Inquire Within

Well, it sounds to me she has reason to be jealous. Must be her woman's intuition. Sounds like he's getting the best of both worlds, he's getting from you what he wants and getting from her what he wants. I would stop allowing him to kiss you and whatever else he does that you don't do with your other guy friends. If you stop doing those things he may be more vocal about his feelings for you. Maybe you can tell him that you have to stop doing that b/c you still have feelings for him and you don't want to get hurt. He might come out and tell you how he feels.
But while he is with her, I think you should stop doing those things, would you want him doing that with another woman if you were together? Later on if you are together you might think, well he did it with me, will he do that to me? Speaking from experience it can cause trust issues later down the road if you do start a relationship up with him again.
Good luck!

If he loves you he needs to end his curent relationship and then try to work things out with you. If he loves her, then he needs to create some feelings of security for her in their relationship and hanging out with his ex without her will not do that. He needs to man-up and stop wanting it both ways.

Right now he has two women who want him, and he gets to play family man and dating guy. He is having his cake and eating it too and he has no motivation to change.

I really hope he grows up, and decides to commit to a relationship (perhaps marry a woman he fathers a child with or dates for 4 years), so his son has some stability in his life. If it is with you, I hope you two get some counselling so there can be some trust in the relationship or it is doomed.

Yeah, he's a real gem! You deserve to be with a man who A) wants you completely and B) is man enough to follow through.

Wow he sounds like a user. He can have both of you and you both just sit there and take it. There is something wrong with that. I can't figure out which one of you he is having an affair with, but I think maybe both if that's possible. I would run from this guy. Sure, he can be in your son's life, but why what are you waiting for him to do? To be with you so you can wonder if he is still seeing his ex? Which he probably will. He's doing that now. I don't think the guy sounds honorable or trustworthy at all. Do you want your son to see that this is how men treat women?

I didnt hear you mention the word "love" at all in your post. Do you love him? Does he have kids with his girlfriend?
If he wanted to be with you and your child he would be there.
I'm sure he is comfortable because you have a good relationship with his mom so he knows his mother gets to "grandma" his child. In the meantime he has built a 4 year relationship with a girlfriend and apparently is not ready to step out of it except for folly.
It sounds like you are all pretty young.
Be careful what you pray for because he does not sound like a mature enough man to take care of you and your child.
Be happy that he does take part in your sons life, get along with his girlfriend, and work on making a good life for you and your son just in case he isnt in the long term relationship picture for you exclusively.

Your son is in a terrible situation right now. You need to do what's best for him, not you, and his father needs to do the same. You need to do whatever it takes to make sure he has a mommy and a daddy in his life on a daily basis. If his father is open, try having this conversation with him. Let him know that your son needs him and you are willing to do what it takes to make sure he has his daddy.
Of course his girlfriend is upset, she has every right to be! Especially if he's still hugging and kissing you. That man is not a good man, he's a little boy playing games. But that's who you chose to have a son with, so you now have to play those games. Hopefully his girlfriend will give up and move on with her life, but don't count on it. I think you are doing the right thing by remaining close to his family. Your son needs them too, and if he has a good relationship with his grandparents it might help ensure a relationship with his father.
Keep it up, remember this about your son not you and not his father. Let that man deal with his girlfriend on his own, that is not your concern.

A.. This may be blunt, and my intention is not to be cruel...but in this case, his family and what they think does not matter. What does matter are you and your son. Right now, the father of your son is, as others have said, having his cake and eating it too. Now, there is nothing wrong with being responsible adults and getting along and sharing parenthood. Co-parenting, while challenging sometimes, can be of great resource to both the child and the parents--My son's father and I co-parent as well.

If you are no longer romantically involved with this man, and he is romantically involved with another, and their relationship is not 'open' which it sounds like it isn't on her part; then you need to set firm bounderies and hold to them and keep things platonic. If it is your intent to have him come back to you and let go of his girlfriend, then you need to have an openly communicative talk with him and find out where everything stands.

What ever you choose to do, living in your current limbo isn't really going to do any of you much good.

Take care, and I hope things work out well.

Wow. Poor kid. He must be confused. What do you want?

You will always have a relationship with him and his family because of your son. It does not have to be a romantic relationship. There is a reason he has not already broke broke it off with his old girlfriend. If he wanted to be a full time family man with you and your son he would have done it by now. I know it sound mean. But do you really want a man who obviously wants more than just you and your son? Be strong for yourself and your son. Don't let that boy break you.

I've been in a similar relationship with the father of my child - the thing is, you might always have feelings for him. But it doesn't mean you should be together. If he really wants to be with you, he would have broken up with the gf a long time ago... the gf sounds insecure about her relationship - and she might have reason to be if your ex is still kissing you and showing affection in a way that leads you on, and keeps you interested. I think it sounds like your bf likes having you as an option, and keeping his gf, too. If you ask him to leave her for you, the roles will probably just reverse, and you will be the new gf, with his ex someone he will still see on the side... I believe you are special to him, but his gf obviously is someone he loves, too.

In the end, you just have to do what is right for your child and you. Good luck.

Of course she's jealous. He cheated on her and had a child with another woman! And while resentment of your son is not good, it's not abnormal in a situation like this either.

I agree with the others that he is having his cake and eating it too. I know my husband can answer a phone (even if he has to get up from the couch to get to it) and hold and feed our infant son with no problem. That's no excuse for him to ignore his girlfriend of 4 years. By not, all he is doing is refueling and feeding her insecurities. Don't blame the girlfriend for insecuritites you and he put there.

Do you REALLY want and love this cheater or do you just want the idea of a live in father for your son? If it's the later, he can be a good dad without having a romantic relationship with you. If you really want him and believe you can trust him in a relationship with you then let him know how you feel and if he still chooses his current girlfriend, LET HIM GO (romantically speaking- this means the kisses, ect...) and move on.

Don't focus on her, be fun and loving, and see what develops. All you can do is be your best self and live your best life.

I hate to say this, but a guy used those EXACT excuses on me for a long time. Thankfully, I didn't have a child with this person, but for years, he would tell me how much he loved me and that he wasn't "with" the girlfriend, but that he couldn't be "with" me because she was crazy and would hurt herself. He was totally selfish and I finally wised up and realized I deserved better. I'm so glad I did because I couldn't imagine life without my husband who adores and treasures ME and ONLY ME!

You deserve better. Don't let him continue to have his cake and eat it too. Of course he's comfortable...he has you both and nobody cares! I realize you have a child with him, but if he isn't willing to leave this other person, then he doesn't want a relationship with you....period. Good luck. It was so hard to extricate myself from this person because he had such a strong hold on me and kept calling even when I asked him not to, telling me how much he loved me. I told him he didn't know the meaning of the word and hung up. Never heard from him again. Do yourself a favor and don't hang around for someone who doesn't want to go through the "trouble" of breaking off a relationship to be with you, even though you are the mother of his child.

Frankly, this is messed up and you really should move on and limit the time you spend with him and your son. You didn't say how old your son is but it's well known that it's "confusing" for kids to see their "parents" together when they are no longer together. Good luck.

Have you talked with him directly about this? Have you told him how you feel about him and that you love him and that his family feels like family to you? Perhaps he isn't sure about how you feel about him. Let him know you have a great time being with him. Perhaps also let him know it concerns you that he has to feel apologetic for holding his son and if has to apologize for that now, how is it going to be for him and his son when he helps get her to school and activities and wants to take her on a vacation? Your son will be the one getting caught in the middle. - If you do talk with him, take a deep breath and get balanced yourself so you can speak with clarity and ease and out of your real care rather than get caught in the drama of the situation and sound more like you are complaining. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.