Inflexible

Hubby needs to chill. You can't force a preschooler to be by his to the minute schedule. And having her miss a nap (even though she really didn't because of sleeping in the car) is not the end of the world. It happens.

Whoa, Yes, he is inflexible. I mean he had the whole mornign to himself. Why does he care so much about her nap? Were you going to work later that day and he would have cranky kiddo all by himself? tell him to stop sweating the small stuff, it uses up too much energy.

This is what having children is all about..

We try to keep a good schedule, but when a special occasion like a friend visiting.. a fun event.. we may miss a a few naps..

You texted him.. he should have gone on and taken his damn nap and had you deal with it when you got home.. not a big deal..

The sky is not falling.. I think there is something else really bothering him, but he is just not really ready to face it.

Sounds like someone has a control issue. The more you allow him to run things the more he's going to do it.

If this were my husband I would tell him that if his rest was so important, he should have done it while I was gone. If he wanted to continue to rant and rave he would have been talking to himself because I would not have entertained him. I also would have let him know that I do not have control over other people, and yes, that includes a 2 year old child.

Listen, my husband has some control issues and I used to fall over myself trying to keep up with his foolishness. After a while, I got sick of it. I finally figured out his bark was worse than his bite and I stopped letting him win all the time. It made all the difference in the world because he doesn't do it anymore. Funny thing about control freaks is that once you stand up to them they back off...most of the time!

So it screwed up his nap time. He has a lot of growing up to do. He is
selfish. Has he always been this rigid. My kids were on schedules, but
I also raised kids that were flexible. If he continues to want her on such a
rigid schedule, he will create a monster! Does he not understand that just
when you think you have little ones figured out, they change.

Huh? You gave him 3 full hours of uninterrupted alone time, and it didn't occur to him to nap during that time?

It sounds like he is more mad that DD will be awake to interrupt his nap when you get home, or he thinks his afternoon will be impacted by a cranky child...really, though, it's not about the nap, it's about how HE is going to be negatively affected by your DD not napping. I think this whole thing is in his head & that there's something more here...

Most parents would be happy for a 3 hour alone period, so I really wonder what is damage is.

I would MORTIFIED if I had a long time friend whom I hadn't seen in years & my DH treated me like that. Is he always thing controlling?

If I were your husband I would have reacted exactly the same way. I'm not looking up your questions, I know them pretty well by now.

You've had repeated problems with your daughter and naps. Every time you ask, your SWH ends accepting some rational from an answer. It's a phase. She's transitioning naps. Teething. She needs to move her bedtime. She needs to move wake time. Nightmares.

There's nothing wrong with those rationales. Those things happen. They are the EXCEPTIONS to the rule.

So far, your child hasn't been napping for the last year or so due to a large set of coincidental exceptions to the rule that children across the world largely can and do take naps.

Yes, there are all kinds of biological and pyschological reasons this doesn't happen. But that isn't the case here.

You've admitted that your baby has trained you to take her for a drive for every nap.

Your husband is trying to get her to learn to self soothe to sleep, and keeping her on schedule is a good start.

You WERE rude for not being up front with him about the time you would return. And he may be frustrated. I am, and I don't live with you.

But my frustration isn't personal. It's that there is this napping problem - and your way isn't working, but you won't let him try his way.

I'm sorry. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. I want you to have a great kid that naps, and I don't want to push my particular solution on you (and I hope I didn't), but you can't keep driving for a couple hours every day for the next several years. We need you here, on MP while she naps - not out driving with all the crazies. :)

"His ridgid schedule"? What your husband has most like achieved is your closest friend will probably not be visiting you for a long time, if ever. She will have a lot to tell her friends about how your husband treats you.

No you are not inconsiderate, but your husband could possibly be a control freak.

Perhaps you could go visit your friend out of state the next time.

You're right. He's totally inflexible. Does he require that everything in his life follow a certain pattern and get upset when something doesn't? If so, I suggest that he has mental issues and would benefit from a psych eval.
And yes, I'm being serious. His reaction was totally out of line.

Does he run the rest of your life? Do you have to have meals on time and serve only certain foods? Do you have to ask his permission before making personal decisions? If so, sounds like he's a control freak which is a part of some mental illnesses.

The way I'd react to such "bull" is to completely ignore him. If he were to continue I'd pick up the baby and leave the house, telling him you'd return when he's calmed down. Above all do not argue with him. That gives him the message that there is a right and wrong way which means he has to convince you his way is right.

You deserve to be treated with respect. He was totally disrespectful. You are her mother and have the ability to make decisions for her.

If this is an isolated incidence, I suggest something else is bothering him. Could he be upset that she is not needing a nap some days which indicates she's growing up. How does her feel about her getting older? Does he see her growing independence as a good thing?

Talk with him and listen to his concerns. Mostly listen. Don't try to change his mind. Then you'll have clues for areas in which you need to have more communication with him.

I recommend Non-violent Communication. It's a program that teaches us how to talk with each other so that each can hear what is being said.
Here is a web site that describes it. http://www.cnvc.org/Training/NVC-Concepts

Do you think he was actually upset with you about something else, like maybe that you were spending time with your friend and not with him, and that's why he go so upset about the nap? It doesn't really make sense since he had several hours to himself and DD did have a nap.

I have been following your other posts and I genuinely feel sorry for you.
Your HUSBAND has problems with the fact that your daughter is outgrowing her naps, it WILL happen and he needs to grow up himself.
I have some friends like this, who were all "omg, our son is four and won't take a nap anymore, how can WE get some sleep or at least some rest during the day, what are we supposed to DO?"
boo frickity hoo :(
Give me a break, I'm an adult, I haven't napped regularly since I was two or three years old.
Unless you are pregnant or sick...GROW UP people!!!
(feel free to show this to the hubby)

wow! i have no clue how to deal with such a thing. we NEVER kept schedules like this for our kids. there's no way i'd have stopped a running laughing playing little one from having a day that ALL were enjoying in order to adhere to a strict nap schedule.
but even if one is a strict scheduler (and many wonderful parents are!), his anger toward you is weird. i wouldn't be able to live like that.
that man needs a checkup from the neckup.
khairete
S.

Seems kinda obvious to me that your daughter is outgrowing her naps, and your husband is very controlling. You had a guest and planned a special day, and he was acting like a spoiled baby who didn't get his way. Weird.

My older daughter took an afternoon nap until she was almost 5. My younger gave it up at 2. Kids don't have to take naps.

You and your husband need counseling. The issues with your daughter are only going to get more complicated as she ages, and it seems like your hubby is a little unclear on how to raise kids and how to treat his wife.

Your husband is a very odd duck indeed. Children need to learn to be flexible... so do husbands.

You haven't given us all of the information. Something is missing in the story or maybe a back story is needed. For him to freak out like that...it's more than a schedule for a nap.

Children are not trains or airplanes -- you can't really schedule them. You can have a game plan and keep to a plan but to say that your DD is gonna take a nap every day at 2 and go to bed every night at 7:30 is just plain silly.

He needs to work on his control freak tendencies.

You have taken your daughter and your friend out for lunch or dinner or shopping and let him stew in his own anger. If it kept up all night check into a hotel.

Added per your SWH - Then he DEFINITELY should leave you alone about her naps, for crying out loud! Why on earth does he care about her schedule while he's at work? The other poster is spot-on - he IS being a control freak. Stop telling him anything about her naps.

Original:
This is the 6th post you've written about naps, isn't it? You and your husband seem to be at odds about naps for your child. Is he at odds with you about other stuff regarding her?

Without looking back on your threads, I think that he must work at home. If he worked outside of the home, he wouldn't even think about her naps.

Here's my advice, although you called me out last time for saying the same thing other women said. (And no, I'm not going to say to put her in her room to sleep this time.) Tell your husband that if wants her to sleep at a certain time, in a certain way, to be responsible for her himself. If he wants to be inflexible, to be inflexible by himself. He is acting like a horse's petutie telling you what to do to "keep her on track" and treating you like you are a hired babysitter instead of her mother.

Two people who can't agree on how to raise a child will end up being miserable, and the child will manipulate til the cows come home.

It's nice that he wants to be an involved parent, but he is throwing a monkey wrench in things. If you are the main caregiver, YOU choose how to manage her schedule. That doesn't mean he doesn't have an opinion, but he needs to butt out about stuff that truly doesn't matter. The fact that he would say that he wanted her to sleep while he lay down, after being by himself for 3 hours, means that he is just looking for an excuse to fight.

Dawn

OMG you didnt keep her on schedule what a bad mama, lol, really?? Your hubby better learn that FLEXIBILITY is a MUST when raising children. He needs to get over it, you cant always work around ridgid schedules, and not only does he need to learn to be flexible, but is a good thing that your daughter is able to fall asleep in the car if she isnt taking good naps at home, at least this way she is getting sleep. I tried the schedule thing for my kids and it didnt work very well for any of us. I tried and got them to take naps around the same time of the day, but if we had things to do or they werent ready to go down than we worked with it. Life goes on! Good luck to you, I am sure he wont stay upset for too long. :)

If he was a SAHD and you'd just screwed up the next 36 hours for him, I'd be ticked at you, too. ESP since you "kinda knew getting home by 130 wasn't going to happen".

Since not, eh. 50:50 you didn't tell him, he overreacted

It really does sound like he wasn't seeing the forest for the trees. Like he was focused on what he would have done if she was home and didn't see, oh, she isn't here I could nap whenever.

Either that or he was in a I am not old mode, I don't need a nap but if she needs a nap I see no reason why I shouldn't lay down with her and help out the wife by getting her to sleep.

Sometimes adults need excuses to take naps.

An example, my third went through a period where you could't get him down for the night without driving for around an hour. At first it was a chore but became a well needed break to think about stuff, clear my mind, relax. Even after I am sure he would have started going down without it I continued because I needed it. If my ex would have got him to bed I would have flipped a nut! I needed that time. Of course I would have eventually lied and said I am going shopping and drove the same route. :p

We all get cranky when things unexpecidly go wrong, I think you both are at fault here and should move on - silly to hold a grudge about it though.

He's not being reasonable. My DH and I have argued about this issue a bit with our 4 year old. At this age I have no problem letting her skip a nap on a day we have other plans that interfere and he was worried that skipping a nap on one Sat. would mean she would drop them completely. I told him that was silly and to move on. As for the nap issue--is she still napping for in-laws? You could switch her to a nap mat for nap time /quiet time and try that if you and husband together feel she needs some kind of day rest. Important point : she associates you and being in the crib for nap with mixed messages. Letting her cry for varying amounts of times before eventually going to her. When or if you institute a new routine, don't be a slot machine. Previously she never knew exactly how much time it would take before you'd eventually give in thus she fought you all the harder. With inlaws there wasn't any of that tussle. Whether you do CIO or don't at this age is less than important than deciding how to handle her when she fights something and then not giving in. Consistency is more important than the method.

He doesn't know your child, as well as you do.

He probably got irked about the nap, because.... then that means HE won't be able to do what he wants. Thus, "his" timeline/schedule for the day, was screwed up.
One off schedule nap, won't ruin her usual nap schedule.
But he, had time alone earlier already, so he should be happy with that.

But he maybe, is "anal" about the naps, because he sees that as his only oasis time. But again, he already had HIS time to himself, earlier in the day.
And you did text him that you were running late.
He should not have told you you were inconsiderate.
AND he could have "napped" himself, earlier in the day, while you were all out.
To me, he was/is, just anal... about his plans for the day.
Or he is just selfish.
How is he with everything else?
A child is not a robot.

In any case, well, how irritating, right?

And you had a guest in town. This was an exception.

Now for me personally, I am a SAHM. And when my kids were younger, it was *I* that was anal about their naps and nap times. My kids were regular nappers. No battles. But they only napped at home. Would not nap on the road. I was anal about their nap times, because if they did not nap, then they turned into grumpy fussy Trolls and the rest of the day, was unpleasant.

I think there is a lot more going on here than just a missed nap. I do think it was inconsiderate of you to not fully discuss the improbability that the nap schedule would be interrupted if you took her. I also think hubby overreacted by not being willing to make an exception, but I think that is where the deeper issues are. I suspect he feels disrespected in the area of parenting decisions.

I am kind of with your hubby on this.

We (DH and I) plan my whole day/weekend/travels around DD's nap schedule. After 1 or 2 mis-schedules, we realised that taking care to stick to her nap schedule works best for all 3 of us. She is fully rested, we both have a standard schedule, and we don't have to deal with a cranky child later.

Next time, if you even have a small doubt that you may miss DD's nap, see if you can plan differently beforehand. I read somewhere that day-time naps and resting is very important for kids until the age of 3 or so (pre-school times..).