Intimacy Issues - Oswego,IL

Hi A.. boy, do I know what you are going through. I feel the same way and we are going through something like that too. I have 3 kids. I have Lexie who is 12, lauren who is 9 and Erik who is 4. We also have been going through difficulties too. We just got a diagnosis that our son has a seizure disorder and he is on meds now for it. And also, we are getting a diagnosis for autism too for him so that puts a big strain on things. Things are better now for us, but you know, I just dont feel like he is there for me like I need him to be and does not help out like I wish he would. Alot of times it seems to be be all about him. Things are better since we talked about it and all but still. I find that I try everything to get out of it to and every now and then, I will do it just for him but I could really care less if I have sex or ever do again too and I dont like it. I know it annoys him and he gets upset. I dont know. I feel for you and know what you are going through. How old are your kids? Also, I stay home except for my doula work and he works 2nd shift so when he gets home, I am so tired. I wait up for him. He gets off at midnight and home about 1230, but then when he gets here, I usually fall asleep right away. I know he does not like that either, but I cant help it.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

That was me after my 3rd daughter was born, A.. Although, I was having chronic pain issues, which have since been managed. Different, but I know communication is the key. Keep talking until he understands, but I think you need a plan to reestablish the physical part of your relationship.

I would schedule an appointment for a general physical, just to be sure it isn't something serious. Have your hormone levels tested. Are they normal? Are you depressed? Did you have a traumatic delivery? These could be factors that are dampening your desire for your husband.

Good Luck.

Hi A.!
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone! I have 2 daughters and a son due in April. Granted, right now I have no drive but it all started after my first was born. I actually think about all the things that I could be doing while being intimate with my husband. I love him more then life itself, it's just that I don't have the time in my mind to be with him. I am a SAHM and also do home shows part time. As we all know, when you become a mommy, it's the most exhausting job EVER!
I will tell you though, we do date night once a week. Now that's a little extreme for some but we have the luxury of having his mom come over on a set day and we will go out for a drive, movie, dinner, whatever and it really gives us time to reconnect. We try to make sure that we give that one night to each other, at least. On top of that, we try to plan bath nights. It's really a great way, after the kids are in bed, to connect and have the intimacy. There have been MANY times that we didn't start the bath until 10:30p but at least we did it. I try to shove everything that is going on in my brain aside and give the time to just me and my hubby. Even though it still makes me feel like a little girl....."Ewwwww.....I can't do that....boys have cooties". I promise that you will get past it and he'll feel much better knowing that you are trying. Just make sure you get the same in return!
Good Luck!
K. :~)

Goodness, girlfriend, give yourself some time! You have a three month old baby? I probably wouldn't be much in the mood either! After our #2, I wasn't in the mood either, espcially since I thought we were done with kids which meant what was the point? Isn't that crazy? Sometimes I think what motivated me to want to be intimate was wanting to get pregnant, but when that motivation was gone, I just didn't want intimacy any more. So, I think you are totally normal. Give yourself more time - if things don't change for you then you could always just close your eyes and fantasize to get through it! Hope that's not too much information - just being honest!

Hi A., you could have a thyroid problem. This problem affects many women and they do not know what is going on. It could be detected through blood work with your doctor. I would schedule an appointment to rule out a medical reason.

Take care

I really feel the same way- actually before I had my son I had the sex drive of a man- I couldn't get enough. Now it is like "oh really? do we have to???"