This coming June my husbands parents will be celebrating their 50th Wedding Anniversary! My husband and his sisters and brother started talking about a party for them. His parents told them from the beginning they didn't want a big formal dinner, nothing fancy, just wanted to be with everyone. Well they didn't listen and put a deposit down on a hall for a formal dinner. So his parents started figuring out a guest list and then finally said "No" we do not want a dinner.
Then his parents wanted to go somewhere and take all the kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. The idea of going to Mackinac Island for a long weekend was suggested by them because that is where they honeymooned 50 years ago. My husbands older sister - (let me give you some background on - whatever plans you have she tends to change them to accommodate her and her family - for example: my wedding she found a different bridesmaid dress and wanted me change it after everyone else bought theirs) My husbands family is very passive/aggressive and it drives me CRAZY!!! They don't want to ruffle any feathers! So the older sister and my husband are now planning a week this summer to rent a cottage on a lake for their anniversary. By the way... we have a family cottage on a lake that we all spend the summer at. My mother-in-law told me she does not want to do this, but when we all got together to discuss it she just backed down and agreed to pay thousands of dollars to rent a cottage on a different lake. She wants to do something different, but won't speak up to her own children. My father-in-law is the same way.
So my question is
1. Do I speak up and tell them that their parents do not want to do this?
or
2. Let it be and if they can't speak up to their own children it's their own problem?
Thanks Ladies!!
*** No I did NOT let her change my dresses, nor do I let her change any of my plans :-)
I would find out from them what they DO want to do. When they talk to their friends and tell them about how they celebrated their anniversary, what do they want to say?
If they can't tell you, let it be. If they can give you a definite answer, write it all down and then approach the others. It's their event, they should get the final choice.
OH MY WORD!!!! Someone needs to get some backbone in that family along with a voice and use it!!!
1. Get all the kids together - whether it be on a conference call or skype or SOMETHING and ASK THE PARENTS POINT BLANK WHAT THEY WANT TO DO - then RESPECT THEIR WISHES!!!
2. If your cottage isn't big enough for everyone - then don't offer it.
3. THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE A PAY DIME FOR THIS CELEBRATION!!!! It's their 50th wedding anniversary for Christ's sake!!
If they have a lot of friends - send notes out to all of them asking for pictures and memories - this is what we did for my parents 40th - it was a WONDERFUL surprise for them. We did it alphabetical order and put it in a beautiful scrap book - my parents LOVE IT!!!
We had a party at my sister's church and about 50 people were able to attend (my parents got married in January).
This is NOT about what the kids want - it's what the PARENTS want. Tell your SIL to back off and tell her this is NOT about her - it's about her parents. if she doesn't like it - tell her to pound sand. You will tell her where to show up and how much to contribute. JUST TAKE CONTROL. I hope to God you did not allow her to change your wedding or your bridesmaids dresses!!!
If the parents are refusing to speak up then seriously - have a heart to heart with them - find out what THEY WANT - then do it.
Your MIL and FIL should have their way period. For your SIL to change plans to suit her needs is crazy. However, since no one speaks up she gets away with it. If you address is be prepared to get resistance..and btw I sure hope you didn't change the bridesmaids dress on account of her...! Stand your ground. 50 years of marriage makes them a lot older 70's or 80's? Life is short and they need to enjoy their anniversary.
Speak up! Good lord. In a nice way, let your brother know that "Just this once" lets let mom and dad decide what we are doing". Lets for once honor their request. They have earned it..
No, you should not speak up.
Let the kids do what they want. I wouldn't want to get in the middle and the parents say no we didn't say that. Then you look stupid. Just let it be.
Talk to your Husband about his parents and your concerns/observation - and then stay out of it.
What good will come of it? Husband and SIL will most likely get mad at you - your In Laws sound like (even if you are right) they won't back you - and the plans will continue to "go on" as the "kids" have planned but there will be an "uncomfortable" air between you and "them".
Just make sure that your HUSBAND knows that you want no part in planning an event that you believe is not really what your inlaws want.
Best of luck to you
AGGHHH family :o)
C.
www.snowflakegems.com
My parents didn't want a big party for their 50th either. I planned a no host dinner which all my brother and sister paid for their own families dinner and my sister and I split the cost of everything else including my parents dinner. It was really nice and we had a great time. The next month was my inlaws 60th anniversary and they wanted a open house type party at their house so I went over helped get ready for it, make icecream and set up. My little granddaughter was 2 and she helped frost all the cupcakes. Both sets of parents are very grateful for having a party they enjoyed.
I would stand up to my sister in law and say we want it to be the inlaws time and should be done their way. She will only bowl you over if you let her. When she starts going off subject to something else interrupt her and say to in laws "Is this what you want? This is your day" do that as many times as nessessary. If they go with the sister in laws plan, then it is ok too, they are looking at the big picture which is the family is spending time together... where ever it will be and that is what makes it special.
