I need help... For 2 years its been the same woman at his work he always promises to quit with the texting that is not work related... 3 days ago I was snooping yes snooping.. I clicked on blocked texts and there was her name with vulgar texts... "Mmmmm, are you coming?,rubbing on it" etc. 2 days it took him to explain it to me and he said he sent those texts to himself to make me mad and admit to him if i had happen to be doing wrong.... i don't know what to think. Before i got to see them all he deleted them because he said I made him mad for going through his phone...
The woman is a coworker he claimed it was all business but ive found weird texts in the past from her that did not make sense to me too... "Like that hair" and "mmmm sounds good!" You are all exactly right. I've been blind pushing it to the side. He did cheat now that im thinking back. It is just hard because you get used to the routine after so long... And i feel like an absolute failure 32yrs old jobless carless and moving in with my sister.
He’s lying. Why would he delete text to himself he sent for you to see? That’s has to be the lamest excuse ever!
Tell him to get out and stop treating you like a fool. Seriously, he’s mad at you because he got caught?!?! 🤦♀️
When you stoop to snooping you clearly don't trust this person.
Why have you stayed in a relationship with someone you don't trust? Over 2 years?
Don't you have more self worth?
The good can't outweigh the bad in this set up unless you're ok with him having girlfriends on the side.
Get checked for STD's, educate yourself, get out and do something for yourself.
Trust was violated when he didn’t put your feelings first the FIRST time you brought it up to him (2 years ago).
People in healthy relationships don’t hide things from each other.
They have honest, open communication especially about difficult subjects.
Put yourself first, and leave him behind.
You will not feel good about yourself staying in this relationship.
You've been in a struggle with him for two years about his interactions with another woman? And then you find sexual texts on his phone? Even if he DID send these fake texts to himself, it seems that your relationship has zero trust and respect left in it. Looks like it's time to say good-bye.
I highly doubt he sent the texts to himself. It's probably her if this has been going on two years. You snooped, so obviously you don't trust him. He can't seem to stop with this woman. So, that makes him a liar and a cheat. If he really did send the texts to himself, then he is a sadistic and childish manipulator. Do you want to be with him either way? I would definitely want to be away from this man permanently as soon as possible.
Yes he's cheating.
Time to kick him to the curb.
If he likes his girlfriend so much then lets see how fast she takes him in.
He's no prize worth hanging onto.
Any relationship where there is no trust isn't worth the time you are putting into it.
Time to move on.
Welcome to mamapedia, Rachelle.
You don't trust him. Why are you with him when you don't trust him?
Edited to add after your post (the one down with the other posts):
Please don't give in and go back to him when he decides he needs his maid back. That IS what he will do. The girlfriend isn't going to come over and take care of everything for him.
I know you love the little girl. But you can't be taking care of her anymore. You have to stay away from him.
Please call your credit card company and tell them that you have lost your credit card and you need a new one with a different number. Tell them that there are no charges authorized by you since the last time you used it. Make sure he doesn't use your number. If you are sharing a bank account, you MUST take care of this. If you need a lawyer to help you through this, it's worth keeping him from hurting you financially. At the very least, put a fraud alert on your account with the credit bureaus. If he tries to hurt your credit by stealing your identity, it will take forever to sort it out. File your taxes as soon as it's humanly possible so that he can't file a fraudulent tax in your name and get the refund sent to his address.
And please go to the doctor and make sure he didn't give you an std. Planned Parenthood can help you.
Original:
He is lying. He is having an affair. So what are you going to do about it?
You should go to a lawyer and find out what you need to do. Get your stuff together now.
I don't know how you send texts to yourself, so that part sounds very sketchy.
It also sounds totally wrong for someone to make up false texts in the first place, to make their spouse upset and to punish them for being distrustful and for snooping.
All of that sounds really ... unhealthy and a horrible way to live, or have a marriage. If this has been going on for two years, there's no way you can be happy.
Why worry about what he is doing or fixate on this?
Why not fixate on yourself and your happiness and well being?
What I am saying is, you deserve better - put yourself first. He's obviously not putting you or your marriage first. So time for you to move on :)
You owe it to yourself. I don't mean to be direct, but he sounds like he cares about himself more than the marriage and I don't think (from what you've written here) that's likely to change.
are you serious?
khairete
S.
While I'm sad to read this, I'm happy that you are now living with your sister.
If you have to snoop? You don't trust him. If you don't trust him, there's really no good reason to be with him.
I hope that he doesn't "beg" to have you back as it sounds as if he used you as a nanny and personal chef. If he says "I want you back" please don't go back. You deserve better.
Don't know if you'll see this but PLEASE don't feel like a failure - this is HIS failure, not yours. I was in the exact same position and I left and it was the best thing I ever did. Even if you can't ever "prove" he cheated - years from now you'll look back and wonder why you ever put up with such crappy treatment. Hang in there mama. It gets easier from here on out!
ETA: Nevermind the below...I posted that before I read through the comments and saw you posted all the stuff about how he is a narcissist and how his priorities are himself and his appearance (gym and tanning), not you or his family. The man is using you, because you're showing him how desperate you are to have a family and have this relationship "work out" and in exchange, he has a free maid and nanny. You sound upset that he kicked you out. You ought to be happy, and do not allow him to try and woo you back. A man who doesn't allow you to talk about your feelings is a POS. You are better off alone. You are only 32, not all is lost. Stay with your sister for a bit, find a job, save up, and you too can own a car and rent a place. Better to stay with your sister than a manipulating jerk and cheat. Chin up!
ORIGINAL: You need to go to counseling. His behavior, if true, is very immature, in trying to push your buttons by pretending to send himself sexual texts...who DOES that? A teen, maybe, but a man? Really? Assuming he really IS still cheating, he needs to decide if his relationship is worth saving or if he'd rather be with the co-worker, he cannot have both. There is no trust in your relationship and unless you seek counseling, there's nothing to further build on, in regards to your marriage and its livelihood. No one should have to go through life wondering if every time their partner gets a text or comes home late, it is due to being involved with someone else. Not only is that stressful, but I am sure it leads to fights, which the kids witness. Do you think they deserve to be in such an unstable home?
