Is There a Book to Help Explain Death to a 3 Year Old?

Updated on January 30, 2009
S.B. asks from Houston, TX
18 answers

Does anyone know of a book that I could get to help explain that Grandma Honey went to heaven? Preferably something spritual. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

My mother in law had been in the hospital for the last 40 days or so. So she knew she was sick and in the hospital. She passed last night. I want my daughter to have something to help her understand and help us explain.

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S.H.

answers from Houston on

What's Heaven by Maria Shriver. My daughter was 4 1/2 when her grandma died, and this book really seemed to help her understand a little better.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.H.

answers from Victoria on

Be careful not to tell him that she was sick, so she died... he will think that if he or anyone gets sick they will die. I tell my daughter, they just got old... their body wore out, and they get a new one in heaven...

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C.S.

answers from Houston on

S.,

Discovery Toys used to sell a great book called "The Next Place". I might have a copy of it if you'd like to see it. My dad recently passed away at our house with Hospice here and my 3 year old son asked to see papa after he died. I couldn't even talk, so my husband took him in the room. He told him that he wouldn't see papa here anymore because papa had gone to Jesus. If you go to church explain to your child that grandma went to heaven to be with Jesus. Tell her that grandma isn't suffering anymore and that now she has someone in heaven to watch out especially for her.

God bless you and I'm sorry for your loss. Your husband can take comfort in knowing that his mother is in a better place. That is the only thing that gets me through most days.

Peace,
C.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sending all of you good thoughts.

Here are some that we have used and my sister has used with her children

Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs, by Tomie DePaola

Comeback Grandma by Sue Lamb

Blow me a kiss Miss Lilly by Nancy White Carlstrum

Badgers Parting Gift by Susan Varley

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N.D.

answers from Austin on

My dad just passed away 3 months ago. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. They were somewhat close to him, but since they lived in Boston we only saw him a couple times a year. I think these books are very well written.

Help Me Say Goodbye by Janis Silverman (it is a workbook for kids)
What is it like in Heaven by Beverly Lewis

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope these books help.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Waco on

Hi S.,
I am sorry for your loss. Losing a grand parent can be very traumatic for a little one, but I would simply explain that the "angles" came and took her to Jesus.....there is not much 3 year olds can really comprehend, but most know about the angles- and heaven......if she continues to ask just let her know that her Grandma Honey will always be in her heart. Death is not something they should really be that caught up in at 3yrs.
Good Luck and God Bless

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

There is a company CareNotes and they put out little booklets for kids. (www.carnotes.com or 1-800-325-2511) They have one out now "When your Grandparent Dies-A Child's Guide to Good Grief" & "Sad Isn't Bad-When Someone You Love Dies" There are many different ones all for $.60 each

Hope this helps, God Bless.

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B.S.

answers from Austin on

"Someday Heaven" by Larry Libby. It may be out of print, but well worth buying used if you can find it. It has beautiful illustrations and questions about heaven. Heaven sounds so good (biblicaly based book) reading it makes me look forward to it..."someday."

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

Both my grand fathers died when I was three. ( a month apart) My mother told us that his body was just too tired and he gets to live in heaven now. She reminded us about this years later because I didnt remember. I am sure you can elaborate and tell her she is living with the angels now and God. I personally think a book would be cold at the moment and a mom is needed. What ever works for your family. Best of luck sorry for your loss. God bless.

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S.O.

answers from Houston on

There is a book called Where did Grandpa go. It is a Christian book so you'll find it at the Christian Book Store (CBS) online, any christian book store or they do carry it a Barnes and Noble in the children's christian section. I have bought it for several friend's children who lost a grandparent and are not understanding.

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K.R.

answers from Austin on

So sorry to hear about your loss, we went through this a couple of months ago, with my father inlaw that my 3 year daughter was very close to. I know there is a book I just can't think of the name, you can get it at Lifeway Christian book store, just tell the sales person what you are looking for and they will be able to help they are very helpful there. Sorry I can not be more of help, with the book name, also the other thing that we do, is when we had his funeral we balloons that we passed out, and for family members we tied a message onto it and released them, so for my daughter that is her way of talking or knowing he is watching over her, but is in Heaven. Might be silly but whenever we go to the store we get a balloon from HEB the ones they hand out to the kids and write a message on it and send it into the sky, ans she always say see mommie it is going straight up to Heaven to Pingu ( that is what she called him ) just something that has helped her to know he is in Heaven but still a way for her to feel close to him. Even helps me sometimes as we were very close. Hope this helps and God Bless!

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

I am sorry for your loss. I would recommend Maria Shiver's book, What's Heaven? I used it to explain my mother-in-law's death to my sons. She passed when they were three.
It's good to keep in mind that 3 year olds don't understand abstract concepts,
like "going to sleep," and abstract references can cause anxiety. I kept it very simple. "Grandma's heart stopped working, so she can't visit us or play with us anymore."

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B.M.

answers from Odessa on

There is a book out there called "What Does Dying Mean". We used it with my son when he was 3 and his best friend/cousin died.
The movie "What Dreams May Come" was also a big help for him. It is really beautiful the way that it portrays death and what Heaven is like. But for a 3 year old I would recommend that you only let her watch certain parts as it is pretty visual and graphic when he goes to rescue the wife from her own personal hell.
I hope that this helps.
Best wishes in your time of sorrow.

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S.A.

answers from Houston on

The best book that I have found is one called IT MUST HURT A LOT, below are the details from Amazon:
Reading level: Ages 4-8
Hardcover: 32 pages
Publisher: Multnomah Books (November 1, 1985)
ISBN-10: ###-###-####
ISBN-13: 978-###-###-####

My other suggestion is to go to the bookstore and read through some in the children's section -- you know your child best, so that would help. The above book also has a guide to help parents and questions that they can ask their child.

Hope this helps. Also try to remember that children grieve differently than adults -- their work is play, so just because they are "playing" doesn't mean that she isn't working through her grief. And she may tell you that she has seen or talked with Grandma Honey... this can be taken 2 ways
1. that she is working through her grief during imaginery play
2. I believe that children are closer in touch with the spiritual realm -- she may be having spiritual "talk" with Grandma Honey -- don't be afraid of this, she is being comforted and trying to come to terms with the loss.

Don't over explain or try to get your child to talk about the loss -- she will talk or play talk when she is ready. Also remember to be aware of your own grief!

I saw other suggestions that said to tell her that Jesus/God took Grandma because she was so sweet/kind, etc. please just be honest without too much detail about her illness (it was a really bad case of _____ cancer, heart disease, ect.)! If you tell a child that the person was too sweet/nice, then they will be afraid if someone tells them they are sweet/nice, if you just say Grandma was tired and went to sleep -- your child will have fears when they go to sleep! Remember that children are very literal, I once knew a family who told their child that Daddy died in an accident, they meant car accident but the child thought that his Dad had gone to the bathroom in his pants and died because he was embarressed!

blessings,
stacy

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N.P.

answers from San Antonio on

A book I use with my preschoolers is A Place in My Heart by Annette Aubrey. It's a great book. It also has a few a ideas on the last page to help. Sorry I'm late to respond. Hope this helps.

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M.P.

answers from Houston on

Also check out the Bo's Place website with resources. Here is the link to reading recommendations http://www.bosplace.org/bosplace.cfm?a=cms,c,33,2,13 but also feel free to call them. They are a free service and have been very helpful with resources for families.

God bless and love to you and your family.

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L.J.

answers from Houston on

Haven't had to deal with death of family in a long time,. but I remember having issues with the word "sick" when someone died. THe little ones thought after the death of a relative who had been sick in the hospital. They thought that when they got sick they would die. Sometimes there has to be a lot of explaining that sickness is different that disease, but with both it does not mean that a person who has that trouble dies!. just a thought, as to what may be in a kids head about it all!

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J.C.

answers from Austin on

Dear S. B.,
Tonight I watched an old movie, "A Man Called Peter." It was great! It was about a minister, Peter Marshall. It just so happens that in the movie he told a story about a little boy who had a terminal disease. One day he asked his mom what it was like to die. The mom told him that dying is like when the boy had a busy day, and fell asleep in his parent's bed. And then the next morning he wakes up in his own bed. That's because his great strong dad, who loves him, picked him up during the night and moved him to his own bed. And when it is time for someone to die, Jesus, who is great and strong and loves us, picks us up and puts us into our new beds in heaven. And we are warm and comfortable there, and we know that is where we belong. And when we wake up there we'll know that we have finally gone to our real home, and we'll love it there.

So, that's not a book, but I thought that was a really good way to explain death to a little one. (And maybe to us big little ones as well.)

J.

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