I made a question, how do you reply to their comments?
you did it already.
if you think that counseling is zero sum game, you really are the loser. but the biggest loser is that poor little 11 year old with her non-parenting father and her jealous manipulative stepmother.
khairete
S.
Oh I wish I hadn't read this question and your SWL to your last.
That poor kid. I thought you were just weirdly self conscious of having her picture next to you when you had sex. This is all a power struggle for you. You must not feel secure in your marriage. There's no winning when it comes to beating a child for her dad's affection.
Just really, really sad. I'm sad for the kid.
Wow-- you 'won' counseling? Hardly-- instead , this attitude shows that you have already you have lost and sadly, your stepdaughter is the biggest loser (for reasons not her own) in all of this.
Guess what? She will grow up, she will recognize her parents for the shitty parents they are, and you for a pathetic person who is trying to have power and dominion over a *child* to prove her point. Really, really sad. You had an opportunity to be a positive person in this child's life and instead, you are in competition with her. I know people like this and they are old and alone because no one wants to be with them. It's the meanness which is so stunning to me. Just mean.
And you are even in competition with adult women "My story might be more interesting than yours"...? You are so deluded it's really not even funny. Not funny at all.
No one 'wins' at counseling. But the real loser in this situation is the poor child that has to call you their stepmother. I feel sorry for that child. I had a step mother from hell growing up. I'm still in counseling trying to get over what that witch did to me. Be careful not to destroy this poor girls childhood. Sounds like you already are tho.
Below your question, in bold colorful letters, you'll see a sentence that says something like "So What Happened? Tell everyone what happened". You click on that and it takes you to your original post, and you can reply to questions that were raised, advice that was given, and perhaps clarify things that people didn't understand about your situation. I believe that this site prefers (or requires) that you don't specifically address other members in a harsh way, by using their names, if you're upset or angry because of something they wrote. Often, people who ask questions will click on that and add more helpful information, or explain things further. Sometimes, people will just thank the commenters or tell how everything worked out.
Not the way you can on Facebook. I wish you could respond to a specific post, but you can not. The 'So What Happened' (SWH) is odd because the people who comment will have no idea you wrote in it unless they decide to click on your post again and look for it.
You can send a private message.
Why are you arguing with people here? You asked how to reply to people's comments. Your question is on the OTHER thread. THAT'S where you reply.
Your life will continue to be miserable if you act so badly. You "won" counseling? What have you won? A happy life? Your husband is depressed, doesn't parent his child, and you are jealous of a little girl. You haven't won ANYTHING.
If you only want people to agree with you, then you can learn nothing. And you can continue to be miserable.
You can't do it, not if you want to do it both directly and publicly. You have 3 choices:
1) Edit your question (do NOT change it but just add to it by writing ETA for Edited to Add. That's a good way to clarify a point that several people might have misunderstood. But if you delete or change your original post, the first few responses you get won't make any sense to new readers, and that's not fair.
2) Write it in your "So What Happened". In this case, as in the ETA, you can specifically address someone by saying "@D." or "@Marylou" and then answering.
3) Write a personal message to someone - it's direct, but the others won't see it. Sometimes I will PM someone if I think of something new and add it to my answer, but I think they might not come back and read my answer again. So I will copy the additions and then enclose those in a personal message, saying, "I thought of something else that might be helpful and I added it to my public answer, but I wasn't sure you would see it, so here it is."
What I would NOT do is add a So What Happened as you have here that refers to an entirely different question - that's kind of demanding that people read this and then go back to your old question. It's a pain for people to do that, and it makes no sense to new readers who are seeing this answer first.
You want to be careful to listen to people's answers, accept what you want and discard what you don't, without lashing out at them because you don't agree with certain answers. It almost looks insulting to people, and new members especially don't want to reject people who have taken the time to answer your question - whether or not you agree with them is not the point.
This is a public forum - you will get answers you don't like, and you may hear from people who are nasty or judgmental. In general, it doesn't pay to publicly castigate them because it makes you look defensive and ungrateful. Just ignore what is useless and celebrate/embrace what is helpful.
There is never supposed to be a "winner" in counseling.
You're doing it wrong.
You can either edit your original post or you can put information in the So What Happened.
