when they are done thank them and then say you want to open the rest with your daughter helping you. It is obnoxious that their mother did nothing, but I'm glad to hear that your husband feels the same way. Since you aren't inviting her to future gatherings, I do not think it's an issue. But if they do come to another birthday party in the future, be glad your daughter will be older and hopefully they will not do this again! I understanding WANTING to open the gifts and even sitting patiently by your daughter ASKING To open them but not just doing it. That is so rude! So, NO you are not being too sensitive. I would have been highly upset!

Hi, Meg:

Write her a thank you note for visiting and tell her about what you
think her intention were to visit.

Then tell her what you have told us.
Good luck.
D.

They were rude and I would have spoken up. I would have said something like "please don't do that. Those are Susie's to open". If they are invited next year, I would definately talk to SIL before the gifts are opened (preferaby before they arrive at the party).

It was also rude to not RSVP but that is a different story...maybe they were trying to surprise you.

You feel exactly the way I would feel. I think that was totally out of line for your 3 nieces to do that and it was up to your SIL to stop them. But since she did not I see no reason why you couldn't have nicely told the girls to let your daughter have a chance to open her own gifts. If your in-laws got upset over it...too bad. It is your daughter's birthday party and their behavior was inappropriate.