In Laws - Warren,OH

Some people are just more nurturing and motherly. She may just be this kind of person. It's probably bothering you because you're more matter of fact, more...."well, if you were wearing shoes while riding a bike you wouldn't have a stubbed toe" while she would be "Oh you poor thing, here, let me get you a bandaid".

It's really annoying when we're around people who are not the same parenting style. She loves your child, obviously you love your child too. Just be glad she's not calling your child names and saying bad things to her.

Smile and tell her thanks..then keep doing what you are doing. You are going to find all kinds of people who are going to want to "help" you parent your child. Just keep your cool and let what they say go in one ear and out the other.

Then there are other times that family or friends really mean well and want to help and will have good tips and insight. You have to learn to glean through both angles and be strong enough in your own skin to not let it get to you.

Good luck and best wishes! Welcome to the site.

Unless you live with her, it's easy. Just stop hanging out so much, and be too "busy" to get together very often.
If you DO live with her, that will be harder. You're just going to have to put your foot down,
"Betty, I really appreciate your advice, but I've GOT this" and then take your daughter to another room and do something else.
Either way, she'll eventually get the hint.
She can't bother you if you're not there.

Wow, Jo W from St. Louis. No, I've never put this on here before. This is my very first time on this website. Ummm, thanks? For the "helpful" advice?

Updated

Thank you so much for all the really helpful advice ladies! Some of you are so kind and understanding. That alone helps me out a lot. I have done a lot of the " we can't make it" kind if things and that IS helping. If it continues to be a problem, I will kindly tell her, "thanks for the advice but I've got this under control". Honesty really is the best policy even though sometimes it is Really Really hard to speak the truth in love. Thanks for reminding me how precious sister in law relationships are. That's why I needed advice because I don't want to permanently harm our relationship over this. Who knows? Maybe as I practice this truth and strength, I'll even become less insecure;)

Forget the snotty attitudes that sometimes appear on this forum and only focus on the posts that have some depth and actual advice in them.....apparently some moms feel the need to play "post police".

Anyway, back to the question at hand. I would agree with Mamazita below and see if you can create a bit more space between you and your sister right now and maybe that little nudge of distance will speak volumes to your sister when she notices that you guys aren't hanging out as much. Maybe that little time out is what you both need to diffuse some of the overbearing commentary and mothering that she likes to do. If that doesn't seem to work and she goes back to doing it again, I think the best policy is to sit her down and have a one to one discussion about it. Don't involve others or drag husbands or the kids into it. Just meet her somewhere where you two can be alone and voice your concerns. That is what two adults should do and especially two adults that are sisters. Some of this mothering might be her way of trying to be a big part of your children's lives and feel important to them....and you as well. Does she have a family of her own? If not, this could also be a wee bit of jealousy or longing to have children of her own to raise and well, " mother". When you talk to her, ask why she does this. You might be surprised by her answer. Just be open and honest about how you feel about the mothering problem and that you'd like her to curb her tendencies to interject opinions, discipline, or whatever else into the equation all the time. Tell her that her role as an Aunt should be the fun- loving, carefree, and playful entity in the kids family relationship and that the advice, direction, and two-cents should come from you...the mom and the parent. Hopefully, either the minor time-out or the talk will clear the air without a bunch of hurt feelings. I for one would not like my sister doing this to the point of annoying me all the time. I also don't see how insecurity plays a part in you not liking your sisters chronic attempts at butting in to your parenting skills so I think those that are slinging the hash about that need to re-think their advice.....or lack thereof. Good luck and I hope you guys can work it out. Family is something to treasure and especially having a sister that you can be close with.

Stay away from her as much as possible?

I'm sorry you got a stern reply from someone when this was your first post on this site. Every now and then there's someone who jumps in too quickly for whatever reason.

You don't post the ages of your children, and I think it's interesting that your SIL seems to be getting into one relationship (the one with your daughter) even more than the other kid(s). Not sure if that's because of the age of your daughter or your SIL's perceptions/advice about girls in particular. I wonder if she has a strong need in that area - in which case, sometimes pitying her can make you feel a little stronger and more secure.

I agree with the others who have said it's wise to try to salvage & value family members' relationships with your kids, while still asserting your right to make the decisions. If your kids are old enough to see your SIL undermine you by offering advice that is contradictory to your views and values, then you have to decide whether to step in right then, in front of the kids, or defer it until you can take your SIL aside.

You can start out gently and with a little humor, saying something like "Susie really needs an auntie. She already has a mommy." If that doesn't work, you can say "Thanks. I'll consider your advice." If she continues, just repeat it, "Like I said, I'll think about it." Some people, rather than say anything, like the "silent stare" approach - just look at the advice-giver with a quizzical stare and say nothing (not baffled or confused, because you need to look confident, more with a facial expression of "I can't believe you said that!") and then follow with a bemused smile or small chuckle.

You can also be extremely direct and firm, if you feel comfortable doing so, but that may risk alienating her. And you have to be strong enough to stick to your position and to withstand any backlash. That doesn't mean it won't work, but you have to be very clear about it up front.

Also, a little tip - if you can put a little more info in your post, that helps. If you want to add more info afterwards, you can click "So What Happened" which lets us all see very clearly what you've added because Mamapedia posts it right below your original question. If you post an answer (as you did below), it gets into the overall mix and others might not read as carefully and realize that it's actually from you rather than another "random" responder. If you post a question that gets 15 or 20 or 30 responses, new responders don't always read them all.

With my SIL, I've taken the advice that I think might help, and ignored what I don't. A couple of times she has told me things that I felt undermined my position IN FRONT of my kids and I've told her in front of them that I didn't like it. For the most part, she has been helpful, but that's usually when I have asked for advice.

I don't know if you can tell her to please refrain when she does it. Have you tried? You don't have to snap, but you can and should take up for yourself.