Is It Okay to Read Your Children's Journal?

I would totally read it if I thought my child was at risk. If her behavior or school work suddenly changed, if she became secretive, dark and stop talking openly with me. I would not sneak it in another room and read it without her knowledge. I would tell her why I am concerned for her and I would tell her I was going to read it and ask her to get it for me. That it was my duty as a parent to keep her safe. I would read it with her if she didn't fess up and tell me what was going on in her life to make her behavior suddenly change. If we had an open dialog, then I would not read it.

I hated having NO privacy as a child. My family allowed my older brother to read my journal, steal my money, eat my food that I had purchased, or whatever he wanted. It was horrible. I felt unsafe in my home.
So I tell the kids that a journal is private and to violate that will bring heavy consequences. We should be safe in our homes.

Hmmm...this is a tough one for me! My mom went into my room and "found" my journal, under my bed, in the back, on the floor, under some clothes. I had written a LOT of things in there that I didn't want her to find. My mother and I did NOT get along in my teen years and I was so so so so pissed that she went in there and found my diary. Can I just stress how much we did NOT get along?
Here's the thing....
I was taking No-Doze to stay away and sleeping pills to sleep at night. I was smoking. I was taking birth control (I went to planned parenthood and got the pills all by myself), I was in a relationship that was moving too too fast and I didn't know how to slow it down. My mom and dad reading that got me to stop taking the pills.
HOWEVER.....
I moved out as soon as I turned 18 (about 1 month after they found the journal) and moved in with a guy that beat the ever loving snot out of me for a year. I continued to smoke and take birth control and I was in a relationship that I couldn't figure out how to get out of.
When the journal was read there was no talking, no discussing, no communication. Just punishment. It pushed me out of that house faster than they could blink.
I am great with my mother NOW, but them invading my privacy like that ruined it for my mom and I for years.
Would I read my daughter's journal? I hope not. I hope that we are good together as she grows and that I wont feel the need to read it.
L.

They are private, unless it is one of those elementary school cute little notebook journals at school they do and you can read. But if not, then off limits! The only instance I would even think about it, if I seriously suspected my child to be partaking in very self harming behavior and I feared for their life, but I would first open the communication, go to counseling with them and such before resorting to that. Reading your child's journal only teaches them not to trust you, and that they have no respect as an individual. Why should they respect you in return if they can't trust you?

I absolutely did not read my daughter's journal, and because she knew that I respected her personal space, she trusted me enough to actually come to me when she needed my guidance.

I'm with you on this one, Ephie. My son is four, and I'd like to think I'd never read his journal, but if I had a concern for the safety of his well-being, I'm sure I'd be tempted. And I would have had to exhaust all other methods of communication and be very sure he was lying to me before I did it.

I also know that I would have been devastated if my mom had read my journal and then I found out about it. In retrospect, she might have, but if she did, she never told me.

So, it would have to be a situation where I could live with my son being devastated and angry with me. It would really have to be that terrible. sigh.

Anne Lamott has a book titled "Imperfect Birds" in which a mother is on the horns of the same dilemma in regard to snooping on her daughter. Good book, very realistic. I never thought I would read my child's diary until I read that book and then, I decided to keep an open mind about it. Because one never knows, does one?

My son is 15. He has a cell phone with Texting and a FB page.
I randomly check both to ensure appropriateness and that he is adhering to safety rules.
He also plays PS3 online but I keep the machine in the family room so I can monitor those conversations also.
For me, it not about being nosy or invading his privacy but ensuring he stays safe and remains responsible while using these social network tools.

If he kept a written journal, however, I would be less likely to read that. I kept a diary as a girl and did expect it to be a place for my private thoughts.

I think a child's journal should absolutely be kept private. Keeping a journal was very therapeutic for me as a teen, I can imagine what a rift it would have caused between my parents and I had they breached that trust and read it. If the parent is worried something is going on, I think open communication is the key, not sneaking around and trying to read something that isn't meant to be read. Now siblings are another story, nothing seems to be off limits for them. I read my sister's and I'm pretty sure she read mine!

I believe a journal should be private. I would not read my daughter's journal. That said, we have read her text messages and emails but we have told her that we feel we are within our boundaries to because we pay for her phone and computers/Internet. I feel that is more of a safety thing than just being nosy.

NOT ok. The only instance in which it would be ok would be if you felt your child was doing something harmful to themselves, or someone else. Or if you had a valid concern-drugs,depression etc. BUT....you would never tell them you did it, you would only use that as a way to talk and better understand your child. Not punish etc. for whatever they wrote. Journals are private and to be respected.

M

The only way I would ever read one of my boys' journals is if we were having problems and issues that had spiraled to the point where I felt no recourse. I would try a number of things first. I always had private journals, and they contained very little about sex or drug experimentation or drinking, but they did carry deeply personal feelings, humiliations and questions I had regarding my parents. I loved both of my parents deeply, even in adolescence, but I was upset with them a lot, and if they had read my journals, I think it may have caused real damage to our relationship. I think parents should really think and ask themselves, "Do you REALLY want to know?" because what they find could change things forever, and not in a good or helpful way.

I never read anything of my children that they did not offer up for reading. My daughter friended me on her Facebook. That I do read but mostly because it is funny as heck to read.

As my older two hit their teen years it was so tempting to look around, find things to read and give me insight into what they were thinking. Thing is to me that is the lazy way, it is more difficult to ask the difficult questions. Still when the answer is volunteered it is more credible and has context that what we read or find doesn't.

You find something going through your children's stuff before you speak to them you have added context, you have your beliefs. When you then confront them it becomes less a question and more an accusation. Then parents wonder why their children no longer trust them and why they start hiding things.

It is never easy to trust that you have raised your children to make the best answers but I believe that trust makes them better adults.

Our daughter is now 21 and I never read her Journals.. The ones in actual books or the ones online, even though I had the passwords.

I just did not feel I had a right to do that.

We also have always had a very open relationship.. too much as far as she is concerned.. So we talked a lot about a lot of things. No subject was off limits.

She is a private person and the one lesson our daughter taught me, was how to keep a secret. She is the best secret keeper I have ever known.

She knew the difference between a secret to keep to herself and a secret that could be dangerous. She encouraged a few of her friends to speak with their parents about a few of their secrets, because she told them she "did not feel it was safe for them not to tell their parents what was going on."

I think it's rude to do this. My oldest daughter hid her journal under her dresser when she was a girl because my husband is a snoopy jerk and doesn't like for anyone to have any privacy. It really hurt her.

Now I don't think emails are quite the same. I do think that we need to be able to look at emails once and awhile because they could be emailing with an adult or someone that could hurt them. But even then, I never looked at emails unless they left them up for the looking.

Absolutely not. I will not look in my children's journals unless invited. End of story. And I hope that I have the willpower to do this when they're teenagers and I'm incredibly worried about them and tempted to take a peek.... because I know it will be tempting.

My two daughters had journals and I never read them. My sons too had writings they kept for themselves. They always kept these things in the open mostly and I never once looked. I might have if I really thought I needed to because of some sort of strange behaviour with them, I don't know. But I always looked at it as something that was just their own. I wouldn't want them to look at my journals, although they will some day when I pass away. When I was a teen we were'nt allowed to have privacy, not mail, not journals, nothing, and I always thought that was an act of betrayal. If my parents had a good reason to spy that would've been one thing but they didn't. So I just kept all my thoughts and desires and such to myself.

Journals should be private. I know that I will have a hard time with this because I KNOW that I am a snoop. I want to know what is going on and I know that if my Mom knew what was being written in MY journal... my young adult life may have gone differently. I think that an open door policy (hopefully) will be best for kids. They should be able to come to you with any issue... if not, maybe an Aunt or an Uncle.

I never thought that raising children would be so tough. My daughter is only 17 months old.... I hope that if my sister's kids can't go to their Mom or Dad that they feel that they can come to me... If my daughter didn't feel like she could come to me... I hope with all my heart, that she would turn to my Sister or my Mom... or someone in our family... but I still believe that journals are off limits.

Under normal conditions, I would not read it and I would not be okay with anyone else reading it. My daughter is only 4, but I would think that her journal should be private under one condition - as her mother, I have to do whatever is necessary to keep her safe. So if I suspect something is going on, beyond just typical normal "worry" (i.e. drugs, bullying at school, thoughts of possible suicide), I am going to want to see what is in it. Same as going in her room, looking through her desk, her drawers, and having access to any computer accounts (e-mail, FB, etc.) and text messages she's got going on.

Nope, I will not snoop on my 16 yr old daughter or husband.

I believe in open communication and I am fortunate enough to have a very good relationship with her.

I wouldn't want anyone reading my private thoughts in a journal so why would I snoop on anyone else?

Plus, if you did, and if you found out something you really didn't want to know, you still have to keep your mouth shut or you will be busted and trust will be betrayed, therefore setting you up for failure with this person.

No, not ever, never. They are their own person. Respect them.

I am taking "journal" and "diary" to mean the same things here.
I would recommend against it because you could not reveal what you know or act on it. I actually did this (after the fact) somewhat by accident. I was cleaning up/arranging a room for a kid who was away (post-college) and ran across a journal on a bookshelf (not hidden in any way). I read some before I realized what it was and discovered some stuff that I did not need to know and would rather have never learned. And I can never mention it. Not a happy place.

However, if I was truly worried about my child, could not get them to open up or get help from a third party, I might break the trust out of desperation. I would like to think I'd never be in that position, but this is one for "never say never."

In pre-school through 2bd grade, it was part of school to keep a journal.
It wasn't a private journal or diary.
It was where they could draw pictures, practice writing, make up stories, etc.
They were meant to be read by parents and teachers.
I told my son early on - if you want to keep something private, do NOT write it down (in any format) - it will get read sooner or later by someone somewhere.

NEVER did I read my kids journals or their mail or listen in on their private conversations.
Have good communication and you won't ever wonder too much about them.

I have read a little of my daughters journal, felt guilty but don't regret it.Only ,if I feel.there is something I should know...at the end, she always told me anyways. I think, there is nothing wrong with, if you need to know something important.Be discret and never ever let them know !!!!
Later, when she is married, I will tell her.

I can see the dilemma. I do believe that it is morally wrong, but also that it can be the right parenting decision when it comes to keeping your kids from harm.

I will probably peek into my daughter's private conversations (email, social network, journal) if I have concerns that she may not be telling me something. But I will also try my best to have good communication with her and respect her privacy.

But in the end, I would rather have her be mad and feel betrayed than end up injured, addicted or worse ...