Inappropriate Text from a Male Friend

I had a neighbor across the street touch me one time after he'd been drinking too much. I was coming back from an evening jog and he was standing on my sidewalk, sipping a drink. He touched the back of my neck, which I thought was way too personal and uncalled for.

My husband was out of town at the time.
I told my husband when he got back. My husband was always ready to come outdoors about the time my jog finished up and greet me. What was creepy is that the neighbor still came out, too, for a few days to talk to us. I would just walk away and go in the house, leaving my husband and the creepy neighbor by himself. Creepy neighbor got the message....

Well, it's up to you, but I don't think I would be able to not tell my husband about that. The guy who did it, should really know that you would tell your husband. That's not your fault, you didn't open that can of worms, he did. Would you want your husband to tell you if a woman sent him that kind of text? If your answer is "yes", then I think you should definitely without question, go ahead and tell him. He has a right to know, and a right to be angry, in my opinion.

You don't have to give your daughter details about what happened. But I would stay consistent about avoiding contact with this family. And I would probably tell your husband. Be open about how you responded also... Good luck! I think you handled it very well...

I would definitely tell my husband. You have to be open and honest with him. He deserves that.

I am not sure punishing your daughter's friend is appropriate though. She shouldn't be punished for the sins of her father. It isn't fair to your daughter either. I liked someone else's suggestion of having your husband handle the drop offs/exchanges when she is over. I think that would send a strong message to her father that you will not be party to his advances.

Oh boy! You almost have to tell hubby to protect yourself. You will just have to explain to hubby that for your daughters sake you need him to handle this in a mature manner. Did something prompt this? I know one day I took my daughter to a birthday party and one of the Dad's there watched me the entire party and I was rather uncomfortable. A few days later, when I walked into the school, he surprisingly said, "Hey, I saw you at that party!" Well, it was a princess party and I am married AND so is he! His wife was sitting in the truck waiting for them when he was trying to strike conversation. This didn't go any further, but if it had gotten to a personal level, I would have to tell my husband.

My husband can be the same way. Hopefully yours will be calm about it for the sake of your daughter.

I'm not sure what to say to your daughter, but I have to agree with the other moms and say you HAVE to tell your husband. If you don't tell him and he finds out later, he will mostly likely be very suspicious of you and wonder what else you are hiding from him (even if it's nothing). I'm really sorry you are in this situation, because it's a tough one. Please do tell him and let him know what you have done about the situation as well. Then maybe the two of you can talk and decide what to say to your daughter. That might also help him not become so mad and maybe handle it calmer with his daughter in mind. I really hope everything works out for you! Good luck momma!

I would tell him simply for the purpose that if this situation escalates you don't look like a guilty party. This guy may try to say you were flirting, sending signals etc. It's always better to be honest. And just beg your husband to be adult this and not make matters worse. Explaining this to your daughter obviously depends greatly on her age.Good luck tough situation!!

You absolutely have to tell your husband....and trust that he won't do something worthy of the Jerry Springer show. For all you know, this guy is a creepy stalker and I think your hubby needs to be informed so he can protect his family.

Are you sure the text was meant for you or he may have sent it by mistake. If it was sent directly to you, I would suggest telling your husband about it, and your daughter (in light terms). "Honey, I don't think it is wise for you to be friends with so and so anymore, because her dad made an inappropriate comment that puts our relationship and yours with his daughter at odds"...In time your daughter will have to understand, but if they still see each other in school, since the issue was not with the daughter specifically, it might be hard to drive that across to your daughter that her father is "bad"...and in that case you will just have to monitor the daughter's friendship, and definitely keep away from her father UNLESS there can be some mutual apologies, explanations, etc in a group. I think it is expected of a SINGLE man raising children to try something like that and see what comes of it. I think by you setting the boundaries and letting him know where to draw the line, I think if he has discretion he will back off. I would not push the issue of him being pervert or anything unless it becomes repetitive. I would be looking at him differently though.

What happened to make him think it was okay to send something like this to you? Are you absolutely certain it was not a mistake?

It is hard to understand why a text such as this would be sent out of the blue.

Yes, I would show the text to hubby because I believe the lines of communication should be open between hubby and wife. If you don't show the text to hubby and he somehow finds out about it, then it appears as if you are lying to him which will in turn start the issue of distrust.

As for your daughter, why does she need to know these details? I have a very open communication with hubby and daughter but I don't think I would share that info with her.

Hopefully your husband will be mature about it.

Best wishes.

I've read the answers and see one question that hasn't been asked. Could this man also be capable of flirting or making overtures to your daughter? If your husband were capable of being mature while facts are gathered, I wonder if it would be possible for you two to go to both parents and have a quiet, mature talk without the children present. The wife needs to know. The man needs to know that no one is keeping his secret. Your concerns about your little girl can be aired. And from their response, you will know better what to do. Then, a grown up approach to your daughter on the subject should be made. Check sex offender records on line first too.

was it a joke he sent you, so something sugesting that you and he should do? It make a big difference, because some people are more reserved that others. Why are you punishing your daughter and her friend? Just because the father did something that was in bad taste is no reasone for your daughter to loose a friend. Did the dad appologise for the text or was he a jerk? Yes, you do need to show your husband the text. Couples show never keep anything from each other. Shoe him the accual text. Maybe it was ment as a joke, but if not then I would have cut off contact with him also. Your husband can pick up the friend so that his daughter and yours can still play together with you having to deal with the dad.

Unfortunately, you do need to tell your husband, you shouldn't keep these things, you never know and it will be very upsetting to him to find out some other way, besides, you would want him to tell you if someone made inappropriate advances on him.
Besides I think you shouldnt stop the girls from seeing each other if you are the ones having issues. I do agree it will be very uncomfortable to see him again, but can you have the little girl and your girl get together at your house only, and have your husband drive her home aftewards? would that be an option? Or make other arrangements for the drop off/pick up?
I know it must be really uncomfortable, but remember that this mistake was made by the adult. I hope it works out, Good Luck!

Had you ever spoken to this man before, other than calling for your daughter, if not, I'm not one for lying to your husband but I would " let sleeping dogs lie" as they say. You have txt'd him back, with no uncertain terms. As for your daughter, If you hear no more from this so called dad...! keep an eye out. If you do hear from him then its time to put it in your husbands' hands, you took care of the first, if it happens again tell your husband. Speak with your daughter about this in a calm manner, just tell her how you yourself feels about this father and ask her to keep her distance. I wouldn't stop your daughter from seeing her friend, have the friend come to your home more often, this is where your daughter feels safe and so do you. When you try to take away a friendship, sometimes it can only get worse. It depends on your relationship with your daughter. If this is a close friend things could get touchy. Something tells me that this dad may have had a few to many and didn't realize who he was speaking with and feels as embarrassed as you. You could have txt'd or called for your daughter, he hit the wrong number and started txt'g. It just doesn't make sense that he would send you such an inappropriate txt. if he really has never had contact with you. Cross your T's and dot your i's. Hopefully nothing more will be said. Good luck, if need be block him on your pc or cell.

Updated

Had you ever spoken to this man before, other than calling for your daughter, if not, I'm not one for lying to your husband but I would " let sleeping dogs lie" as they say. You have txt'd him back, with no uncertain terms. As for your daughter, If you hear no more from this so called dad...! keep an eye out. If you do hear from him then its time to put it in your husbands' hands, you took care of the first, if it happens again tell your husband. Speak with your daughter about this in a calm manner, just tell her how you yourself feels about this father and ask her to keep her distance. I wouldn't stop your daughter from seeing her friend, have the friend come to your home more often, this is where your daughter feels safe and so do you. When you try to take away a friendship, sometimes it can only get worse. It depends on your relationship with your daughter. If this is a close friend things could get touchy. Something tells me that this dad may have had a few to many and didn't realize who he was speaking with and feels as embarrassed as you. You could have txt'd or called for your daughter, he hit the wrong number and started txt'g. It just doesn't make sense that he would send you such an inappropriate txt. if he really has never had contact with you. Cross your T's and dot your i's. Hopefully nothing more will be said. Good luck, if need be block him on your pc or cell.

You go to your husband and say OMG I have to show you something. I can't believe the audacity of some people. Or if you erased it tell, him about it.
Be very honest with hubby and use him against the guy.
Find ways to get your daughter involved with other children. Invite this girl only when your husband is home, have him be the one taking care of the girls.

All I can say is OMG!! What was he thinking??? Yeah, nothing you can do but cut contact at this point. He has a few screws loose and that is not someone you want around your kids as well. Sorry that happened to you!

Definitely tell your husband, because things always have a way of coming back. You don't want to be caught lying about it for sure. If your husband gets upset, just let him know that there is no longer any contact and that the friend won't be coming over anymore.

As for explaining to your daughter, I would just let her know that her friend is not able to come over anymore. Just because we say things to our children, don't mean they always need an explanation. Remember that you are the parent and some things are they way they are because we say so. If you talk to the friend's father, I'm sure he won't let his daughter come over anymore anyways.

tell your husband because I believe that in the long run it might be an opportunity to protect your daughter. This man just sent up a red flag in my opinion that he may even be a future threat to your daughter's safety. Don't leave her alone with this man for one minute. Trust me. If she is ever in a situation of compromise with him, she may feel she is tattle telling on him or may be intimitdated not to mention any uncomfortable feelings to you and/or your husband. Please keep her safe and risk to discuss this with your husband. Tell him I beg for him to listen to you. If he has mental issues or is a druggy or alcoholic, the more protection is needed for your child.

I would def. tell my husband. A similar thing happened to me, and the best thing I ever did was to communicate it to my husband. I also told him my response to the guy. (Yours was great!) My husband did not overreact, but did talk to the guy. I feel like the experience let my husband be "the man" and do what he felt he needed to do, and it brought us closer together. Not telling my husband, personally, for me, would have been like trying to sweep a lion under the bed.

A.
Getbabied.com

What you tell your daughter depends on her age. If she is in the teenage years, be honest. THis is something she will most likely have to deal with herself all too soon! But if she is younger, just say that when the parents do not get along, it is difficult for the kids to get together.

Absolutely tell your husband! This could escalate into something (meaning he will not stop sending you inappropriate messages) and you will need your DH to know everything if you have to take some sort of punitive action (ie involve police).

Good Luck!

Did he respond when you told him that was inappropriate? My husband works with a bunch of "rough around the edges" guys, and they often steal each other's cell phones and send disgusting texts to any females in their phones. My husband left his phone charging in the break room one day and came back to an angry friend of ours responding to a rude text about "which hole she prefers." He was sooo embarrassed and had some explaining to do.

When he got home, he told me right away, in case that woman called me and told me what happened. I wasn't angry at all, except to tell him to keep a better eye on his phone - just a little wifely lecture. :)