Is My Daughter Depressed?

sounds like she needs lots of support. I would let her school guidance counselor know what she is going through and ask for at least him/her to talk to her

Sorry, but ...YOU DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG?? Really?? She is a little girl in the middle of a hellish divorce, thats what is wrong. You and him need to pull it together already and start acting like grownups for the sake of your child. Your situation sounds very difficult and he sounds like a total jerk but there has to be a way to make it better for her. I would seek counseling for all of you.

Don't bad mouth and get her a counselor!
I'm sure there is more to the split than just "working too much" and I'm sure she senses it.
My husband is in the military I know about rarely seeing hubby.

She's not depressed, as in the medical sense of "depression".

She's confused, frustrated, hurt, sad, etc. Her whole world is falling apart. Yes counceling could help, but only if she doesn't want to go you could only make the situation worse. It would be a good idea for her to talk to someone. Maybe you could tell her "I know this is a very confusing and difficult time for you. I just want to make sure you know how much I love you and your father loves you. I know you don't want to see a councelor, but you could talk to..." Suggest she talk to another trusted adult, an aunt or uncle, a teacher, guidence councelor at school, family friend, etc.

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If you are at all concerned that she is depressed I would seek counseling for her. You don't want to mess around with that stuff. When I was in middle and high school I went for counseling and it was great. SHe may hate it at first but it will help her alot. Make sure that it is a Dr. she feels comfortable talking to. I would go to an outside doctor rather than the school counselor because she may not like other kids seeing her go their and she may talk more to someone who never sees her. The school counselor is to close to home.

Everything your daughter is doing sounds normal for a child (is she the 13-year-old in another post of yours?) whose family is coming apart. She sounds pretty stoic, doing her crying in the privacy of her room. I would respect that, and also let her know quietly that you recognize she's carrying some hard feelings right now and is free to talk to you anytime.

As with any loss, her feelings are likely to be all over the place for many months. Be careful never to tell her how to feel, just invite her to talk about it when she needs to. And be careful never to speak badly of her dad, no matter how unfair he seems. You can just quietly tell her you have a different version of the story, and only want the best for all of you.

You can also provide some of the benefit a counselor would offer by simply listening without much comment besides "Hmm, that sounds hard." or, "I hear how angry/sad/confused you feel." or, "I'm sad, too, sweetheart. I wish there was an easier solution. Do you want to hear my feelings about this divorce?" or, "I hear that you're angry about my choice. I respect your feelings. You have a right to feel that as long as you have to."

If she begins acting out persistently, or her moods or grades slip dramatically, or there's any sign that normal grieving is becoming something darker or more permanent, suggest counseling again, maybe urge it more strongly.

I'm sorry you are all going through this unhappy time.

Go with her to a family therapist. Find someone who specializes in divorce and children. You didn't say how old your daughter is, but sometimes artwork or music is a good way to get feelings out in the open and out of the body. Ask her to draw or color whatever she feels. Let her know that ANYTHING is ok to express.
If you hear her in her room crying, just go in and silently wrap her in your arms and hold her. No words. No need. Just hold her.
You do know what's wrong...she's very upset about what is happening between her mommy and her daddy--and whether or not she "blames" you (which, believe me, I do understand the feeling you may have if she does and he encourages it), she still really needs you. Don't make the mistake I made with my daughter when she was going through this--if she's seeming to push you away, it's possibly because she's too afraid to be rejected, judged, or maybe pushed away back, to ask for the help she needs. Remember, she is immature. None of this reflects on whether you love her or are a good mother for her. But don't let her distancing or putting her feelings undercover make that doorway between you close.

And get support for yourself too, sweetie. This is just so hard...on everyone.

My heart is breaking that she's crying to herself in her room. It is also awful that she is hearing your husband say bad things about you, and hopefully you have not been saying bad things about him-though you say it's been nasty, so it sounds like she has witnessed and felt awful things. There is no easy way through this.
First and foremost you two adults need to knock off the fighting and negativity for the sake of the kids. Put your issues aside and devote yourselves to doing this as healthfully as possible for the kids. To her, who cares if he worked a lot etc?, This is her beloved father she's losing in her mind-she only knows working a lot is a bad thing if you told her that-my husband travels for months at a time and the kids talk about him fondly every day. Even if I'm at my last wit's end with the messes he leaves me, I make sure to say nice things about him for their sake. He loves them, and thats' all they need to know at their age.

Explain to your husband that you understand he hates you, but bad mouthing you hurts the kids and will come back to bite you both BIG TIME. Focus on providing your daughter an ally and make her your first priority and make sure she knows it.

If you can find a good counselor you need to tell her you're both going together and you both need it. Don't leave it on her like it's her with the problem. She's trying to be strong. You need to take care of her. A good counselor can explain a lot of things that will ease her mind and let her express herself, and she has no way of knowing that. Good job realizing she is suffering. Take care of her.

She's depressed. She will tell you she's fine because she doesn't want the stigma of seeing a counselor and probably doesn't want to deal with talking about what's bugging her, but it is very important that you get her some help. She needs to start seeing someone ASAP that she can talk to and vent to. She might not feel comfortable talking to you about it. If she's a daddy's girl, she might be putting the blame on you for the divorce.

Both you and your husband need to treat each other with respect, at least when your daughter is around, and not bad mouth the other.

It is VERY normal for a girl to be upset when her parents are divorcing. As the mother, you need to be responsible for her well being and get her some help.

If you think that she is depressed, take her to a psychiatrist. If you were wondering if she had a urniary tract infection, you would not ask her if she wanted to go to the doctor, and you would not take no for an answer either. What is going on in your family is very tramatic for her, and if you think that she needs help, just get it for her. You don't have to go in with her for her appointment, and if she is refered for therapy, you won't go in at all, so assure her that she will have privacy and that she can share what ever she needs to, but that you are her Mom, and you know that she needs help.

M.

Dear K. --

Please don't ASK her to go see a counselor.
Both of you go TOGETHER to see a counselor.

After some interviews together,
the counselor will see each of you separately.
Each of you needs help in getting through this difficult time.

I think it would be preferable to work with
a non-religious-affiliated counselor . . .
through a university or community resource . . . .
so your invidual issues can be approached in real-life terms
and you can each learn some practical steps
toward taking better charge of your lives and prospects.

Please let us know how you both are doing.

S.

Of course she's depressed, her world has fallen apart. I would highly suggest taking her to church and getting her involved in youth activities. She needs a strong foundation, since her's has crumbled, and the only one strong enough to carry her through this is God.

There is a difference between physiologically depressed (in imbalance in brain chemicals), and being depressed for a darn good reason, like your parents are going through a nasty divorce.

Do you expect her to be happy right now? What she is doing is a normal response to the turbulence in her life. You don't know what's wrong? I don't understand that. If your marriage is so terrible that you must divorce, then I guess your daughter is going to have to suffer through this.

There is no good remedy. She can see a counselor, if she'll do it, to have someone to talk to about it. Other than that, I don't know what you can do.

I have used Julie Tinsley for years with our families issues and she is absolutely wonderful! She is on Rt 60 and 35th Ave. Her number is ###-###-####.
Don't be afraid to ask for help, it could save your daughters life!

Definitely take her to see a counselor. Even if she says she isn't fine, she still need someone to talk to that is a 3rd party and isn't going to take sides. I went through a divorce and my oldest was 7. He would do the same thing and cry but tell me things were ok. Then it started to get worse and he talked about how he wished that he wasn't around anymore. I took him to a counselor who talked to him. During our talk found out that he would try to walk in front of cars in order to die. It was the hardest thing to hear and at that point I didn't think it was as bad as he was saying. He is now 15 and saw his counselor for 7 years and got him through the really bad times. Rely on your motherly intuition as apparently something about her behavior is bothering you and you need to trust that intuition and get her the help she needs. I wish you the best of luck. It does get better.

Hug her, hold her tell her how much you love her. Open your heart to her and she will open up to you. When she sneaks off to cry alone is when negative thoughts will attack her and if you do not talk to her (do not force or expect her to talk back at first but know it will come) the more you reach out then she will too - and know that when 1 door closes another 1 opens...be her open door. It is worth it.

how old is your daughter?

sounds as if she is confused with all the tension in her family life.

I would recommend a really good Christian counselor for her to go and talk to... they can help her understand what's going on, and help her learn to deal with changes...

what is she doing that you think is 'sneaky'??

I don't know if she is young enough that you just take her to a counselor. Not because something is wrong with her, but because you want to help her work through her feelings in regard to the divorce.

does she have girlfriends she can speak to? Her age is important here too. If she is a teen encourage overnights with her friends to distract her and give her the opportunity to vent.

ARe there other adults in her life that could intervene. An Aunt or grandmother that would like to take her out for a meal and movie, or invite her to visit them for a weekend. Get her in a positions where she will have the opportunity to share her feelings.

Hello Friend How old is your Daughter? Sounds like she is in her early teen's? If she is that is a very difficult time in her life! I was 14 when My parent"s got Divorced! I had a really hard time got married very early at age 16 then it diden't last then married again at Age 18 looking for love in all the wrong Places! I also married again at age 18yrs, it lasted three years, So my Sujestion is to get her in some either christian clubs through a church if she wont go for counseling then she needs something to make her feel whole, loved and needed,or even a Hospital helping or volunteers to read to Cancer paitent or older seniors at Nursing home! Also i always loved and had a conecction to pets, that would be a good choice if you don"t have one,I have Golden's and cat's but any animal make that her responsibility,I had to start dinner every day, Give her choirs ect" busy . Busy, And giving back socialy feels the void!She's missing her dad's Love!And divorce is a hard thing and she's blaming herself or perhaps you??Not sure! But there's hope!!Ill say a Prayer for her! Good Luck!!