Inconsiderate?- Long&typed Fast, Just Warning You

I don't mean to be nit-picky but this is really tough to read! Any shot at paragraphs?

Otherwise I think you guys are going to have to be more direct with his mom. "No, that schedule won't work. Maybe next time." And I'd let HIM handle it - it's a no-win situation for you to get involved.

JMO.

I'm not usually a grammar police... but I'm with Angela. This was a nightmare to read.

I don't think it's worth getting into a fuss over, but you all need to be more direct, like Angela said.

It's not just poor grammar and spelling it's that I cannot read your post and easily understand what you are saying. I never comment on people's punctuation but this is so time consuming to read I have to pass. It's just courteous to write your questions in a way that people can understand.

Good luck with your problem, I don't have time to try to figure out what advice to give you.

I hate to be this person again but you are talking to adults here. We cannot read one long run on paragraph/sentence. I have no idea what o0 is, u is not a word nor is ur.

All I got out of what I read is you claim to love your future mother in law but you really don't. Don't think for a minute she doesn't know that.
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Oh, nice what happened. It is kind of hard to tell if we have dealt with something when we can't read what you are saying.

How old is your fiancee? I was eight when I understood how my mom was and she doesn't sound all that different from his mom. So I don't see how he was mad when his mom was acting like apparently she always does.

So you adapt your time expectations, it really is that easy. If she says two you hear four. When she says in a second bargain for a half an hour. You aren't going to change her so figure out what her time frame is so you can convert it into real time.

And paragraphs are your friend! Even when I type fast I still have time to hit enter between breaths.

O-kay!
You have plans - stick with them and your time table.
As people come to realize that you WILL do this (by showing up at your door after you have left, etc) - they WILL learn to respect you will do what you say you will when you say you will.
If anyone is upset by this - they have only their own lack of organization to blame - do NOT accept any guilt trips over it.
You are The Mama now - you have a baby to manage - everything else can fall by the wayside.
His Mom needs to realize she's slipped in the priority pecking order since the baby has come along.
No one has to tell her anything.
Just stick with your plans and let the cards fall where they may.

Boundaries need to be set. Now. What makes her so important that she trumps your family's (you, your fiance and baby's) schedule? You wouldn't adjust your schedule for a neighbor, so why is okay to subordinate yourselves to grandma's whims? Today it's about scheduling, tomorrow it's her views on sleep training? Schooling? How your child dresses? ...please...listen to someone who was naively optimistic about an "enthusiastic grandma" and set boundaries with her now, before you have the headache of having to undo set patterns...

Get your husband involved. You need a united front.

I can't figure out what you're trying to say without the grammar or punctuation or paragraphs. Sorry, it's just illegible. But if you're having future MIL problems now, remember that they won't get better if you marry your fiance. She's on her BEST behavior right now. Remember that. When you marry your man, you also marry his family. If you want to marry into the crazy, then he needs to set the boundaries now and figure out now how you're not going to make her the center of your relationship.

I saw your original post. It was a busy weekend. You guys need to learn to say "No." "I'm sorry, this isn't a good weekend for us." "We can't do it." "We'll meet you at so and so's house." Whatever reason or excuse will work, so you aren't sitting around waiting on her. To me it sounds like she is just a person who isn't exactly punctual. And since no one has called her on it, she doesn't know any better.

I wouldn't call to start a fight over it, especially if you generally like your future MIL. I'd simply not let myself feel bullied or guilted into a visit when it's not a good time. My inlaws live 30 minutes away. We used to cater to them a lot. Then we realized it was making us crazy and cranky and unintentionally straining our relationship. We learned to say no.

This is my opinion: I think you need to make your plans, and stick to them. If you plan a dinner at 6, eat at 6. If she doesn't come until 7, then she eats leftovers. If you need to leave at 2, and she doesn't show up to visit until 1:45, then at 2:00 you walk out the door and say sorry, we have to go. And don't explain something over and over again. Explain once, and every future time it comes up, just say "we've discussed this before, and it doesn't work for us." Then change the subject. But of course it's your fiance that has be willing to do this, not you, or it won't work. This is his mom and his responsibility to handle.

I don't think you should pick a fight, but if you keep letting her push, she's going to drive you crazy. Wait until she shows up for Thanksgiving dinner 2 hours late and dinner is ruined. That's where you are headed if you don't (politely) set your boundaries now, IMO.

Get your husband to deal with her.

Stick to your original plans, even if she is late say"sorry, we ave people waiting on us"

This may never change, so you will need to just be prepared to be very blunt. And prove that you are serious, by not waiting around for them.. She is very rude.

It's rude and inconsiderate and it needs to be addressed now. I wouldn't address it after an incident, but now it's been a few days, I would have your fiance address it in a calm manner. Something along the lines, of "Hey Mom, when you were late, we felt that you didn't respect us." And see where it goes from there. Don't accuse the mom, just tell her gently how you felt. Your time is just as valuable as hers. I don't see a problem for me to make the 4 hour drive up, spend the night and drive back, but that is me. If you don't feel you can do it or you don't want to do it, don't do it and don't be guilted into it. She may not realize it, but that doesn't excuse it. You should also be happy that you have a man willing to talk to his mom. There are many women on this site right now that are jealous you have a man willing to talk to his mom about her rude behavior.

Because I have that kind of time today, I actually slogged through all of this. But, please, for the love of our sanity, start punctuating. Thanks.

What I get is -

1. your Mother In law does her own thing when and where she wants and runs roughshod over every one's schedules

2. Your finance and you actually let her get away with this horrid behavior

So, easy peasy - net time she is coming to town - don't change a thing about your plans - in fact, don't even factor her arrival into your plans. Go about your weekend doing what you would normally be doing. If you are home when she arrives - wonderful, you get to visit. If not, she can come back later.

Tell her up front "MIL Dear, last time you were in we really jammed up our schedule to accommodate you. This time, we MUST stick to our schedule - I hope you understand. See you at 10 sharp!"

Believe it or not, this is normal. She is going from MOM #1 woman in his life to mom, #2 or 3 as you and daughter move up the chain. He needs to sit her down and establish some ground rules now, respectfully and with a sensitivity to her adjustment in mind but firmly. Yes, it will not be pleasant. But how smoothly it goes will depend a lot on her.

This was kind of hard to follow but from what I could gather I think what you need to do is stick with your plans, especially since you let them know ahead of time. Even if your in laws are still there when it's time for you to go you can just say "okay, it was really great seeing you guys, but we need to get going now. Fell free to hang out as long as you want, just make sure you lock the door when you leave."
Same thing with food, serve it as planned. When I'm entertaining I will only wait a short amount of time for late guests before serving. It's not fair (or polite) to everyone who showed up on time to make them wait.

We have people in our family who run on their own time table, too. If you have plans, just be clear about what your plans are, and whenever people show up, they show up. For instance, if you had to leave at 2 to go to the birthday party, then leave at 2. MIL shows up at 1:55? Oh well! I guess she should have showed up earlier! Know what I mean? All you have to say is, "Oh, MIL, it's great to see you. We're just headed out the door to go to my niece's birthday party. It's too bad we didn't get to spend more time with you today. See you next time!" and then leave as scheduled.

You can't control other people, only your reaction to them. Just be clear in the future about your plans and schedule, and stick to it. There is no need to be upset about it. Just do your thing, and if/when your flaky in-laws show up, they show up. If they don't, oh well! It's not your fault, and you shouldn't allow their lack of timeliness to ruin your weekend.

People like your mil have forgotten what a busy life is all about. They come and go as they please because they can. A baby can be portable but not 4 hours away for one day, come on mil! I made that drive with my first and I remember the packing/driving and the grumpy, off schedule baby! Yep, you need to casually mention your plans and if she says they are coming any way then tell them they need to call before they show up because you may or may not be there. You will be glad to see them when they come but waiting around and changing plans won't be happening. Then do your own thing.

I skimmed, I admit. But I think the long and short is that you and your fiance need to be specific and firm. "Mom, I have the pool to close. Don't come before 1PM." Or "We have plans with other people today. If you come, you cannot stay past 3." And if they say something at 2:30 about staying, "We told you we had plans and had to leave at 3. It would be rude of us to not be on time to our friend's house. Please respect our schedule." Catherine C also has a good point about doing your thing when you need to do your thing. They'll learn to come on time if you don't rearrange the universe for them.

It will only be an argument if he allows it to be one. If she huffs and puffs, he needs to stand up for himself/his family and say, "If the time we are able to give you doesn't work for you, we can see you another day." Rinse and repeat. No cajoling or arguing or trying to placate her. And though it's passive aggressive, if they would show up anyway, then DH stays home to do the chore and you and the baby stay out somewhere til the time you told them you'd be home. Or you ALL go out til the time you said you'd be home.

If the round trip doesn't work, then it doesn't work. "Mom, we've discussed before that we are not making the trip unless I can get a Monday or Friday off. No amount of guilt will change that. I'm not discussing this again." And then don't.

It may take time, but if you keep boundaries, most people will adjust to them, even if they don't like them. I also think it sounds like his SF is teachable and he might be a good ally - maybe take him aside if she tries this again and say, "We really can't have a repeat of the other weekend. I know you tried to get her out and I appreciate it. Is there a signal or something we can give you so we all leave at an appropriate time?"

The next ten times she says she is coming over-don't be there-she'll get it.

I say it's his mom. If he wants to call her out on it, by all means, let him. He knows her better than you, so let him handle it how he thinks it should be handled.

It is SOOOOOO inconsiderate! Be firm on your timeline and when they are late just say, "We will see you another time, hope you have a great trip!" Don't wait on them for meals, don't let them make you late, etc. Put your baby in the car and tell her that you are leaving.

Your fiance can say something if he wants. My husband has to talk to his parents all the time about respecting our boundaries. It's a LOT easier to clear the air and be able to be pleasant to each other than pile on grievances over the years and be miserable in their company.

Trust me, I have had HORRIBLE inlaw trouble and you can't let them run roughshod over you.

Try meeting your fiances family halfway at a restaurant sometime. She will have to be on time if she wants to see you! My FIL would expect everyone to adjust to his time table and when we finally stopped catering to his whims, he respected our time better.

Sounds quite a bit like my MIL. Although I got a little lost here and there reading LOL
Anyways, what I am learning is that you have to be blunt and to the point. If you didnt really want her to come while trying to close up the pool, you shouldve have just said "Dont come until____." That way there would've been no rushing around and being doubling irritated when she was late. Im sort of confused as to why you texted her to tell her the party was cancelled if you didnt want her coming early.....

Anyways, it seems like people like her are a bit self absorbed and are going to do what they want unless you are black and white with them. ; THIS is the time we are eating, so if you want to eat with us be here at this time. Or THIS is the time we will be home and ready for visitors. Or We laving at THIS time. And politely but firmly say "I hate to chase you out, but we have to go" And get yourselves ready and leave!

I am guilty of keeping my mouth shut sometimes too, then getting p*ssed. I think thats called being passive aggressive....Been there! SO I feel your pain LOL

Sounds like you and your fiancee kept changing your plans around her, he rushed to work, rushed home from work, rushed to cover the pool all because the queen was coming?? Why? Is he afraid of her? Is there a back story as to why you are trying so hard, she hates you , she hates that you had his baby, your are both under 18 and have a lot to prove? What would she have done if you were just starting to cover the pool when she arrived? Is she really that difficult or are you just trying way to hard to impress her for some reason? When my in laws show up I often don't know if they are coming at 3:00 or 10:00, I just go about my business and am happy to see them when they show up. She's family, start treating her more casually, she sounds like a casual person.

He's going to have to lay down the rules for her. My MIL was pretty over baring and it was her way or no way and would even try to make you feel guilty if you didn't drop what you were doing to come see her or do what she wanted. My husband finally had to cut the cord and let her know what was ok and what wasn't. He has even told her no several times. Of course she doesn't like it and gets mad but he has to do what's best for his family. MOM doesn't control the son anymore but will sure try. He has to do it otherwise ur the mean DIL and could put your hubby in an awkward position.