Is This Normal? - Littleton,NH

If it were me, I would say "no thanks, I have problems sleeping well and I need to sleep in my own bed." I would feel very uncomfortable with that. I'm very selfish when it comes to my "me" time, which is at night.

She might just be lonely and enjoys spending time with you. You don't have to do it if you do not feel comfortable but looks like she just does not like to be alone and wants adult company.

Some people love them, some don't. Just tell her that while you enjoy spending time with her and getting the kids together, you want to stick to your home-routine because it works well for your family. Or even tell her that you just prefer your own bed! I sure do. I love to hang out and be with my friends, but in the end, I want to put my sons to sleep in their rooms and go to sleep in my room!

she might just be lonely, as you say she has a hubbie that works late and maybe she figures since you are a SM that you might be up for the company too??? She appears to really like you and really value your friendship if she wants to hang w/ you that much, I woudl take it as a compliment....but if you are uncomfortable w/ it that is your right, you can nicely tell her that you really dont think that you child will do well in a diff. place overnight and you dont want to push it, but you would love to come over for breakfast so you will be there bright and early in the AM and you will bring muffins or whatever you get the idea LOL. hope this helps

A.,
just the fact that her husband works late and her teenage son keeps to himself shows that she is looking for some adult company. I wouldn't be so worried if I was you. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to while the kids play and someone she can trust. She probably only has her son to socialize with and needs adult company. You could probably stay the night, and see how it goes. If you still don't feel comfortable with it, just tell her. Tell her that you are not good about staying away from home and that you like to sleep on your own bed. Be honest and open with her instead of avoiding her. She'll appreciate that. I personally don't think it's a big deal, but if you don't feel comfortable about it, then just speak up.
Blessings.

This is pretty common in our area when the kids are younger. Families eat dinner... kids goof off in the bathtub, get tucked in amidst giggles or a special "movie night"... and after the kids are tucked away the parents stay up with a glass of wine or coffee and actually get some kid-free hang out time.

It's probably 1/2 an adult supervised sleepover & 1/2 grownup time sans kids. We would do this occasionally, but more frequently we would do "piquito sleepovers" where the kids would get tucked in bed... and we'd continue to hang out... and then we'd (or they'd) carry sleeping kids out to the car a few hours later.

As the kids get older though... they turn into "normal" sleepovers, where it's just the kids.

If you haven't picked up on any sexual overtures, then it's probably just her loneliness and her presumption that you might be lonely as well. Also, if her husband is working late, she might not feel as comfortable with her stepson - maybe she wants to show him that she has friends who like her, that her structures and behaviors with a young child are normal and observed by other parents of young kids, and so on. Staying over may be a convenient way for her to ensure that you do not have to bundle up a tired kid who may fall asleep in the car, or for you to have some wine after the little ones go to bed and not have to drive.

I think getting an "EWWW" reaction as one other post suggested is unnecessary unless you have picked up any sexual vibes. Otherwise, you can just say your child needs her structure, she needs to sleep in her own bed, you don't enjoy packing all the necessary stuff, etc. If you aren't going to stay over, then I think you need to tell her that ahead of time, rather than after you go for dinner. If she's brought in extra breakfast items and made beds up for you, then it's not polite to tell her no at the last minute.

If you enjoy the friendship, then plan some "hang out all day" activities that don't involve sleeping over. I think overall it sounds pretty innocent.

I don't think it's odd since I know friends who do this and I have done it at my friends' houses. However, not everyone is comfortable with it and that's okay.

I would just tell her thanks for the overnight invites but you prefer to stick to your own morning routines so sleepovers aren't an option right now. This will be helpful to her so she won't keep asking.

I have a several friends who used to invite us to stay over night. I think its completely normal. As our kids grew older the parents were not invited to spend the night, but we could if we wanted to. This might be too much together time for some kids though. I didnt like sleep overs as a kid and I still don't so I usually turn down the request politely.

I tend to agree with the people who say she sounds lonely. With a husband working late, a distant child, and you being a single mom, she probably assumes you're feeling the same way.

There's nothing to say you can't be uncomfortable with the invitations, though. You can use whatever excuse you prefer - if you're completely honest about being a little creeped-out about it, I'd be prepared to face that the friendship may not continue as strongly as her feelings may be hurt, but that's not to say you shouldn't be honest.

Good luck.

Does sound a little odd, but perhaps you could schedule a Friday into Saturday in the future? Could be fun playing a game, having a glass of wine, watching a movie after the kids get to sleep. Sounds like she is a little lonely, but I wouldn't read a whole lot more into it (unless she makes a pass at you :) Then, no more sleep overs LOL.

I don't think this is strange, she sounds lonely and probably figures you two would have fun and be able to have some one on one time after the kids go to bed. Sometimes its hard to have an adult conversation with kids around demanding your attention. I have some close friends and family that automatically stay over when they visit since they live far, one of my friends has a son the same age as my daughter who stays over sometimes. My mom lives alone and always tries to get me to stay over, she even makes me breakfast in the morning. If it was not a close friend but a fairly new friend then I guess it would be weird. If you're not comfortable with it just tell her up front so she stops inviting you, you'll probably have to admit it to her at some point.

Yes this is unusual. Maybe your friend is feeling lonely at nights and this is the only solution she can come up with is having a friend over. Or maybe she is worried about you being a single mom alone at nights? I had a woman I barely knew offer to come stay over at my house when I had mentioned in passing that my husband was going out of town on business a few days. I was kind of taken aback by the offer. But thanked her and told her even when my husband isn't home I enjoy the time alone with my son. You could tell your friend you appreciate the invitations but nighttime is strictly for you and your child.

I'd just tell her you're not comfortable with the adult sleepover thing, just like you posted it. If she's that good of a friend she'll understand.
I suspect the only reason she's doing it is because she wants some company in the evening and she's feeling a little trapped at home for whatever reason.
I'd just tell her you're not comfortable and move on.
Good luck!

Hi A., This may be normal for her. Our friends stay over every now and then. We plan it ahead of time and the kids are excited. Then we don't have to worry if anyone wants a few cocktails.

She sounds friendly, possibly lonely, and might assume that you are, since you're single. She apparently enjoys your company, and her kids apparently enjoy your daughter. Good times! I have had friends over the years who are just as unconventional, and they are just fine.

Find the level of conventionality that works best for you and your daughter, and live there. Don't worry about her needs, hopes, or motives, just pay attention to your own, and enjoy her friendship within those boundaries.

I wouldn’t say it’s normal or abnormal. My husband works nights and all my friends have husbands that are at home every night. It’s true I get kinda lonely sometimes after my kids go to bed (they are still young) and I wish there were times that I could have a friend over to talk to after the kids go to bed. However, I enjoy my personal space too much to invite anyone to stay the night unless it’s necessary. I like waking up and having my normal routine with my kids. That’s just me. I’ve had friend’s invite me to stay but I always decline. I sleep better in my own bed and so do my kids. I just tell them that and they totally understand.

There are people like your friend, who just have that sort of personality – love to have company over. That’s not weird to me at all. I’ve heard of friend’s staying at each other’s house overnight especially after a wine party =-) The next morning I’ll hear about a great breakfast they all made with the kids and how much fun it was.

If you’re like me which it sounds like you are, you prefer your own space, bed and waking up in your own home. Tell her that and she will get it =-)

If she doesn’t, then that’s not normal LOL

It strikes me as quite odd. I think maybe you should try to find out why she's suggesting this. She's probably lonely, with hubby working late. Or maybe she would love to stay up late talking and having a glass of wine or two, which wouldn't be possible if you didn't stay.

Well, I see this two ways, having been there before. One, my kids and I (sometimes my boyfriend) go hang out with our BEST friends and their kids, and if the kids wear each other out and crash there, we'll spend the night because they've got the room, they enjoy having us there, it's no big deal, and it's WAY easier than waking all the kids, dragging them home, etc. That's normal. Now my old bosses fiance used to invite me and the kids over when he was gone on work trips, she would have us for dinner and ask us to spend the night... TURNS OUT SHE WAS HITTING ON ME AND THEY ARE SWINGERS!! Needless to say, HE is not my boss anymore and SHE is just disgusting!! NOT NORMAL! I have nothing against gays (probably just lit a fire in someone saying that), but I am not gay, I am not bi, and I am in a commited, monogomous relationship. Shame on her for thinking it was okay to *try* to sleep with a woman when her man was gone, and think that it's not cheating bc I had the same pieces as her!! EWWW! I would politely tell your friend, again, that you're kids need to stay in their comfort zone, at home, and you must maintain their schedule. Dinner and playdates are fine, she can always call you if she feels she must after the kiddos have gone to bed! Or maybe she thinks YOU'RE lonely and need a friend. I don't know, but I'd be uncomfortable too after what I went through! Best wishes!

before I became a mom one of my close friends use to spend the weekend at our house with her daughter on a regular basis. so much so that we actually set up a room just for her. I prefer to sleep in my own bed but have on occasion had a sleep over with my son at a close friends house. I do not think it is a big deal, she could probably use the adult company after the little one is asleep & figures since you are a single mom you might enjoy being able to stay out late and not have to worry about getting your child home to bed on time. I do agree that if you are not comfortable with it you should just tell her in a nice way.